What are your tactics to manage your school-aged kids' lives?

[justajane]

I have three kids, and this is the first year that two of them are in full-time school. I have to admit I am overwhelmed by all the papers, events, and expectations that are put both on them and on us as parents. Even if the fundraising requests go straight in the recycling bin, there are still seemingly countless other things to manage each and every week, including papers to sign and return, homework to complete, etc.

I'm feeling particularly bad today, because I realized that I missed/misunderstood that today was "Grandparent Day" at one of my kid's schools. Well, the newsletter had called it "Veteran's and Grandfriend Day." Apparently "grandfriend" is now the inclusive word used so as to not leave out people who don't have grandparents. I am fine with inclusive language, but not knowing that inclusive language led me to overlook an event that my son would have enjoyed very much. My parents are in town and he would have loved to show them his school and his classroom.

This "failing" on my part, along with the forgotten "wear your pajamas to school day" or the other things that sometimes slip my notice can really be difficult. Does anyone else find it hard to forgive yourself when you don't live up to all the expectations? If this sounds dramatic to you, then it means you have a much better ability to manage expectations and accept that these are just suggestions and not demands on our time. But more often than not it feels like an expectation rather than a suggestion.

So far this year, we've gotten a letter warning us that our kids' attendance record is close to 90%. He was only sick for two days and had to attend a funeral. I know these are just rote letters that get sent and mean nothing, but it was hard not to feel like we were derelict or something. Then twice he has misplaced a homework sheet. You get two warnings, and then you are sent to "homework lab" in the afternoons after school. He's in freaking 2nd grade! I know it's his responsibility and not mine, but I just struggle with how punitive so much in schools is. Now the rest of the year we have hanging over our head the idea that if this homework sheet that took him literally 2 minutes to complete doesn't make it in his folder by morning, he will essentially be in detention.

I would appreciate any insight from those of you farther along in the parenting thing, or those of you who might not be parents but recall a perspective of your own parents that worked for you. How do you manage all the school stuff and all the expectations? Do you just develop a thick skin? Otherwise, how do you prioritize?

[MayDay]

I have a 2nd grader and kindergartner, so I am at the same place as you.  Here is our (imperfect) system:

-When they get home it is their job to hang up coat, put away shoes, put lunchbox on kitchen counter, set school folder on kitchen table, and hang up backpack. 
-Then I sit down at the table with them while they eat a snack and go through the folders.  They don't get to start snack until they do the above.
-K folder basically all gets thrown away.  Every once in a while there is something that I need to read and fill out/return.  I do it right there at the table while we eat snack.  K kid puts folder back in bag with completed forms. 
-2nd grade folder has homework packet, various "in progress" tasks that just stay in the folder, and forms/notes.  With the forms, again I take care of them right away while we are sitting there.  I add anything I can to the recycle pile.  The homework packet stays in the folder. 
-When DS is done with snack, he takes his folder up to his room to do homework, or he does it right at the table, and puts the folder back in his bag as soon as he is done. 
-If there are any "events" upcoming, I write them down on my planner as I read the notes.  DS's homework packet for the week has his events right on it for him, and I look it over before he starts homework to see what we need to do that day or the next morning.

All of this would completely fall apart if I wasn't home after school.  I don't know how FT working parents do it.  I did tell the K teacher that really, she can just throw all the papers away at school and not send them home.  I think she thought I was joking.  NOPE.

[MerryMcQ]

Honestly it just gets worse as they get older.

I have a 6th & 8th grader. /start rant... The amount of paper the 6th grader brings home is insane. Last year his teacher was so disorganized (on top of my DS disorganization) that he struggled all year long with missing assignments, forms, random papers, etc that never got collected by the teacher (or never were recorded by her, despite being graded). I finally made a huge bin and kept every single piece of paper he brought home. That way I could walk into his classroom and hand the teacher the form she said was missing from 2 weeks prior that she'd already initialed... sigh. The last day of school we filled the entire recycling bin with all the junk... /end rant

Anyway. Our method of organization:
1. Big wall calendar and each person has a different color pen for writing stuff on calendar, where I keep track of important dates (like PJ day). I copy it to our Google calendar (matching colors to the wall calendar). Google calendar is synced to all 4 family phones so everyone gets reminders and sees the calendar on the front screen of their phone. At the beginning of the school year, the district sent home a list of important dates, which I copied for the entire year. I also check the online school website once every 2 weeks to add new stuff, which they post and don't send home.

2. After school routine - hang up coats, put lunch box in kitchen, set out folders with homework and miscellaneous forms. Homework starts while they eat a snack. Electronics are banned except from 6 pm - 7 pm, if all homework is done, reviewed, and IN THE FOLDER.

3. For my DS11, who is potentially one of the worse kids I've ever met at organization, I sit and review his planner with him every day. His teachers make notes in it on if he has completed assignments and turned them in before leaving school. I make notes on which assignments he has completed at home and has in his folder to be turned in.  (My DD13 has graduated from this process.)

4. I check the online grades and assignment tracker daily. This tells me when something is missed that matters for grades.

5. If a kid misses wacky hair day or bring-your-favorite-shoe-to-school day, I honestly don't care. I shrug it off and tell them they are responsible for tracking.

6. No fundraisers. Period. I write a check at the beginning of the year to the school/PTA/whatever. I tell teacher that I am opting out of all fundraisers and just donating cash, once. Kid pouts about not winning the limo-ride to the pizza parlor and I remind of said rule. All fundraising papers are recycled upon receipt.

Good luck! It is a miserable part of school life that no one ever tells you about ahead of time. :(

[TrMama]

Kids are in 2nd and 4th grade. I use a lot of the same strategies as MerryMcQ.

1. No fundraisers. I just cut them a check and toss all the weekly papers.

2. If the teacher sends home an ambiguous reminder about "Bring your favorite dinosaur bone to school", I nicely complain about the unclear message. I'm a tech writer and get super annoyed at unclear instructions. The communication classes I took were quite clear that if someone doesn't understand you, it's not your fault for being thick, it's the other person's fault for not being clear. I also complain about short timelines. This strategy is surprisingly effective. I also have thick skin.

3. A lot of this is teacher dependent. My ODD's teacher last year did not communicate with parents at all. She refused to use email. Yes, she was fossilized. It sucked. This year, she has a better teacher and I'm much happier.

4. I installed coat hooks on a wall in the kitchen. All backpacks (even mine) get hung there. Every evening after dinner I go through each child's agenda and make sure they've done their homework and sign anything that needs to be signed. Do not put off signing stuff. It's not a PhD thesis, it's a permission form. Do it now and put it right back in the backpack. I also clean out the lunch bags and set them up for the next day.

5. Since DH and I aren't home when the kids get home, our TV has a stylish sign taped in the middle of the screen that reads, "Did you do your homework?". No TV until homework is done.

6. Google calendar. Best. Invention. Ever. I also write stuff the kids need to be aware of in their agendas. For example, hot lunch is a rare occurrence for my kids (by choice). I order all the lunches at the beginning of term. Then I make a note in each kid's agenda on the hot lunch day so they know to get their food.

[galliver]

What my parents did:
- no fundraisers
- we did our own homework, went through our own folders, and brought/told parents anything that needed signed or school events we wanted to go to/participate in (maybe in K-1 it was a joint task). If we wanted to do pajama day, we would have to remember that. If we forgot, it certainly wasn't mom's fault.
- parents got involved in HW only by request or as a reactionary measure. I.e. "help me with this problem" or bad grades-> ban on computer games and more frequent reminders.  That was most of what was ever necessary.
- we went to the park after school several times per week (the awesomeness of having a SAHM and living in CA), or got some playtime/free time/reading time after school before homework. Your kid has just been at their "job" for 7 hours straight...give them a chance to unwind and move around before making them do more work!  (Though if they have sports or something, obviously that works, too.)

Caveat: both of my sisters and I loved school and were pretty responsible...But we were able to be because the expectation was there, and our parents gave us the space to try instead of assuming they needed to control everything.

I think if you're feeling overwhelmed, you should try and cede some of the process to the kids. Keep checking hw but let them keep track of pj day. Have a system for school papers and ask if it's been done, but if he lands himself in HW lab...go with it. Maybe he'll get better about remembering hw. (That said, it does seem really punitive for elementary.)

Good luck!

[mm1970]

This is a tough one, and I feel your pain.  Because somehow I got myself suckered into being VP of fundraising. I hate fundraising.  I just would rather write a check at the beginning of the year.

#1: lower your standards.  You aren't going to remember everything. And nobody really cares.  I mean, I'm on the PTA board, and I don't remember everything.  Plus, I am involved in a lot, because of my position, but I still pick and choose. At least half of the school and PTA functions?  I do not attend.

- I didn't go to the art fair
- I'm not volunteering at the book fair
- I am volunteering at movie night
- I helped clean up after the festival
- I'm not going to go caroling
- I don't volunteer in the classroom
- I make it to one assembly a year.
- I do go to the parent/teacher conferences
- I don't go to "bring your family to school" day

As your child gets older, they will remind you of the important things.

For fundraising, pick your poison. If you don't want to donate, don't.  If you don't want to volunteer?  Don't.  If you want to write a check? Do.  If you want to do the jogathon only?  Do that.  If you'd rather donate $10 to each fundraiser?  Do that.

Homework?  It's my son's responsibility (4th grade) to do it and not lose it.  I admit we were more helpful until about 3rd grade.

The school is a never ending source of work in asking for help or money.  Many hands make light work.  Any help you can give, no matter how small, will be appreciated.  But don't burn yourself out. 

The very wise VP of fundraising before me said "you can only do what you can do". Yep.  I have a FT job.  (As do several other of the board members).  I only have time to work on one thing at a time.  And if it's not enough?  I don't care. Nobody else is stepping up to the plate.

[sol]

I wouldn't worry about homework lab for missed assignments.  The whole point of homework in the early grades is to let kids experience a little personal responsibility in a low-consequence environment. 

Losing your homework is normal, and as parents we want them to learn how to deal with things like organizing your paperwork early in life when screwing up doesn't really matter.  The helicopter parent who does all of that for their kid sends him off to college unprepared to deal on his own, and he suddenly has to learn those skills in an environment where failure really hurts.  Better to let them struggle when they're 8.  Stand back and let it happen.  Don't expect perfection and certainly don't ensure perfection by trying to do it for him, as that defeats the purpose.

[TVRodriguez]

DH and I both work full-time.  We have 3 kids: 3rd grade, 1st grade, and PreK4.  All three get homework daily.  All three are in after-care, where a teaching assistant oversees the kids as they do homework.  Best investment ever.

Homework:
At pickup, I ask them if they've completed their homework.  If not, then I ask them what's their plan to complete it (it's on them, not me, to make the plan, although I may suggest "right after dinner" or "while I make dinner").  I ask them if there's anything they need to give me (forms, etc).  It's on them to give them to me.  I do go through the 4 year old's folder for forms he needs signed because he's only 4.  The 1st grader's backpack gets a look once or twice a week, and on weekends I try to clean out any junk in the younger two kids' backpacks.  But the 3rd grader is on his own pretty much.  He does get a reminder to make his lunch, and I do prompt him and make myself available for bigger projects that get done on weekends, but that's about it.

Fundraisers:
I listen to the kids tell me about all the great prizes they can win.  Then I either send the packet right back to the school or I recycle it if I can.  I sometimes write a check to the school instead, but not always.

Permission slips:
See above with homework.  Kids have to tell me about it (except 4 year old).

Lunch:
I buy hot lunch for the younger two kids.  I bought for all three until the oldest decided he'd rather make his own lunch instead.  I taught him to make lunch with a fruit, a veggie, a grain, and a protein, and that's what he packs.  I have to pay for lunch monthly, so each month I show him the lunch calendar and tell him to tell me what days he wants me to buy him lunch (usually only pizza days).  I send in the check for all three at the same time.

Scheduling stuff:
When I learn about pajama day/green shirt day/red shirt day/wear a silly hat day/field trip day, I put it on my calendar.  I use Microsoft Outlook at work, and it syncs with my phone calendar.  Same goes for any school events.  I need them on my work calendar so my assistant won't make an appt for me when I'm set to be at school.  I don't usually volunteer to help with stuff at school, although I've been a chaperone now and then, and I do attend most events.

Other stuff:
I have a hanging file in the front room with a hanging folder for each kid.  When I clean out the backpacks every week or two, I put the old school work and art work into the hanging folder.  It gets pretty fat.  At the end of the year, I pull a few representative pieces and put them in a single folder for the year.

I have hooks by the door, but the backpacks usually end up on the chairs near the front door instead.  That's fine with me. 

[galliver]

I wouldn't worry about homework lab for missed assignments.  The whole point of homework in the early grades is to let kids experience a little personal responsibility in a low-consequence environment. 

Losing your homework is normal, and as parents we want them to learn how to deal with things like organizing your paperwork early in life when screwing up doesn't really matter.  The helicopter parent who does all of that for their kid sends him off to college unprepared to deal on his own, and he suddenly has to learn those skills in an environment where failure really hurts.  Better to let them struggle when they're 8.  Stand back and let it happen.  Don't expect perfection and certainly don't ensure perfection by trying to do it for him, as that defeats the purpose.

This. Elementary school is important as a foundation for later grades, but ultimately a missed assignment/paper/form will derail them less than in middle school, high school, college, or adult life. A missed homework paper or permission slip might be a good lesson at a much lower price than a missed final paper in HS/college or missed tax returns or bill payments.

[TVRodriguez]

PS:  Any birthday invitations--I put the info and address right into my work calendar on my phone and the invite goes on the fridge until the party, when I take it with me and then throw it out.  I used to buy about a dozen of a single inexpensive book (Richard Scarry was a good one) or CDs (Peter and the Wolf was good) on Amazon and use them as gifts for each party, but now I have taken to either giving a small cash gift ($10) in a card or stopping by Dollar Tree and spending about $5 getting art supplies or something like that.

[NeverLost]

I just wanted to say to the OP, hang in there.  I totally feel your pain.  I have a 1st and 3rd grader and find it difficult to get my kids to school with lunches, much less in red/white/blue (Veteran's Day).  I feel like a pretty responsible person, however working, keeping my house semi-clean and feeding my family are sometimes all I have the time and patience for and other things go by the wayside.  Thankfully I have learned to not be so hard on myself because those other things that go by the wayside are not the most important things.  I learned this when I showed up to last year's Christmas program at school and find myself feeling horrible for not bringing my daughter a flower like some of the other moms.  Then I realized how absolutely ridiculous that was and decided that I needed to move on with life. 

I have a routine much like another poster, I basically dedicate the first 10-15 minutes once we get home to the same routine, which often begins with pouring myself a glass of wine :)  Kids are responsible for putting lunches and folders on the counter, hanging up backpacks and coats and putting away shoes.  Then we go through folders together and begin homework.  Once they are moving on that, I start dinner. Doing this daily seems to be a good fit for us. 

[TrMama]

I wouldn't worry about homework lab for missed assignments.  The whole point of homework in the early grades is to let kids experience a little personal responsibility in a low-consequence environment. 

Losing your homework is normal, and as parents we want them to learn how to deal with things like organizing your paperwork early in life when screwing up doesn't really matter.  The helicopter parent who does all of that for their kid sends him off to college unprepared to deal on his own, and he suddenly has to learn those skills in an environment where failure really hurts.  Better to let them struggle when they're 8.  Stand back and let it happen.  Don't expect perfection and certainly don't ensure perfection by trying to do it for him, as that defeats the purpose.

This. Elementary school is important as a foundation for later grades, but ultimately a missed assignment/paper/form will derail them less than in middle school, high school, college, or adult life. A missed homework paper or permission slip might be a good lesson at a much lower price than a missed final paper in HS/college or missed tax returns or bill payments.

In our defense, we tried this with my 8yo. She started flunking and got really discouraged about school. The problem with schools today is that they (a) assign homework years before kids are capable of managing it themselves and, (b) don't teach kids how to do homework or study. If you don't step in and teach them how to organize themselves, or how to study, or how to read the paragraph and answer the questions they flail and learn bad habits. Not all kids, but my oldest really struggles with the homework/organization thing.

So I spend 10-30 min with her most nights teaching her these study skills that the school assumes she's learned via osmosis. The expectations of kids now are way, way higher than when I went to school in the 80's.

[justajane]

Thanks for all the input, everyone. MerryMcQ, I do think that the stresses of school-aged children isn't truly appreciated by those who have younger children. There's always this sense in parenting that "If you just get through the first two months" Or "If you just get through the first year" or "If you just get through the first three years" or "If you just make it to kindergarten" that somehow parenting will become easy. But I do think that managing school-aged children is pretty difficult. All the things to remember and manage take up a tremendous amount of head space. Now that I have kids in school, I can better understand why someone would want to home school. I don't have the desire or the temperament for it, but I see the appeal. The heavily structured life of kids these days is exhausting both for them and for me.

I work from home part-time. I honestly don't know how full-time parents or single parents manage it all. Some of you have laid out how you get through it. Dual income homes also explain why kids go to bed later than my kids do. Our kids are in bed by 7. My oldest reads until 8. But I couldn't imagine this if I didn't even get home until 5:45.

The expectations of kids now are way, way higher than when I went to school in the 80's.

I can't say for certain, but I wonder if the expectations of parents are also higher. I'm not necessarily blaming the school or the teachers for this. I think it could be driven by parents themselves. Like the example above about bringing a flower to the program. Or the ubiquitous birthday parties at school. One week in September, I looked at the calendar, and there was a school event scheduled every damned night. Not every week is like this, but it felt very oppressive. And, at least in my district, they really hard-sell these events to the kids themselves. I regularly get a "Please, please, please, mom..can we go to this?" Keep in mind my two older kids are only 5 and 7.

One other thing that I am just encountering is the full-day Saturday activity. I recall this as a high school student doing Lincoln Douglas debate, but I'm very, very surprised that my seven year old son's chess club attends tournaments on the week-end that run from 8-4 (till 5:30 if you are lucky enough to win and get a trophy)! Now with two other kids and a life and needs of my own, I do not want to sit at a random school for 8 hours. But I also do not think my young child is ready to be there on his own for so long. For now, we've tabled the issue. Maybe we will revisit when he is in 3rd grade, but doesn't that seem too early for such young children?

On FB, I saw a photo the district posted of the almost 100 "grandfriends" who showed up today. Apparently I am the only dumb-ass parent in the school who didn't understand this term. I felt bad, in large part because I know these things matter to my eldest. My middle child couldn't care less.

[galliver]

I wouldn't worry about homework lab for missed assignments.  The whole point of homework in the early grades is to let kids experience a little personal responsibility in a low-consequence environment. 

Losing your homework is normal, and as parents we want them to learn how to deal with things like organizing your paperwork early in life when screwing up doesn't really matter.  The helicopter parent who does all of that for their kid sends him off to college unprepared to deal on his own, and he suddenly has to learn those skills in an environment where failure really hurts.  Better to let them struggle when they're 8.  Stand back and let it happen.  Don't expect perfection and certainly don't ensure perfection by trying to do it for him, as that defeats the purpose.

This. Elementary school is important as a foundation for later grades, but ultimately a missed assignment/paper/form will derail them less than in middle school, high school, college, or adult life. A missed homework paper or permission slip might be a good lesson at a much lower price than a missed final paper in HS/college or missed tax returns or bill payments.

In our defense, we tried this with my 8yo. She started flunking and got really discouraged about school. The problem with schools today is that they (a) assign homework years before kids are capable of managing it themselves and, (b) don't teach kids how to do homework or study. If you don't step in and teach them how to organize themselves, or how to study, or how to read the paragraph and answer the questions they flail and learn bad habits. Not all kids, but my oldest really struggles with the homework/organization thing.

So I spend 10-30 min with her most nights teaching her these study skills that the school assumes she's learned via osmosis. The expectations of kids now are way, way higher than when I went to school in the 80's.

But of course! All kids are different; it's why I gave the disclaimer about all three of us loving school. But I think there's a difference between teaching and helping (by setting up routines, habits, expectations, giving reminders, being available, going through assignments *if necessary*, etc.) and "helicoptering" by taking on ALL the responsibility. I think it's the difference between going through the flyers/announcements/permission slips together vs mom doing it on her own.

[LiveLean]

We will not buy anything for any fundraiser and we have a 10-year-old in Cub Scouts and get the inevitable popcorn onslaught. We always stroke a check. Easier, we don't get junk, and 100 percent goes to the Scouts/school/team, not a chunk to the provider of popcorn or crap we don't want.

[MerryMcQ]

The expectations of kids now are way, way higher than when I went to school in the 80's.

I can't say for certain, but I wonder if the expectations of parents are also higher.

I totally agree! On both counts!

When I was in school, my mom showed up for parent-teacher conferences once a year (held in the evening after work). She came to a play (once, in an evening performance) and to graduation (also held in the evening). That was the grand total of her involvement in my schooling thru high school. I don't remember getting flowers at either occasion. There were staff in the school who helped with math, reading skills, field trips, and teachers did the plays and events. A bus picked me up and took me home.

Now, at my kids school there are conferences during the school day (while kids are... what? at home alone?). Picture day is staffed by parents with a single photographer onsite. Field trips need to have parent volunteers and fundraising. After school activities are often parent or volunteer led, and parents need to pick up their kids at the awkward hour of 3 pm. Teachers ask for classroom volunteers to read to kids needing extra help, or to do math pull-outs. Parents are asked to be guest speakers or to teach science labs. The PTA organizes dances, walk-a-thons, food drives, carnivals, career days, picture days, and probably dozens of other things I don't remember - but I get the requests to assist. Parents bring their kid a bouquet after the choir recital (which, btw, is held at the super convenient hour of 10 am), etc., etc.

It is great that the school really is a community effort. But egads! There is a lot of expectation that parents will be a major support system for the school - which my mom never was expected to provide. There is also a huge expectation that parents are available between 8 am - 2 pm, and very few evening options for parents who don't have flexible work arrangements or a SAHP.

As for the homework and kid work expectations, my mom never really helped me with homework (beyond dropping me off at the library). Last year, I was required to sign off on many of my (then) 5th grader's assignments, that I had reviewed them.  My DD13 has 3+ hours of homework a night for 8th grade (plus hours and hours on the weekend). Admittedly, we are pretty hands off with our 8th grader as far as organizing her time, but we help her a lot (like tonight, I'll be quizzing her on French vocabulary by giving her a word out loud, then she will spell it; her father will review Geometry homework with her by working thru a few problems together then she'll finish the assignment, etc).  I remember high school having a huge workload, but I frankly am surprised at how much homework is expected in the lower grades - and how involved the parents are expected to be.

Each year the back-to-school parent assembly (for the elementary and middle school) emphasizes that parental involvement is the number one predictor of school success... a not-so-subtle guilt trip for all the parents there. :/

[FrozenAssets]

We homeschool, and I swear it's easier to manage educating my 3 school-aged kids at home than it was having 2 in elementary school & 1 in preschool.  The fundraisers, volunteer hours, extra activities, bake sales, class parties, blah blah blaaaaaaah.  Now we're busy running kids to various activities in the evenings, but we determine the schedule and prioritize sports/clubs/youth group/etc. 

[Kimbl]

I have a 6th grader and a 4th grader and I mostly feel like a very poorly compensated personal assistant ;).  I am also a single parent with limited free time and used to really get overwhelmed with all the bombardment coming from the schools sometimes.  I felt a lot of guilt about not being more involved but I've gotten over it.   

This is what we do:
1.  Papers: Any papers, notifications that come home with them from school are reviewed that night and dealt with immediately or put on a calendar/to do list.  My kids have mostly learned that I do not respond well to last minute "crises".  If they forget to show me something, that's too bad for them.

2. Daily Homework:  We have a set routine that involves 30 min break/snack time, than homework time up to a max of one hour.  This may happen later in the evening if they have other after school activities scheduled.   First they due items due the next day, then end of week, then projects.   I keep a recycling bag next to their homework area.  All papers go in there immediately.  I do wait to recycle it though just in case something important is put in there (it's happened a few times).

3. Homework Projects:  These are the items due in several weeks but must be worked on a little at a time.  Due dates are put on the calendar.  Every night I have to remind my youngest do work on this a little.  My oldest (lovingly referred to as Hermione Granger)  is more organized than me and self regulates fairly well.

4. School Emails.  I receive a minimum of 4 emails from the schools everyday - (parent association, teacher emails, principal daily update, etc.).  I go through each one usually in the morning and transfer anything important over to the family calendar or my todo list. 

5. Fundraisers, Parent Associations, etc.:  I ignore most of this. Straight to recycling/delete.  Most of the events I can't attend (how am I supposed to attend an evening event with children at home?) or I'm not interested.  I have missed a few things by not reading everything in its entirety but they usually send at least 5 emails on the same topic so I catch it eventually (well, almost usually).

Tools that help me:
1. The book "The 5 Choices: The Path to Extraordinary Productivity":  This has made such a difference in how I manage my own time that I can not recommend it enough.

2. Google Calendar: Each person has their own individual calendar and I put everything on here.  I would be completely lost without this.

3. Todo lists - I'm currently using ASANA (asana.com).  A single user is free.   The mobile app has been helpful for capturing things as they come up and I use the desktop version to organize it all everyday.

I'm pretty happy with our current system - not perfect, but major SNAFUs are few and far between.  Now if I could just get them to pick up after themselves...

[keepitsimple]

I had to laugh when I read your post, welcome to the club:)

Mine are 9th and 5th.  We've got a family Google calendar going now that is shared to all family members.  I am the Master Imputter and gather all lists of dates from schools, sports, music, etc and make sure to enter everything in as much detail as possible.  Including pajama day!  This helps keep us mostly on track and lets us anticipate conflicts in schedules well in advance.  As far as homework and projects, my kids are on their own.  I'll ask every once in a while if they are caught up on everything but overall it's their job to keep on top of school work.  This has always been my method and after some early bumpy patches (in 4th grade with my oldest) they are both extremely independent now.  Which is good because I have enough to do!

I am guilty of not always reading the weekly parent update in a timely fashion, not participating in fundraisers, and occasionally having the teachers track me down to get a form signed.  But hey, I never said I was perfect:D

[mm1970]

Dual income homes also explain why kids go to bed later than my kids do. Our kids are in bed by 7. My oldest reads until 8. But I couldn't imagine this if I didn't even get home until 5:45.

Yep, my kids go to bed at 9 or 9:30 pm.

Anyway, I'm going to second the google calendar.  My husband uses it and synced our accounts.  So if at least one of us remembered to put it in there, it's in there.

[shelivesthedream]

I wouldn't worry about homework lab for missed assignments.  The whole point of homework in the early grades is to let kids experience a little personal responsibility in a low-consequence environment. 

Losing your homework is normal, and as parents we want them to learn how to deal with things like organizing your paperwork early in life when screwing up doesn't really matter.  The helicopter parent who does all of that for their kid sends him off to college unprepared to deal on his own, and he suddenly has to learn those skills in an environment where failure really hurts.  Better to let them struggle when they're 8.  Stand back and let it happen.  Don't expect perfection and certainly don't ensure perfection by trying to do it for him, as that defeats the purpose.

All this.

Just remembering how my mother taught me to forge her signature so she didn't have to deal with signing all the crap. There was one teacher in primary school who said our parents had to sign our homework diary (where we wrote what homework we had to do each day) to say they'd seen it every day. I kept getting into trouble, not for failing to do the homework (which I did on time every time and to an A or at least B standard) but for failing to get my parents to sign my homework diary. Uh... priority failure much?! I also had to write my own sick notes when I'd been absent (we had to come in with an explanatory note the first day back in addition to a parent telephoning the school to explain on the day) or when I needed to be off swimming because I was on my period. I just typed them up, printed them out and fake-signed them. It made everyone's life easier.

So much bullshit.

[tonysemail]

thanks for posting this topic.

it's pretty interesting to see how many families use google calendar!
it's truly indispensable and it's even free :)

I'm also a FT working parent and my daughters after school program does a great job with checking homework.
It's a relief that I only need to take care of the extra curricular activities they are signed up for.

regarding expectations, I read this wonderful book, All Joy and No Fun, which talks about how expectations have evolved for mother's since the 60's.
It was one of the best books I read this year.
It gave me better insight into what my wife was stressed about all the time and how I can help defuse it.

when you're having a tough day, just remember that it could be so much worse.
for all the stress that we live under, at least we have a freaking plan to FIRE one day!

[Dee18]

I authorized my daughter to sign my name, once she was in about 5th grade.  (I'm pretty sure she already knew how yo do it.) Was quite efficient!

[Merrie]

In our defense, we tried this with my 8yo. She started flunking and got really discouraged about school. The problem with schools today is that they (a) assign homework years before kids are capable of managing it themselves and, (b) don't teach kids how to do homework or study. If you don't step in and teach them how to organize themselves, or how to study, or how to read the paragraph and answer the questions they flail and learn bad habits. Not all kids, but my oldest really struggles with the homework/organization thing.

I never learned this stuff and it was tough figuring it out on my own. I wish my parents had stepped in and taught me strategies. My kids are still a little on the young side for this one (though my husband and I struggle with remembering to keep on top of the preschool folder, for pete's sake) but as they get older I want to teach them to manage/organize themselves.