Author Topic: two working parents with infant?  (Read 4708 times)

Tuskalusa

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #50 on: May 19, 2018, 12:01:14 AM »
Teddyfreddy, I couldnít agree more. Without and real social safety net for parental leave in the US, childcare is relegated to a system of ďpersonal choice.Ē  And for many, There is no real ďchoiceĒ between working or not.  Itís really unfortunate the our US system, which claims to be based on ďfamily values,Ē doesnít really have any national policy or support for families.

Cassie

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #51 on: May 19, 2018, 11:47:10 PM »
We as a country are really failing parents and kids.  Going back to work after 6 weeks is barbaric. 

JustTrying

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #52 on: May 29, 2018, 11:33:05 PM »
We do, but one of us is self-employed while the other works for a traditional employer. Basically one of us works while the other watches the kiddo and vice versa. It makes it nearly impossible for us to do things as a family, but means we do both get to spend a lot of the time with our kid and not spend all of our income on daycare.

Sometimes I feel a little sorry for myself because it can feel like no other family understands our struggles, since most either have two FT working parents + daycare/nanny OR one parent that stays home, and therefore most families have a lot of family time on the weekend that we don't have. (I hate having to explain to people over and over that no, I can't do anything with them without the kid along because my spouse has to work, or no, we can't take a whole day as a family to do something fun). And then I remember that there are single parents out there! I definitely don't feel that we're just on "survival mode" as others have described. I actually feel we have a really lovely balanced life, though I wish I had a bit more time with my spouse!

Jaguar Paw

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #53 on: May 30, 2018, 06:39:36 AM »
We have a 2 year old and another baby due in July. Our plan for both is just about the same:

I will take 6 weeks off and then go back part time for another 4 weeks or so. My wife will take 12 weeks off.

After that, we have a nanny who is super awesome and has been taking care of our first, and now will our second. She also watches another child during this time. We both make 100k per year so the cost of the child care is cancelled out pretty quickly.

There was some post earlier about it being silly/selfish/whatever to go back to work after having kids. We go back to work because we genuinely enjoy our jobs, are good at our jobs, get paid too much to do our jobs, and make the world a better place by doing our jobs.  We both love our kid, soon to be kids, and sacrifice a ton to enjoy time with them. This being said, neither of us would consider quitting our career to be with our beautiful/amazing/terroristic/psychotic toddler 24/7. We also work so that we will be able to provide sweet experiences for our kids (and ourselves) that we did not get as children.


mm1970

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #54 on: May 30, 2018, 12:48:57 PM »
We have a 2 year old and another baby due in July. Our plan for both is just about the same:

I will take 6 weeks off and then go back part time for another 4 weeks or so. My wife will take 12 weeks off.

After that, we have a nanny who is super awesome and has been taking care of our first, and now will our second. She also watches another child during this time. We both make 100k per year so the cost of the child care is cancelled out pretty quickly.

There was some post earlier about it being silly/selfish/whatever to go back to work after having kids. We go back to work because we genuinely enjoy our jobs, are good at our jobs, get paid too much to do our jobs, and make the world a better place by doing our jobs.  We both love our kid, soon to be kids, and sacrifice a ton to enjoy time with them. This being said, neither of us would consider quitting our career to be with our beautiful/amazing/terroristic/psychotic toddler 24/7. We also work so that we will be able to provide sweet experiences for our kids (and ourselves) that we did not get as children.
Eh, I'd wager that the vast majority of people who call themselves "traditional" and say "why have kids if you aren't going to raise them" don't homeschool their kids, so they can just STFU.

little_brown_dog

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #55 on: May 30, 2018, 01:10:18 PM »
From my observations, and from my limited bubble it seems unusual for both parents with a child under 2 to work.  Is this true or do I live in a bubble? 

So it is actually the norm for children to have 2 working parents (in the US anyway) Ė the newest stats are something like 70% of mothers return to work after having a child. You are not unusual, you are typical.

However, depending on your geographic location, income cohort, and the parenting/lifestyle culture of your social group/area, you definitely might see far more one income families than the national statistics demonstrate. Areas with higher incomes might have higher proportions of stay at home parents, and more conservative and religious segments of the country may also have more stay at home wives and mothers due to cultural/religious reasons (never mind the financial implications related to larger family sizes - can you imagine paying for childcare for 3 young kids at once?). For example, there are many stay at home parents in the wealthy suburbs of Boston and New York, and areas that boast higher numbers of certain religious groups would also likely have a high rate of one income families.

I am a SAHM myself, so no tips on how to manage/juggle/survive. Just wanted to chime in to let you know that you arenít abnormal or unusual from a statistical point of view :)

emh

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #56 on: July 03, 2018, 12:52:21 PM »
I have a one-year-old and my husband and I both work full-time. The first six months with our daughter in daycare were very difficult. We couldnít figure out a good routine and she was sick constantly which meant we were always deciding out who could leave work in the middle of the day to go get her. It was stressful, and I didnít feel confident about my career or my home life, which was very defeating.

My best advice to you during this time is to simplify, simplify, simplify. This is not the time to prioritize extreme frugality. Outsource anything that feels burdensome to you and your spouse. We hired a housecleaner to come every other week soon after our daughter was born and it has been one of the best things for our marriage and our sanity. Is it cost-effective? Absolutely not. But it simplified our life and I canít put a dollar amount on that. Other ways to simplify: Look into grocery delivery, plan for meals that require little cooking/effort, and maximize your lunch break. Itís amazing all of the different errands I can run when Iím by myself at lunch: Grocery store/Target/Walmart, car wash, exercise (even if itís a quick walk/run around my business park), etc. This time is pure gold for me because it lessens the running around we have to do on the weekends.

I also had to take a hard look at the people I was spending my precious free time with. Becoming a parent has helped me realize that Iíve outgrown a lot of friendships and that I should devote more resources to the people who really fulfill me. Again, simplify. For me this meant spending more time with people who also have small children so we can do activities together with our kids vs. me trying to carve out time to be alone with them. 

It gets easier. My daughter just turned one and we are in such a great place and have our routine down pat. She doesnít get sick nearly as much and she really loves daycare, which makes paying the high prices so worth it. And our tuition rates dropped when she turned one which was an added bonus! I actually just started a new job that is much more demanding than my last because I feel that I can handle the bigger workload. A year ago, the thought of a more demanding job would have pushed me over the edge and I would just assume that I would be stuck at my salary/level forever because I had a baby.

notmyhand

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Re: two working parents with infant?
« Reply #57 on: July 03, 2018, 08:16:14 PM »
Following as we are expecting in the fall and the 20k daycare bills plus the lack of time we already have makes me worried about what we are getting ourselves into.