Trying to Conceive, the Mustachian way?

[gbbi_977]

Hello,

I don't have kids, but hopefully you'll allow me in your forum for a moment!

DH and I are trying to conceive, and as it's been over 6 months and we're over 30 (I'm 32.5, he's 31.5) I think it's time to go get a sperm test for him, and start tracking ovulation properly.

Obviously we'll spend what we have to spend, this isn't an area to scrimp on me-thinks, but I would like advice as to whether anyone knows if shopping around for things like sperm testing, ovulation thermometer, ovulation testing kits etc. makes a big difference? I took a pregnancy test yesterday and comparing the ones at Walgreens with Jewel, I noticed a big difference - former they were $7 each, latter they were $3.50 each.

If anyone has any tips/advice, greatly appreciated!

[unimpoverished]

You can definitely cut costs on pregnancy tests and ovulation strips by buying them online.  Check out Wondfo brand on amazon--you can get test strips for less than $1 each.

Depending on your body, you may not need a fancy thermometer.  I used a regular digital fever thermometer and was able to track ovulation just fine with that because my thermal shift was large enough to see the difference without a more sensitive thermometer.  If you have fairly regular cycles, that may be plenty for you, and, assuming you already own some form of thermometer, it's free.

If you have irregular cycles, you may want to use ovulation prediction strips to give yourself an idea of when you will ovulate (as temperature charting only tells you after the fact that you have already ovulated, it's more useful if you have a regular pattern and can use the previous months' data to make an educated guess about future timing). Again, these are often much cheaper purchased in bulk online, especially important given that you may need to take more than one test per day for several days in order to catch changes in hormones that signal an upcoming ovulation.

Good luck!

[I'm a red panda]

You can download free apps, that along with careful temp tracking will give you a very good idea of when you ovulate. You don't actually need the Ovulation Predictor Kit.  (I used an app but didn't temp. The calendars were actually pretty helpful because I figured out I had 26 day cycles.)  And you can just use a regular thermometer, but if you test vaginally, make sure to not clean it very well, or make it single purpose. Some women just test orally though.

As hard as it is- don't take a pregnancy test every cycle "just to check".  Don't take one 2 days after your period is late. Take it 2 weeks after it is late if you really want to go on the frugal aspect. That will save a ton of money. And is near impossible to advice... although in 6 months I only took 5 tests (and 1 was to "confirm" because my husband didn't think the super faint line was really a positive), so I think I did pretty well. But I did test the day my period was due on months I had symptoms. Many women seem to go through 4-6 a cycle, and then when they get a positive take 5 more to "make sure".

Also- "over 6 months" isn't really that long.  At your age, I think the standard "if it takes more than 2 years" infertility advice still applies. It is only after the woman is 35 that they go down to 1 year.  I am 33, and it took us 6 months of trying and my OB said "wow- so really quick for you guys."

Also- check your insurance, the initial infertility tests are often covered (after 2 years of trying... so if you were on prescription birth control that might be harder to fudge the dates on)- it is generally the treatment that is not.

[I'm a red panda]

Looking at various state laws, apparently insurance mandates vary from 1 year (you're right, it is common) to 5 years (OMG!).  Although many of these actually cover invitro, not just the test to say "yep, you're infertile".
I had never seen less than 2-years.  1 year is really nice, because 2 years is a really long time if you are trying to get pregnant!
https://www.asrm.org/insurance.aspx

My OB did call 6 months quick though. Sure as heck didn't feel quick!
Seems like there should be a sliding scale. Fertility from age 16-34 doesn't magically switch at 35!

[justajane]

I found out I was pregnant with all three of my kids with a dollar store pregnancy test. They work just as well as the $8 drugstore ones.

Edited to add that serpentstooth's Amazon ones are even cheaper. Bravo!

[imustachemystash]

I heard from a friend that she had success with the Clearblue digital ovulation test.  I was reluctant to spend the money on it, but I decided to anyway since we tried for 6 months for our 2nd child at age 30.  I'm glad I did because it worked on the first cycle!

[I'm a red panda]

I just used a basic thermometer from the drugstore that was accurate to 0.1 of  a degree, plus a free website called Fertility Friend (this was in the dark ages before apps).

Fertility Friend is the free app I used :)

[KCM5]

I just used a basic thermometer from the drugstore that was accurate to 0.1 of  a degree, plus a free website called Fertility Friend (this was in the dark ages before apps). That alone was enough to tell me that I was ovulating a couple days later than I'd thought based just on my cycle dates.

I did the above, exactly.

Also, regarding trying. Even though I did get me period approximately regularly, after temping I found that I wasn't ovulating. Explaining that to the Dr led her to prescribe Clomid (induces ovulation) even though I was under 30 and had only been trying 6 months. Insurance didn't pay for it, but I don't remember it being very expensive. My insurance doesn't cover any infertility, so even the blood test they took to confirm that I wasn't ovulating wasn't covered. Anyway, the Clomid worked on the second cycle and now we have one happy little two year old.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Definitely read Taking Charge of Your Fertility before pursuing any testing or treatment--you need to know where you are first.

And I agree it hasn't been that long. Were you on hormonal birth control? When I went off the pill, I had two normal cycles... and then I did not get a natural period for ten months. Ten. I kept not ovulating, then I would call my doctor and she would prescribe progesterone to bring on my period, and this went on and on. I was offered Clomid, but we were broker than when we started and said no.

After 18 months, I got pregnant without professional assistance. (I did have an ovulation predictor, but I didn't really need it.) Funnily enough, I'm actually apparently SUPER fertile. I got pregnant with Little Brother when Big Brother was 7 months old. Then I got pregnant with an IUD in (nonviable, but still).

And if you have wonky cycles, you might as well look up the Newsweek Fertility Diet.

Good luck!

[CheapskateWife]

We also used some kind of special lubricant that's supposed to help. I can't remember the name. In fact, it worked so well I only had to buy one package of it to conceive both of our kids.

Pre-Seed?

For the OP, traditional lubrication has substances that can actually kill sperm (without being labeled a spermicide).  Pre-Seed had me pregnant in 30 days after having tried for 6 months.  Oh, and track that tempurature! 

[mm1970]

I just used a basic thermometer from the drugstore that was accurate to 0.1 of  a degree, plus a free website called Fertility Friend (this was in the dark ages before apps).

Fertility Friend is the free app I used :)

Me too!  It showed me that my luteal phase is short (only 10 days), which makes pregnancy difficult.

I ended up going down the path of fertility treatments.  We both got tested, and then I went in for an HSG.  And got pregnant during that same cycle (they tend to improve fertility because the "clear the way", so to speak).  I'd already picked up the Clomid, didn't need it.

2nd baby was an "oops" after 20 months of trying and giving up.  Giving away the crib, that's what did it!

(Note: it took 18 months to get pregnant with #1, and I was 35.  It took 22 months with the second, technically we'd given up, and I was 41 when I got pregnant and 42 when he was born.)

[gbbi_977]

OP here - I just want to thank you all for your wonderful advice and also for all the good luck and well wishes :) This is a great community, and I'm going to follow up on a bunch of those leads, but also try to relax, which I hear is a good thing when it comes to these mysterious things like conceiving :)

[Bracken_Joy]

This is a fantastic thread. Thanks all! Not trying yet, but commenting in case I need to find this later on.

[RetirementDreaming]

I also used the Clearblue digital ovulation test after 12 months of trying.  Worked the first month.  For our 2nd child we didn't leave it to chance and used it again.  Worked n the 1st try.

[N]

I was also going to recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility. SO MUCH INFO! I just did a paper chart (12 years ago)

Good Luck! :)

[little_brown_dog]

I used the fertility friend free app. also, i didn't buy pregnancy tests at all unless i was late. too many women get so anxious about getting pregnant they buy a bunch of tests and their period arrives right on the dot. if i was 2-3 days late, i went out and bought a test. this saves money, and keeps you from over testing yourself and getting disappointed. it also prevents the disappointment of testing before the date of your missed period and getting a positive, only to watch your period arrive a few days later (a very high percentage of fertilized eggs miscarry before you even miss your period). as someone who went through 2 miscarriages (both around 6 weeks), do yourself a favor and don't increase the odds of unnecessary heartache by over testing.

i also want to say, don't get discouraged 6 months out! many women don't realize it, but many times the months you don't miss a period you are actually going through trial and error cycles with fertilization before one sticks. it took 9 months and 2 early miscarriages before we successfully conceived, and i'm sure some of those months inbetween there was fertilization it just didn't work out. it is 100% normal and natural for this trial and error process to occur, even if it is disappointing. if you are starting to get concerned, definitely talk to your doctors, but don't get anxious or too worried just yet.

[NCby2023]

I second the testing kits to tell when you are ovulating. I had a wacky cycle after being on BC for so many years. Turns out we were trying at the wrong times. Worked the first month when we used the kit. Obviously doesn't happen this easily for everyone; I know we were lucky. I definitely wish I had used them up front instead of going through the roller coaster of emotions waiting each month.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[wordnerd]

Definitely read Taking Charge of Your Fertility before pursuing any testing or treatment--you need to know where you are first.

+1

[AllieVaulter]

Following.

[muckety_muck]

I was pregnant at age 33 for the first time trying... here's what worked for us:

-Taking Charge of Your fertility book - just so i knew what I should do/what to expect (REALLY key to understanding your body as well)
-Clearblue Easy OPK - you can buy these on amazon as well as the strips. Once people are done having babies, they don't need them anymore.
-Basal thermometer - just so I could back up what was taught in the book,  and what I saw on the Clearblue OPK.
-Cheapy wondpro (I think that was the brand?) pregnancy tests. These are what they use for pee tests at the ob/gyn office. Don't even think about using one until you are at least 12 days past ovulation. Otherwise you are wasting them, they won't work.

Good luck! :)

[brycedoula]

There are a TON of free apps out there. I personally prefer Kindara, but many other women I've connected with have used Fertility Friend or Ovia (I tried FF but found all the info you can enter into it to be overwhelming, frankly!).

Borrow Taking Charge Of Your Fertility from the library. It's a popular book so you shouldn't have any trouble finding a copy to borrow; even finding a used copy on Amazon is likely pretty simple. The book has LOADS of info - if you're interested in specifically conception info then you don't have to read it cover-to-cover.

BBT thermometers are pretty cheap (maybe $10 at a drugstore?). Basically you take your temp every morning BEFORE doing anything and over the course of a cycle you'll likely be able to predict when ovulation has occured. By observing other physical signs you'll be able to tell when you're about to ovulate.

I personally never bothered with the OPK kits; they're expensive from a brick-and-mortar store(especially in Canada), and you have to pee on them like, 2 times a day anyway for them to be accurate & I didn't want to do that @ work.

To be the most Mustachian - borrow & read TCOYF, buy a cheap BBT thermometer, download a free app & have fun!

You may be successful right away (I was!) or it might take upwards of 12 months (which is completely normal, depending on your age).

Oh and if you're not already doing so start taking 0.4mg of folic acid every day. Easy, cheap way to reduce spinal cord defects caused by folic acid deficiencies!

[starbuck]

My (eventual) approach mimics most other posters. I got a copy of Taking Charge of your Fertility from the library, downloaded the Kindara app to track everything, and used a standard thermometer to take my temp every morning before getting up. At this point since you've been trying for a few months, I would also recommend the 'PreSeed' lube from the drugstore. Worked like a charm for us after 11 months of nada. Too bad that brand name is absolutely terrible. At least it worked! It comes with some creepy applicator things, but we just used it like normal lube.

I only took one pregnancy test, and it was after I was already very very late in my cycle. Turns out I was pregnant, obviously. Hooray! If you're tracking everything, you usually only need one test. :)

[Weyfarere]

We also used some kind of special lubricant that's supposed to help. I can't remember the name. In fact, it worked so well I only had to buy one package of it to conceive both of our kids.

Pre-Seed?

For the OP, traditional lubrication has substances that can actually kill sperm (without being labeled a spermicide).  Pre-Seed had me pregnant in 30 days after having tried for 6 months.  Oh, and track that tempurature!

Canola oil and mineral oil also are safe and should be less expensive than Pre-Seed.

Source: "Optimizing Natural Fertility", in "Fertility and Sterility" Vol. 90, Suppl 3, November 2008

[Merrie]

Definitely read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you do all that stuff and still don't get pregnant, it also gives you a starting point for troubleshooting fertility problems, so you still have a leg up if you have to go to a clinic. (e.g. if you find that you do get pregnant but miscarry very early, then at least that means you *can* get pregnant and your husband is making sperm so you don't need to address those factors, or if you find that you're not ovulating you can try Clomid like mentioned upthread, etc.)

[homehandymum]

2nding (8th-ing?) Taking Charge of Your Fertility

Regular charting will either a) help you know exactly when you are ovulating, or b) give the fertility docs great starting info.

Good luck!

[bearandmoose]

(Note, I'm not a doctor - I just had trouble conceiving so I did a lot of research...)

I second the importance of doing your research on lube and how it may be hurting your chances.  Try a sperm-friendly lube such as preseed, which is pricey, and available in drug store type places.  www.preseed.com

Sometimes sperm have trouble swimming through thick mucus.  Try taking the plain Mucinex (a mucus thinner) doing the times of the month when you could be ovulating.  The only key ingredient should be Guaifenesin.  It can be found in generic form.  Just make sure it is the only active ingredient.  And take LOTS of water while taking this over the counter med.  https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071029142449AArYhxs

Note that some allergy medication can dry up mucus, that can be a plus so your sinuses don't hurt and your nose doesn't run.  But it does you out throughout your body - including in key places that you need the sperm to swim.  If you can handle it, drop allergy meds like claritin from your routine.

Finally, remember that pregnancy tests are eligible to be reimbursed on the medical flex spending accounts, as can your mileage to pick up the pregnancy tests.  It looks like ovulation kits may also be eligible.  I used pregnancy tests from Dollar Tree and they are a cheap place to pick them up as you need them.

Good luck!

[gbbi_977]

Wow, thank you all SO much for the amazing advice and all the good luck (which I also send out to anyone following along who is also trying to conceive).

I have gone ahead and ordered 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' from the library, and a set of 20 pregnancy tests from Amazon following someone's link upthread (about $7).

At the risk of giving TMI [feel free to skip this!!!], I'm going to hold off on buying a thermometer (we don't have one...wannabe-minimalism going on here) because I am 2 days late. Which isn't of itself that unusual, except that I had two days of light/smooth bleeding on day 19 of this cycle and I'm wondering if that was 'implantation bleeding' which is apparently a thing (who knew? Not me, before starting on this TTC journey earlier this year). So much to learn!

And hopefully with all of your advice, I'll be back soon enough to ask for advice on mustachian child-rearing...but I realize it's largely out of my hands, timing-wise, and I'm trying to be OK with that and not stress out :)

[Bakari]

I may be mistaken, but my understanding of most of tracking is supposed to be so that you know when you are most fertile, and therefor most likely to conceive - and therefor the most "productive" time to have sex?


I realize this is conventional wisdom, but it seems to overlook the fact that if a man only has sex a couple times a month, he will produce fewer sperm (and those that there are are less likely fresh and vital).  Also that preeclampsia is minimized the more the potential mother is exposed to her partner's semen.

In other words, its probably counter-productive to "save" sex for only those couple days before and during ovulation. 
Having sex as much as possible (as long as its still pleasurable and fun) isn't a waste, it should actually make reproduction more likely.


Now mind you, I just made that up, because it makes sense to me, but then I asked Google, and the internet (and the doctors and specialists it quotes) agrees:
http://www.kidspot.com.au/birth/conception/fertility/7-surprising-fertility-facts

http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/tips/best-sex-for-getting-pregnant/


But if you aren't timing sex, I don't really see what the point of knowing when ovulation occurs is.
Unless its been more than a year, and/or there is a specific reason to think there is a underlying medical issue, and/or the lady person is over 35, I don't think there is any good reason to do much special besides have lots of sex (and take enough folic acid!)


Of course in America all problems are solved with drugs and specialists and stuff, but the Mustachian way coincides with the way animals have been doing it for the last 500 million years.

Lastly - (and note, I'm planning to have kids too, so don't take this as judgement)... Lastly, if it doesn't work, maybe that's ok too.  There's a lot of humans already, and a good number of existing kids could use homes.  Adoption can get you all the rewards (and stresses) of parenthood, and there's a lot more to a family than just DNA

[I'm a red panda]

Having sex as much as possible (as long as its still pleasurable and fun) isn't a waste, it should actually make reproduction more likely.

The common advice seems to be every 2-3 days throughout the month and daily starting about 3 days before ovulation and then the day or two after.

Too much sex can lower sperm count because there isn't time to replenish.

But hopefully the OP will have good news already.

[1967mama]

Also dropped by to recommend "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" but see that you have ordered it already. Such a rich resource and I learned SO much about my body! Fascinating! haha!

Keep us posted with any news :-)

[sheepstache]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

But if you aren't timing sex, I don't really see what the point of knowing when ovulation occurs is.

Bakari, you are forgetting how much INTJs like data.

Seriously, I wish I had been taught all this stuff in highschool. It's so cool that this invisible, un-sense-able thing happens in your body but you can measure evidence of its happening.

And as others have pointed out, it can be good to have a history of data in case there are problems. As someone dealing with a possible hormonal issue right now, it's frustrating to have to wait multiple months for the data to accumulate to even diagnose the problem.

Finally, some women can conceive perfectly fine but have something funny about their cycle that makes the 'just have sex a lot' advice not effective. Like super short fertility windows, or maybe way early ovulation that happens closer to their period than they realized (in which case maybe they weren't in the mood then).

I can see how people might see collecting and analyzing the data as needlessly stressful, but on the other hand knowing that they're trying at the right time might actually help them relax about it.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

But if you aren't timing sex, I don't really see what the point of knowing when ovulation occurs is.

Bakari, you are forgetting how much INTJs like data.

Seriously, I wish I had been taught all this stuff in highschool. It's so cool that this invisible, un-sense-able thing happens in your body but you can measure evidence of its happening.

And as others have pointed out, it can be good to have a history of data in case there are problems. As someone dealing with a possible hormonal issue right now, it's frustrating to have to wait multiple months for the data to accumulate to even diagnose the problem.

Finally, some women can conceive perfectly fine but have something funny about their cycle that makes the 'just have sex a lot' advice not effective. Like super short fertility windows, or maybe way early ovulation that happens closer to their period than they realized (in which case maybe they weren't in the mood then).

I can see how people might see collecting and analyzing the data as needlessly stressful, but on the other hand knowing that they're trying at the right time might actually help them relax about it.

It's super-useful to know when to expect your period even if you're NOT trying to get pregnant! And if you don't know WHEN ovulation occurs, you don't know IF it occurs at all! Those 10 months when I didn't get my period would have been pure hell if I didn't know for sure that I was not ovulating. Otherwise, I would have been taking pregnancy tests like a madwoman and never being convinced I wasn't pregnant. (Because a negative doesn't always mean no--it can mean "try again in a few days.")

[homehandymum]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

But if you aren't timing sex, I don't really see what the point of knowing when ovulation occurs is.

Bakari, you are forgetting how much INTJs like data.

Seriously, I wish I had been taught all this stuff in highschool. It's so cool that this invisible, un-sense-able thing happens in your body but you can measure evidence of its happening.

And as others have pointed out, it can be good to have a history of data in case there are problems. As someone dealing with a possible hormonal issue right now, it's frustrating to have to wait multiple months for the data to accumulate to even diagnose the problem.

Finally, some women can conceive perfectly fine but have something funny about their cycle that makes the 'just have sex a lot' advice not effective. Like super short fertility windows, or maybe way early ovulation that happens closer to their period than they realized (in which case maybe they weren't in the mood then).

I can see how people might see collecting and analyzing the data as needlessly stressful, but on the other hand knowing that they're trying at the right time might actually help them relax about it.

It's super-useful to know when to expect your period even if you're NOT trying to get pregnant! And if you don't know WHEN ovulation occurs, you don't know IF it occurs at all! Those 10 months when I didn't get my period would have been pure hell if I didn't know for sure that I was not ovulating. Otherwise, I would have been taking pregnancy tests like a madwoman and never being convinced I wasn't pregnant. (Because a negative doesn't always mean no--it can mean "try again in a few days.")

+1. And if you know exactly when you ovulated, and exactly how long your gap is between ovulation and menstruation, then it makes the pregnancy test a mere formality when you are late - because you know the difference between a late ovulation and a late menstruation .

And yeah, charts are fun :)

[sheepstache]

Another thing I thought of is if she's interested in doing rhythm method natural birth control whatever it's called now after she has the kid, this is low-impact time to study her natural cycle without worrying about avoiding pregnancy.

[little_brown_dog]

good luck annajane! i had implantation/breakthrough bleeding with this successful pregnancy (really light spotting for a day or so around my period then disappeared).  apparently it is more common than one thinks. i have my fingers crossed for you! :)

[I'm a red panda]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

For me, no.
I would be really stressed to know about a chemical pregnancy- because it would get my hopes up, and then, dropped. If conceiving is difficult, I couldn't handle that emotional toll.

But really, in a frugality sense, I didn't want to pay for tests if I didn't need them.  But I read way too many boards that women were taking like 5-10 tests per cycle! And not always the super cheap ones!

[TVRodriguez]

Yay for TCOYF!  Glad to hear that you ordered that book.  That book (plus a thermometer--get one!) was all DH& I needed after four months of trying at ages 32 (me) and 42 (him).  Apparently we were being stupid by "saving it up" and waiting for days 14 and 15 to TTC, and that was too late in my cycle, which is shorter than average.  That book, as others have said, is so informative and useful that I wish it were required high school reading!  I was amazed at how much I didn't know about my own body.  And because of the thermometer and the info I learned, I knew I was pg before I even took a test, because I'd had 18 days of high temps (IIRC--it's been 9 years).

Off-topic, this is my first post to MMM after lurking for a while now.  Hoping to contribute in the future!

[sheepstache]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

For me, no.
I would be really stressed to know about a chemical pregnancy- because it would get my hopes up, and then, dropped. If conceiving is difficult, I couldn't handle that emotional toll.

Well I guess I was thinking in terms of when pregnancy was difficult, since, I assume, the treatment for wonky cycles that prevent conception at all is different from treatment for conception that won't stick. If you know, you can take that information to your doctor at 12 months or whatever the recommendation is, rather than possibly taking months after you've already tried for a year to figure it out. But if we're talking about a situation where you already know there's a history of its happening and that's the main problem you're trying to beat, then totally I can see why you'd just want to wait and see rather than getting your hopes up.

[mm1970]

Question about avoiding pregnancy tests until 2 weeks after period is due. Wouldn't it be useful to know if you had a chemical pregnancy that only delayed it by a bit?

For me, no.
I would be really stressed to know about a chemical pregnancy- because it would get my hopes up, and then, dropped. If conceiving is difficult, I couldn't handle that emotional toll.

But really, in a frugality sense, I didn't want to pay for tests if I didn't need them.  But I read way too many boards that women were taking like 5-10 tests per cycle! And not always the super cheap ones!

yeah, after a couple of early pregnancy losses (at 5-6 weeks), I started waiting longer...

[Merrie]

Yay for TCOYF!  Glad to hear that you ordered that book.  That book (plus a thermometer--get one!) was all DH& I needed after four months of trying at ages 32 (me) and 42 (him).  Apparently we were being stupid by "saving it up" and waiting for days 14 and 15 to TTC, and that was too late in my cycle, which is shorter than average.  That book, as others have said, is so informative and useful that I wish it were required high school reading!  I was amazed at how much I didn't know about my own body.  And because of the thermometer and the info I learned, I knew I was pg before I even took a test, because I'd had 18 days of high temps (IIRC--it's been 9 years).

Off-topic, this is my first post to MMM after lurking for a while now.  Hoping to contribute in the future!

I, too, probably wouldn't have been trying on the right days without the book.

And it helped me demystify the concept of "discharge".

And I definitely wouldn't have known I was pregnant with my daughter until well after I did. I charted a cycle and had some bleeding that I thought was my period, so I started a chart for the new cycle. But then the new chart never normalized and my temps were all over the place, so I took a test and it was positive. If I hadn't been temping I wouldn't have figured it out for probably another 2-3 weeks. I suppose it wouldn't have much mattered, as my main symptom was being ravenous and feeling horrible all the time, and I had no idea how to deal with it anyway. But knowing that I was pregnant at least gave me a "why" for that.

[justajane]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

[wordnerd]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

If everything is working as expected, no. But, you wouldn't know if you weren't ovulating. Having the information you get from charting can really help with targeting (and minimizing) medical testing and intervention, if needed.

[justajane]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

If everything is working as expected, no. But, you wouldn't know if you weren't ovulating. Having the information you get from charting can really help with targeting (and minimizing) medical testing and intervention, if needed.

Ah, thanks. That makes sense.

[Bakari]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

If everything is working as expected, no. But, you wouldn't know if you weren't ovulating. Having the information you get from charting can really help with targeting (and minimizing) medical testing and intervention, if needed.

I get the idea, and someone's point that having the information history already logged can save time, but I think we'll spend at least 6-12 months doing things the old fashioned way first.  We're oldish, but not in the "OMG biological clock" zone yet, and my partner agrees that all that stuff seems stressful, and like it would take a lot of the joy and passion out of sex (and maybe even a little mystery and wonder out of the whole creation of human life thing). 
It's something we both want, but its also not a tragedy if it doesn't happen - a lot of people commented on the first part of my comment, but no one about adoption being a viable alternative!

[I'm a red panda]

I get the idea, and someone's point that having the information history already logged can save time, but I think we'll spend at least 6-12 months doing things the old fashioned way first.  We're oldish, but not in the "OMG biological clock" zone yet, and my partner agrees that all that stuff seems stressful, and like it would take a lot of the joy and passion out of sex (and maybe even a little mystery and wonder out of the whole creation of human life thing). 
It's something we both want, but its also not a tragedy if it doesn't happen - a lot of people commented on the first part of my comment, but no one about adoption being a viable alternative!

I used an app without doing any of the temping or watching my mucus etc.  I just logged the first day of my cycle, and it would tell me based on a standard cycle when to expect to ovulate (I had a 26 day cycle, so it was a bit different than the standard 28 day calendar so the app helped a bit). It took us a bit over 6 months, and actual charting probably would have sped things up; but at least I knew which days to really try to hit.   It also helped me track when to expect my period, just to be prepared in the 'don't wear white pants out" kind of way, which I hadn't done in 15 years since I had been on pills and the pills told me when to expect it. :)

As for adoption, since you remarked many people didn't comment on that: I had always actually preferred that to biological children, but my husband was not on board. When I did research it more fully it seemed like the two paths were either a) extreme expense or b) almost certain heartache before it worked out. Adoption through foster care is "free"; but takes a very long time, and the stories my friends who foster told me of not having adoptions finalized when it was "near certain" was just heart wrenching. One of my friends put a toddler on a plane to Mexico to go live with grandparents the child had never met- after having had the baby for 3 years, from the day he came home from the hospital. Private adoption can be very expensive, and many parents seem to live in fear the child will be taken back by the biological parent; international adoption is permanent, but the expense is even higher still. And international adoption now almost requires a special needs placement, an older child, or the risk of an unethical adoption.  Maybe someday we will foster to adopt, but for us, it was just not a viable option for a first child.

[Merrie]

I like the idea of adoption and maybe adopting from foster care later on when my kids are older, but it seems like it is so hit or miss that I might end up not getting any "keeper" kids at all, or burning out. Private/international adoption gets really expensive. Generally speaking, if one has the equipment to grow one's own kids at home with no or minimal intervention, it's probably cheaper and less hassle than adopting, which is why most people try for bio kids first, not that there's anything wrong with deciding not to. If it were a big hassle for me to get/stay pregnant, then I might feel differently.

[Bakari]

I agree, it isn't easy, or guaranteed.
Then again, neither is bio births, or else this thread wouldn't exist!


And as for expense, well, the OP did say

"Obviously we'll spend what we have to spend "

Not that it sounds like anyone here in this thread actually did so, but I hear stories of people (friends of friends, etc) who spend thousands of dollars on various tests, fertility treatments, egg storage, in-vitro... and then of course there's even surrogates ($100,000+).
It gets crazy. 
Hence my taking ever opportunity to remind everyone everywhere that families are about more than DNA.
Pregnancy lasts 9 months.  Parenthood lasts about 60-80 years.

[wordnerd]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

If everything is working as expected, no. But, you wouldn't know if you weren't ovulating. Having the information you get from charting can really help with targeting (and minimizing) medical testing and intervention, if needed.

I get the idea, and someone's point that having the information history already logged can save time, but I think we'll spend at least 6-12 months doing things the old fashioned way first.  We're oldish, but not in the "OMG biological clock" zone yet, and my partner agrees that all that stuff seems stressful, and like it would take a lot of the joy and passion out of sex (and maybe even a little mystery and wonder out of the whole creation of human life thing). 
It's something we both want, but its also not a tragedy if it doesn't happen - a lot of people commented on the first part of my comment, but no one about adoption being a viable alternative!

Yeah, to be honest, I wasn't really into charting. It didn't take the passion out of things, but it was a hassle (having to temp at the same time everyday before getting out of bed) and frustrating because my data were difficult to interpret. I quit temping and got pregnant immediately, so it wasn't an issue for me. But it's a good option for those who want to know what's going on with their bodies and have more information for timing sex and understanding any potential fertility issues.

[sheepstache]

Stupid question perhaps, but if you have sex every day or every other day of the month, do you need an ovulation or fertility monitor?

If everything is working as expected, no. But, you wouldn't know if you weren't ovulating. Having the information you get from charting can really help with targeting (and minimizing) medical testing and intervention, if needed.

I get the idea, and someone's point that having the information history already logged can save time, but I think we'll spend at least 6-12 months doing things the old fashioned way first.  We're oldish, but not in the "OMG biological clock" zone yet, and my partner agrees that all that stuff seems stressful, and like it would take a lot of the joy and passion out of sex (and maybe even a little mystery and wonder out of the whole creation of human life thing). 
It's something we both want, but its also not a tragedy if it doesn't happen - a lot of people commented on the first part of my comment, but no one about adoption being a viable alternative!

But I think most of the people responding to your comment were thinking about the OP, not you. I wouldn't tell someone just starting that they *ought* to chart, but I don't see any reason to poo-poo it if someone has concerns.

eta: I didn't have anything to say one way or the other about adoption. But have you actually looked into it? My dad and his wife started the process, going as far as being interviewed, getting a home visit from a social worker, interviewing lawyers, their agent interviewing me, sitting on the waiting list to meet mothers, and decided to go back to IVF as it was less stressful and only marginally more expensive. And bear in mind my dad wasn't producing great samples so they had to go in and get his sperm manually. Adoption was a less enticing option to him than getting stabbed in the balls with a needle.
I mean, I'm not saying it's so terrible that no one should do it. Obviously the rewards outweigh the hassle. I just thought it was funny in the context of your talking about the priority you placed on avoiding stress.

[fidgiegirl]

Didn't read all replies, so apologies if this is a duplicate.  If your hormones are out of whack, Woman Code by Alisa Vitti has diet and lifestyle based approaches for getting back in balance to create a good environment for a viable pregnancy.