Transition to Stay at Home Parent

[mrsggrowsveg]

I am six months along with my second and we have decided that we will make the leap to having me at home with them all the time.  My older child is 2.5.  My question is what is it like to go from working full time to staying home with your children all of the time?  Is there a transition period?  We have strongly considered having at least a month before the baby is here to get used to being home with the older child before the baby comes.  Would that be a good idea or better to just add to our stash?

[yoga mama]

I work full time and my husband stays home with our kids.  He was at home not working for a couple of months before we had our first due to a recent move so I don't have any specific experience (his or mine) on your situation.  Just speaking from my experience of going from 1 to 2, I would recommend trying to get a little time at home before having the new one.  I had initially planned to work up until having my second but ended up taking a week of vacation right at the end of my pregnancy before the baby was born and I loved it.  It was awesome to have lots of uninterrupted time with the older child (he was almost 2) before the baby was born.  I don't know if losing a full month of income is worth trying to establish a routine and get used to being home with the toddler - having the second is going to throw that off and be crazy/challenging no matter what you do, and I would suspect it is likely that first few weeks of not working is going to feel more like a vacation than like "starting a new way of life" if that makes sense.  But if you can plan it (I know babies don't follow schedules but you may be able to make a prediction with your medical provider based on your previous pregnancy) a week off at the end will be a great option IMO.

[mamagoose]

I would take the extra month off and get some NAPS while you can! Seriously, what's one month of income if you know you're going to be out soon anyway.

[Thegoblinchief]

I don't think it's a very hard transition, especially since you're a farm/homestead type so there's tons to keep you busy. I think it CAN be hard for urbanites who aren't used to doing productive home tasks.

I don't think an extra month would be much help, but I'd wait and see 1) how your pregnancy is going ; 2) whether there's critical farm tasks that mean y'all would benefit much more by having extra home time versus an extra few weeks of salary.

My wife worked right up to the end with all 3 because we had to for the $. Given the option, though, she would have easily taken mat leave a couple weeks before the due date.

[macaogrrl]

For me, going from serious career woman to homemaker was hard for a while...partly because I lost track of myself and my own interests, and partly because my partner couldn't relate to my struggles (though he did try). I think it is hard to parent whether one has a paying day job or stays hone full time. My advice is three-fold...first, force yourself to shower and dress properly each morning (for self esteem...feeling like a schlub really Makes things worse), second, find Mommy & me activities in the area (for adult interaction) - libraries and parks & rec are great for this - and, finally, make a house rule that you and your partner EACH get a night completely off duty once a week - separate from any date night (so you can both stay in touch with your individual interests, sense of self & frankly have something to talk about besides the kids!)

You're gonna do great.

ps - sometimes a glass of wine at 5pm is just what the doctor ordered. :)

[MayDay]

One or two weeks off at the end is really enough. I went out at 37 weeks, had a 2.5 year old, and had baby at 39 weeks, and the that was plenty of time. Unless, as GC said, there is some special task you want to get done.

[mrsggrowsveg]

@Yogamomma:  I am thinking a couple week vacation may be exactly what I need before I take on two kids and staying at home. 

@mamagoose:  Naps and relaxing sound so amazing.  The good thing is that I am in the position to quit at any point working gets to be too much :)

@Thegoblinchief:  I worked until the end with my son and that was fine, so I think it would be this time too.  As far as farm tasks, I should quit like today.  We can barely keep up with weeding and seeding during this wet spring season.  Quitting right now, would mean we would have about $8,000 less in our emergency savings so it doesn't seem wise.

@macaogrrl:  Thanks for the tips.  I have heard many people say getting dressed each morning is very important to happiness.  One of my worries is ever getting any time off duty.  DH travels 4-5 days a week so I would be on my own.  Thank goodness my parent's don't live too far in case I really need a break.

[Thegoblinchief]

mrsgrowsveg - how do you weed? My weeding speed increased drastically after switching to a collinear hoe from Johnny's. I like the narrow version but there's a wider one too.

http://www.johnnyseeds.com/p-6691-narrow-collinear-hoe-3-fixed-blade.aspx

Even if you use a hoe currently, it's nimbler and faster - but isn't heavy enough to chop through heavily rooted weeds, it's meant to use 1-2/week to slice through weed seedlings. Soil needs to be slightly dry, so wait a day after rain.

[mrsggrowsveg]

We hoe and use a wheel hoe between rows.  I will look into that hoe.  We just bought a couple new ones and they are terrible.  My antique one works great, but we need more than one.

[Thegoblinchief]

We hoe and use a wheel hoe between rows.  I will look into that hoe.  We just bought a couple new ones and they are terrible.  My antique one works great, but we need more than one.

I really like it. I learned about the collinear hoe from Eliot Coleman's books - he's the one who invented it.

For more traditional hoes, a good source is Red Pig Tools. They don't have their entire stock of long-handled items online, so you can call or email to ask about things that are missing.

I learned about them from the Carol Deppe books. Pros: forged heads, so incredible well built, take an edge, etc; available with longer handles than most commercially available hoes, so you can use them in proper standing up position. Shipping from OR sucks, but I'm happy with the tools I got from them (a hand hoe for kneeling down work, and crow's foot for cultivating prior to seeding). If your library has The Resilient Gardener you can see what Carol is specifically recommending about them.

For weeding I think what you'd want (if not the collinear hoe) is called a Coleman hoe.

[macaogrrl]

Hiya. I was talking to a new mom the other day & thought of this thread. I guess you must be getting close now, if not already at home -- hope you are adjusting okay!

One more thing I thought to add...obviously, you won't have time to feel bored while baby is tiny. After that, if you start to feel out of sorts, it helped me break out of the doldrums and frustration when I started thinking of our family as a business that needed to be managed (savings == profit in this scenario). This meant I could apply all my old business skills to (trying to) run a smooth home. "Homemaker" makes it sound like a single role, but really it's one person filling a lot of different roles (child development, repairs & maintenance, hospitality, travel agent, procurement, chef, nutritionist, financial reporting, legal & estate planning, Chief Morale Officer, etc etc).

Obviously, my partner isn't an employee, so no bossing him! But thinking this way for a while did help me to realize how many things we were neglecting or delegating to outsiders when we were dual-income family.

Good luck!