I personally grew up the anti-mustachian way. Private school through grandparents' support, college paid for, international first class and business class travels (those were the days) through my dad's work relocation programs. I had to work hard to gain financial savvy for the first time after 30, and I now recognize that all that "talking about money is crass" didn't really help me afterwards.
But at the same time, it feels a bit weird that I want my daughter to be brought up with much less than what I was given. I THINK that is why I am mulling over this summer camp thing. I am not rich by any means, but I am above that point where a couple of grand for the next few years in the summer would make that much difference.
I don't worry over whether I should go to Niemen Marcus instead of Goodwill for clothing, and our food bill is like $130/mo per person, but you know, this is Experience, forming relationships and friendships.
So this part struck me, because it seems like you grew up with "more," and now you are debating giving your daughter "less," and that feels wrong and like you are depriving her. I suggest that is the "consumer sucka" mindset at play -- not that you shouldn't send your daughter to camp, but that you shouldn't send her to camp
because she'd be deprived otherwise. That defines what you "give" your kid in terms of consumer stuff. Talk about undervaluing your role! I mean, once you get past basic food and shelter and protection from the elements, all the "stuff" you provide is the least important thing you give your kids, compared to love, acceptance, boundaries, life skills, etc. etc. etc. (And yes, "experience" can be consumer stuff, too, even if it is the current buzzword; defining "camp" as "going to horse camp to mingle with rich kids" is sort of the poster child for consumerist "experiences," no?).
Think of this decision as imparting
values, not
experiences/things. Your parents gave you fantastic experiences and things, right? But you also came out of it with zero concept of earning and saving and budgeting, and it took you a decade to figure that out on your own. So even though they gave you All The Things, their approach wasn't ideal, was it? So you have now chosen a very different path: unlike your parents, you spend intentionally, on things that you value; you earn, you plan, you save, you evaluate what is worth it and what is not, and you don't just automatically throw money at every option. [I mean, I don't know you, but if you solved all your problems with money, you'd already have enrolled your kid in All The Camps instead of posting here asking if it makes sense. :-)] And I am guessing that you now want to impart your values to your daughter, because as much as you loved your parents and your childhod, you want her to be better prepared for the real world than you were, right? You don't want her to grow up financially clueless and assuming that life is lived in the First Class line, focused on the markers of "success" instead of her own inner goals and drive.
When you look at camp from that perspective, isn't this camp decision a perfect opportunity to live -- and impart -- your values? Camp is now a want vs. a need; therefore, you need to evaluate the pros/cons
just like you would any other want: weigh the value of the experience against its cost, both in terms of $$ and in terms of time (because every week she is at camp is a week she won't be by your side learning the real-life skills you want to teach her). It is an opportunity to walk the talk about how you need to be thoughtful about whether and how much to spend on luxuries; it is also a chance to demonstrate through your actions that there is value in family time and lazy days with you and learning all those life skills that you want her to learn by your side. IOW, you are undervaluing her time with you; only our consumer society says it is better to be mingling with the wealthy than having intensive one-on-one time with your parent leaning how to actually do useful stuff.
Note I am not saying don't go -- I was pretty harsh about the horse camp above to make a point, but honestly, if she loves that camp more than anything, and you can afford it, well, hell, send her. In our world of overwhelming abundance, all of us throw money at luxuries all the time; the key is to do it thoughtfully, consistently with your values and goals. Talk with your daughter about how you want to spend time with her, but that you recognize that she enjoyed camp and you still want her to be able to go if she wants, but that it all costs money that then won't be available for other things, so which camp(s) really matter to her? She's old enough to start learning about the money involved, too -- there's a big difference between a 4-figure horseback riding camp and a cheap Girl Scouts/church camp, so maybe work out a tentative budget and let her decide whether she'd prefer more weeks at a cheaper place or fewer weeks at a more expensive place, or some mix. [And expect some fireworks if this is the first time you have suggested her choices are constrained by financial concerns -- but I'd argue that there is a direct correlation between the quantity of fireworks and the necessity of imparting that lesson.] And, you know, don't undervalue the benefits to yourself of having a MS girl somewhere far away from you for periods of time. :-)
Finally, don't overlook the long game, i.e., counselor positions. We have sent my kids to the same camp forever (like you, we needed it for daycare; like your DD, my kids would still want to go even if they didn't have to; like you, I'd still want to send them even if I didn't have to). For the summers after 8th and 9th grade, my daughter was a counselor-in-training, meaning we paid next to nothing to send her; this summer, she was hired for a counselor position on the spot (paid!), because she had such a long history at the camp. So if your kid really enjoys a particular camp, it may be worth sending her there regardless, because you're only a year or two away from when those lower-priced options and paid positions will be opening up.
