Starting a new job with a tiny baby

[mollyjade]

I work somewhere in a small department with very little turnover. Opportunities for advancement depend on someone either retiring or quitting. Someone will be retiring about the time my first child is due, and in the ensuing shuffling of positions, there will be an opportunity for a promotion. My current position is half administrative, half project management. The new position would be entirely project management, but with significantly more projects and more complicated/difficult projects.

I'm concerned about taking on two new challenges at once. Being a new mother and working at the same time sounds hard enough. Adding on a new position with more responsibilities makes me nervous.

As far as money goes, my husband makes about 3-4 times as much as I do and his salary keeps rising rapidly, so even though this comes with a small raise, it won't significantly change our financial position.

Has anyone ever been in a position of being a new parent and starting a new job? It's hard to imagine the impact of a baby having no experience.

[alm0stk00l]

I was really nervous about introducing major life changes at the same time that my baby was due, but it turns out that it really wasn't that difficult. I guess the only thing I could say is that there is no perfect scenario for raising kids. You just do the best you can in whatever situation you find yourself. If you change jobs and have a baby at the same time, then that is your life and you adapt quickly. I could see how having a baby and working at a job you hate could bring on a lot of stress, but if you like your job, and you like the people, it shouldn't be too bad. Having a kid is going to change your life regardless of what is going on professionally. So embrace the change and if the new position is something that excites you, go for it.

[Indio]

When I had my children I thought I would be overwhelmed with all of the work involved and the learning curve. New babies are much easier than older kids. The older they get the more work they become. It's hard to believe it when you have a newborn, but when they become mobile that's when the work really starts.

[chicagomeg]

I recently read Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In and the part that resonated most with me was her point that if you take a step back from your career to have kids, it will be easier to stay at home and give up that career. Meanwhile, if you continue to take on challenges, you will have new and exciting things to go back to after having a baby. I think this is a little insulting of a tone towards being a stay at home, but the general point is still worth considering if it's important to you to maintain your career after having kids.

[mollyjade]

I'm definitely keeping my job (or a job). I do better mentally when I have job than when I don't, so I'm not even considering staying home besides the few weeks I'll need for recovery and getting the hang of being a mom. (Not really interested in the ER part of FIRE.)

But all of your answers are making me feel more confident that I can handle the new job on top of the the new baby. I really like researching decisions and having lots of information, so it's been difficult for me to make this decision since there's no way to know how I personally will adapt to being a parent.

[wordygirl]

I really thought, right up until I got pregnant at age 34, that I would never be a stay-home parent.

Then I had my daughter....

Honestly, I cannot imagine being away from a newborn all day. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. But that's me. I get it's not everybody. But it shocked everyone who knew me as I never seemed the type to want to be a mum.

My point is that it's very difficult to know what you will want until you find yourself in that situation. Don't close off any doors, but I'm also glad to hear that your husband makes enough that if you decided you want to, you can stay home. Too many mothers go into motherhood without that option and it is heartbreaking to see them having to hand their little ones over to others because they cannot afford otherwise.

In terms of balancing work and baby, if that is what you want then you will find a way. That's what mothers do. :-)

[Redfive20]

Do you have any family members who can come over some time especially during the first half years after your baby is born? It could be a big help.

My parents were retired when I had the first kid. They came over and took care our son until he was 2 years old. Then we sent him to the daycare. I was able to jump right back to work, and shortly went to a different company to take a higher level position. Now, I have two kids and they are very close to my parents. They also became bilingual due to my parents while my career continues moving up. Everyone wins in the family when we all get what we prefer to pursue.

At the end, I agree with what others have said. Everyone is different. It is important to find out what you truly want. It is nice that you have options. Good luck with your new adventures.

[geohbs]

I've had two babies in the last couple years, and both were timed within a few months of a new position at my company (so not switching employers, just job assignments). Overall, it hasn't been bad.  My main advice would be to realize that your baby is going to get sick, and you are going to have sleepless nights and feel like a zombie at least a couple days a month.  And I breastfeed for at least a year for each kid, so that means 3 times a day, at work, I have to sneak off and pump. So - understanding your employer's flexability with such new mother issues, and how large your workload will be in the new job is something to weigh against how long you might want to wait for another career-advancing position to open up at your company. 

I've just taken the mindset that for these 4-5 years of babies and toddlers, my career is going to move ahead a little more slowly than it was before or after... and I am ok with that. I would rather be a less-stress mom, than bust my butt at the deference to my kids for a company that will forget my name a year after I'm gone.

[mollyjade]

Do you have any family members who can come over some time especially during the first half years after your baby is born? It could be a big help.

My mother-in-law is planning to spend the first two months with us. (She's awesome, so it's a good thing.) However, that's about how long I'm planning to stay home. Both sets of grandparents live a longish drive away (closest is three hours away). Husband's brother's family live in town. They have two small kids, and mom currently stays home. But she's planning to reenter the work force soon. We also have a cousin who lives in town who nannies part time.

Husband and I both have good leave policies at work that accrue monthly, so one of us will be able to stay home with a sick kid when necessary. I'm on the waiting list for the (comparatively) cheap daycare associated with my workplace. Assuming we get in in a reasonable time, it will be very high quality care very close to my work. There are two locations, and one is across the street from my office. If we get into that location, I'll be able to go across the street to breastfeed at lunch. If the waiting list is long, we'll have to figure out something else for the short term.

I'm not really nervous about working with the new baby. I think we have that figured out (as much as is possible). It's just the possibility of taking on a new position where there will be a learning curve that I was having a hard time deciding about.

There are four people in our department including myself, and the next person isn't likely to retire for another ten or fifteen years. So I'd either have to wait that long or hope someone decides to leave for another reason before a new position opened up for me. (Or move to a different company, but my skills are  pretty specialized and it's a small field.) I'm not particularly ambitious about my job, though I do like the field. There isn't that much extra pay for promotions (it's a nonprofit). If I knew that another opportunity would come up in a few years, I think I'd pass on this one. But I'm not sure how I'll feel about being in an assistant position ten years from now.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's really helped. I'm strongly leaning towards applying for the new position at the moment.

[SisterX]

When I had my children I thought I would be overwhelmed with all of the work involved and the learning curve. New babies are much easier than older kids. The older they get the more work they become. It's hard to believe it when you have a newborn, but when they become mobile that's when the work really starts.

That depends entirely upon the baby, and the birth.  I had a very physically traumatic, sudden, emergency c-section during which I lost a lot of blood.  I needed a blood transfusion, and recovering from major abdominal surgery SUCKS.  I hurt everywhere, I was exhausted, and I had lots of swelling from all the fluids and being stuck in bed for a few days.  Add in a newborn and all the post-pregnancy hormone changes and that first month was pretty awful.
Now my baby is 3 months old, I'm back at work, and things have moved on to a different kind of suckiness.  My little girl is a very high needs baby (http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby - that list helped me so much; she fits 12 out of 12 features on it, so it's nice to know I'm not alone!) who just wants mom most of the time.  Unfortunately, my husband and I got ourselves into a position where he's the main caretaker during the day, and I have to work.  It sucks for both of us.  I want to be home, he wants to not have to deal with a baby who cries when I leave.
Sorry to be a buzzkill.  Hopefully everything will go better for you.  And, honestly, if I didn't hate my job so. damn. much, or if I had a bit more flexibility, this would probably be easier.  Thankfully, both of the grandmas are retired and have been able to come and stay with us at various times to help out.

[MayDay]

So much depends in your baby and your birth experience.  The effects of a traumatic birth can linger. 

No matter how the birth goes, your baby might be a never sleeping, boob-attached leech.  <------ I had at kind twice!

I think the biggest question is: 1.  is it a supportive work environment and 2. Can you afford to quit and/or change things if its a total disaster. 

Since your h makes 80% of the income it sounds like it you birth the spawn of satan and thing go to hell you can always quit or ask to go to a reduced schedule.  So why not go for it?

P.S.  Both my spawns of satan now sleep all night but it took them each many years (yes years, not months) and it was hell to drag myself in to work after not sleeping all night and having to drop the screaming baby off at daycare when all he wanted was to nurse all day.  I liked my job fine so it was worth it, but when I had my second and hated my job (it was a different job) it made it easy to quit.

[mm1970]

I work somewhere in a small department with very little turnover. Opportunities for advancement depend on someone either retiring or quitting. Someone will be retiring about the time my first child is due, and in the ensuing shuffling of positions, there will be an opportunity for a promotion. My current position is half administrative, half project management. The new position would be entirely project management, but with significantly more projects and more complicated/difficult projects.

I'm concerned about taking on two new challenges at once. Being a new mother and working at the same time sounds hard enough. Adding on a new position with more responsibilities makes me nervous.

As far as money goes, my husband makes about 3-4 times as much as I do and his salary keeps rising rapidly, so even though this comes with a small raise, it won't significantly change our financial position.

Has anyone ever been in a position of being a new parent and starting a new job? It's hard to imagine the impact of a baby having no experience.

Yes.  I think I would have found it overwhelming with my first child.  Less so with my second. I have turned down several promotions while my children are small, but those were ones that would require me to go from 30-40 hours a week to 55-60 and I just cannot do it.

I tried to explain to my boss - the time to do something new is NOT when you just had a baby!  One of my (child free) coworkers said "speak for yourself".  I speak from experience.  Lack of sleep, stress...not a time to learn something new.

However, if you are already DOING project management, that's different.  If at least half of your job stays the same, it makes it much more manageable.