Really interesting to read all the responses here (a year after the fact). I've been reading "The Out of Sync Child" and "Raising Your Spirited Child" recently for my 3.5 DS. StarBright, your story about Kinder is basically a play-by-play of my biggest fears for my little boy.
Any update in the last year? Did you wind up switching schools or did you see some progress at the public school? Wishing you nothing but the best.
I'll preface everything by saying: go with your gut! If you are worried your child is going to have issues, then don't ignore that! I let myself be convinced his behavior was age appropriate until all of the sudden it wasn't age appropriate anymore. We had daycare providers telling us that he was different, and we'd take him to the pediatrician and be told that it was just typical bright child behavior. It wasn't: Those differences that they saw at age 3 and 4 became a problem in the classroom for sure.
If I could go back and do everything again, I would have enrolled him in social skills classes as soon as he started having problems. Going from a small daycare that was interest guided, to a room that ultimately ended up with 28 kids which was all rule guided was a huge issue. He needed to learn how to work in groups, and do work that he doesn't want to do, and to stop touching people when they say" stop" etc. Very easy to see that in hindsight though. I also think that if he had been proficient at these things, other problems would not have escalated.
Also- we have been waiting for a neuropsych eval for almost two years - if you think you are going to need one for your child, start talking to your pediatrician NOW!
And now I'm about to write a book! (Also I've just been thinking about this a lot lately) - so feel free to ignore the rest if you want.
Add "Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child" by Robert Mackenzie to that list! :) It has been my go-to book for the last six months.
The last year has seen definite wins and losses and lots of effort on our part.
He had improvements in school in things like walking in line, being quieter, respecting others personal space, etc. At home we've also seen improvements when he is told no. Like he'll ask for something like playing a video game, and we say "we don't have time for video games today" and he'll say "oh, well at least I have time to be with my family." instead of asking 27 more times and then being whiney for the rest of the night. So he is REALLY looking for the positive when he can.
We still have a lot of issues with impulse control
when he feels he is being wronged: if someone accidentally bumps him, or is mean to him, or tells him he is wrong (when he knows he is right) he does not handle himself well. He still has tantrums or pushes and hits or runs and hides.
We got a sleep study done and he definitely has sleep issues - his body has trouble staying in stage 3 sleep. Extreme amounts of exercise help with this.
Melatonin definitely doesn't work for him - it causes increased emotional lability and rage episodes. Hormones just don't work the same for all people. It is a bummer because it would have been an easy fix, but it wasn't for us.
So he is still in his public school and I have really mixed feelings about it. They do a lot work with him on his emotional issues, but I'm not in love with the academics. Due to their excellent statewide test scores they insist on very specific rules for "mastery" of a subject. He ended the year labeled "slightly below grade level" because he doesn't follow directions. But his skill level is far beyond the assignments - the whole thing is very weird for me as a parent. Rules matter, of course, but I sometimes worry that they don't see the forest for the trees. For instance, he failed simple addition and subtraction because he wouldn't finish the worksheet - but the teacher will also give him pages of three and four digit math problems and simple graphing to do to keep him busy - so he obviously can do simple addition, because she has pages of him doing complex work, but he "failed."
Our pediatrician is not comfortable prescribing meds unless she gets a firm recommendation from a developmental ped or neurologist. So we haven't gone that route yet.
At this point I'd only be mildly surprised if StarKid ends up with a late Autism diagnosis. And I also wouldn't be surprised if he just grows out of some of these behaviors in a couple of years. He has shown some real improvements in executive function when he isn't stressed.
Feel free to hit me with any and all questions!