Socializing kids without depending on daycare?

[jeromedawg]

Hey all,

Just wanted to get some ideas of how you socialize your kids without depending too much (or at all) on daycare. We just had our second and the first is a little over a year and a half. My wife is a SAHM and I WFH full-time. So we're total home-bodies and, for the sake of our older one, should probably try to get out more.

There are various story time events around where we live that my wife was trying to take our son to before our daughter was born. It's gotten a little rough with the new one but she tries to make it when she can. But aside from that, we would want to look for a more consistent set of kids whom our son could interact with. I've noticed he's shy around other kids but if he's comfortable he loves having fun. Obviously having a little sibling should help with that but she's a little too young right now lol.

Obviously, play dates with friends are another idea but a lot of our friends with young kids his age are further away.... actually, come to think of it, we don't have that many friends with kids his age :T

Besides daycare though, are there other ideas out there? Meetup maybe? Other free events I should look out for in my area?

[Freedomin5]

We take DD to the local playground (walking distance from our home) several times per week. Since we tended to go around the same time two or three times per week, we started bumping into the same kids, who are all from the neighborhood.

We also go to church each week -- she goes to Sunday school with the 3 to 5 year olds.

Finally, you could consider having your son attend an interest class in the neighborhood. Just make sure you or your wife stick around to chat with the other parents while you wait for the class to end. It's a good way to meet other families who live in your area.

There should also be free play groups in the area -- is there a stay-at-home-parent online network? Where I live, we have an expat mommy network/forum, and people frequently post requests to form play groups that meet weekly.

[KCM5]

We have a babysitting coop that we are part of. Its a sort of community where all the families know each other, have kids the same age, and the kids are comfortable playing together. The babysitting each others kids part is almost secondary to the community that it creates.

The babysitting coop was created by someone who put up a flyer at a birthing class, but we have since added new members who are friends with current members, or meet at library story time, or something like that. We use sittingaround.com for our points trading.

Is there one in your area?

Also, coop preschools where the parents work a day a week and the kid goes a few days a week could be an option. They're not usually free, but cheaper than traditional preschool.

Also, I second the poster to go to places at the same time every week. We are regulars at a story time, and a certain park. Your kid will make friends.

[charis]

There are a variety of mommy and me type classes that typically exist in most communities.  Are you members of the YMCA?  Most have weekly family nights.   Ours has a family gym night that was pretty consistently the same children (they were already there for swim class, etc).

[falcondisruptor]

We had a weekly Playgroup that rotated houses each week when our daughter was small.  She didn't really enjoy organized circle times or larger playgroups. 

I second the local park.  It was a great way to meet local kids and also kids in daycare in the neighbourhood.  It also meant that there was a time of the day when our house wasn't getting dirtier!

We've actually met homeschoolers at the park too now that she's older. We also use Facebook groups for more organized activities now.

It can be hard when friends go to daycare/school and aren't around to play with anymore, but there ARE other kids out there.  You just need to find them!

[little_brown_dog]

We do the free story times too, although we are strongly considering a part time toddler program at a nursery school once our toddler turns 2. The programs for young toddlers around here are all part time, 3 hours a day, twice a week. We will also have a 2nd baby by then and I really think my daughter will benefit from having some time to be active with other children. Otherwise the poor thing will be just stuck with me and the baby all the time.

[mm1970]

Check local classes.  Our local community college has classes.

We also have "mommy/daddy & me" groups.  PEP (Postpartum Education for Parents) - new groups every 2 months, so they hook you up with same aged kids.

MOPS (mother's of preschoolers)

Library, playgrounds

[Notasoccermom]

Our library has toddler and preschool reading and craft times. So does our local park. All free!

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

My neighborhood has a "parent's day out" program that is one or two mornings a week and very reasonably priced. It's not really preschool but there is some of the same atmosphere (now we line up to wash your hands, now you find your name and sit down for your snack). Parents have to volunteer periodically. I had looked at it for LB last year when he was 3. Might be something to look into--although maybe more for next year when the older one is 2+*--and would give your wife a chance to go grocery shopping with "just" the baby :-).

*You will need more backup at the little one gets more more mobile. Not gonna lie, the two-toddler year is a little intense. After that, it's awesome.

Congrats on new baby BTW. Hope you are having an easier time of it this go-round!

[cacaoheart]

There are a variety of homeschooling and stay at home mom groups. Two groups that interest me most are a secular parenting meetup group and a stay at home dad group.

[MayDay]

If you are into religion, a lot of churches have MOPS or similar. I'm an atheist but I went to meet people and get a break.

A lot of towns and neighborhoods have SAHP groups that get together for playgroups. Really finding local playgroups is the way to go. Google your town or area and moms club and see what you can find. It's super nice if there is something right on town as these are the kids your kids will go through school with and the parents you'll be running into for the next two decades.

[Prairie Stash]

Why not run a daycare for a single kid? Or have a day rate and accept kids on a random basis? Around here the going rate is $40-60/day/kid. There's lots of regular daycares but if the provider is sick they farm the kids out. Or some people just need 1-2 days a week to cover shift work; its a pretty light time commitment if you don't want full time.

How much time and how regular do you want it to be? Once you decide there's someone out there that will want to drop off heir kid with you.

[LadyStache in Baja]

There is a wealth of social interactions just within your family that I truly believe is enough for these super young kids.

Think about it! When your kid grabs a knife and you don't want him to have it, how do you model this interaction? (Toddler translation: That kid has my ball and I want it back. I will do what I see mommy do when she wants something back from me). Do you snatch it away from him, or do you calmly and open-handedly ask him to give it to you? He will be socialized by your responses to him, and when he does get a chance to be with other kids, he will do what you've modeled.

This works negatively as well. Ask me how I know.

When you want him to put on his pijamas and he doesn't want to, how do you get him to cooperate? (Toddler translation: I want to play superheroes a certain way and that kid isn't doing it my way. I will do what I see mommy do when she wants me to do it her way).

And now that you have a sibling, your big brother will know the rules and the baby won't. How will he enforce those rules? (Toddler translation: The baby just threw my cup on the floor. I will do what I see mommy do when I break the rules.)

There! Socialization!

But also, I find multi-age socialization is much more enriching with these young kids. That means regular old backyard barbecues where entire families show up and hang out together in an unscripted way.

[Laura33]

What LadyStache said.

At your kids' ages, you really don't need to push for "socialization" -- they get enough of that just figuring out the rules/interactions of the family.  Watch kids your toddler's age on playdates:  they generally just play separately next to each other anyway.

So if you are worried about your kids, don't.

OTOH, if your DW needs/wants to get out of the house, that is a completely different and valid issue.  But that doesn't need to be limited to kid-focused activities; there are a lot of things that are kid-friendly enough that she can do with the kids in tow (and, you know, without, too -- also important).

[Venturing]

I have 3 under 3 and like to get out of the house for my own sanity so I have tried almost everything. My conclusion: I avoid structured classes, neither the kids nor I get much of a chance to socialise there so it essentially negates the purpose. We now go out 3 mornings a week. We have a playgroup with some friends that rotates around our houses once a week (we originally all met through a public playgroup and when our kids got too old for that group we decided to create our own). We also go twice a week to a playcentre that is a parent cooperative focused on child led play. It's the same families each session and the kids are from birth to six so it avoids the whole drama of having to drop off and collect kids (if you have seen the teacher Tom blog it is similar to that but without teachers)

[LadyStache in Baja]

I have 3 under 3 and like to get out of the house for my own sanity so I have tried almost everything. My conclusion: I avoid structured classes, neither the kids nor I get much of a chance to socialise there so it essentially negates the purpose. We now go out 3 mornings a week. We have a playgroup with some friends that rotates around our houses once a week (we originally all met through a public playgroup and when our kids got too old for that group we decided to create our own). We also go twice a week to a playcentre that is a parent cooperative focused on child led play. It's the same families each session and the kids are from birth to six so it avoids the whole drama of having to drop off and collect kids (if you have seen the teacher Tom blog it is similar to that but without teachers)

Is this because the parents all stay there? Curious to know more about this!