Should we move for kids and bigger neighborhood?

[nic1]

I am sure some of you have seen my previous posts about deciding if we should move or not.  This move would be purely a lifestyle decision, we do not need to move for our jobs and plan to stay in the immediate area. 
Our current home is on a small cul de sac, one acre lot, about 2100 sq ft with me, husband and a 12 and 15 year old.
I have had the itch to move for the last year.  I would like somewhere to walk (outside of the cul de sac is a busy road) and we have an interstate behind us that is pretty loud. 
We have had the hardest time finding something we like below 550-600k.  Surprising since to me that is a huge amount of money, but the market here is definatly a seller's market. 
We are looking for something a bit bigger, maybe 3000 sq feet, with teenagers and me working from home the space would be nice, but not necessary. 
So my dillema is of course, moving in itself is going to cost a big chunk of money, even if we find something similar in price.
I really wanted to move now and not move again until we were like 70s and needed something small and low maintenance, but now I am thinking maybe we need to focus on  the next 10 years, kids will be out of college and probably not back in the house at that point.  That being a point in time that we downsize and splurge a little now on getting something a little bigger and in a more social neighborhood for them during these teen years.
Of course there is always trade offs, we would have less wiggle room for travel and other luxuries.  Combined income is 250k.  We max 401ks and have money for college set aside, my husband also will have a pension in 6-10 years. 
So my question is how much would you pay for a bigger neighborhood, for your kids to have the possibility to make more friends, more walking and biking space? 
And is my thinking faulty to think of finding something more expensive for the next 10 years and then when we probably are close to retirement which is right about 10 years and we will be in early 50s, then decide to downsize and have less housing costs?
My parents think I should be looking for something we can "age" into like something one story, minimal steps now.....i think that really limits our options and while I love the idea of not moving again, is that really practical?  My other worry is we move and the kids still don't make friends and it really does not help us feel more connected or them have any more to do.
Even before CoVID I have found not having a neighborhood or friends right here really difficult, all of their friends are 15-20 minutes away, and it is frustrating for all of us.  (they go to a charter school and I homeschool one child). 
Anyone that has answered my posts previously, I am sorry for my ranting.  I am just at a loss of what to do, we have been mulling this over for almost 8 months....

[bloodaxe]

3000 sq feet is a massive house. Do you have hobbies that require such a big property?

You would find cheaper houses if you looked for smaller ones.

[I'm a red panda]

Did you post this on the right forum?
You are not going to find a lot of support for a 3,000 square foot house for a family of 4.

I personally would NOT move for teenagers. 1) They are unlikely to make new friends in a new neighborhood. They already have their friend groups at school, and the kids in the neighborhood do too. It is hard to break into a group as a teen. Maybe if they switched schools, but they wouldn't be going to the neighborhood school.

Can they bike to their school friends houses? I used to meet in the middle with a friend who lived quite far from me, and then we'd bike to whichever house we were playing at together, and that counted as part of our time together.  Will your 15 year old be driving soon? That will make seeing friends who live a bit further away easier as well.   

2) A home is a long-term purchase, and teenagers are nearly moving out.  Your 15 year old will likely move out in 3-4 years. So then you'd have 3,000 square feet for a family of 3. 

If you do move, I'd actually look to downsize. Teenagers don't have a lot of toys. Most of the people I know are finding they need less space than they did with their elementary school kids. Use the extra money to get them some great experiences instead. If you frame it that way, they might not even mind less space.

[Frankies Girl]

You have an acre of space, a cul de sac and a 2000+ sq ft house?

You have an enormous amount of space... what else are you planning on adding that you'd need so much more? Don't the kids and you and the spouse have your own rooms? Isn't there a living room and either a formal dining area/breakfast area, family room or even a study so if you all wanted you never had to see each other in the same room? On an acre of land, you can't make a decent walking path, garden or something that uses that land for recreation?

It's sounds to me (based on this post anyway) that you want to move because you're bored/dissatisfied with your current home/lifestyle, you're just trying to come up good excuses to get something new-to-you, and you know the ones you've laid out aren't actually good reasons for anyone being logical, so you are trying to find some way round the logical part and you're trying to justify it with a bit of "it's for the CHILDREN" thrown in for good measure. It's a large scale retail-therapy thing.

Is relieving your ennui really worth uprooting your family and spending godawful amounts of money right now?

Is it impossible to spend some money (but much less than new house/moving) to arrange fun outings to parks, camping, hobbies, improvements to existing property that may satisfy your need for involvement/adventure/change?

As mentioned, your kids will be off to college or out of the house in 3-6 years. Consider moving at that point into a suitable home for your age-in-place home then.

[rothwem]

We have similar location issues, I absolutely hate being on a short dead end side street off of a busy road. My son is only 9 months old, but I remember when I was a kid biking to all of my friends houses on residential streets. I feel really sketched out riding out of my neighborhood, I can’t imagine once my son is riding. We plan on moving to a different house at that point.

[nic1]

Appreciate the input. Believe me I realize this is definately a lifestyle decision. I just wanted input on if anyone had experienced moving into a more walkable,  bigger neighborhood and was it worth it. I have missed being in a bigger more bikable,  walkable neighborhood since we moved in 13 years ago,  but we've waited until our incomes increased to even consider moving. I love our house it's really beautiful,  if I could move it to a quieter more walkable area I would.   I agree smaller house would make more sense. We've looked for comparable size but not easy to find in the neighborhood we like.   I need these reminders though that moving won't necessarily fix the "neighborhood friends" issue.

[Sibley]

Why the heck do you want to have to CLEAN 3000 sq feet. Aren't you already spending gobs of time cleaning? (can you tell my priorities?)

Realistically, you're not happy because of the neighborhood. That's understandable. However, moving isn't going to do much good right now. You can't go out and meet the neighbors. Or you could, but you'd be the asshole not respecting social distancing.

Your kids are at the age where they need less space - because they're not wanting to be around the parents! And you want to give them even more space to avoid you. Bad idea. And then they'll be moving out anyway. Your 15 year old will be going to college/starting to launch in roughly 3 years.  Then your 12 year old will follow just a few years after that.

Sit tight for now. If you're going to look for a new house, target same or smaller size. Once those kids are out, you're going to have a huge empty house. And the kids won't be around to help clean it.

[rothwem]

Realistically, you're not happy because of the neighborhood. That's understandable. However, moving isn't going to do much good right now. You can't go out and meet the neighbors. Or you could, but you'd be the asshole not respecting social distancing.

In our previous neighborhood, I met most of the neighbors while walking in the neighborhood or working in the yard and I can't really think of too many instances where I got much closer to them than 6'.  In this COVID era, I'm not sure I'd do anything differently than I did at my last place. 

[Sibley]

Realistically, you're not happy because of the neighborhood. That's understandable. However, moving isn't going to do much good right now. You can't go out and meet the neighbors. Or you could, but you'd be the asshole not respecting social distancing.

In our previous neighborhood, I met most of the neighbors while walking in the neighborhood or working in the yard and I can't really think of too many instances where I got much closer to them than 6'.  In this COVID era, I'm not sure I'd do anything differently than I did at my last place.

Lots of Trumpers in my area, and rising case numbers. Some of my neighbors I prefer to keep 20 ft of distance.

And moving WILL increase your exposure. I wouldn't move unless I absolutely had to.

[I'm a red panda]

Realistically, you're not happy because of the neighborhood. That's understandable. However, moving isn't going to do much good right now. You can't go out and meet the neighbors. Or you could, but you'd be the asshole not respecting social distancing.

In our previous neighborhood, I met most of the neighbors while walking in the neighborhood or working in the yard and I can't really think of too many instances where I got much closer to them than 6'.  In this COVID era, I'm not sure I'd do anything differently than I did at my last place.

It's pretty difficult to make new friends 6' apart.  The people in my neighborhood that I'm friends with I have had more meaningful interactions with than small talk while on a walk.  I wave and say hi to everyone who is out though. We have new neighbors, and we've talked across the yard at each other, but in normal circumstances, I would have had them over for dinner, and our kids would have played together and ran around in the sprinklers or something.

[Jouer]

I think moving to a walkable area and away from a main road would be enjoyable. But...not for more house. In fact, I'd move to a smaller house if I could be outside more often.

 

[Dicey]

OMG, hell no! In less than a decade, you'll be empty nesters with an albatross around your necks.

If you are just dying to spend money, I'd suggest hiring a professional organizer to help you go through your house and help you figure out how to make it function better. Buy closet organizers, add storage capacity, do whatever they recommend (within reason). It'll be a lot less expensive than what you're proposing.

[RFAAOATB]

One future plan where the big house makes sense... Are any of those kids 1: Likely to make you grandparents, 2: Want to stay in the area, 3: Will have a partner ok with being in a multi-generational house owned by the grandparents?  That also answers the question on what to do during the first few years of your early retirement.  Live in grandparent day care.

I suspect empty nesting isn't the default option as much as it used to be with increasing house prices, but planning on multi-generational seems a bit presumptuous.  How do you plan for it instead of it being "I'm poor now and need to move in with my kids" or "My kids are poor and need to move in with me."?

[Cranky]

We are actually in the process of buying a house with our kids! None of us are poor, but we’ll be a lot richer when we share a house and split expenses, chores and childcare.

[Just Joe]

I would sit back and wait for a while. Real estate is local is the saying. In my area the inventory is limited and thus the prices are nuts. We recently sold a house that netted a much higher price than DW and I thought it would and sold in days due to demand. We had a bidding war going which is unusual for our part of flyover country.

Why not sit back and wait a few months? See if you feel the same way at the beginning of 2021?

I won't tell you to downsize b/c we too have a larger than necessary home. Our two kids are still at home and I expect them to remain at home for another five years or so. Then we'll be hosting the holiday events until much later in life b/c I don't expect our kids to be able to afford anything like our house for a long time. Then as you suggested, we might want to downsize later if mobility is an issue. In the meantime we'll polish this house so its ready to sell should we need/want to.

I understand your frustration with traffic and the highway noise. We moved away from a noisy neighborhood too. We could at least easily walk around the neighborhood but walking/biking beyond the neighborhood was a busier road and no sidewalks.

[AMandM]

We moved when our younger kids were teens and preteens, precisely to get a better neighbourhood. Compared to our old neighbourhood, the new one is more walkable and has better public transit, so the kids could be more independent; it's more urban (a matter of personal preference for me); and it had more, and more congenial, people. The last was really important: we had friends in our new neighbourhood before we moved in, and we knew there was a high probability our kids would make good friends at our new parish. I would not have made the move without that knowledge; there's no point in the kids being able to bike independently if there's no-one they want to bike to.

If your kids' friends come from school, homeschool groups, or after-school activities, moving won't necessarily put you closer to them.

[Papa bear]

Meh.  Buying a house is just trading assets around.  If you want a different location, sure, go for it.  If you’re going to get something bigger and more expensive, just know that this asset you have doesn’t give you a real return and has carrying costs.  Overall? Net negative towards FIRE, but it’s not like going out and burning piles of cash.

If it fits in your plan, then sure, go for it


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[Chris Pascale]

As we look to move, we realize that with only spending $500k, we give up the downtown near us, and possibly the walking trail, too.

You're young and can certainly "age into" a large home because it will have a 1st floor bedroom. Plus, you can go and sell it if inflation inflates the dollar, and find an old-timer type home with ease. Or have one built with conveyor belts so you don't have to do any stupid walking from bed to the kitchen to the couch.

[EmFrugal]

One of our best kept secrets is living in a nice townhome community. It feels like a village. Our neighborhood has beautiful sidewalks and walking areas, is close to the "downtown" and we have a built-in community. During Covid the kids have played outside everyday for hours wearing masks. And the adults are able to socialize daily as well outside. Our neighborhood has so many children that there is a cohort of high school, middle, elementary and pre-school aged children. We joke that we are our own school. As soon as lunch rolls around, all the kids run outside to play. Then the neighborhood is quiet again an hour later until virtual school ends for the day.

So many of the families in single families say they are isolated and their kids are lonely during Covid. I never imagined how valuable our townhome would be for building a sense of community but it has truly been our saving grace.

The trick is to find the right community.