Should my kid take the school bus?

[TheFrenchCat]

My daughter is starting kindergarten next year, and I can't decide if she should take the bus or if I should drive her in.  It's a private school, so the bus is provided through the public school.  Between the spread out rural bus route and waiting at the public high school for a second bus, it will take about an hour and twenty minutes, one way.  With how long it takes her to get ready in the morning, she'd need to get up at 6.  Whereas if I drive her directly it only takes 15 minutes, one way, which is pretty much the same as her "commute" to pre-school now.  When she gets to high school it'll be about a half an hour drive, or it would add about 15 minutes to the bus ride.

My husband went to this same school (as did his dad), and says it wasn't that bad.  He'd sleep, read or do homework.  But it seems like a ton of time on a bus to me, especially for a 5 year old. 

There is one other potential option, though I'm worried it would be too awkward/inappropriate to ask.  My husband's aunt lives two doors down from us, and she's the music teacher at this school.  I don't know if her schedule means she needs to be there before the start of the day, but if it does, we could ask her if she could take our daughter in and give her gas money.  Or is that too weird to ask?

Also, her going to the public school wouldn't completely solve this problem, as the bus ride there is still at least 45 minutes when it takes me 15 minutes to drive there.  Plus, it really is a terrible school education wise, so we'd move to another district if private school wasn't an option.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[KBecks]

I would drive her or look at the carpool option. 

[Pigeon]

If it were me, I'd drive her if it didn't interfere with my work schedule.  I'm normally a big fan of making the kids take the bus, but given that the ride is well over an hour, that's ridiculous.  TBH, what I would actually do IRL is to move to a decent public school district.

I would not ask someone else to provide daily transportation for my kid, gas money or no.  That's a huge responsibility and imposition.  Music teachers often have to stay late and/or arrive early for all different sorts of activities.  Dh is a public school teacher (not music) and he likes to get in early, as do most of his colleagues.  I'd put her on the bus before I'd do that.

[Fru-Gal]

Do both. Some days bus, some days you drive. Or better, bike it! But she'll make friends on the bus and have a blast.

[havregryn]

My son started taking the school bus when he was 5 and he loves it, but his is a 10 min ride....80 minutes sounds a bit extreme to me for any age, let alone that young.  I wouldn't be comfortable with that but I don't know the whole set of your circumstances. I grew up in a rural area and it took me over an hour to get to school in high school and I can't say I remember that fondly. So I am maybe biased, I would never do this to my kids, I'd rather move.

[Blue Skies]

My kids bus ride isn't as long as that, and they have friends on the bus.  They will still JUMP at the chance to be picked up instead of riding the bus.  Personally, going through drop off/pick up at the school drives me crazy.  Lines, traffic, kids everywhere...  I hate it.  I would move before I would commit to doing that twice a day five days a week.

[DadJokes]

I never rode a bus as a child (except field trips and such) because I always lived close enough to school to be able to ride a bike. I couldn't fathom spending 160 minutes on a bus per day.

If your district is like the ones I've seen, there probably isn't a good option. Either the child sits on a bus forever, or you sit in a huge line of cars waiting to pick up your child. Seriously, some of these parents show up at school 30 minutes before school even gets out just to be in the front of the line to pick their kid up. Between those two options, I would think driving your kid is still the better choice, especially if it doesn't interfere with your schedule.

However, I like the idea of asking your husband's aunt. My wife worked out a similar plan with a parent who watched our baby when my wife went back to work. My wife would drop our baby off and pick up this parent's kid. My wife doesn't have to be at school any earlier than the students, so I would guess the same is true for your husband's aunt.

[SailingOnASmallSailboat]

You also might want to ask her when the time comes closer. Especially if she has friends who will be riding the bus, she might like to feel like a big kid and ride. Yes, ask even a 5 year old. Flip side? That 15 minute car ride for you is an hour out of your day, there/back and there/back. Carpooling is something to investigate!

Part you did not mention is how much (or not) of a morning person she is or either you and your husband are. This matters. If it's pulling teeth to get her ready usually by whatever time you have to get her ready now, making that happen earlier is a recipe for a crappy start to everyone's day. We live 2 miles from the elementary school where our kids went; vagaries of the bus route had them picked up 45 minutes before school started. Our second kid was a TERRIBLE morning person, so by the time the older kid went to middle school and had a later bus time, I gave up getting kid2 to the bus and drove instead. I could get both kids up at the same time (after the bus went by, FWIW) and get kid2 to school on time with way less fuss than trying to wake the zombie.

Please don't ask the teacher. She'll likely feel some kind of obligation (as teachers do - it's in our nature) and then can't be flexible. I know this from personal experience.

[wellactually]

I wouldn't do that long of a bus ride for a kiddo that age if it was avoidable. Frankly, that's a lot of bladder control to ask for 5 days/week from someone who hasn't been controlling their bladder for so super long!

If DH has a good relationship with the aunt, I could see very lightly mentioning it to her with absolutely every out available to her. It might be nice even if you only had her as an emergency back-up. Like if the weather is crazy bad and neither parent can make it easily to pick the kid up, could the aunt bring him home?

Is there any other hope of carpooling with other parents? Even if you had to drive 10 min to drop him off with another family but they did the actual drop-off at the school, it could be helpful. Or you could trade off on that weekly. It might be something the school could help provide assistance with matching up or arranging a contact list with general geographic area for anyone interested in carpooling.

As he gets older, you can keep reassessing.

ETA: *SHE wherever I said HE. oops

[TheFrenchCat]

Thanks for the replies!

I probably should've added I work from home and get to pick my own hours, so taking her in wouldn't be a problem.  I could even go work at the library while she's at home instead of driving back. 
 
I think I agree with those of you who think it's too big of an ask for our aunt.  Once she knows our daughter is going there, she might offer, but I don't think I should bring it up.  And if she did, I'd still keep my schedule clear.

I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking it's way too long.  I also hadn't thought of the bladder control issue.  She's pretty good at that but not perfect.  But if she wants to (she does love buses), maybe we could do a mix of both.

[historienne]

I just wanted to confirm your instincts.  In my experience, and that of many friends, the first half of kindergarten is intense.  For the first few weeks, my kid went to bed way earlier than usual.  We are lucky to have a short walk to our local school, so basically no commute.  I can't imagine how exhausted she would have been if she'd been spending 2.5 hours on the bus each day.

When she gets older, needs a bit less sleep, and has adjusted to school, you might start trying the bus one way.  Honestly, I'd probably be willing to drive at least one way all the way through highschool, though.  That's just a really long time.  And while kids need less sleep as they get older, that time will get filled with homework as well as any extracurriculars your kid picks up.

[mm1970]

15 min vs 1 hr+
Drive

We have same issue starting in HS.  The public bus (no school buses at HS) is 51 min to an hour total.  Involves walking + bus + switch to new bus.

It's a 10 minute drive.

Although our son may have to take the bus home.

[hdatontodo]

I vote for driving the child.

1> The bus is too long.

2> Sleep is important

3> You won't have anxiety wondering if the child made it to school.

[Gay Burqueño Dad]

I'd say kindergarten is too young for a bus commute that long & with a transfer. Just seems like too much to me. I don't think you'd have to drive her there forever, though. I did a similar bus commute in 5th grade (on public transportation, not school buses) & it was fine.

One vaguely related thing I would note is that, if you end up driving her, the traffic jam at schools is absurd and unnecessary craziness. If the school is located in a typical (non-rural) neighborhood, set up a spot a block or two away from the normal pickup spot where you'll park every day. To start, walk her to/from school from there. As she gets more comfortable, she can just meet you there. Dispersing the traffic is a good deed (the traffic right at the entrance is a hazard and unpleasant for at least some of the kids who walk and bike to school) and not sitting in it makes your life better. You can generally choose a walking route to your pickup spot that avoids the craziness.

[Dee18]

“With how long it takes her to get ready in the morning, she'd need to get up at 6.”

I agree with driving if the ride really is an hour or more.  But I also think figuring out a simple morning routine is important.  What does a 5 year old do in the morning besides dress, make bed, eat, and brush teeth?

[PMG]

I’d want to avoid that horrible bus commute as long as possible. Maybe she can ride with Aunt one or two days a week. Less to ask, but still helpful.It could be a beautiful relationship between them!

[Laura33]

My advice: even if you decide to drive her, send her on the bus sometimes.  Kids make friends on the bus and establish social orders and all that, so if she doesn't start early on with everyone else, she may well feel uncomfortable if and when you decide she is old enough, and then you're locked in even if your schedule changes and it's not so convenient to drop her off any more.  Plus finding your way to/from the bus can be intimidating, so that is again something that it is good to get her used to at a time when all the teachers are making sure the kids all know what they're doing and get to the right place.  And finally, managing their way alone can make kids feel like a big kid; yes, it's scary and intimidating, but when they do it and everything is fine and they didn't get lost and all that, it's a real sense of accomplishment.

I would consider sending her on the bus one-way, as it works best for your schedule.  Maybe for the first week put her on the bus in the morning and pick her up after?  She'll be both excited and very tired and probably definitely ready for some mommy time once school is done.  Moving forward, you can figure out what works best for both of you.