sending kids to different schools

[c-kat]

Hello,

Has anyone sent one kid to private school and one kid to public school, due to differing needs/. Did it work out or was the public school kid resentful of the other?

I posted last year about moving my oldest daughter to a private all girls school for Senior Kindergarten. She's now been there since September and we couldn't be happier with the school.  We plan to keep sending her there - the school ends at grade 8.

We also have a 3-year old who will attend JK in September 2024. Registration starts in January so we have to decide where to send her. We're thinking of sending her to the public school our oldest attended last year, and just see how it goes. 

I know it's not a big deal to send her there for JK and even SK, especially since her sister went for JK, and I could always move her to private school for grade 1, but if I send her to public school for all of elementary school am I being unfair?  I understand the difference between equity and equality, but I'm just wondering where they are both girls and close in age it'll be an issue later in life - like my youngest might think she was loved less because her sister received a private school education and she didn't.

c-kat

[jac941]

Our kids are 2 yrs / 2 grades apart boy / girl. Our older kid is in public school and the younger in private.

On the negative side, it is a logistical nightmare. The schedules are different, drop offs and pick ups conflict, the evening events conflict or worse happen on different days so we end up at some school event more often when they would otherwise be combined. School expectations and rules are different and we have to keep track of what school has what requirements. It’s annoying.

On the positive side, the private school will actually willingly accommodate our younger child’s learning issues. The public school is theoretically required to do that, but unless they get an excellent teacher, the reality is that it takes continuous advocacy and threats to get anything implemented.

Regarding dynamic between the kids, our public school kiddo has no interest in the private school and doesn’t feel deprived. That kid has a community at the public school and doesn’t want to leave friends behind for a “fancy” school. Public school is way more flexible with looser rules allowing far more independence than the private school, which is actually a huge benefit. The academics are also less rigorous which suits the older kid who is a bit of a slacker.

As our private school kid gets older, that kid has actually expressed interest in shifting to public school for the increased freedom and larger friend group available. We’re trying to work towards a solution to allow that child to return to the public system - by hiring an educational therapist and advocate to assist with getting the accommodations that will be necessary for that child.

The learning so far for our kids has been that different kids have different needs and there are pros and cons to public and private school. One is not necessarily better than the other. So far we haven’t see jealousy or one kid feeling like they got the short end of the stick. I do wonder what they might think when they are older and better understand the perceived “prestige” of the private school. Only time will tell.

[jac941]

I should also add that we know of at least 2 other families doing the same thing as us - sending one kid to public and one to private. Both are doing this for similar reasons - the private school kid has some learning differences that were not being addressed in the public school. Those families also haven’t seen jealousy issues and their public school kids aren’t trying to switch to private school.

[c-kat]

Thank you so much for the response.

On the negative side, it is a logistical nightmare. The schedules are different, drop offs and pick ups conflict, the evening events conflict or worse happen on different days so we end up at some school event more often when they would otherwise be combined. School expectations and rules are different and we have to keep track of what school has what requirements. It’s annoying.

This will be an issue for us too, as both schools have the same start time and are about a 20 minute drive away.

On the positive side, the private school will actually willingly accommodate our younger child’s learning issues. The public school is theoretically required to do that, but unless they get an excellent teacher, the reality is that it takes continuous advocacy and threats to get anything implemented.

We are finding that too.

As our private school kid gets older, that kid has actually expressed interest in shifting to public school for the increased freedom and larger friend group available. We’re trying to work towards a solution to allow that child to return to the public system - by hiring an educational therapist and advocate to assist with getting the accommodations that will be necessary for that child.

The learning so far for our kids has been that different kids have different needs and there are pros and cons to public and private school. One is not necessarily better than the other. So far we haven’t see jealousy or one kid feeling like they got the short end of the stick. I do wonder what they might think when they are older and better understand the perceived “prestige” of the private school. Only time will tell.

I am worried about the smaller friend group.  She is one of 9 in her class (and it goes up to 14 in higher grades) which is great because the extra attention is really helping her, but it also means she might only know like 13 other kids over the course of 9 years, and if she doesn't clique with a few of them it will be lonely, where as at public school there are 30+ in a class and two classes per grade, and they switch the kids around each year.

One of the reasons we want to give the public school a try again with our 3-year-old is that there are three kids her age on our street that will be attending. It would be nice to have neighbourhood friends. However, we are pretty sure that she has ADHD. They won't diagnose it until school age, so I do worry that she might struggle in a class of that size. JK isn't mandatory so we figure we can send her part time or even take her out of its too much.

[AMandM]

My husband is the oldest of 7 kids and among them they attended a vast array of schools--regular public, public magnet, special-needs private, religious private. Probably a dozen or more altogether. I never saw any resentment between them; it was clearly understood that the parents chose school for each kid based on what would best serve that kid at that time. With only two kids, it might be a bit different because the comparisons are more direct, but I would think you can convey the same principle of "to each according to her needs."

[Chris Pascale]

A huge disparity for my kids is that my 2nd daughter did not get to be an exchange student. She was accepted into the program twice, and it was cancelled twice because of COVID. Imagine if all of your siblings got to have this experience, and despite you working your tail off to also do it - which would have made you fluent in another language, in a country where you could have lifelong relationships - you didn't get to do it.

It sucks, but there's just nothing that could be done about it......except adjust to the changing circumstances. When she realized she couldn't go away for 11th grade, she changed her schedule to graduate early and is now knocking out sophomore year courses at age 17.

[lhamo]

A huge disparity for my kids is that my 2nd daughter did not get to be an exchange student. She was accepted into the program twice, and it was cancelled twice because of COVID. Imagine if all of your siblings got to have this experience, and despite you working your tail off to also do it - which would have made you fluent in another language, in a country where you could have lifelong relationships - you didn't get to do it.

It sucks, but there's just nothing that could be done about it......except adjust to the changing circumstances. When she realized she couldn't go away for 11th grade, she changed her schedule to graduate early and is now knocking out sophomore year courses at age 17.

She might be a good candidate for the State Department funded NSLI-Y program, assuming she has an interest in one or more of the languages they offer.

https://www.nsliforyouth.org/how-to-apply/eligibility/

There are also other options besides a traditional high school exchange program, especially if she might be considering a gap year following her early graduation.

[Chris Pascale]

A huge disparity for my kids is that my 2nd daughter did not get to be an exchange student. She was accepted into the program twice, and it was cancelled twice because of COVID. Imagine if all of your siblings got to have this experience, and despite you working your tail off to also do it - which would have made you fluent in another language, in a country where you could have lifelong relationships - you didn't get to do it.

It sucks, but there's just nothing that could be done about it......except adjust to the changing circumstances. When she realized she couldn't go away for 11th grade, she changed her schedule to graduate early and is now knocking out sophomore year courses at age 17.

She might be a good candidate for the State Department funded NSLI-Y program, assuming she has an interest in one or more of the languages they offer.

https://www.nsliforyouth.org/how-to-apply/eligibility/

There are also other options besides a traditional high school exchange program, especially if she might be considering a gap year following her early graduation.

Very interesting. Thanks. She's in college, though, so perhaps there's another program we can find.

Perhaps a State Dept internship.

[lhamo]

Oh -- didn't pick up on the fact that you meant she is a sophomore in COLLEGE.

This is the parallel State Department grant program for college students -- also a wonderful opportunity if she is interested in any of the languages offered:

https://exchanges.state.gov/cls

[Chris Pascale]

Nice. Thanks.