For some years, every time my kid has seen something he liked and asked me to buy it, I've most often said "nope". If he presses the matter at all, I tell him if he wants to spend his own money on it, he's free to do so. Every single time he has pondered it then decided he'd rather keep his cash. It's been a very simple way to preempt arguments, save "my" money for food, keep our house free of extraneous stuff, and help him grasp and practice the decision we all must make at the point of every purchase decision. I've always been surprised he chooses to hoard cash rather than buy toys, and wondered what the heck he was saving it for.
Today was the first time he decided otherwise. Apparently, spy gadgets are worth it. (He has been wanting spy gadgets for well over a year. I was going to get him some for Christmas. I even told him that before he still decided to buy them.) I'm happy for him, and excited. I was so poor for so long that once I finally had some money, it was very hard for me to enjoy some of it -until a workshop suggested it was as important to enjoy a portion of it as it was to save most of it. Oh! I see others in my family depriving themselves to extremes -not what I would wish on anyone.
I'm happy he's learning this balance, and experiencing the joy of deciding "yes" on a thing that really matters to him, and having the cash for it because he had previously declined the things that didn't, and practicing a material version of self-care and self-love, too.
When we got home, I gave him the receipt and left him to work out how much needed to come out of his piggy bank to cover it. He was surprised to *see* how much it involved and felt the pain, for sure, but ultimately understood the concept that much more -and still opted to reimburse me rather than return the items.
