Author Topic: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option  (Read 14759 times)

Milizard

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #150 on: June 15, 2017, 12:51:00 PM »
If she only takes 5 years off work and gets back into it close to her previous salary, we will only be adding 2 years to our FI/RE date (2027 vs. 2025).

Conclusions: It really sucks that I might have to work an extra 2 years but I suppose retiring at 42 isn't much worse than retiring at 40. Happy wife, happy life is the word on the street.

I'm late to the game here, but I would not count on her getting back in anywhere close to her previous salary after 5 years off.  I've been off 3.5, and having difficulty getting back in even at 75% of my previous modest salary, with an additional degree in tow at that.

arebelspy

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #151 on: June 17, 2017, 10:19:04 PM »
I know this post is four months old now and the OP probably already made some decisions but there is evidence that having a parent care for the child in the first year of life is cognitively beneficial. After that there could be some cognitive benefit if the child goes to childcare in years 2-3. There are so many factors but maybe there could be a compromise to stay home the first year. I wrote a blog post about balancing child care and career.
Citations please

+1. Would appreciate, especially on the latter claim, but both would be good to know.  :)
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dakota5176

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #152 on: July 16, 2017, 07:54:40 PM »
I don't know if this is possible for you but I work form 7-2 and come home and then my husband leaves for work.  It's not without drawbacks we don't spend much time together and I often feel like a single parent.  However we don't have to pay for daycare and they always have a parent.

LadyStache in Baja

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #153 on: July 19, 2017, 01:11:13 PM »
I'm so over working outside the home. I may be a bit stircrazy at home, but I'm so over the juggling!

I've been turning myself into a SAHM by having my DH slowly take over my out of the home family business responsibilities. It's just too much hassle trying to run around and take care of small children.

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meatface

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #154 on: July 20, 2017, 08:44:53 AM »
My wife and I had a baby 2 months ago which means she is approaching the end of her 12 week maternity leave. Prior to the child, we were all set with our FIRE plan which consisted of both of us working for another 7-8 years and calling it quits at age 40 so we could be free to do whatever we want. My parents live 10 minutes away and my Mom is very interested in babysitting during the day. That put our minds at ease to have someone who actually gives a shit taking care of our kid.

Well..... I believe the mommy instinct has kicked in to some degree. She has started talking about how nobody will take care of our kid like she will, how hard it will be to leave our daughter, how stressful her job is, all the things she doesn't like about my parents, etc.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I'm trying to respect her emotions but redirect the conversation to the more "rational" sense (i.e. we shouldn't sacrifice long-term security for short-term comfort, her and I were both raised by people other than our moms, we have the unique opportunity to become wealthy at a young age, etc.)

First, this is common. As an example, my mother-in-law didn't want kids and had a high-flying banking career. Then she decided she wanted kids and would go back to work after leave. Then she had her first kid (my wife), took one look at her, and said she could never go back to work. People change, and it can happen rapidly. They still retired in their 40s, largely due to working/investing throughout the 80's and 90's (lucky bastards).

My wife, on the other hand, said she wanted a kid, said she wanted to take leave and then go back to work. And that's what she did.

So my advice is: you just have to let your wife figure it out. Having a stay-at-home-parent is great. In a few more months or a year, she may start to go crazy and want to go back to work. Or not. It'll work out either way. I just hope you like your career :)

cheapass

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Re: Rationally discussing the "stay at home parent" option
« Reply #155 on: July 20, 2017, 09:01:18 AM »
I just hope you like your career :)

I don't, lol. I mean it's not horrible but it's just a paycheck. There's literally a thousand things I would rather be doing than sitting in a cubicle.

Thanks for the comments though.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 09:15:00 AM by cheapass »
Every single decision you make with money either shortens or lengthens your working career.