Author Topic: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?  (Read 3549 times)

talltexan

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #50 on: February 15, 2018, 07:10:11 AM »
We have 3 kids and when they were 8,6,5, we took them to  Cedar Point (midwest's big amusement park)
One of the kids remarked "Why did you even havexxx?"
There was always an extra person, all the seats on multi rider rides were for even numbers.

So, I suggest an even number of children.

Is this something that you really encounter a lot on a daily basis? Enough to really consider changing how many kids you want? I’m genuinely curious.

Yeah, I get the whole restaurant booth/hotel room comment. But when I read your example the first thought that came to my head was “couldn’t someone invite a friend to tag along?”

Do you notice that one of your children gets more left out than the other two? We’re really thinking about 3 kids.

I have 2 kids (for now).  You need at least 2 so you can play Catan, 4 is the limit if you have the 6-player expansion.  3 could be OK because that is the most you can squeeze into the back of a sedan. 

Just think about how left out that 3rd kid will feel if she were never born...  jk you are good either way!  I respect everyone's decision to have X kids!  I am the youngest of 4 siblings and very happy to be alive.  Breed away fellow breeders.

Yes, having the third kid means someone gets left out of Catan. But Carcassonne has five colors of pieces, and we're having good luck introducing our 3-year old to it.

Of course, if you have four kids, you could be playing two separate three player games of Catan, which would be a faster pace for everyone.

anorman79

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #51 on: February 15, 2018, 08:11:26 PM »
4 is not too many but I wouldn't get ahead of yourselves and try to plan how many you want before having any. Just take it one kid at a time. My wife always wanted 2, I tended to lean towards wanting 3. But we didn't talk about it at all until we had 2 kids. Ended up having the 3rd and we both are 100% sure that is the magic number for us.

talltexan

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #52 on: February 16, 2018, 09:04:42 AM »
If you want to get to the four level (or beyond), you probably want to make sure the first two are close together--you have some control over this--and the same sex, which I realize you have little control over. Design home processes in which one adult can be managing these two children as a unit, and things will go better when you're adding 3+.

Milizard

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #53 on: February 16, 2018, 09:11:05 AM »
IMO, 4 is the perfect number of kids, but it's a very individual decision based upon a lot of factors, meaning, it isn't perfect for everyone.

TheWifeHalf

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #54 on: February 16, 2018, 12:30:33 PM »
We have 3 kids and when they were 8,6,5, we took them to  Cedar Point (midwest's big amusement park)
One of the kids remarked "Why did you even havexxx?"
There was always an extra person, all the seats on multi rider rides were for even numbers.

So, I suggest an even number of children.

Is this something that you really encounter a lot on a daily basis? Enough to really consider changing how many kids you want? I’m genuinely curious.

Yeah, I get the whole restaurant booth/hotel room comment. But when I read your example the first thought that came to my head was “couldn’t someone invite a friend to tag along?”

Do you notice that one of your children gets more left out than the other two? We’re really thinking about 3 kids.

We had our kids thinking being close in age would be easier. It was.
Just a note: # 3 was an oops. Some time in his young life he knew this, and I explained it. "You know how, at Christmas time, you know some of the gifts you're getting and you're really excited?  Now, think of the gifts you had no idea you were getting, and they turned out to be the best gift you could have gotten? Well, you're like the surprise gift!"
Looking back, I think it was another one of those "Why did you have xxxx?" I won't lie to my kids, so told him the truth.

When they were little it was in issue now and then, but we made do. It was nice when they were older. We rarely had trouble among them because from day one we raised them to be the best THEY could be, and that was 3 totally different people.

Our daughter was glad the 3rd wasn't a girl because she likes having a bedroom to herself.
There were other little things that made the number an issue we had to deal with, but that's the way the world is, and I remember saying "live with it' now and then.

And no, no one ever felt left out (that they've told us)  Maybe they felt it though, to which I say "Live with it."

alanB

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #55 on: February 16, 2018, 12:57:13 PM »
If you want to get to the four level (or beyond), you probably want to make sure the first two are close together--you have some control over this--and the same sex, which I realize you have little control over. Design home processes in which one adult can be managing these two children as a unit, and things will go better when you're adding 3+.

Interesting theory, can you expand on why same sex is better for first two kids? 

clarkfan1979

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #56 on: February 17, 2018, 11:36:07 PM »
Child maltreatment cases are down since 1991. Developmental Psychologists claim that the largest amount of variance to explain this decrease is family size. When family size goes down, child maltreatment goes down.

We have some family members with five kids. They need lots of help from extended family to make it work. Everyone seems to be happy to help so it works.

talltexan

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #57 on: February 19, 2018, 01:42:10 PM »
If you want to get to the four level (or beyond), you probably want to make sure the first two are close together--you have some control over this--and the same sex, which I realize you have little control over. Design home processes in which one adult can be managing these two children as a unit, and things will go better when you're adding 3+.

Interesting theory, can you expand on why same sex is better for first two kids?

It is based on a few observations, with not a lot of rigor. Clothes can be managed as hand- me-downs more readily. Sharing a room makes sense for longer.

There IS science that couples are more likely to have 3+ when the first 2 are same sex.

robartsd

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #58 on: February 20, 2018, 08:34:33 AM »
... couples are more likely to have 3+ when the first 2 are same sex.
I wonder how much this is due to couples wanting to have at least one of each sex vs. couples who have two of the same sex find additional children easier than couples with two opposite sex children.

talltexan

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #59 on: February 20, 2018, 08:54:19 AM »
Both more desire for another child and more capacity to raise one?

chicwhitesox1

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #60 on: February 21, 2018, 06:49:39 AM »
I can't imagine having 4 kids! I have 2 now, and having a hard time coping up with other stuff needed to be done. 

caracarn

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #61 on: February 21, 2018, 06:57:02 AM »
Moving from one on one defense to zone is a big shift.  After that it's kind of similar.  Have six we are raising at this point.  Two have moved out so down to four.  Take it day by day.  OP is honestly IMO doing way to much analysis and if it requires that may have answered your own question.  You have too many concerns about having kids and perhaps it is not for you.  Only you can assess your feelings.  As Darth Vader so eloquently said, "Search you feelings.  You know it to be true" and go with that.

More recent big family thread:  https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mini-money-mustaches/big-family-thread/msg1663353/#msg1663353
« Last Edit: February 21, 2018, 08:56:38 AM by caracarn »

grungebaby

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #62 on: February 23, 2018, 10:40:09 AM »
I used to want four kids, but have settled on two. Had my first baby at age 30, then went through many years of infertility and then miscarriages. I dream of having one more, but it's going to take a lot of money, and we feel too old at this point anyways. I feel super happy with the two I have.

For some people four is too many, but I find most of the friends I know with four kids really wanted to have a large family and seem really happy with their choice. It's a unique thing. You need a much larger vehicle, you need suites or two rooms for hotels. Air travel is tricky too. Kids can only really do one activity. It's a busy lifestyle, but it's something people in large families seem to love. I am envious of it to be honest. If you've always wanted a large family, don't let other people sway you. Obviously, you'll have one at a time (most likely) and can reevaluate as you go.

As for career suicide, well that depends. It would not have been for me, as I am paid on a strict scale and my job was always hold for me during my mat leaves.  I think that's so dependent on your career and industry.

savedough

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Re: Planning a family - is 4 kids too many?
« Reply #63 on: February 23, 2018, 05:36:55 PM »
I have three boys.   If I was younger (I'm mid-30s) and I could guarantee I'd have a boy, I'd have another.    BUT I really don't want the baby to be a girl.  Baby + only girl = recipe for spoiled rotten :) 

The only two cents I can add is that after 7 years, I wanted my body back.   I had been growing or feeding another person for over seven years straight.   I was tired of the fluctuating weight.   I never bought clothes because I knew they wouldn't fit me in two months as I was losing/gaining weight.  I nursed each for 18 months and they are 2.5 years apart (almost to the day for each).

Three of the same gender isn't that expensive so far.  Clothes are all passed down, though at 5ish, all the pants get holes in the knees and the shoes are beat the heck up, so everyone gets new pants and new shoes.   They seem to have similar interests so that makes it easier as well.

But man do they eat, and eat and eat and eat and my oldest is 7.  We are going to have to get a cow and some chickens!