Author Topic: one thing that makes a great dad  (Read 1910 times)

letsdoit

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one thing that makes a great dad
« on: August 29, 2018, 01:09:20 PM »
what is a change that a dad could make to improve his daddyness?

moof

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2018, 03:13:51 PM »
Prioritize your kid in your life and spend a lot of time with them.  Voila, great dad status.

Am I missing something?

Laura33

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2018, 03:14:45 PM »
Unconditional love and acceptance of kid just as s/he is.

ixtap

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2018, 03:15:30 PM »
Prioritize your kid in your life and spend a lot of time with them.  Voila, great dad status.

Am I missing something?

Oh, good, I had written "being present" but thought it too obvious.

solon

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2018, 03:15:58 PM »
Read to your children. A lot. Every day. This is the single biggest thing you can do to encourage their development, and it also forms a tight bond between you and them.

okonomiyaki

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mxt0133

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2018, 03:57:21 PM »
It's OK to let your kids know that you don't know all the answers and that you make mistakes too.  Apologize if you make a mistake and learn from it, don't let your pride get in the way if you know you were wrong.

Cranky

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2018, 04:18:10 PM »
Being there. Quantity time beats out “quality time”.

merula

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2018, 04:24:47 PM »
Take on more of the mental load. https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2

While I wholeheartedly agree with this as a concept (SAHD spouse *still* doesn't take as much of the mental load as I'd like), I have to say that this is more about being a great partner than being a great dad. Kids don't care who made their doctor appointment.

But if you wanted one thing to be a great partner, it's absolutely take on more of the mental load.

For being a great dad, I'd say recognizing your children as individuals with distinct personalities and needs.

LinneaH

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2018, 06:26:14 AM »
Listen to the kid - what does s/he want to do? Building Lego _again_ rather than go out playing ball? Then build that darn Lego with kid- and build, not check your phone.

But also try to get the kid to do new things, expand their experiences.

Explaing why you do things and let them tag along. They will have fun doing day-to-day things with you, and may also learn something. Example: why do you need a rising agent when you bake and how does it work? why do you check the inner tyre in water if you have a flat tyre? why do you not buy everything you see that is on sale, but explain why you are happy if you find something you need at a good price.

Read to and with them. Learning, having fun, experiencing things/stories together and establishing a book reading habit

Move with them! Walk, run, bike, climb, play! Having fun and setting a good example.

LinneaH

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2018, 06:37:30 AM »
Take on more of the mental load. https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2

@okonomiyaki : thank you for posting this. I can surely relate and it made me think. This will be discussed at home.

thd7t

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2018, 07:24:40 AM »
Being there. Quantity time beats out “quality time”.
I am in strong agreement with this.  I think it can't be said enough. Quantity time beats out "quality time".

MrsWolfeRN

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2018, 08:09:31 AM »
Take care of your health. This models healthy behavior for the child and prevents you from becoming a burden to them in the future.

Sibley

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2018, 08:25:13 AM »
Being there. Quantity time beats out “quality time”.

Going to disagree. My dad traveled a lot, and while he wasn't home as much, he made it very clear that he loved us. If you have to pick, always choose quality.

onlykelsey

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2018, 08:27:04 AM »
Take on more of the mental load. https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2

While I wholeheartedly agree with this as a concept (SAHD spouse *still* doesn't take as much of the mental load as I'd like), I have to say that this is more about being a great partner than being a great dad. Kids don't care who made their doctor appointment.

But if you wanted one thing to be a great partner, it's absolutely take on more of the mental load.

For being a great dad, I'd say recognizing your children as individuals with distinct personalities and needs.

I think I disagree.  It definitely is being a better partner (and letting her be a better mother as well), but I think kids learn a lot from behaviors their parents model.  I think kids should see both parents pulling their weight, as it helps them understand more what it takes to be a good partner and friend and family member.  I especially think sons would benefit from seeing this behavior modeled by dad (assuming hetero couple).

kei te pai

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2018, 03:35:15 AM »
Love their mother.

wordnerd

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2018, 05:24:42 AM »
Don't heap your dreams/hopes/expectations on them. Let them discover their own dreams.

AMandM

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2018, 09:38:32 PM »
Pay attention to your kids when they talk--don't listen while watching TV or checking your phone or thinking about something else. Listen to what they are saying, and respond with respect. That doesn't mean praise or even agreement necessarily, it means engaging with the ideas expressed.

When you show your kids that their thoughts are worth hearing, their perspectives worth considering, their opinions worth discussing, you show them that they are worthy of respect as human beings. That's a foundation for their interactions with everyone in the future--colleagues, bosses, (potential) spouses.

DoNorth

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #18 on: September 02, 2018, 09:44:52 AM »
travel with them; expose them to new cultures, languages, people, food, experiences and involve them in the travel planning.  Leverage daily experiences to teach.  "beyond facts and flashcards" is a good book to demonstrate how math and problem solving can be taught in the natural world around us.


Mezzie

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #19 on: September 02, 2018, 04:45:35 PM »
Read to them.
Play with them.
Listen to them.
Introduce them to a wide array of experiences: camping, libraries, museums, theater, festivals, live music...
Share what you learn; be excited about what they learn.
Painful, but may be part of the magic: make awful puns.

My awesome dad did/does all of the above.

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2018, 01:19:55 PM »
Love their mother.

Not always realistic for divorced families...but definitely model civility and kindness and don't say negative things about mom!

My stepdaughter ADORES her dad, and my biokids love him too because
a) he is reliable - he is almost always at every single school or extracurricular event
b) he is THERE - if they need something or have a question, he stops and helps.  If they need a ride or want half a dozen friends over, his answer is almost always, "sure,  I can do that"
c) he teaches without lecturing, and he loves to share his talents with them
d) he learns about the things they love.  He is genuinely interested in them, and they can tell
e) he doesn't assume kids are stupid.  His goal is to teach them how to make good decisions on their own, not to make all of the decisions for them
f) he doesn't tolerate BS and he doesn't lie or fib to the kids.

sol

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2018, 01:36:44 PM »
Take on more of the mental load. https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2

@okonomiyaki : thank you for posting this. I can surely relate and it made me think. This will be discussed at home.

Does this article mention of the traditionally dad load?  My wife would love for me to schedule more doctor's appointments, and I would love for her to schedule more oil changes.  She wants me to clean more bathrooms, I want her to mow more lawns.  We have a division of labor that works for us, but most of the "dad needs to do more" articles I've seen on the internet include a heavy dose of mom not recognizing dad's contributions.

edit:  nevermind, I went and read the whole, and it's the most disgustingly sexist thing I've read this week.  Maybe this month?  Full of gender-based stereotypes, generalized criticisms of one gender over another, abdication of personal responsibility, and bad advice for establishing healthy communication in a relationship.  Disappointing that anyone thought this was worth reposting.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2018, 01:44:13 PM by sol »

calimom

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2018, 02:28:12 PM »
Take on more of the mental load. https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2

@okonomiyaki : thank you for posting this. I can surely relate and it made me think. This will be discussed at home.

Does this article mention of the traditionally dad load?  My wife would love for me to schedule more doctor's appointments, and I would love for her to schedule more oil changes.  She wants me to clean more bathrooms, I want her to mow more lawns.  We have a division of labor that works for us, but most of the "dad needs to do more" articles I've seen on the internet include a heavy dose of mom not recognizing dad's contributions.

edit:  nevermind, I went and read the whole, and it's the most disgustingly sexist thing I've read this week.  Maybe this month?  Full of gender-based stereotypes, generalized criticisms of one gender over another, abdication of personal responsibility, and bad advice for establishing healthy communication in a relationship.  Disappointing that anyone thought this was worth reposting.

Completely agree with @sol . It's very tiresome when women, like those portrayed in the cartoon, sit around complaining about their husbands' shortcomings. Gender Wars: hilarious! Our society reinforces this stereotype, when it reality there are many families where burdens and tasks are shared. There are some pretty necessary conversations to be had before people reproduce; distribution of the workload should be at the top or near the top of the list.

pbkmaine

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one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2018, 03:37:27 PM »
Well, I had a great dad and I am married to a great dad, so here’s my advice. Listen. Really listen, and try to refrain from judging or offering a solution until you have heard your children out. Do whatever you can to encourage their independence. Make sure they understand that you think they are wonderful and capable of doing anything they set their minds to, if they are willing to work hard for it. Let them suffer consequences of bad decisions, if they can do so without risk of grave bodily harm. 

I grew up knowing that my Dad thought I set the moon and stars. I was also given firm boundaries. That combination has made me feel safe and has given me confidence my whole life. Dad has been gone for 37 years now, but I am still basking in the warmth of his love.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2018, 06:41:19 PM by pbkmaine »

x02947

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2018, 02:31:57 PM »
“What interests my boss, fascinates the heck out of me” - one of my best bosses ever.
“What interests my kid, fascinates the heck out me” – me.


PhilB

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Re: one thing that makes a great dad
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2018, 02:47:39 PM »
Make learning stuff fun.