Author Topic: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore  (Read 10195 times)

boarder42

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #50 on: May 21, 2018, 11:28:37 AM »
our yet to be born kid - coming in 6-7 weeks already has their first trip scheduled to hawaii from Missouri next spring. 

we've always heard this story but i think it will be fine.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #51 on: May 21, 2018, 11:29:50 AM »
All I can say to those of you who have children is to respect the travelers who are around you and try to keep your kid quiet. Not all of us think it is cute to hear a kid squeal and scream the entire trip. I especially despise it when a kid kicks the back of my seat. Do the parents not care or don't see this happening? Some of us are on vacation and I consider the plane trip part of the experience and expense.

I am not trying to be mean spirited but at least do all you can to entertain the kid (toys), feed the kid (bring pudding, sandwiches, apple sauce, etc.), give the kid special treats (candy, cereal). Whatever it takes to keep the kid calm and happy and NOT kicking the back of someone's seat.

I have been in the grocery store too and parents let the kid shriek like a banshee and it never seems to bother the parent. We shoppers do find it disturbing! Bring something as suggested above to feed or entertain your kid or just don't bring the kid. Can't always blame the kid because he/she could be tired, cranky, sick, hungry.  Be considerate of the kid if he/she is not up to shopping. Babysitter, spouse, grandparents come to mind...

Strangely enough, children don't come equipped with an on/off switch nor do they have volume control.  Parents can bring snack, entertainment etc. but children are people and we can't always control what they do, like a remote control car.  In many situations, kids are tired or cranky but grocery shopping must be done and there is no other option but to bring them to the store.  And if you choose to share your space with other human beings on a plane or bus you have to accept that some of your fellow humans will be children, disabled or different from you in some other way. 

I guess I'm a little touchy as last time I flew long haul with my 2 kids, my daughter (who was 5 at the time and hearing impaired) was watching her favorite movie on the plane (Frozen) and kept saying to me sitting next to her "look, there's Elsa" or "oh no the wolves are going to get Anna!" and things like that.  She said it in her regular speaking voice which is quite loud thanks to being 5 and having hearing issues.  A nasty French lady sceamed at me to make my child quiet not just once but 3 times.  It was a daytime flight but she wanted to watch her movie without having to hear my daughter talk to me about her favorite movie.  I told her that my daughter is 5 and hearing impaired and behaving extremely well.  I tried to explain to her that hearing impaired children often have problems moderating their volume and that my child should be allowed to talk.  I asked her what she suggested I do - maybe drug her?  I had already told my daughter several times to keep her voice down but this is very difficult for a hearing impaired child  - and it really wasn't that loud.  Anyway, I was just amazed by this.  Maybe I've been in Italy too long - people are warm here and kind to children, older people and people with disabilities on the whole.

DCteach

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #52 on: May 21, 2018, 11:51:15 AM »
DW and I just took our 5.5 month old to Aberystwyth, Wales, for a family wedding. Red-eye flight, layover at 2am body-clock-time, 3.5 hour drive from airport to Wales after landing in UK.

I was extremely anxious leading up to the trip. Baby did pretty well though. It helped that we had family around to give us a hand throughout the weekend. We don't have family near us where we live, so that felt like a luxury.

Next up, Hawaii in June. That will be a 9-10 hour flight, but at least it will be direct. We also booked seats that should be compatible with having the airline provide a bassinet, so baby can (hopefully) sleep somewhere other than our laps!  After Hawaii, Dallas in July.

Traveling with a baby is hard, for sure. But, being at home with a baby is hard, a lot of the time, too.

People have told us that travel becomes more challenging as baby becomes more mobile.


Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #53 on: May 21, 2018, 12:11:32 PM »
Hula Hoop, yes, children do not come with an on or off switch. We all have to be tolerant of each other but it is still the parents job to quiet the child as best as they can. To you, your child with a hearing disability didn't seem loud but to others it may have been annoying. Don't take offence because sometimes the parent just doesn't realize how annoying certain behaviors can be. You have become used to it but the rest of us have not. All I am asking is for parents to try to do the best they can to keep the child quiet by providing things (food, toys, etc.) to stop the noise. Yes, there are times when nothing works and I think other passengers do realize that the parent has tried their best. But some parents just do nothing at all.

I have two dogs and one in particular likes to bark at people, other dogs, vehicles driving up my driveway, you name it this dog will bark at it. I allow the dog to bark a few times and that is it. I won't subject the neighborhood to my dog barking all day long outside. I think dogs are allowed to bark a little and kids can make some noise too. But, when it is possible, try to stop the behavior no one wants to listen to.

Sorry if I have offended people.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #54 on: May 21, 2018, 12:23:48 PM »
RR - the point is that I did tell her to speak quietly but that's something that she can't do.  Even now that she's had an operation that restored her hearing to almost 100% she still has a loud voice, which is a habit that I think she adopted during her first 5 years with hearing loss.  Short of drugging her there was nothing I could do, as I explained to the French lady.  I think that she thought that there was some kind of volume control switch on my child. 

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #55 on: May 21, 2018, 12:33:28 PM »
Hula Hoop, you did all you could do at the time. No one is faulting your efforts. I am sure the French woman just didn't understand or didn't believe you.

Just curious, have you taken your daughter to a speech therapist since she has regained her hearing maybe she needs to retrain her voice volume. That is wonderful she has almost perfect hearing! YAY! WONDERFUL!

We all have our problems...I just found out my one dog who was a rescue (Pomeranian) just had a cancerous tumor removed. We got the bad news Friday night and I have been in tears for days over it. The Vet suggested taking him to an oncologist which we will do. He has to have stitches out this week and then we will take him. He is such a sweet baby boy and I hope they can help him.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #56 on: May 21, 2018, 12:56:45 PM »
She did speech therapy for several years but now no longer needs it as both her languages are at the level they should be. 

Very sorry to hear about your dog's tumour - I hope that he is OK.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #57 on: May 21, 2018, 01:05:15 PM »
Hula Hoop...thanks...

Cassie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #58 on: May 21, 2018, 11:09:52 PM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #59 on: May 22, 2018, 11:19:57 AM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

I do too.  I love to hear the sound of children talking and laughing.  But I find it annoying when adults talk loudly to each other or on cell phone on a plane.  But we are all people and commuters on the same commercial jet, just like children are, except adults can control themselves better.   Why do some people feel that their annoyance level takes precedence over that of others? 

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #60 on: May 22, 2018, 01:32:53 PM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

I do too.  I love to hear the sound of children talking and laughing.  But I find it annoying when adults talk loudly to each other or on cell phone on a plane.  But we are all people and commuters on the same commercial jet, just like children are, except adults can control themselves better.   Why do some people feel that their annoyance level takes precedence over that of others?

Thanks so much, guys.  Obviously, I agree completely.

MsPeacock

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #61 on: May 23, 2018, 07:19:10 PM »
Baby Peacock #1 reached Silver status on Northwest his first year of life. My kids are 11 and 14 now - they are on their 4th passport (and that is about to expire). I love to travel with them. The hardest thing about travel with kids, IMO, is as they get older it costs more. I now get two hotel rooms (or a two bedroom rental) when I travel with them because no one will share a bed and they are really too old for me to want to anyhow. They are obviously way past the lap baby stage for air travel. Kids change how you travel - I've hung out at playgrounds and carnivals in Spain and France - places that I never would have bothered w/ before travel w/ kids. Now that they are older they have the stamina for more "adult" type outings on the trip (riding bikes around the Versailles gardens). Now they can help plan and identify what they are interested in seeing. This summer the 11 year old wants to see ALL the cathedrals in London (there are many - we won't manage this).

Cassie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #62 on: May 23, 2018, 10:32:28 PM »
There were 5 of us and we always had 1 hotel room .  2 regular beds and a rollaway bed.

JustTrying

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #63 on: May 29, 2018, 11:23:40 PM »
My child (not yet two) has completed 4 international trips, and several domestic trips. We've actually increased travel (from 1 international trip per year to two) since she's been born. BUT we don't plan to have another since we're enjoying this fantastic life where we get to have a great kid whom we adore but also get to do all the fun stuff we did before having a kid. I think a 2nd kid would make it exponentially harder (and more expensive!) to keep our active adventurous lifestyle up!

StarBright

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #64 on: May 30, 2018, 08:01:34 AM »
We honestly haven't traveled much (other than obligatory family holidays) since we had children. But it isn't the traveling with children (which is sort of easy) as much as time constraints and schedules.

I found the larger problem to be vacation time from work. I work for a small business so had to use up all my vacation time for maternity in the years that I was pregnant/they were born so that took up almost 4 years. Once you have them you have to take vacation time for all the times they are too sick for daycare.

Now that they are older, their preschool, elementary school, and DH's university schedules don't line up so most of my vacation time is childcare on the weeks when they don't have coverage.

This summer will be the first vacation we've taken as a family since my kids have been born (and my oldest is turning 7 this summer). We are SUPER excited!

If you have loads of vacation time and easy schedules I can see how it would be much easier though. I anticipate that ours will be easier as the kids get older and get into the same school system.


gpyros85

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #65 on: May 30, 2018, 09:07:07 AM »
When the kids are young, they are easy to travel with and of course under 2 years of age fly free!

Now, you start double thinking about air or even cruise or any pay per guest type trips. (Hotels and road trips don't mind how many people you bring!) So you start thinking about different style of trips to cut cost.

I have 3 kids....

malacca

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #66 on: June 01, 2018, 05:15:26 AM »
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/moved-abroad/

My daughter's first trip was to HK at 3 months. Passport full of stamps. Traveled when living in USA - spent one year in an RV. Kids now 6 and 10 and we are traveling all over the world.

We are actually "traveliving" - preferring to spend a year or so in each country.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #67 on: June 11, 2018, 10:35:10 AM »
Before my wife and I had kids, we travelled somewhat frequently, every few months. Figured we might slow down a bit when the first was born, but it'd just take more preparation. Have the right toys and distractions ready for flights, familiar things foods for the hotel, plan the days out better with stops for the little guy. Went quite well, long plane rides to Europe weren't too bad, managed to get to San Francisco, Miami, Munich all in the first year along with numerous 5+ hour train rides for local trips. It's definitely more work, and less enjoyable a trip, but we could still go.

Then the 2nd one was born. And all that prep became worthless. Travelling with him is a small slice of hell. Whether or not you get a good traveller is a roll of the dice.

Grogounet

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #68 on: June 12, 2018, 01:51:19 AM »
The truth is that sometimes, kids are out of control.
M is 7 and N is 4. They have been with us to: Japan, Philippines, Fiji, around OZ, NZ, France, Spain, UK, Vietnam and I might forget some.
In some instances they have been absolute Angels, some other nightmares for other travelers. And we had this look from travelers, you know, the one saying that you are ruining their flight.
You can be as much organize a you can, and throughout the years we have come to learn of lot of tricks. But if something is wrong with a 3 year old... then the neighbors will most likely have to deal with it too...

Bird In Hand

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #69 on: June 14, 2018, 12:55:14 PM »
I have two dogs and one in particular likes to bark at people, other dogs, vehicles driving up my driveway, you name it this dog will bark at it. I allow the dog to bark a few times and that is it. I won't subject the neighborhood to my dog barking all day long outside. I think dogs are allowed to bark a little and kids can make some noise too. But, when it is possible, try to stop the behavior no one wants to listen to.

To me, dog owners are (on average) less considerate than parents of young children.  It's rare that I see parents completely ignoring bad or egregiously irritating behavior of their children.  Yet every single day I am subjected to neighbors' dogs who are allowed to roam free, bark incessantly, poop in anyone's yard, or chase cars down the street.  Every time I take a hike there's a good chance someone's off-lead dog (there's a universally ignored leash law) will be running around, free to crap in the trail, or accost me and my kids with slobber and/or wet fur.  This is especially stressful for people who have been bitten by a dog (like my wife).  For all intents and purposes, there's no legal redress.  The best you can do is go to war with your neighbors, and that rarely goes well.

So I thank you for being a considerate dog owner.  In my experience, you are a rare breed.

Back to the topic at hand, travelling with our 3 kids is a mixed bag.  We've had some good trips, including a trip to Europe, and made some great memories.  But it's definitely not relaxing for us.  Travelling magnifies all the usual challenges of parenting, and there are many stressful moments.  I should mention that a big source of stress is trying to make sure that our kids aren't making other people's lives miserable.  I'm very aware of their noise level, the fact that they might kick the back of someone's airplane seat, or say something offensive aloud.  My youngest is fascinated with size differences in people, and is keen to announce when he sees a particularly large person.  Yes, we try very hard to explain to him that this is inappropriate, and why.  No, we cannot always control what he says in public.

My three 3 children are all very different from one another.  If we had three that were just like the middle child, travelling would be a breeze.  If they were all like the oldest, we'd focus mostly on techniques to ease anxiety.  If they were all like the youngest, we would never, ever travel again.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #70 on: June 14, 2018, 03:52:39 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!


Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #71 on: June 14, 2018, 11:39:00 PM »
RR - IMO and in the opinion of many parents giving in to tantrums in a public place just to keep a kid quiet is not good parenting.  My younger child is 'spirited' and would scream her head off if she did not get what she wanted when she was younger (things like wanting to be able to run around near heavy traffic, stay out after 10 pm, be allowed to cross the street by herself at 4, being able to watch her favorite show on the ipad while her sister didn't get to watch anything).  I chose to just let her scream but firmly set limits if her desire was unreasonable or dangerous, even if we were in a public place.  As a result, she's a lovely non spoiled 6 year old now.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #72 on: June 15, 2018, 09:50:44 AM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

I'm a red panda

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #73 on: June 15, 2018, 10:06:55 AM »
Our 14 month old did great on our recent flights. It helped to find a place in the airport she could run around, and it was way easier on the legs I had my husband than the ones I didn't.

We have our next trip airplane booked for December, but have a roadtrip next month.

I am trying to get Global Entry, since I fly a lot for work, and we have some international travel planned, but the nearest interview site is over 200 miles, so I'm not sure it is worth it.  I'd only have to drive 30 miles to get a pre-check interview.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #74 on: June 15, 2018, 10:18:41 AM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #75 on: June 15, 2018, 02:54:19 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

Maybe this hasn't occurred to you, some children respond very differently to interaction when they are crying or having a melt down.  Even if a parent does everything to avoid a meltdown, it happens and some kids respond to direct interaction during a meltdown by melting down with more vigor and for much longer than if they were just left to calm down on their down (ask me how I know this).  So it may look like a parent is ignoring their child when they are actually responding in the appropriate manner to that particular child and to the benefit of the entire airplane.

Also, you can prepare your butt off and still have life take over.  You don't know if that family has just slept in the airport overnight because their flight was delayed or cancelled and whether they had to sprint to their connection and have run out of fun snacks and games because they have been traveling for 10 more hours than they originally anticipated.   

I operate under the assumption that we are all humans with our own private struggles, and this leads to greater compassion and less judgment on my part.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #76 on: June 15, 2018, 03:28:27 PM »
I operate under the assumption that we are all humans with our own private struggles, and this leads to greater compassion and less judgment on my part.

I love this.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #77 on: June 15, 2018, 05:53:33 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

Yep, read it and my response follows from that. The underlying assumption in your post is that parents of a crying child have either under-prepared or are otherwise capable of stopping them but choose not to. If you want to either retract that statement or revise it to more accurately capture what you meant, that's fine and we can continue from there, but for now that's what I responded to.

In either case, I'd recommend reading jezebel's response, as it's quite thoughtful and well articulated.

Lago

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #78 on: August 17, 2018, 04:14:27 PM »
This has been true for us. 3 kids: 4 yrs, 2 yrs and 3 months. I'm sure it will get easier when the youngest is 2. Right now traveling is more work than fun. The best trips are renting homes or visiting relatives, but staying in 1 room together is torture!! The baby wakes everyone up and you have to be silent once the kids go to bed, or one wakes up and wakes up the other 2.

Cassie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #79 on: August 19, 2018, 12:41:16 PM »
I remember being on a greyhound bus with my first child who was 8 months old. Despite having bottles, food, toys, books he went on a long crying jag and I tried everything I could to quiet him. Nothing worked and I was stressed out.  It was a 24 hour bus ride. He cried for a few hours but luckily everyone was nice to me.

gaja

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #80 on: August 19, 2018, 01:09:56 PM »
My kids are now 10 and 12, and we have travelled 3-6 weeks every summer since they started school. Before that, we were happier at home.

As to screaming kids in grocery stores, buses and planes? It will happen. I agree with Jezebel; There is often nothing you can do, or the best action might be to keep calm and let the child calm down. Most parents know very well what the best and most efficient method to calm their kids is. I think those episodes are best dealt with in serenity, by taking enjoyment in the fact that it is not my child, it is not my job to calm them down, and I am forever done with having kids of that age. If there is anything I can do to help, I will of course do it. Sometimes having a stranger giving the kid the right kind of look will snap them out of a tantrum, and sometimes a parent just needs an extra set of hands for a little while. But usually, it is best to just smile at the parents and wait it out.

Forget about bribing kids. My oldest was high strung as a toddler, and feeding her sugar on top of that was a recipe for disaster.

FamilyGuy

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #81 on: October 05, 2018, 04:03:26 AM »
I had 2 international trips with my old kid each 25 to 30 hours one way. She was 6 months one time and next time she was almost 3. We could manage engaging her for 20 hours may be but it  was terrible for reamining hours...crying and tired out. We didnít knew what to do and almost in tears seeing peopleís reaction around us. I am very scared to travel long trips with kids and I think it will be that way till they turn like 5 and able to understand us fully and cooperate. I hope so. Second time was better with iPads and stuff but still had some of that worse time we didnít knew what else to do.

mntnmn117

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #82 on: October 08, 2018, 04:04:08 PM »
We took 3 kids to New Zealand for a motorhome trip at 6, 4, and 1.5yrs old (2016). We island hopped while living in Hawaii. Good trips, good memories, well behaved children.

Now we have 4 kids and as much as I like the idea of traveling, you gotta be realistic about it.
A. They wont remember it. My earliest memory from childhood travelling is a trip to Europe in High school.
B. It's hard. Kids are more work when not at home. We planned a ton, each kids had a full backpack for the long plane flights, snacks and stuff to do. But it's every meal on the go where you're paying more for a sit down place with a highchair than street food you might eat without that limitation.
C. Kid trips and adult trips are basically different trips. With kids - short hikes, children appropriate museums, sightseeing, playgrounds.
D. Shear cost is enormous. 6 plane tickets, doubly expensive lodging.

That said, I think it was totally worth it and this thread has got me thinking about where to go next!

SEAK

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #83 on: October 10, 2018, 02:24:30 PM »
Heading out next week for a family trip to Nepal with our kiddos aged 11 and 9.  Planning on doing a 12 day trek w/ guide and porters. Pretty excited the kids are at an age where we can pull a trip like this off.

Teachstache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #84 on: October 11, 2018, 06:07:07 AM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

Mustachians with kids, particularly those who have special needs, I need some advice. We are obligated to travel to an immediate family member's wedding over 1,200 miles away in October 2019. In Destin, Florida. Our son will be 4.5 years old then & I dearly hope we'll be done with potty training hell by then. We are choosing to drive down & break the trip up over 2 days. Our son is on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, but he struggles with changes in routine. His dad, his primary comforter, will be busy for several days helping with wedding preparations. I will have him by myself in what will likely be a hotel room. I'm very nervous about how this trip will go, to the point of suggesting that kid & I stay home. But the bride & groom to be (in their very early 20s) simply won't hear of son not attending, so I am obligated to go to take care of our son. Can you provide me with some tips and advice for keeping a special needs/under 5 year old relatively calm & happy on what will  likely be a 10 day trip, including travel days?

Jouer

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #85 on: October 11, 2018, 10:00:45 AM »
All I can say to those of you who have children is to respect the travelers who are around you and try to keep your kid quiet. Not all of us think it is cute to hear a kid squeal and scream the entire trip. I especially despise it when a kid kicks the back of my seat. Do the parents not care or don't see this happening? Some of us are on vacation and I consider the plane trip part of the experience and expense.

I am not trying to be mean spirited but at least do all you can to entertain the kid (toys), feed the kid (bring pudding, sandwiches, apple sauce, etc.), give the kid special treats (candy, cereal). Whatever it takes to keep the kid calm and happy and NOT kicking the back of someone's seat.

I have been in the grocery store too and parents let the kid shriek like a banshee and it never seems to bother the parent. We shoppers do find it disturbing! Bring something as suggested above to feed or entertain your kid or just don't bring the kid. Can't always blame the kid because he/she could be tired, cranky, sick, hungry.  Be considerate of the kid if he/she is not up to shopping. Babysitter, spouse, grandparents come to mind...

Strangely enough, children don't come equipped with an on/off switch nor do they have volume control.  Parents can bring snack, entertainment etc. but children are people and we can't always control what they do, like a remote control car.  In many situations, kids are tired or cranky but grocery shopping must be done and there is no other option but to bring them to the store.  And if you choose to share your space with other human beings on a plane or bus you have to accept that some of your fellow humans will be children, disabled or different from you in some other way. 

I guess I'm a little touchy as last time I flew long haul with my 2 kids, my daughter (who was 5 at the time and hearing impaired) was watching her favorite movie on the plane (Frozen) and kept saying to me sitting next to her "look, there's Elsa" or "oh no the wolves are going to get Anna!" and things like that.  She said it in her regular speaking voice which is quite loud thanks to being 5 and having hearing issues.  A nasty French lady sceamed at me to make my child quiet not just once but 3 times.  It was a daytime flight but she wanted to watch her movie without having to hear my daughter talk to me about her favorite movie.  I told her that my daughter is 5 and hearing impaired and behaving extremely well.  I tried to explain to her that hearing impaired children often have problems moderating their volume and that my child should be allowed to talk.  I asked her what she suggested I do - maybe drug her?  I had already told my daughter several times to keep her voice down but this is very difficult for a hearing impaired child  - and it really wasn't that loud.  Anyway, I was just amazed by this.  Maybe I've been in Italy too long - people are warm here and kind to children, older people and people with disabilities on the whole.

My wife and I don't have kids. But we are aware enough to know that sometimes hissy fits happen, whether at the store or on a plane. When we hear a kid flipping out, we don't think "oh fuck that kid" we think "that poor kid and poor parent, I feel bad for them".

Kicking of chairs is over the top though.

zhelud

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #86 on: October 11, 2018, 12:02:26 PM »
About a month ago our family was on a plane home from Europe. In the row in front of us were 3 adults and 3 lap babies (well, one was an actual baby. The others looked a little old...)
There were about 5-10 minutes during the 8 hour flight when none of the "babies" were screaming. There is just no way to hold a kid on your lap for an 8 hour flight and not make him (and yourself, and the other passengers) miserable. 
Please, please, if you can't afford to get your kid his own seat on the plane, you can't afford to fly.

clarkfan1979

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #87 on: October 11, 2018, 09:06:38 PM »
About a month ago our family was on a plane home from Europe. In the row in front of us were 3 adults and 3 lap babies (well, one was an actual baby. The others looked a little old...)
There were about 5-10 minutes during the 8 hour flight when none of the "babies" were screaming. There is just no way to hold a kid on your lap for an 8 hour flight and not make him (and yourself, and the other passengers) miserable. 
Please, please, if you can't afford to get your kid his own seat on the plane, you can't afford to fly.

I don't mind if a baby cries on a plane or on a train, it's all the same. If you must complain about your pain, you might be insane. 

reeshau

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #88 on: October 12, 2018, 07:35:24 AM »
Please, please, if you can't afford to get your kid his own seat on the plane, you can't afford to fly.

This suggestion assumes that kids, and babies in particular, would never cry in their own seats.  Does this match your own observations when flying?

Personally, when my 3 year old son fusses or is crying, I do take him on my lap, as that is the best place for him to calm down.

CindyBS

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #89 on: October 12, 2018, 08:25:35 AM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

Mustachians with kids, particularly those who have special needs, I need some advice. We are obligated to travel to an immediate family member's wedding over 1,200 miles away in October 2019. In Destin, Florida. Our son will be 4.5 years old then & I dearly hope we'll be done with potty training hell by then. We are choosing to drive down & break the trip up over 2 days. Our son is on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, but he struggles with changes in routine. His dad, his primary comforter, will be busy for several days helping with wedding preparations. I will have him by myself in what will likely be a hotel room. I'm very nervous about how this trip will go, to the point of suggesting that kid & I stay home. But the bride & groom to be (in their very early 20s) simply won't hear of son not attending, so I am obligated to go to take care of our son. Can you provide me with some tips and advice for keeping a special needs/under 5 year old relatively calm & happy on what will  likely be a 10 day trip, including travel days?


1) Non-perishable foods that are a "sure thing".  Don't count on any restaurant, hotel breakfast bar or anywhere you buy food prepared in advance will be sufficient.  The worst is a kid that is overwhelmed AND hungry.

2) Work on teaching him to recognize issues before they happen.  When he escalates at home - give him the words.  "you need a break."  Then work on asking -Do you need a break?  Then try to get him to say it.  If his language skills are not there - use a simple word like break or a picture/symbol.  Being able to have the child say "I need a break" is huge. 

3) Does your son like certain blankets/pillows/textures - bring those for the hotel bed.   Bring any sensory items.  Does he like tents or quiet rooms?  You can make one in the hotel room with a sheet.  Have you tried weighted blankets before?  Those may be good on his lap for a car ride.

4) Develop "sure things" like video games or a video he likes on an I-pad that you can give.

5) Does he have anything he really likes?  Dinosaurs? Cars?  Can you work a visit somewhere into the trip?  If there is a Dinosaur exhibit at a museum, he can "work" on earning that.   He can get a chip or token or something every hour he sits nicely in the car. 

6) Lay the ground work in advance.  No bad talking the trip in front of him.  It is an "adventure".  Are you going to see the ocean?  Read books about the ocean, etc.

Good luck.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #90 on: October 12, 2018, 08:27:27 AM »
Please, please, if you can't afford to get your kid his own seat on the plane, you can't afford to fly.

This suggestion assumes that kids, and babies in particular, would never cry in their own seats.  Does this match your own observations when flying?

Personally, when my 3 year old son fusses or is crying, I do take him on my lap, as that is the best place for him to calm down.

There is absolutely no guarantee that having their own seat will prevent babies from crying, and it's actually less likely for many babies. 

And, as upsetting as it may be to your sensibilities, sometimes poor people have to fly their children places too. 

zhelud

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #91 on: October 12, 2018, 09:08:50 AM »
Please, please, if you can't afford to get your kid his own seat on the plane, you can't afford to fly.

This suggestion assumes that kids, and babies in particular, would never cry in their own seats.  Does this match your own observations when flying?

Personally, when my 3 year old son fusses or is crying, I do take him on my lap, as that is the best place for him to calm down.

There is absolutely no guarantee that having their own seat will prevent babies from crying, and it's actually less likely for many babies. 

And, as upsetting as it may be to your sensibilities, sometimes poor people have to fly their children places too. 


Like the parents with the "lap babies" on the plane, my kids also have grandparents "across the pond."   But when they were small, I would never have put them on a plane for a long flight without their own seat. It's one thing to hold your child in your lap for short periods to calm them down. Not gonna work in an emergency situation. And I challenge anyone to hold an almost-2 year old on your lap for 8 hours without a lot of screaming.
Frugal travel with kids is great but this is not the way to do it.

eco mom

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #92 on: October 12, 2018, 03:59:40 PM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

Mustachians with kids, particularly those who have special needs, I need some advice. We are obligated to travel to an immediate family member's wedding over 1,200 miles away in October 2019. In Destin, Florida. Our son will be 4.5 years old then & I dearly hope we'll be done with potty training hell by then. We are choosing to drive down & break the trip up over 2 days. Our son is on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, but he struggles with changes in routine. His dad, his primary comforter, will be busy for several days helping with wedding preparations. I will have him by myself in what will likely be a hotel room. I'm very nervous about how this trip will go, to the point of suggesting that kid & I stay home. But the bride & groom to be (in their very early 20s) simply won't hear of son not attending, so I am obligated to go to take care of our son. Can you provide me with some tips and advice for keeping a special needs/under 5 year old relatively calm & happy on what will  likely be a 10 day trip, including travel days?

What can you do in advance to simulate the trip? Are you staying in a chain hotel? Can you go stay at a much closer one with an escape plan to go home as a trial run? Have you stayed in hotels with him before and had long car trips? Can you spend a whole day in a car, or make a pretend one inside your home? Does your child do well with rewards? You could try to set up an incentive system. You could plan out your entire schedule of stops and review it with him, and plan to have incentives/rewards at every stop.

Mostly unrelated since it's about planes and you said you're doing a car trip, but there is a great program locally here in Seattle to allow kids on the autism spectrum to come do a trial run at the airport. They do everything up to but not including take-off, including taxiing around at the airport in the plane, so that the kids can have a chance to experience and see security and experience everything, and take their time in a supportive environment where everyone knows that they may need extra time or may not respond in a normal way. I don't know if something like that would make you more inclined to take such a long trip by plane instead, but I wish they had that everywhere! (It's called Wings for Autism if you want to check if they have it near you.)

eco mom

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #93 on: October 12, 2018, 04:20:08 PM »
I feel like I've been fortunate with my 2 kids so far, but one's still in the easy stage (4 months) and we've only done one road trip and one flight with him.

I think this somewhat reiterates what others have covered but here are some of my general tips for travel with young kids by plane:

1) Avoid nap times and after bedtime for flights unless you know your kid will fall asleep in a carseat and they will be in one (not always true in that lap infant stage!)
2) Airlines will often give you an extra seat for free if there's extra space on the plane and you have a lap infant. Call ahead or indicate lap infant at booking and some airlines will do what they call an "infant block" - a soft block that can be sold if everything else is.
3) It's a toss up on whether to take the car seat to the gate or not. If a lap infant - I wouldn't bother unless you're really hoping or already have confirmation of that extra seat. With an older child... well, the car seat moves them forward, so there's a chance you're actually make it even easier for them to kick the seat in front of them.
4) SNACKS and REST are amazing. Do your best to have them in a good mood arriving, and have some things to entertain them.

For travel by car, I can speak from the experience of cramming 3 adults and 2 littles into a Prius for a trip where we stayed in 3 different hotels...

1) Staying in one place for multiple nights reduces your stress a lot. Packing and unpacking when you've got diaper stuff, toys, bed/travel crib stuff... is a pain.
2) Keep snacks, drinks, and toys accessible in the car. I got so annoyed at the other adults who kept moving stuff where I couldn't reach it. I was the one crammed into the back with the two car seats and I couldn't always get to things that would've made my life entertaining them much easier.
3) It's possible even with 3 adults and two under 3 to share a single hotel room with 2 beds. I shared a bed with my husband, the other adult was in the other one, we had a travel bassinet for the baby (amazing and folds up really small!), and for my too-big-for-pack-n-play almost 3 year old, we just brought the bottom part of the pack-n-play to put a familiar sheet around and then had him sleep on the floor.
4) Prepare for falling asleep taking a LOT LONGER. Even if your little one(s) are in their own room, but especially if you'll all share one room or if they're in a stage where you can't confine them to a crib or bassinet. You're likely to have some skipped naps unless you have a good car napper, and they're in a new place where everything is interesting and there are new ways to get in trouble. We tried to contain our almost-3-year-old by doing things like turning a table on its side and containing him with furniture, but it's still difficult. And I'll also mention that it gets easier every night that you stay put.
5) Acknowledge going in that it's not going to be perfect. There will be crying. There will be potty accidents if you have recently-trained kiddos. Whether or not your kid is on the Autism spectrum, has Aspergers, or is not any kind of special needs, traveling with kids throws them off and you will have an amazing time during the good moments and pull your hair out during the bad.

AirBNB and VRBO in a single location instead of the different-hotel-every-night approach will be what I'll try for in the future. We cloth diaper so doing laundry if it's more than 2 days somewhere is essential and staying in homes makes that nice and easy, plus you can sometimes put the kid in their own room. My older son once slept in his pack n play in a large bathroom/laundry room, and I've definitely put him in closets, too!

So for me, in the end, the biggest tip is to just GET WHERE YOU'RE GOING and stay put for a little bit so that you can actually enjoy it. Then make short day trips from there. I just chalk up travel days as lost time where hopefully no one goes insane.

BWholehearted

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #94 on: October 21, 2018, 10:35:12 PM »
We are expecting our first in the next two months and this was a good read.  I appreciated the vacation vs. trip article as well.  It reminded me a lot of an article on one of my favorite outdoor blogs, Semi-Rad, "Your Best Vacation is Someone's Worst Nightmare"   https://semi-rad.com/2013/01/your-best-vacation-is-someones-worst-nightmare/ 

I'm hoping that being used to trips that already involve vomiting, abnormal bowel movements, and extreme physical and emotional discomfort, not to mention being pretty budget-minded, the transition to "trips" with kids will be a bit less startling than if we were used to the week-at-the-beach kind of trip. Our last hurrah before trying to get pregnant last year was a month of bike touring in Europe which involved lots of fun but also flat tires, extremes of weather, hangry meltdowns, major disagreements about when we could stop for gelato, toilet emergencies, and my hubby getting hit by a car (luckily at low speeds with only minor scrapes and bike repairs).  There were only two adults involved, no children.  We will certain crank back the adventure for a bit, and expect much of the excitement to come from our own band of spawn!

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #95 on: October 22, 2018, 04:53:36 PM »
@Teachstache - just wanted to answer one of your questions. (Not a parent of a special needs child, in case relevant). I think others have given good advice about how to make the situation as easy as possible on yourself & your child. I'd just call out that, while it's lovely the bride & groom are set on having you attend, they are also not aware on the challenges that it raises for you, your son & your husband, as well as the stress & logistics. If YOU/your husband are passionate about attending, have at it & take all of the awesome advice. If you & your husband prefer not to go, and it's easier on your son, I'd politely go back to the bride & groom & explain that it's challenging for all involved, and pass on the invite. That's just me, but I wouldn't feel obligated to attend in your situation, just because the bride & groom wanted me/my son there.

If you do end up going, hope the trip is as easy as possible for all!

Teachstache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #96 on: October 23, 2018, 05:01:47 AM »
Thanks, all, for the advice. Our son really loves his Amazon fire tablet, so that would be a help. He also likes easily packable snacks like graham crackers & cheese nips. Spouse and I are not enthusiastic about going, due to the needs of our son & the fact that it will be on the beach during hurricane season. We are considering just having spouse attend alone to minimize risk & inconveniences to our son.

gavint

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #97 on: October 27, 2018, 01:36:15 AM »
Not true, you can still travel on the cheap with kids.  One thing to note though is expensive travel is lost on kids, they don't get anything extra out of it.  So, change your travel expectations, and don't go so far.  There are tons of cool spots within 3 or 4 hours of where you live, guaranteed.  Long drives are a nightmare with kids - I brought along industrial hearing protection and wore it the whole drive when the kids were smaller - travelling by plane is not a comfortable experience, especially when they're young. 

We've had enormous success with short drives to farm-stay vacations.  The kids kick up a fuss when we propose to leave the farm for a destination nearby, so we just chill out the whole time and let the kids help out with the farm work or play with the animals.  Easy and cheap, and only 2.5 hours away.