Author Topic: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore  (Read 6576 times)

boarder42

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #50 on: May 21, 2018, 11:28:37 AM »
our yet to be born kid - coming in 6-7 weeks already has their first trip scheduled to hawaii from Missouri next spring. 

we've always heard this story but i think it will be fine.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #51 on: May 21, 2018, 11:29:50 AM »
All I can say to those of you who have children is to respect the travelers who are around you and try to keep your kid quiet. Not all of us think it is cute to hear a kid squeal and scream the entire trip. I especially despise it when a kid kicks the back of my seat. Do the parents not care or don't see this happening? Some of us are on vacation and I consider the plane trip part of the experience and expense.

I am not trying to be mean spirited but at least do all you can to entertain the kid (toys), feed the kid (bring pudding, sandwiches, apple sauce, etc.), give the kid special treats (candy, cereal). Whatever it takes to keep the kid calm and happy and NOT kicking the back of someone's seat.

I have been in the grocery store too and parents let the kid shriek like a banshee and it never seems to bother the parent. We shoppers do find it disturbing! Bring something as suggested above to feed or entertain your kid or just don't bring the kid. Can't always blame the kid because he/she could be tired, cranky, sick, hungry.  Be considerate of the kid if he/she is not up to shopping. Babysitter, spouse, grandparents come to mind...

Strangely enough, children don't come equipped with an on/off switch nor do they have volume control.  Parents can bring snack, entertainment etc. but children are people and we can't always control what they do, like a remote control car.  In many situations, kids are tired or cranky but grocery shopping must be done and there is no other option but to bring them to the store.  And if you choose to share your space with other human beings on a plane or bus you have to accept that some of your fellow humans will be children, disabled or different from you in some other way. 

I guess I'm a little touchy as last time I flew long haul with my 2 kids, my daughter (who was 5 at the time and hearing impaired) was watching her favorite movie on the plane (Frozen) and kept saying to me sitting next to her "look, there's Elsa" or "oh no the wolves are going to get Anna!" and things like that.  She said it in her regular speaking voice which is quite loud thanks to being 5 and having hearing issues.  A nasty French lady sceamed at me to make my child quiet not just once but 3 times.  It was a daytime flight but she wanted to watch her movie without having to hear my daughter talk to me about her favorite movie.  I told her that my daughter is 5 and hearing impaired and behaving extremely well.  I tried to explain to her that hearing impaired children often have problems moderating their volume and that my child should be allowed to talk.  I asked her what she suggested I do - maybe drug her?  I had already told my daughter several times to keep her voice down but this is very difficult for a hearing impaired child  - and it really wasn't that loud.  Anyway, I was just amazed by this.  Maybe I've been in Italy too long - people are warm here and kind to children, older people and people with disabilities on the whole.

DCteach

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #52 on: May 21, 2018, 11:51:15 AM »
DW and I just took our 5.5 month old to Aberystwyth, Wales, for a family wedding. Red-eye flight, layover at 2am body-clock-time, 3.5 hour drive from airport to Wales after landing in UK.

I was extremely anxious leading up to the trip. Baby did pretty well though. It helped that we had family around to give us a hand throughout the weekend. We don't have family near us where we live, so that felt like a luxury.

Next up, Hawaii in June. That will be a 9-10 hour flight, but at least it will be direct. We also booked seats that should be compatible with having the airline provide a bassinet, so baby can (hopefully) sleep somewhere other than our laps!  After Hawaii, Dallas in July.

Traveling with a baby is hard, for sure. But, being at home with a baby is hard, a lot of the time, too.

People have told us that travel becomes more challenging as baby becomes more mobile.


Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #53 on: May 21, 2018, 12:11:32 PM »
Hula Hoop, yes, children do not come with an on or off switch. We all have to be tolerant of each other but it is still the parents job to quiet the child as best as they can. To you, your child with a hearing disability didn't seem loud but to others it may have been annoying. Don't take offence because sometimes the parent just doesn't realize how annoying certain behaviors can be. You have become used to it but the rest of us have not. All I am asking is for parents to try to do the best they can to keep the child quiet by providing things (food, toys, etc.) to stop the noise. Yes, there are times when nothing works and I think other passengers do realize that the parent has tried their best. But some parents just do nothing at all.

I have two dogs and one in particular likes to bark at people, other dogs, vehicles driving up my driveway, you name it this dog will bark at it. I allow the dog to bark a few times and that is it. I won't subject the neighborhood to my dog barking all day long outside. I think dogs are allowed to bark a little and kids can make some noise too. But, when it is possible, try to stop the behavior no one wants to listen to.

Sorry if I have offended people.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #54 on: May 21, 2018, 12:23:48 PM »
RR - the point is that I did tell her to speak quietly but that's something that she can't do.  Even now that she's had an operation that restored her hearing to almost 100% she still has a loud voice, which is a habit that I think she adopted during her first 5 years with hearing loss.  Short of drugging her there was nothing I could do, as I explained to the French lady.  I think that she thought that there was some kind of volume control switch on my child. 

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #55 on: May 21, 2018, 12:33:28 PM »
Hula Hoop, you did all you could do at the time. No one is faulting your efforts. I am sure the French woman just didn't understand or didn't believe you.

Just curious, have you taken your daughter to a speech therapist since she has regained her hearing maybe she needs to retrain her voice volume. That is wonderful she has almost perfect hearing! YAY! WONDERFUL!

We all have our problems...I just found out my one dog who was a rescue (Pomeranian) just had a cancerous tumor removed. We got the bad news Friday night and I have been in tears for days over it. The Vet suggested taking him to an oncologist which we will do. He has to have stitches out this week and then we will take him. He is such a sweet baby boy and I hope they can help him.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #56 on: May 21, 2018, 12:56:45 PM »
She did speech therapy for several years but now no longer needs it as both her languages are at the level they should be. 

Very sorry to hear about your dog's tumour - I hope that he is OK.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #57 on: May 21, 2018, 01:05:15 PM »
Hula Hoop...thanks...

Cassie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #58 on: May 21, 2018, 11:09:52 PM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

jezebel

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #59 on: May 22, 2018, 11:19:57 AM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

I do too.  I love to hear the sound of children talking and laughing.  But I find it annoying when adults talk loudly to each other or on cell phone on a plane.  But we are all people and commuters on the same commercial jet, just like children are, except adults can control themselves better.   Why do some people feel that their annoyance level takes precedence over that of others? 

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #60 on: May 22, 2018, 01:32:53 PM »
Hula, people should be more understanding or bring earplugs.  I love it when kids are engaged.

I do too.  I love to hear the sound of children talking and laughing.  But I find it annoying when adults talk loudly to each other or on cell phone on a plane.  But we are all people and commuters on the same commercial jet, just like children are, except adults can control themselves better.   Why do some people feel that their annoyance level takes precedence over that of others?

Thanks so much, guys.  Obviously, I agree completely.

MsPeacock

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #61 on: May 23, 2018, 07:19:10 PM »
Baby Peacock #1 reached Silver status on Northwest his first year of life. My kids are 11 and 14 now - they are on their 4th passport (and that is about to expire). I love to travel with them. The hardest thing about travel with kids, IMO, is as they get older it costs more. I now get two hotel rooms (or a two bedroom rental) when I travel with them because no one will share a bed and they are really too old for me to want to anyhow. They are obviously way past the lap baby stage for air travel. Kids change how you travel - I've hung out at playgrounds and carnivals in Spain and France - places that I never would have bothered w/ before travel w/ kids. Now that they are older they have the stamina for more "adult" type outings on the trip (riding bikes around the Versailles gardens). Now they can help plan and identify what they are interested in seeing. This summer the 11 year old wants to see ALL the cathedrals in London (there are many - we won't manage this).

Cassie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #62 on: May 23, 2018, 10:32:28 PM »
There were 5 of us and we always had 1 hotel room .  2 regular beds and a rollaway bed.

JustTrying

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #63 on: May 29, 2018, 11:23:40 PM »
My child (not yet two) has completed 4 international trips, and several domestic trips. We've actually increased travel (from 1 international trip per year to two) since she's been born. BUT we don't plan to have another since we're enjoying this fantastic life where we get to have a great kid whom we adore but also get to do all the fun stuff we did before having a kid. I think a 2nd kid would make it exponentially harder (and more expensive!) to keep our active adventurous lifestyle up!

StarBright

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #64 on: May 30, 2018, 08:01:34 AM »
We honestly haven't traveled much (other than obligatory family holidays) since we had children. But it isn't the traveling with children (which is sort of easy) as much as time constraints and schedules.

I found the larger problem to be vacation time from work. I work for a small business so had to use up all my vacation time for maternity in the years that I was pregnant/they were born so that took up almost 4 years. Once you have them you have to take vacation time for all the times they are too sick for daycare.

Now that they are older, their preschool, elementary school, and DH's university schedules don't line up so most of my vacation time is childcare on the weeks when they don't have coverage.

This summer will be the first vacation we've taken as a family since my kids have been born (and my oldest is turning 7 this summer). We are SUPER excited!

If you have loads of vacation time and easy schedules I can see how it would be much easier though. I anticipate that ours will be easier as the kids get older and get into the same school system.


gpyros85

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #65 on: May 30, 2018, 09:07:07 AM »
When the kids are young, they are easy to travel with and of course under 2 years of age fly free!

Now, you start double thinking about air or even cruise or any pay per guest type trips. (Hotels and road trips don't mind how many people you bring!) So you start thinking about different style of trips to cut cost.

I have 3 kids....

malacca

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #66 on: June 01, 2018, 05:15:26 AM »
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/moved-abroad/

My daughter's first trip was to HK at 3 months. Passport full of stamps. Traveled when living in USA - spent one year in an RV. Kids now 6 and 10 and we are traveling all over the world.

We are actually "traveliving" - preferring to spend a year or so in each country.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #67 on: June 11, 2018, 10:35:10 AM »
Before my wife and I had kids, we travelled somewhat frequently, every few months. Figured we might slow down a bit when the first was born, but it'd just take more preparation. Have the right toys and distractions ready for flights, familiar things foods for the hotel, plan the days out better with stops for the little guy. Went quite well, long plane rides to Europe weren't too bad, managed to get to San Francisco, Miami, Munich all in the first year along with numerous 5+ hour train rides for local trips. It's definitely more work, and less enjoyable a trip, but we could still go.

Then the 2nd one was born. And all that prep became worthless. Travelling with him is a small slice of hell. Whether or not you get a good traveller is a roll of the dice.

Grogounet

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #68 on: June 12, 2018, 01:51:19 AM »
The truth is that sometimes, kids are out of control.
M is 7 and N is 4. They have been with us to: Japan, Philippines, Fiji, around OZ, NZ, France, Spain, UK, Vietnam and I might forget some.
In some instances they have been absolute Angels, some other nightmares for other travelers. And we had this look from travelers, you know, the one saying that you are ruining their flight.
You can be as much organize a you can, and throughout the years we have come to learn of lot of tricks. But if something is wrong with a 3 year old... then the neighbors will most likely have to deal with it too...

Bird In Hand

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #69 on: June 14, 2018, 12:55:14 PM »
I have two dogs and one in particular likes to bark at people, other dogs, vehicles driving up my driveway, you name it this dog will bark at it. I allow the dog to bark a few times and that is it. I won't subject the neighborhood to my dog barking all day long outside. I think dogs are allowed to bark a little and kids can make some noise too. But, when it is possible, try to stop the behavior no one wants to listen to.

To me, dog owners are (on average) less considerate than parents of young children.  It's rare that I see parents completely ignoring bad or egregiously irritating behavior of their children.  Yet every single day I am subjected to neighbors' dogs who are allowed to roam free, bark incessantly, poop in anyone's yard, or chase cars down the street.  Every time I take a hike there's a good chance someone's off-lead dog (there's a universally ignored leash law) will be running around, free to crap in the trail, or accost me and my kids with slobber and/or wet fur.  This is especially stressful for people who have been bitten by a dog (like my wife).  For all intents and purposes, there's no legal redress.  The best you can do is go to war with your neighbors, and that rarely goes well.

So I thank you for being a considerate dog owner.  In my experience, you are a rare breed.

Back to the topic at hand, travelling with our 3 kids is a mixed bag.  We've had some good trips, including a trip to Europe, and made some great memories.  But it's definitely not relaxing for us.  Travelling magnifies all the usual challenges of parenting, and there are many stressful moments.  I should mention that a big source of stress is trying to make sure that our kids aren't making other people's lives miserable.  I'm very aware of their noise level, the fact that they might kick the back of someone's airplane seat, or say something offensive aloud.  My youngest is fascinated with size differences in people, and is keen to announce when he sees a particularly large person.  Yes, we try very hard to explain to him that this is inappropriate, and why.  No, we cannot always control what he says in public.

My three 3 children are all very different from one another.  If we had three that were just like the middle child, travelling would be a breeze.  If they were all like the oldest, we'd focus mostly on techniques to ease anxiety.  If they were all like the youngest, we would never, ever travel again.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #70 on: June 14, 2018, 03:52:39 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!


Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #71 on: June 14, 2018, 11:39:00 PM »
RR - IMO and in the opinion of many parents giving in to tantrums in a public place just to keep a kid quiet is not good parenting.  My younger child is 'spirited' and would scream her head off if she did not get what she wanted when she was younger (things like wanting to be able to run around near heavy traffic, stay out after 10 pm, be allowed to cross the street by herself at 4, being able to watch her favorite show on the ipad while her sister didn't get to watch anything).  I chose to just let her scream but firmly set limits if her desire was unreasonable or dangerous, even if we were in a public place.  As a result, she's a lovely non spoiled 6 year old now.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #72 on: June 15, 2018, 09:50:44 AM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

I'm a red panda

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #73 on: June 15, 2018, 10:06:55 AM »
Our 14 month old did great on our recent flights. It helped to find a place in the airport she could run around, and it was way easier on the legs I had my husband than the ones I didn't.

We have our next trip airplane booked for December, but have a roadtrip next month.

I am trying to get Global Entry, since I fly a lot for work, and we have some international travel planned, but the nearest interview site is over 200 miles, so I'm not sure it is worth it.  I'd only have to drive 30 miles to get a pre-check interview.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #74 on: June 15, 2018, 10:18:41 AM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

jezebel

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #75 on: June 15, 2018, 02:54:19 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

Maybe this hasn't occurred to you, some children respond very differently to interaction when they are crying or having a melt down.  Even if a parent does everything to avoid a meltdown, it happens and some kids respond to direct interaction during a meltdown by melting down with more vigor and for much longer than if they were just left to calm down on their down (ask me how I know this).  So it may look like a parent is ignoring their child when they are actually responding in the appropriate manner to that particular child and to the benefit of the entire airplane.

Also, you can prepare your butt off and still have life take over.  You don't know if that family has just slept in the airport overnight because their flight was delayed or cancelled and whether they had to sprint to their connection and have run out of fun snacks and games because they have been traveling for 10 more hours than they originally anticipated.   

I operate under the assumption that we are all humans with our own private struggles, and this leads to greater compassion and less judgment on my part.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #76 on: June 15, 2018, 03:28:27 PM »
I operate under the assumption that we are all humans with our own private struggles, and this leads to greater compassion and less judgment on my part.

I love this.

Crabbie

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #77 on: June 15, 2018, 05:53:33 PM »
Thank you for those who prepare foods, toys, snacks and sleep schedules prior to the plane trip. You are the people who care about others around you and your children's behavior. I think most travelers would understand if your kid became cranky if you did all you could. But many parents sit there with their kid doing an exorcist and they act like nothing is happening and ignore what is going on. Talk to the kid, rock the kid, give the kid a snack, a lollie pop. Even give them some forbidden food you normally wouldn't give them. I say do whatever it takes to quiet them down! For those who just sit there and ignore it, it isn't cute and no one is enjoying the shrieking.

Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance, be prepared for the worst your kid might be and pack a magic bag of tricks to keep them quiet! I know some parents won't feed their kids certain foods but if it doesn't make them sick and they love it BRING IT!

We've been in that spot, and we've been the parents to let them cry. Because you know what? We prepared, had the candies, the ipads, the books and toys, all that crap ready to go and sometimes it doesn't matter. There might be a misunderstanding here thinking that a crying child can always be talked, bribed, distracted out of it.

Crabbie, if you took notice I DID mention "Yes, I know it isn't always possible but at least prepare in advance". If you do all you can great. Some just choose to ignore the kid completely.

Yep, read it and my response follows from that. The underlying assumption in your post is that parents of a crying child have either under-prepared or are otherwise capable of stopping them but choose not to. If you want to either retract that statement or revise it to more accurately capture what you meant, that's fine and we can continue from there, but for now that's what I responded to.

In either case, I'd recommend reading jezebel's response, as it's quite thoughtful and well articulated.

Lago

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #78 on: Today at 04:14:27 PM »
This has been true for us. 3 kids: 4 yrs, 2 yrs and 3 months. I'm sure it will get easier when the youngest is 2. Right now traveling is more work than fun. The best trips are renting homes or visiting relatives, but staying in 1 room together is torture!! The baby wakes everyone up and you have to be silent once the kids go to bed, or one wakes up and wakes up the other 2.