Author Topic: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore  (Read 10194 times)

clarkfan1979

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once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« on: April 19, 2018, 11:57:26 AM »
I traveled often as a young adult, mostly on the cheap. A common theme of protestors was that once I have a kid that will come to a stop. My child is 11 months and he has traveled 32,711 miles via airplane (6 round trip flights) before his first birthday.

Once he hits age 2, we will probably slow down because we will have to buy him an actual ticket. However, for right now we will continue to take him with us and parade him around the United States.

reeshau

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2018, 12:03:44 PM »
A common theme of protestors was that once I have a kid that will come to a stop.

Um...what protestors?

I have a similar experience.  I'm an older parent, but travel was our big thing before kids.  Our son, who just turned 3, generally flies quarterly, if not more frequent.  Which is cute, because the cabin crew usually assume it's his first flight.  We have a pile of junior wings, and he has made several cockpit visits--nowadays, only after the flight is over.  But the truth is that he almost qualified as a Silver Elite flier last year, and likely will this year.  We have taken him from Florida, to Alaska, to Hawaii, and many places in between.  Europe is up in June.

Admittedly, he is an *Excellent* traveller.  The only time he is a handful is on overnight / red eye flights.

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2018, 03:54:07 PM »
We just got back from spending our spring break in Europe, with kids ages 6, 8, 17. We did stop traveling for a few years after #2 and #3 were born, but that was more because we bought an expensive house and had a nanny and didn't have the budget. This is well before finding MMM or we wouldn't have bought the stupid house! We didn't actually take the younger two on an airplane until they were 4 and 6 respectively, but since then we've taken them to: Jamaica, Mexico (Cancun), UK (London, York, Edinburgh), Italy (Rome, Pompeii, Florence), Netherlands, Belgium, France.

We've also taken them on road trips: up to Washington state, all the way to Indiana for a road trip (19 states in that one...when the youngest was 2.5), Colorado, Utah, and backpacking in Sequoia, Joshua Tree, Olympics. We've been whale watching with them at the Channel Islands, and they've been skiing three times in Brian Head, UT. I think they're at 21 states currently. Having kids does definitely change how we travel; we don't ski Mammoth anymore because five of us can ski in Brian Head for the same cost as one in Mammoth, but it's a reasonable compromise!

The kids actually travel really well; they do better on red eye flights than I do. Thanks to travel hacking we don't spend a fortune on our travel even with the kids. We often rent an airbnb or other option with a kitchen so we don't eat every meal out to help reduce expenses too. I've found on our international travel that other people are much more friendly when we travel with kids. That really surprised me.

MayDay

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2018, 04:31:25 PM »
Because it depends on the kids.

I'm glad you all have good travelers, but let's be real: lots of kids are a nightmare to travel with.


Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2018, 04:34:14 PM »
We travel a lot with our kids but it has definitely changed the way we travel.  But of course kids pretty much change the way you do everything.

We also tend to stay either with family or in AirBNBs with kitchens so that we can make food at home.  We usually eat out once per day while travelling.

A bit of a spanner in the works is that my older daughter has developed terrible motion sickness on planes.  We're going a trip to visit family in the US this August and I'm desperately trying to avoid a repeat of our last plane trip which was my daughter vomiting repeatedly as we were landing and even after we had landed as we were de-planing. 

wordnerd

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2018, 05:29:09 PM »
You can...My 2 year old has been on 3 cross-country trips and one trans-Atlantic. Right now, I find travel less enjoyable and will probably wait until he and baby #2 are bit older to do more.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2018, 09:38:29 AM »
Because it depends on the kids.

I'm glad you all have good travelers, but let's be real: lots of kids are a nightmare to travel with.

True, but often times kids are a nightmare to travel with because their schedules are out of whack and they are pushed to the brink of their patience, which is obviously meager to begin with. 

Kids have also changed how we travel.  We take more long car trips and tend to keep their normal routine and keep a very relaxed pace and attitude.  My youngest can be very cranky at times and will meltdown more often while traveling.  We accept that and try to take it stride.  Which means that we usually prefer to travel in just our small family unit, rather than with extended family, because it's less stressful for us, and the kids, to not have to deal with another set of expectations and travel styles.

We travel somewhat frequently with the kids (two long trips and two shorter trips per year avg) and they have gotten to be much better travelers over the years.

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2018, 11:34:03 AM »
Because it depends on the kids.

I'm glad you all have good travelers, but let's be real: lots of kids are a nightmare to travel with.

It also depends on the parents. Our style of travel has definitely changed with kids, but I've found that there's a lot I can do as a parent to not set them up for failure, particularly by managing my expectations. There has certainly been some trial and error, and we've had our share of kid nightmare meltdowns. We've learned that having snacks kid #2 will ALWAYS melt down spectacularly when hungry) and adapting our plans to be more accommodating to our children's needs has gone a long way towards making travel with them more enjoyable. Dramamine has also helped a fair bit since 2 of my 3 have had bouts of motion sickness during travel. It's definitely not the same as traveling before having kids, but it's been very rewarding and has certainly been worth the difficulty.

nessness

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2018, 09:50:35 PM »
I'd be careful about getting too smug before you've even reached the toddler stage - traveling with a toddler can be harder than traveling with an infant in a lot of ways. And if you decide to have a second...

I'm glad you have a good traveler now though and I hope that continues for you.

LiveLean

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2018, 11:42:10 AM »
Sure, you can travel all you want with kids. The ages 5 to 11 are awesome since they're still open to anything - teenage cynicism hasn't set in -- and they're long past the diaper/stroller stage. After that, it becomes tougher both with their attitudes AND their activities. If they're involved in any sort of year-round competitive sport, you have few windows to travel significantly.

What about travel without kids? Unless you have willing and able grandparents -- and we don't -- you will never go anywhere alone. Our kids are 15 and 12 and wife and I haven't gotten away for more than two nights in nine years.

imolina

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2018, 10:51:37 PM »
We used to travel a lot before children, and still continue but a bit less as now we have to travel during the school holidays and my leave at work has been reduced. My oldest son is 6, and has been to China, India, Sri Lanka, Seychelles, Europe, America, etc. we live in the middle east so it is easier to travel. I think that if you start traveling with them since they are babies, you and they get used to it, and it is not that hard, even if you have 2 children. We have a 3 and a 6 year old, last year we went to London, Amsterdam, Brussels in the spring, and Greece in the summer. Everyone told us Santorini and the Acropolis would be very tough, but it wasnít, my 3 y.o walked a lot and enjoyed, she even tells me her favorite place is Santorini. You just need to be more flexible, prepare a lot ( I do a lot of planning and reading) and incorporate some kid friendly activities. We all enjoy traveling, they keep asking me when and where are traveling next.

PharmaStache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2018, 12:19:48 PM »
I'm not interested in travelling with a baby or toddler.  Not a big deal to stay home for a few years.  We got a lot of travelling out of the way before kids. 

We took our older son on his first plane trip when he was 3.5 and he was fine.

I'm a red panda

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2018, 02:07:07 PM »
We took my daughter to the Adirondacks when she was 4 months...I'm glad she was nursing, as the extra 8 hours of flight delays would have been tough otherwise.

We also did a long weekend in St. Louis when she was 3 months and that went great, except the drive home which she got a but upset about.

The drive to Austin when she was 9 months was better.

She flies to Austin in 2 months (15 months), and we are planning on Spain when she is 21 months.

We won't leave her while we go on trips, but both my husband and I have done single trips since she came along.

Livethedream

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2018, 08:45:05 PM »
We have slowed down and adjusted our traveling with kids. 3yo and 8mo, we choose better flight times, more free time, lots of snacks, shorter trips, and nicer hotel room (try to get ones with kitchenette now)

Itís fun but different. We are looking forward to the young one being potty trained, what a difference that makes!

chouchouu

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2018, 07:43:12 AM »
We have six year old twins, we crossed Europe at six months which was exhausting but doable. At ten months we flew back home from Belgium to Sydney with a week in Thailand. That trip was so traumatising I vowed not to travel with them again until they could talk and tell me why they are screaming their heads off. We flew again when they were three, just me and the twins. It was really quite lovely and the opposite of their ten month old trip. We didn't have a TV at home so they were thrilled with the infighting entertainment not to mention undiluted juice on tap. They enjoyed the different countries and we're a pleasure to travel with. At four we went again, this time crossing Europe by train as well. They even helped me lug all our luggage across London. I enjoy travelling with them, I just make sure we have stopovers, usually a week for the long haul flights and at least a night for short haul stopovers. Even if it's just the airport hotel, getting to sleep in a proper bed makes for a much more relaxing trip.

LouLou

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2018, 08:11:08 AM »
I know people who haven't gone on a vacation or trip in ten years "because they have kids."

I travel a lot - my little one is almost 2. She has flown fairly often.  My husband and I have also individually taken trips with friends, leaving the other spouse at home with the kid. 

Our joint travel has definitely changed.  Before I went for bare/cheap accommodations because I was just sleeping there. Otherwise, I was doing ALL THE THINGS. Or I was drinking all day on the beach.  Now, I get an AirBNB/VRBO with a kitchen and separate bedrooms. Relaxing at the house while the little one sleeps is a major part of the trip.  I'm going to Florida next week, and I splurged for a house with a private pool so I can swim/relax during nap and bedtime. I also have no set plans - we will play everything by ear based on the Current Toddler Mood.

When we add more to the brood, we will definitely do more road trips and Amtrak trips instead of flights.

Arbitrage

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2018, 09:14:48 AM »
Slowing down was key for us.  On our first trip with our first child, we had planned way too much, and we learned that we needed to just slow down, go with the flow, and take care of his needs first. 

Improvisation becomes much more difficult.  Planning is more important.

Stress levels go up - if things aren't ideal, you're not dealing with just one other unhappy person. 

Costs, naturally, go up a lot.

As others have noted, flights can become a nightmare, but it does depend upon the child.  <12 months is not necessarily the difficult time; for us, 1-2 years was hellish.  Yes, hellish.  Son at 1 was miserable, screaming nonstop despite all of our planning and efforts.  Daughter at 1 was insistent upon walking the entire flight.  Four hours of wandering the cramped, crowded aisles on a cross-country flight later, I can speak from experience that it's not very enjoyable. 

Our kids were better, but still difficult at 3.  Now, at 5-7, they're pretty good, but still have a lot of needs, and everything is still much more challenging than when planning a trip for two adults.  However, there is something to be said for watching them delight in things that you might otherwise find blase.  This can allow you to experience a lot of things with a fresh perspective. 

Pennycounter

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2018, 12:54:52 PM »
Because it depends on the kids.

I'm glad you all have good travelers, but let's be real: lots of kids are a nightmare to travel with.

True dat and I have one of each. 
We definitely tailor or travel to our kids just like we tailor the rest of our lives to them.

CindyBS

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #18 on: April 23, 2018, 02:28:47 PM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods. 

henceforth

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #19 on: April 24, 2018, 04:52:16 PM »
Ours are 5 and 6, and we have done annual international trips with them since birth. Last year we went to Vietnam, Cuba, Boston and Florida, this year we have done Argentina, Florida and leave for Italy in a few months. Our kids are great travellers, but it is also an important activity for our family. My DH and I see travel as an important part of the life we desire to live - our children have had to adjust to that and for now love travelling as much as we do. (We are in Eastern Canada by the way).

bogart

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2018, 08:08:31 PM »
I'm reminded of the "are you taking a trip or going on a vacation?" bit that made the rounds on the 'net a few years back (google "trip or vacation" and it will pop right up), and largely find that, yes, traveling as a parent with kids is more trip, less vacation.  So it goes. 

I found the not-yet-walking stages of traveling pretty straightforward.  Mobility in the early years added all sorts of challenges to long drives, long flights, and long waits, though from about 5 on, it's again gotten pretty straightforward. 

Like me (but not my husband), my kid can sleep anywhere and will eat anything, which makes matters lots simpler. 

Of course, there's plenty outside of one's control -- a propensity to motion sickness, food allergies -- that can make traveling difficult, and kids seem more prone than adults to some of these things.

And yes, sports schedules add another complication.  We've scarcely a weekend without one or more games -- the kid plays in several organized leagues, which is mostly a positive for us -- and try to avoid missing them, for the most part.  And there's school, without which we'd have a lot more flexibility in scheduling.  No, we have no interest in homeschooling.

startingsmall

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2018, 08:25:31 PM »
I'm reminded of the "are you taking a trip or going on a vacation?" bit that made the rounds on the 'net a few years back (google "trip or vacation" and it will pop right up), and largely find that, yes, traveling as a parent with kids is more trip, less vacation.  So it goes. 


I loved that article and reread it on an annual basis. No joke. My daughter is 5 and we're still in "trippity trip trip" territory.... though I'm glad to hear that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. On our last trip to the beach, we did a daytrip to Savannah that involved a lot of walking. There was a considerable amount of whining, but overall she did better than I expected.... so maybe we're going to turn the bend soon.

sjc0816

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #22 on: April 25, 2018, 11:16:17 AM »
I will admit we do not travel as much as I would like. We typically do one summer vacation per year but we have to be very budget conscious and with four of us living in a flyover state, there aren't a lot of options that don't involve very expensive flights or really long drives. Both of my boys play baseball, which basically limits us to the end of July/August for travel. Traveling over Christmas or spring break is even MORE expensive.

The last two years we've done major road trips...one to the east coast and one to the west coast. This year we are skipping a big vacation and doing some smaller local-ish camping trips instead because we are funneling vacation money into some home improvements. We just don't have the money to do everything so choices have to be made.

This is something that I definitely struggle with because my kids have friends that are flying to Europe and the Caribbean pretty regularly...and this is definitely one thing that I wish I could give them. 

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2018, 11:58:04 AM »
Yes to the trip vs vacation article! Our recent travel to Europe was definitely "trip". All inclusive to Jamaica including childcare two years ago? That was probably my first ever actual "vacation" and it was glorious. I sure would love to do something like that again someday, but it's definitely a rare splurge since I haven't found a way to travel hack the bulk of it yet. We have cheap flights to Europe down though!

And parents who travel with kids that are autistic have my utmost admiration. A friend of mine has two sons with autism and is a military wife so she handles SO much on her own and it is another league of difficult altogether.

I'm a red panda

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #24 on: April 25, 2018, 12:31:04 PM »
Based on this article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-blazoned/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310.html

All my preferred vacations are "trips".  We ALWAYS want a kitchen. I ADORE being in a tent. And things like aquariums and battlefields- sign me up.  So I guess I don't do vacations.
Even without kids.


I'm confused what a vacation would be.  Lots of "trips" were described, but the only vacation mentioned was Tropical resort, all inclusive, kids programs.  That sounds awful.  Most resorts are cookie cutter and could be placed anywhere in the world with good weather. AI means $$$$ on things I'm unlikely to use.  I'd like kid programs, but if I'm not working I want to spend some time with my kid- daycare sees her more than I do.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #25 on: April 25, 2018, 12:47:54 PM »
Yes to the trip vs vacation article! Our recent travel to Europe was definitely "trip". All inclusive to Jamaica including childcare two years ago? That was probably my first ever actual "vacation" and it was glorious. I sure would love to do something like that again someday, but it's definitely a rare splurge since I haven't found a way to travel hack the bulk of it yet. We have cheap flights to Europe down though!

And parents who travel with kids that are autistic have my utmost admiration. A friend of mine has two sons with autism and is a military wife so she handles SO much on her own and it is another league of difficult altogether.

Please elaborate this!

Prairie Stash

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #26 on: April 25, 2018, 03:01:27 PM »
I traveled often as a young adult, mostly on the cheap. A common theme of protestors was that once I have a kid that will come to a stop. My child is 11 months and he has traveled 32,711 miles via airplane (6 round trip flights) before his first birthday.

Once he hits age 2, we will probably slow down because we will have to buy him an actual ticket. However, for right now we will continue to take him with us and parade him around the United States.
That's generally what people are referring to; its more expensive. Sure people with kids travel, some also have a lot more money then others. Its pretty reasonable to assume that if you have two kids, it costs twice as much, so you might travel half as much.

I would also travel more if my kids could travel for free. As you say yourself, kids will change your travel habits, a singular baby, not so much. The argument is valid for a lot of people purely for financial reasons, it has very little to do with logistics (offer people with kids free flights and I imagine most will take the offer).

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #27 on: April 25, 2018, 03:38:15 PM »
Yes to the trip vs vacation article! Our recent travel to Europe was definitely "trip". All inclusive to Jamaica including childcare two years ago? That was probably my first ever actual "vacation" and it was glorious. I sure would love to do something like that again someday, but it's definitely a rare splurge since I haven't found a way to travel hack the bulk of it yet. We have cheap flights to Europe down though!

And parents who travel with kids that are autistic have my utmost admiration. A friend of mine has two sons with autism and is a military wife so she handles SO much on her own and it is another league of difficult altogether.

Please elaborate this!

Oh, we had a very VERY non-mustachian vacation two years ago with very good friends of ours...we went to Beaches Ocho Rios. It was NOT a frugal trip (although airfare could have been bought via miles/points but it was after this trip that we got a rewards credit card and started our travel hacking). We chose Ocho Rios because it was the cheapest of the three Beaches properties. Since then we have done another all-inclusive in Cancun that was a fraction of the price...but it was definitely not on the same level of amazing. It was the most I have ever spent on a trip in my life; we usually do road trips/camping trips, or pretty action-packed Europe travel on a budget. This was totally different from anything we've ever done and we are definitely sold on the relaxing beach vacation every few years! My very non-beachy husband who was extremely reluctant to do the trip still declares it two years later to be the best vacation he's ever had.

charis

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #28 on: April 25, 2018, 07:31:55 PM »
The all inclusive resort had child care? We are always a little nervous about hotel or resort child care.

bogart

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #29 on: April 25, 2018, 08:57:49 PM »
Based on this article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-blazoned/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310.html

All my preferred vacations are "trips".  We ALWAYS want a kitchen. I ADORE being in a tent. And things like aquariums and battlefields- sign me up.  So I guess I don't do vacations.
Even without kids.


I'm confused what a vacation would be.  Lots of "trips" were described, but the only vacation mentioned was Tropical resort, all inclusive, kids programs.  That sounds awful.  Most resorts are cookie cutter and could be placed anywhere in the world with good weather. AI means $$$$ on things I'm unlikely to use.  I'd like kid programs, but if I'm not working I want to spend some time with my kid- daycare sees her more than I do.

So, to offer one example, my basic version of a (kid-free) beach vacation goes -- drive to beach.  Stay in beach house.  Only goals for the week are (a) spend some time on beach; (b) make a batch of brownies at some point; (c) sleep in; (d) spend one day (likely determined in part by the weather) lying on the couch and reading a book.  Typically also includes long walks -- say 2 hours, r/t -- at night on the beach.

Family trip to the beach is -- drive to beach.  Stay in beach house.  Perpetual enforcement of rules about whether TV, etc., is on or off (in fairness, this is partly because DH does not care and thus will allow DS to have screen time, whereas I am a fan of limits.  But if it were just me, there would simply be no TV at all during the week we are at the beach.  Or tablet. Or smartphone.  Or anything.).  But not to worry, because if kid is awake, and he is awake ~7 a.m. to ~9 p.m., he wants to be on the beach, and more to the point, in the ocean.  And he is only just getting to an age (tween) where I might consider letting him go into the ocean by himself.  But probably, I will go in there with him, and he will happily spend 3 hours or more swimming in the waves.  In the morning.  And then want to do it again in the afternoon (DH will come in with us once over the course of the week, just so he can say he did so.  He does not like to swim in the ocean).  And quite possibly the early evening (probably only 2 hours then).  Every single day for a week.  And he will be talking to me the entire time we are in there.  Which, don't get me wrong, is delightful.  But exhausting.  If we are not in the ocean, he wants to be building stuff out of sand, and yes, he will do this by himself, some.  But he is social and wants us to participate (yes, this would be easier if there were a sibling -- it is easier when there are cousins present -- but there's no sibling and not all such trips include cousins).  And if we are not building sandcastles or swimming in the beach, then he wants to play mini-golf.  Or play monopoly.  Which requires a partner, aka, parent (see:  no sibling). Or watch TV.  Or throw a football on the beach (again, requires 2 people.  One might be DH.).  Or I might -- might -- be able to talk DS into going for a ~30 minute walk, but not the kind of walk I'd take on my own.  And I can leave him and DH in the house and go out by myself for those long night walks if I want to (but who would have the energy after that day?).

And you know what?  It is delightful.  Heck, we were on the beach this winter in ~36 degree weather with a driving wind when not another soul was in sight (because who the heck would want to be on the beach in those conditions?  DS), and he dug us ditches, so that we could lie in them and be out of the wind.  Which worked, and was interesting, and a good experience, and fun in a larger parenting sense.  But not a vacation, if the goal of a vacation is to relax and get some rest.

So -- kid:  trip (for one thing, if I cannot sleep as late as I want?  Trip, not vacation).  I like trips, but trips are not vacations.

startingsmall

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #30 on: April 26, 2018, 03:16:35 PM »
Based on this article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-blazoned/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310.html

All my preferred vacations are "trips".  We ALWAYS want a kitchen. I ADORE being in a tent. And things like aquariums and battlefields- sign me up.  So I guess I don't do vacations.
Even without kids.


I'm confused what a vacation would be.  Lots of "trips" were described, but the only vacation mentioned was Tropical resort, all inclusive, kids programs.  That sounds awful.  Most resorts are cookie cutter and could be placed anywhere in the world with good weather. AI means $$$$ on things I'm unlikely to use.  I'd like kid programs, but if I'm not working I want to spend some time with my kid- daycare sees her more than I do.

So, to offer one example, my basic version of a (kid-free) beach vacation goes -- drive to beach.  Stay in beach house.  Only goals for the week are (a) spend some time on beach; (b) make a batch of brownies at some point; (c) sleep in; (d) spend one day (likely determined in part by the weather) lying on the couch and reading a book.  Typically also includes long walks -- say 2 hours, r/t -- at night on the beach.

Family trip to the beach is -- drive to beach.  Stay in beach house.  Perpetual enforcement of rules about whether TV, etc., is on or off (in fairness, this is partly because DH does not care and thus will allow DS to have screen time, whereas I am a fan of limits.  But if it were just me, there would simply be no TV at all during the week we are at the beach.  Or tablet. Or smartphone.  Or anything.).  But not to worry, because if kid is awake, and he is awake ~7 a.m. to ~9 p.m., he wants to be on the beach, and more to the point, in the ocean.  And he is only just getting to an age (tween) where I might consider letting him go into the ocean by himself.  But probably, I will go in there with him, and he will happily spend 3 hours or more swimming in the waves.  In the morning.  And then want to do it again in the afternoon (DH will come in with us once over the course of the week, just so he can say he did so.  He does not like to swim in the ocean).  And quite possibly the early evening (probably only 2 hours then).  Every single day for a week.  And he will be talking to me the entire time we are in there.  Which, don't get me wrong, is delightful.  But exhausting.  If we are not in the ocean, he wants to be building stuff out of sand, and yes, he will do this by himself, some.  But he is social and wants us to participate (yes, this would be easier if there were a sibling -- it is easier when there are cousins present -- but there's no sibling and not all such trips include cousins).  And if we are not building sandcastles or swimming in the beach, then he wants to play mini-golf.  Or play monopoly.  Which requires a partner, aka, parent (see:  no sibling). Or watch TV.  Or throw a football on the beach (again, requires 2 people.  One might be DH.).  Or I might -- might -- be able to talk DS into going for a ~30 minute walk, but not the kind of walk I'd take on my own.  And I can leave him and DH in the house and go out by myself for those long night walks if I want to (but who would have the energy after that day?).

And you know what?  It is delightful.  Heck, we were on the beach this winter in ~36 degree weather with a driving wind when not another soul was in sight (because who the heck would want to be on the beach in those conditions?  DS), and he dug us ditches, so that we could lie in them and be out of the wind.  Which worked, and was interesting, and a good experience, and fun in a larger parenting sense.  But not a vacation, if the goal of a vacation is to relax and get some rest.

So -- kid:  trip (for one thing, if I cannot sleep as late as I want?  Trip, not vacation).  I like trips, but trips are not vacations.

So well said.

To me, a vacation is a week where I get to spend a majority of the time doing things that I choose to do.

In a recent week-long trip to the beach, I had a ton of fun with my five year old and husband. We made some great memories. But I never picked up the book that I brought, never took an evening walk on the beach, and never slept past 8 am.

Pleasant trip, but it wasn't a fun/relaxing vacation.

farmerj

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2018, 08:04:15 AM »
I fondly recall a twenty-four hour flight I took with an eight month old, who was very well behaved as long as one amused him. He didn't really sleep, though, so somewhere around hour twenty-one of constantly amusing him, I remember thinking that this was the absolute nadir of my existence and if the plane went down, it wouldn't be so bad.

Car trips have worked pretty well as the family size has increased, because the kids are very good about entertaining each other. I credit the increased room that minivans provide, as when my brothers and I were crammed into the back seat of a station wagon, we fought *constantly*. I suppose this was a form of entertainment for us, but it didn't seem to make our parents happy. Corralling the kids once we've reached our destination is another matter.

In my opinion, one can certainly still travel, even with bucketloads of children, but  I pretty much don't want to.

marion10

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2018, 08:19:27 AM »
Great observations- except for visiting relatives- we did not do big trips until kids were older . We found a great family camp a few hours away that had care for kids starting at 6 months- started going when my youngest was just over a year. That was my vacation- I still had meals with kids- but someone else cooked and cleaned up and mornings and afternoon they had their own activities. So we could take a nap or read or walk. Evenings- we had two very simple rooms- could get the kids to bed and spend time in the next room or on the front porch. They usually slept well since they were worn out.

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #33 on: April 30, 2018, 02:24:30 PM »
The all inclusive resort had child care? We are always a little nervous about hotel or resort child care.

Yes; we only used it for a couple of dinners though because we had a great time hanging out with the kids around the water slides and the beach. Our kids at the time were 4 and 6 (and 15, but he had free run of the place with his friend whose family traveled with us). It was a pretty reputable (and expensive...did I mention it was very non-mustachian? I found MMM later that year...) place. I would definitely recommend the place we went from an enjoyment and safety standpoint, but it was a hell of a splurge.

englishteacheralex

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #34 on: April 30, 2018, 02:42:00 PM »
Great observations- except for visiting relatives- we did not do big trips until kids were older . We found a great family camp a few hours away that had care for kids starting at 6 months- started going when my youngest was just over a year. That was my vacation- I still had meals with kids- but someone else cooked and cleaned up and mornings and afternoon they had their own activities. So we could take a nap or read or walk. Evenings- we had two very simple rooms- could get the kids to bed and spend time in the next room or on the front porch. They usually slept well since they were worn out.

WHAT IS THIS FAMILY CAMP YOU SPEAK OF???? It sounds awesome.

marion10

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #35 on: May 01, 2018, 12:57:15 PM »
https://campbrosius.iu.edu/

Neither of us went to IU- but we joined the alumni association so we could go.

mm1970

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #36 on: May 01, 2018, 02:19:10 PM »
https://campbrosius.iu.edu/

Neither of us went to IU- but we joined the alumni association so we could go.

Oh yeah, our local uni has one too.  Haven't tried it.  THought it would be fun to do it somewhere else though.

http://familyvacationcenter.com/

Teachstache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #37 on: May 01, 2018, 06:33:06 PM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

AmberTheCat

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #38 on: May 02, 2018, 08:30:23 PM »
our most favorite times with our 4 kids have been all the road trips we've taken.
of course you can travel with kids. . . .  but it's just different than before.

We've road-tripped around the US and had great times; but starting at age 16, our oldest 2 said "NO MORE!"  we've flown with all 4 ONE TIME; its just so pricey to rent a van and pay for plane tix so thats why we've driven.

 in all -- we have had great trips to both coasts from the midwest. Love it. Will never regret those times.

CindyBS

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #39 on: May 05, 2018, 10:56:20 AM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

asauer

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #40 on: May 06, 2018, 05:53:18 AM »
Yeah, people told us that too.  Complete Bs.  As long as we plan well and  stay flexible itís completely fine.  We did take a short break while the kids were potty training (because I donít hate myself), but other Ethan that they go everywhere.

Hula Hoop

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #41 on: May 06, 2018, 06:37:24 AM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

You're definitely not alone.  My cousin has Aspergers and my aunt told me the story of a disastrous trip to Europe with him, her two other kids and her (now) ex-husband when he was around 2.  Apparently he could not stop screaming and acting out due to a combination of jetlag and unfamiliar routines and it was the most stressful thing she's ever done.  There is an end in sight as now her kids are all in their 40s and the one with Aspergers is pretty independent.  He lives at home but is taking care of their pets and garden while my aunt goes on a 2 week vacation starting next week.  She's a retired teacher but pretty mustachian and finds great travel deals.

Cranky

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #42 on: May 07, 2018, 04:46:33 PM »
My kids were not autistic, and I never found traveling with them relaxing. It was all the regular work, only harder.

Teachstache

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #43 on: May 07, 2018, 08:02:12 PM »
Depends on the kid.

Traveling with a child with Autism can be a special level of hell.  Change in routine, sensory overloads, unfamiliar things, difficulty finding the "right" foods.

I actually cried reading this. We can't stand taking our Autistic 3 year old son traveling. It's not fun for any of us. We're more than content to stay at home. Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

Hang in there, you are not alone.   

You're definitely not alone.  My cousin has Aspergers and my aunt told me the story of a disastrous trip to Europe with him, her two other kids and her (now) ex-husband when he was around 2.  Apparently he could not stop screaming and acting out due to a combination of jetlag and unfamiliar routines and it was the most stressful thing she's ever done.  There is an end in sight as now her kids are all in their 40s and the one with Aspergers is pretty independent.  He lives at home but is taking care of their pets and garden while my aunt goes on a 2 week vacation starting next week.  She's a retired teacher but pretty mustachian and finds great travel deals.

Thanks for the responses, HulaHoop & CindyBS.

9patch

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #44 on: May 08, 2018, 11:10:51 AM »
I love traveling with my son too. He's now 8, and has been to 10 countries so far. Even though he's autistic, he's on the mild side, and is more "shy". From a budget point of view, it's definitely more expensive, but I just budget aggressively for travel. Usually we'll do cheap travel (like visit Canada and stay with my parents for 2 weeks), and we'll do an international trip maybe once a year. We make it a bit more kid friendly by building in time to do things like go to parks and playgrounds. But we don't do any kid specific things, like go to Disneyland for example. We just do things that we want to do, and just schlep him along.

afox

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #45 on: May 08, 2018, 12:17:32 PM »
Im not hesitant to bring our 6 month old on most trips but with 2 working parents and all the other kid related stuff that has been added to life's to do list we just dont have the energy to travel much anymore.  For the first time in my life, looking at using my annual leave to stay home and perhaps keep kid in daycare which is essentially prepaid babysitting.

ender

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #46 on: May 08, 2018, 12:42:23 PM »
Heh.

You would NOT have travelled with me when I was that age (well, you could have, but you would have been embarrassed the entire time since I cried often because I had some health issues).


Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #47 on: May 21, 2018, 10:32:18 AM »
All I can say to those of you who have children is to respect the travelers who are around you and try to keep your kid quiet. Not all of us think it is cute to hear a kid squeal and scream the entire trip. I especially despise it when a kid kicks the back of my seat. Do the parents not care or don't see this happening? Some of us are on vacation and I consider the plane trip part of the experience and expense.

I am not trying to be mean spirited but at least do all you can to entertain the kid (toys), feed the kid (bring pudding, sandwiches, apple sauce, etc.), give the kid special treats (candy, cereal). Whatever it takes to keep the kid calm and happy and NOT kicking the back of someone's seat.

I have been in the grocery store too and parents let the kid shriek like a banshee and it never seems to bother the parent. We shoppers do find it disturbing! Bring something as suggested above to feed or entertain your kid or just don't bring the kid. Can't always blame the kid because he/she could be tired, cranky, sick, hungry.  Be considerate of the kid if he/she is not up to shopping. Babysitter, spouse, grandparents come to mind...

FireHiker

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #48 on: May 21, 2018, 10:59:14 AM »
@Roadrunner53 Absolutely; we make sure we have snacks, entertainment, etc. The first time we traveled with our kids on a long flight we were a party of 6 and paid a ton extra to pick our own seats so we had 3 in front of 3. That way if there were seats being kicked we could configure it that we were in those seats with the kids behind. Fortunately, they do very well and we found it's not a problem. But, we waited until they were 4 and 6 to even put them on a plane the first time.

I know things happen; sometimes a really little one has terrible trouble with their ears and screams. We were on one flight with a family whose two small children (2 and 4 maybe?) were severely motion sick and threw up the whole time. I will say, as a fellow passenger, when the parents are struggling but trying and nice and apologetic I am much more compassionate! We do our best to mitigate against whatever we can, and be attentive to our childrens' needs throughout the trip so that they don't impact others as much as possible.

Sometimes with the grocery store, though, there's not a lot of other options if your kid loses it and you need to buy some essentials. I will be honest, I try very hard not to visibly react when my kids have a public meltdown (thankfully, it isn't often these days!) because sometimes they're after any reaction even if it's negative. That doesn't mean I'm not immensely bothered by it! Unfortunately not everyone has the luxury of a spouse, babysitter, or grandparent if they need to run out to the grocery store. We are very lucky that we live very close to work, so almost all of our shopping is done at lunch time without kids. We grocery shop without kids whenever possible; it's generally quicker and cheaper that way.

Roadrunner53

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Re: once you have kids you won't be able to travel anymore
« Reply #49 on: May 21, 2018, 11:25:17 AM »
FireHiker, I appreciate everything you have said and wish more parents would prepare better when travelling with their kids. I know it is hard to get every little thing perfect but if some just tried half as much as you do, then maybe the kids and innocent bystanders could deal with it.

Maybe you could make a list and post it to help others organize when going on a trip or just to the grocery store. List things that have helped you keep your kids peaceful!

We were all kids one time and I am sure we were cranky pants at times too. I wonder what our parents did to keep us happy and quiet!