Youtube is a medium for people with the shortest attention spans possible. It requires a very specific style of presentation to hold on to those special flutterbys, and you're not quite there yet.
You've edited out a lot of the natural pauses in conversation with jump cuts, but successful youtubers typically crank that up to eleven. They never appear to be to pausing for a second, or thinking of what to say next, it just immediately flows into the next thought. You're headed in the right direction compared to a lot of new youtubers, but I think your presentation could use some smoothing. I'd consider re-recording the message to frontload the summary sentence, and THEN pitching the story to highlight it. Write the dialogue out on paper in script format so that you're not winging it, and to make sure all of your sentences are grammatically correct. Does this sound like work yet?
I also think your lighting needs work. No matter how good the quality of the content, people judge videos based on production values.
You're an attractive person with something important to say, so I think you have a decent shot of getting youtube hits. I'd recommend pouring on the charisma and enthusiasm to levels that would feel absolutely creepy in person, reshooting that vid with four times as much light, and then editing it down to no more than 90 seconds, tops. As a first effort I think it has potential, but it still needs some work before you go viral.
It's a sad fact of the internet age that normal people, conversing in normal fashion, are painfully dull. Look at successful youtube personalities, hell look at successful commentators on CNN or Fox. Not only are they all abnormally beautiful (or at least really interesting looking) people, they speak with such volume and clarity and enthusiasm that they appear almost wide-eyed in their frenzy, like they're about to reach through the screen and grab you. If they acted like that while sitting in a restaurant you'd think they were crazy people. That's the required presentation style for video communications in this day and age.