Author Topic: Just found out (Read 52558 times)

zolotiyeruki · « **Reply #50 on:** October 16, 2014, 01:15:36 PM »

I hope all turns out well for you this time. Kids are an amazing thing. Our little girl will be 3 weeks old tomorrow, and it never ceases to be a miracle (and she's our 6th!).

tofuchampion · « **Reply #51 on:** October 16, 2014, 01:52:33 PM »

Congrats! I'd tell you not to worry, but having been in your shoes earlier this year, I know that's not gonna happen.

Good luck, and I've got my fingers crossed for you. :)

GizmoTX · « **Reply #52 on:** October 16, 2014, 02:22:59 PM »

What helped me was to truly focus on just 1 week at a time. "We" finally got pregnant at age 45 after 6 years of fertility treatments, & knew we wouldn't have a second chance. Fortunately, the only complications were placenta previa & a C-section 3 weeks early due to the umbilical cord wrapped around our son's neck. He'll be 21 tomorrow & we couldn't be happier -- it's been a great journey so far. Best wishes!!

farmstache · « **Reply #53 on:** October 16, 2014, 02:24:50 PM »

Congrats! Wishing you the best!

I too lost a baby in march (before I even realized I was pregnant - silly me - lost it around 8 weeks), but we got pregnant again in june and everything is on track for a march birth. Wishing you the same luck!

NearlyThere · « **Reply #54 on:** October 17, 2014, 09:12:16 AM »

Thanks so much guys. Its very early days (much earlier than last time). We've let the parents know, but no one else. Excited but very very nervous. Tonight I'm celebrating with a glass of red. Maybe 2

aclarridge · « **Reply #55 on:** October 17, 2014, 02:48:51 PM »

Quote from: MajorFacepunch on October 17, 2014, 09:12:16 AM

Thanks so much guys. Its very early days (much earlier than last time). We've let the parents know, but no one else. Excited but very very nervous. Tonight I'm celebrating with a glass of red. Maybe 2

In the exact same situation as you (first time miscarried, now pregnant again). I hope we both pull through! I keep telling my wife not to worry and try to distract her with happy things when I can.

arebelspy · « **Reply #56 on:** October 17, 2014, 03:32:19 PM »

Quote from: FI40 on October 17, 2014, 02:48:51 PM

Quote from: MajorFacepunch on October 17, 2014, 09:12:16 AM
Thanks so much guys. Its very early days (much earlier than last time). We've let the parents know, but no one else. Excited but very very nervous. Tonight I'm celebrating with a glass of red. Maybe 2

In the exact same situation as you (first time miscarried, now pregnant again). I hope we both pull through! I keep telling my wife not to worry and try to distract her with happy things when I can.

Crossing my fingers for both of you, I'm in the "first time miscarried, going to be trying again soon" camp. Give me some hope with your successes! :)

tofuchampion · « **Reply #57 on:** October 17, 2014, 08:16:59 PM »

Quote from: GizmoTX on October 16, 2014, 02:22:59 PM

What helped me was to truly focus on just 1 week at a time.

This, or even one day. I had a very early (~4 weeks) miscarriage in February, and when I got pregnant again, my response to worry was, "I'm pregnant today. I might be tomorrow or next week, or I might not, but I can't control that, so I'm going to be grateful to be pregnant today, right now."

I'm 35 weeks now, so it all worked out. Usually these things do; miscarriage is ridiculously common and most women go on to have successful pregnancies. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

SisterX · « **Reply #58 on:** October 19, 2014, 01:22:49 AM »

Quote from: arebelspy on October 17, 2014, 03:32:19 PM

Quote from: FI40 on October 17, 2014, 02:48:51 PM
Quote from: MajorFacepunch on October 17, 2014, 09:12:16 AM
Thanks so much guys. Its very early days (much earlier than last time). We've let the parents know, but no one else. Excited but very very nervous. Tonight I'm celebrating with a glass of red. Maybe 2

In the exact same situation as you (first time miscarried, now pregnant again). I hope we both pull through! I keep telling my wife not to worry and try to distract her with happy things when I can.

Crossing my fingers for both of you, I'm in the "first time miscarried, going to be trying again soon" camp. Give me some hope with your successes! :)

My friend miscarried her first pregnancy, tried again and now has a beautiful, healthy baby boy. :)
Teared up a little hearing about all the miscarriages (I know it's fairly common, but still heartbreaking) so I'm up here, hoping that all goes well for each of you. Hugs all around! :D

farmstache · « **Reply #59 on:** October 19, 2014, 09:28:47 AM »

Quote from: SisterX on October 19, 2014, 01:22:49 AM

My friend miscarried her first pregnancy, tried again and now has a beautiful, healthy baby boy. :)
Teared up a little hearing about all the miscarriages (I know it's fairly common, but still heartbreaking) so I'm up here, hoping that all goes well for each of you. Hugs all around! :D

Yeah, I know, me too! And the preggo hormones don't help. :(

Hugs all around and good luck to all of us!

On the up side, it seems like you are actually more fertile soon after a miscarriage (so watch out for twins! lots of those rainbow twins in the mommy app I joined).

NearlyThere · « **Reply #60 on:** October 20, 2014, 10:59:10 AM »

We've twins on both sides of the family. My dad was a twin...

By heck we're nervous right now. My wife won't have any comfort until she sees something in a scan. To be honest, I'll most likely be the same.

Good luck to you all.

Distshore · « **Reply #61 on:** October 20, 2014, 12:12:39 PM »

Good luck for your scan!

I am 28 weeks this week and find I get a bit more scared as the pregnancy progresses, mostly because I'm well past the point of no return ;)

Miscarriages happen so frequently but usually don't "mean" anything's wrong with either of you, just with the embryo; I am pretty sure I had a fertilization event 2 months before this one, but it didn't stick. Even though it was too early for me even to confirm, I was still really upset.
I hope this one is a good solid "sticker" for you; try and keep yourselves distracted for the next few weeks prior to the scan.

And don't share the wine with your wife!

NewbieFrugalUK · « **Reply #62 on:** October 23, 2014, 04:24:44 AM »

Hey OP, hope all going well so far. Am in a v similar situation to you - miscarriage in January, VERY nervous when we got pregnant again, but currently 18 weeks and all going well so far. Sending love to you and your wife!

NearlyThere · « **Reply #63 on:** November 02, 2014, 05:57:39 AM »

Everything going ok so far. We go for an early pregnancy scan on Wednesday so right now, we're nervous as hell.

My wife has convinced herself she isn't pregnant or at least won't believe it until the scan. Sad, but I completely understand.

wish us luck

La Bibliotecaria Feroz · « **Reply #64 on:** November 02, 2014, 07:35:25 AM »

Thinking of you and your wife hoping you get definitive good news Wednesday. I definitely understand your wife's holding back. When I had a nonviable pregnancy, I felt strangely foolish for having been so worked up, as if somehow I should have known.

tofuchampion · « **Reply #65 on:** November 02, 2014, 08:55:45 AM »

When I had a viability scan at 8 weeks, I was honestly surprised to see anything on the screen; I'd managed to convince myself that I was imagining everything. Even now, at nearly 38 weeks, it doesn't seem real. It's a normal reaction after a loss, I think.

Good luck to you both (you three!).

lizfish · « **Reply #66 on:** November 02, 2014, 09:21:59 AM »

Sending most excellent wishes your way for a healthy pregnancy. And from your mention of the NHS, a wave from a fellow Brit.

I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your first baby. A comment from a friend recently made me think about miscarriages. We were discussing the tradition of not telling anyone till after the 3 month scan. The safety margin I guess. and she said "why do we do that? It just makes people suffer in silence?" I wonder how personal that comment was to her. But it really made me think. I don't think I've ever had a conversation with someone about miscarriage but I must know loads of people who've had one. 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage apparently.

So I am resigned when mr fish and I decide to have a baby we won't wait to tell people at the risk of 'tempting fate'. Whatever happens should be something that others may share in, be it for better or worse. Plus then I won't have to hide the fact that I'm yacking all the time.

Best wishes again, and thank you for sharing both the good and the bad of your journey to parenthood.

NewbieFrugalUK · « **Reply #67 on:** November 02, 2014, 03:52:18 PM »

Everything crossed for you - here's hoping there is an adorable little heartbeat on the scan on Weds. Keep us posted!

bogart · « **Reply #68 on:** November 02, 2014, 07:03:00 PM »

Quote from: lizfish on November 02, 2014, 09:21:59 AM

A comment from a friend recently made me think about miscarriages. We were discussing the tradition of not telling anyone till after the 3 month scan. The safety margin I guess. and she said "why do we do that? It just makes people suffer in silence?"

I think that can certainly be true and obviously deeply unfortunate (the suffer in silence part). I think another reason people sometimes prefer not to share their news "early" is that some of the testing that can be done to test for chromosomal abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome is typically concluded by or before the end of the first trimester. So couples getting or considering such testing may want to wait until they know the results, if they think they might consider terminating. Obviously many deeply personal considerations go into all of this (from considering testing on out), but for some, even thinking about assessing the health of a developing fetus is controversial because of the way that information may be used -- so that's one reason I think some people prefer to keep quiet. Also, particularly in the US perhaps, I think many women perceive pregnancy and job advancement as incompatible with each other (sometimes correctly); while having co-workers or supervisors perceive (unwanted by the mom-to-be) that one is on a "mommy track" isn't OK no matter what, for that perception to be coupled with a loss could be additionally disheartening.

So in short I think there are rational, if frustrating, reasons some women/couples choose to limit with whom they share their news until they reach a point in pregnancy where it is "safer" and or more unavoidable, anyway.

bogart · « **Reply #69 on:** November 02, 2014, 07:06:31 PM »

And, apologies for wandering off on a tangent above. Major good wishes to the OP and his wife (and others similarly situated of course), will be keeping you both in my prayers and hoping to see a wonderfully happy update on Wednesday!

SisterX · « **Reply #70 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:26:14 PM »

Quote from: bogart on November 02, 2014, 07:03:00 PM

Quote from: lizfish on November 02, 2014, 09:21:59 AM
A comment from a friend recently made me think about miscarriages. We were discussing the tradition of not telling anyone till after the 3 month scan. The safety margin I guess. and she said "why do we do that? It just makes people suffer in silence?"
I think that can certainly be true and obviously deeply unfortunate (the suffer in silence part). I think another reason people sometimes prefer not to share their news "early" is that some of the testing that can be done to test for chromosomal abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome is typically concluded by or before the end of the first trimester. So couples getting or considering such testing may want to wait until they know the results, if they think they might consider terminating. Obviously many deeply personal considerations go into all of this (from considering testing on out), but for some, even thinking about assessing the health of a developing fetus is controversial because of the way that information may be used -- so that's one reason I think some people prefer to keep quiet. Also, particularly in the US perhaps, I think many women perceive pregnancy and job advancement as incompatible with each other (sometimes correctly); while having co-workers or supervisors perceive (unwanted by the mom-to-be) that one is on a "mommy track" isn't OK no matter what, for that perception to be coupled with a loss could be additionally disheartening.

So in short I think there are rational, if frustrating, reasons some women/couples choose to limit with whom they share their news until they reach a point in pregnancy where it is "safer" and or more unavoidable, anyway.

For us, I also thought about how awful I'd feel if, every time I saw someone, I had to tell them, "Nope, sorry, not preggo anymore." It would have been a knife to the heart every time. We waited until after the first appointment to tell people, so about 10 weeks. I certainly would have told a few friends and my mother if I'd miscarried, just to get support, but I wouldn't have wanted every single friend and acquaintance to know we were pregnant, only to have to tell them that we lost the baby.

NearlyThere · « **Reply #71 on:** November 05, 2014, 03:56:03 AM »

So today's the day. Our scan is tonight. Absolutely bricking it. As is my wife.

I think we're prepared for the worst, hoping for the best. It feels like everything hinges on tonight and thats absolutely terrifying.

You know the way you were excited the night before christmas as a child. Replace that excitement with fear and thats where we are.

DeepEllumStache · « **Reply #72 on:** November 05, 2014, 08:54:57 AM »

Good luck on your scan!

Crista · « **Reply #73 on:** November 05, 2014, 02:44:06 PM »

MajorFacePunch, just read your thread today. Husband and I had a similar loss 4 years ago and then again 3 years ago. We have since been delighted by the birth of two beautiful daughters. Wishing you well at your scan today and condoloences for your still-recent loss. Hugs from Ottawa

NearlyThere · « **Reply #74 on:** November 06, 2014, 12:44:53 AM »

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!

Viable heartbeat and 0.92cm in size, lol. Tiny, but there.

7 weeks today, so still very early doors. Freaking out now, in a good way

lizfish · « **Reply #75 on:** November 06, 2014, 01:32:57 AM »

Oh massive congratulations. Just the best news. Best wishes for you and your lady. We might be trying in the next year or two. I can't imagine the feeling of happy/scared.

Frida · « **Reply #76 on:** November 06, 2014, 02:47:52 AM »

That's great news! I'm so pleased for you both.

A friend said something to me that really helped me to worry a bit less: "It's much more likely that you will have a baby in 9 months than you won't." Hope that might help you a bit too.

NewbieFrugalUK · « **Reply #77 on:** November 06, 2014, 03:36:39 AM »

Woohoo for viable heartbeat! :) really chuffed for you both

tofuchampion · « **Reply #78 on:** November 06, 2014, 04:36:21 AM »

That first scan is such a relief, isn't it? Big congrats!

farmstache · « **Reply #79 on:** November 06, 2014, 05:37:50 AM »

Oh, that's so great, MjFacepunch!

I went in for my first ultrasound at 9w+4 because I was so terrified I kept delaying setting up the dr appointment. I was sure the baby wouldn't still be there or alive when we went in. It thankfully was, we could already see limbs and all, and the US doc laughed gently and told me "oh, it's viable indeed!" when he got the heartbeat and the baby moved. I felt such relief!

Congrats on your little parasite! :)

arebelspy · « **Reply #80 on:** November 06, 2014, 07:20:34 AM »

Congratulations! May everything go smoothly and healthily for mother and baby! :D

DeepEllumStache · « **Reply #81 on:** November 06, 2014, 08:26:51 AM »

Congratulations! That's wonderful news!

homehandymum · « **Reply #82 on:** November 06, 2014, 01:01:30 PM »

Congratulations!!! That's fantastic news.

And just to add my 2c to the 'tell people or not' discussion upthread. For me, it depends on how well I'm coping with my own emotions about it, and how able I am to deal with anyone else's. My first four pregnancies I told as soon as I knew (and the first one ended in early stage miscarriage). This most recent one, I needed a good couple of weeks to get my head around it before making the information public. Heck, I wasn't sure how I felt about it myself yet, and I wasn't ready to deal with the excited congratulations squeals of some, the 'you do know what causes it' questions of others etc, when I was just as likely to laugh hysterically or burst into tears in response. Another friend, who is one of those "wants ALL the babies" types has had multiple miscarriages, (and has multiple children as well), and now keeps the information to herself because *her children* get really attached to the baby, and then are devastated if it miscarries.

So, it's a complicated issue, and everyone just makes the best decision they can with the information they have. (like ALL of parenting!) :)

bogart · « **Reply #83 on:** November 06, 2014, 07:49:43 PM »

Congratulations -- such an exciting sound/sight, that heart beating. Wonderful!

Distshore · « **Reply #84 on:** November 07, 2014, 01:04:37 PM »

WOOHOOO!!!!!

Congrats Major FP & wife! I have been following just to see how this was going for you. In just a few weeks, that little bug with "limb buds" will look like a baby. Doc told me that once you've passed the first scan, the miscarriage rates trend down very strongly (from ~25 to ~12 %). It's much more likely than not that soon you'll be dancing attendance on a very sick, grouchy, miserable wife ;)

I am so happy for your news - good luck!

NearlyThere · « **Reply #85 on:** November 09, 2014, 08:01:25 AM »

Its been a roller coaster. Had a lovely weekend away with our very closest friends and we had to let them know why my wife wasn't drinking. We were concerned in telling them, but these guys have been friends for life and were a great help in January. Even just to talk to. The girls had a pamper day...Meanwhile I was hanging from a tree and zip-lining.

SisterX · « **Reply #86 on:** November 13, 2014, 11:10:49 AM »

One of my friends posted this article today:

https://www.yahoo.com/health/how-my-miscarriage-changed-my-next-pregnancy-102363155437.html

Hoped it might be helpful for those of you (like my friend) who are pregnant after a miscarriage. The only part of the article I hated was the advice to "let yourself shop for the baby" as a way to heal. Pfffft. They do also add, "or even just daydream what your new baby will look like" later in the paragraph.

MsFrugalista · « **Reply #87 on:** November 13, 2014, 01:49:15 PM »

Congrats to you both!!! I know the feeling - I am 29 weeks now and still get anxious at times. But I wish both of you a healthy and smooth pregnancy and delivery. Keep us posted!

mrsggrowsveg · « **Reply #88 on:** November 14, 2014, 07:38:26 AM »

Congratulations! I lost my first then had a very healthy baby about 1 1/2 years later. Wishing you and all of the other posters very healthy pregnancies and babies after your losses.

NearlyThere · « **Reply #89 on:** December 02, 2014, 11:15:54 AM »

My wife had a scan today and the little blighter was swimming around. Could clearly see their hands, feet and WHATTTTT!!!!! Holy moly it really is happening.

10 weeks 4 days.

Absolutely freaking out now

arebelspy · « **Reply #90 on:** December 02, 2014, 11:17:25 AM »

Are the numbers in your sig already taking this into account, or do some adjustments need to be made in the projections? :)

bogart · « **Reply #91 on:** December 02, 2014, 07:25:57 PM »

Congratulations! It's so exciting to watch them develop and grow!

NewbieFrugalUK · « **Reply #92 on:** December 03, 2014, 03:50:38 PM »

Woop woop! So glad all going well this time round. Just wait til about the 20 week mark when you can start feeling kicks - amazing and also freaky as hell *waves from week 23* :)

NearlyThere · « **Reply #93 on:** December 07, 2014, 03:43:27 AM »

It was crazy seeing the little dude or dudette swimming around having the time of their life.

The numbers in my sig...need to be recalculated, but I'll do that when I hit them. They're mostly a loose guide for me, but a goal to achieve.

How much extra are we talking?

La Bibliotecaria Feroz · « **Reply #94 on:** December 07, 2014, 08:22:39 AM »

Varies wildly! Is someone going to stay home or will have you massive daycare costs? Aside from that major expense, babies don't have to be that expensive if you cloth diaper* and breastfeed (and even when I was formula feeding, at Costco that was only about 40 bucks a month for an older baby). Just some setup costs--crib, carseat, etc.--and then resist the urge to buy something every time you are trying to resolve an issue with your baby.

Older kids, I hear, are more expensive. They have things like tae kwon do lessons and learner's permits and camp and whatnot. But my kids are still really little.

*It's possible to get crazy spending on cloth diapers. I actually did a blog post a while back about what not to buy.

NearlyThere · « **Reply #95 on:** December 07, 2014, 12:57:30 PM »

I would be the main earner in our home and my wife works in our company, so very little will change financially in that respect. We have the major items (bar a pram) from my wives sister. They had twin and pretty much have everything we'll need in the early years. Other than consumables, clothing and food we'll have fairly little to buy. Car seat, pram and whatnot.

We have our 12 week scan tomorrow morning. Here in the UK this is known as a booking scan.

I'm very much of the mindset that we will not be going overboard on spending for the baby. I grew up comfortably, but definitely not in a household with ample income. I turned out pretty level headed and I want our child to do the same.

farmstache · « **Reply #96 on:** December 09, 2014, 05:57:37 AM »

With you on that, Major!

I didn't even want to buy a pram/stroller, and just babywear, but since I have some family with used items and a mom with a bad back, I'm actually fixing a 10yo stroller for her.

As for most of the rest, I really dislike going out to buy stuff, especially clothes, so I hope I can cut costs on that department out of sheer willforce (wash more stuff, have less). It's easier to keep stuff out of the door since we're living in a 350sqf house.

But, yes, we'll also reassess after baby arrives.

NearlyThere · « **Reply #97 on:** February 09, 2015, 06:54:29 AM »

So today we had out 20 week scan.

My wife wanted to find out the sex and I was a little hesitant. I was coerced into it by the wife and we're having a baby girl. I was convinced (read hoping for) we were having a boy so this is a huge shock, nevertheless it's a good one. It's an amazing thing to see the baby grow week on week.

So completely excited and feel like I'm becoming every parent I've ever rolled my eyes at. I care not though.

Wife is healthy, baby seemed to be healthy and thats all that matters.

bogart · « **Reply #98 on:** February 09, 2015, 07:18:03 PM »

Delightful to know that all is well. Thank you for the update. And don't worry about your earlier eye-rolling self, enjoy!

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp · « **Reply #99 on:** February 14, 2015, 06:05:18 AM »

Our little girl just turned 15 months yesterday. Simply a fantastic journey. Congratulations!

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Author Topic: Just found out (Read 52558 times)

aclarridge