Author Topic: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?  (Read 5271 times)

Hargrove

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #50 on: June 02, 2017, 10:53:02 AM »
A good friend linked me this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzhbAK1pdPM&list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY&index=1

There's a ton of useful tidbits about kids in general in these. Much of the info about ADD is really interesting, too, and it is ELABORATE. Ignore the glowing drug reviews - it's probably the only way he gets funding - and the coping strategies part is kind of weak, but most of these segments are fascinating.

Among the points, apparently there are about 400 purely inherited personality traits. He likes to say "you're a shepherd - you choose the pasture and watch them grow, but you're not an engineer - you don't design the sheep."

FinallyAwake

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #51 on: June 07, 2017, 07:06:22 PM »
^ +1.

I go a touch further than genetics and say biochemical. That's where food and other physical variables can make a difference. I can barely stand when children are blamed for that, or their parents are before their parents know the scoop. When a child has tough bio-responses to environmental factors, it can reasonably take a while before a family determines that doing everything their next door neighbour does can result in an entirely different experience. That's neither the child's fault nor the parent's.

What sort of environmental factors would cause behavioral issues? Curious to research more.

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LadyStache in Baja

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #52 on: June 14, 2017, 07:43:05 AM »
Except for a handful of days out of 13 years, my boy has been such a sweetie pie. When he was very young, he was throwing things at two people he knew. When I changed his food, he stopped.

Do elaborate! What did you change his food from and to?
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jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #53 on: June 14, 2017, 07:48:53 AM »
We had started out on a good, standard ovo lacto vegetarian diet and went to essentially paleo (with some extra approaches for his healing needs, so actually a program called the specific carbohydrate diet). It was quite the miracle, in terms of results on countless points!

LadyStache in Baja

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #54 on: June 14, 2017, 08:00:47 AM »
I know twins who have been brought up with exactly the same rules and boundaries and have entirely different attitudes towards authority.  I also know families with four kids under ten, again all brought up under the same structure, and some are terrors and others are committed rule-abiders.  So far I haven't seen any gender differences.

Not to discount parenting entirely, but A LOT of this is luck of the genetic draw.  No matter the effort you put in, there's nothing close to a guarantee regarding how your kid is going to act.  I have a 21 month old boy who is generally as easy as can be, but I know there's a decent chance that kid #2 or 3 could be a real challenge.   

Which is also to say that looking with contempt on other parents, especially if you aren't spending a significant amount of time in their shoes, is rarely a good look.   

+1 Three of my boys, the 5 year old, and twin 4 year olds, are insanely energetic. They're super smart, clever, curious, engaged, brilliant! And with that comes high-energy and a high-need to explore everything. They are active and a handful.

My youngest boy, 2.5, was the chillest baby ever. Content to just hang out in a stroller all day and watch the world go round. Still chill, still easy to correct his behavior. He just listens to a NO much better than his willful older brothers do.

The only thing I did differently was birthing hypnosis half-an hour daily during his pregnancy. Could lower stress have created this difference? It's possible. But also, I agree that it's genetic.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2017, 06:52:25 PM by LadyStache in Baja »
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dakota5176

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #55 on: July 16, 2017, 07:40:30 PM »
I was just like you!  I had a daughter who was always easy and well behaved.  Then I had a son and felt very unprepared for a boy.  At times he was challenging - he used to bang his head when something didn't go his way. He would have tantrums at home and always when we would leave places like parks and playdates. However he was very well behaved at school and other gatherings.  I regularly got compliments on his behavior.  The things that really made a difference with him were getting help for a speech delay.  Once he could communicate with us better his behavior markedly improved.  We also used to use a chart for tantrum free days.  If he was good for a day he got a star and after a prescribed period of time he got a little prize.  He's six now and so lovable.  Cuddly and says the sweetest things.  Sure he likes to run around and have light saber fights, etc but it's not really anything crazy.  His current passion is pokemon and yugioh cards and he can spend hours sorting and organizing them.  (I don't really get it but my point is he can sit quietly for long periods.)  I am always confident he will be well behaved and I can trust him anywhere. 

I didn't really do anything with his diet.  In fact I have a drawer of candy from holidays that they can get anytime they want.  The weird thing is they hardly ever do eat any of it.  He might have a piece of gum now and then but he just chooses not to eat much sweets.

I was scared to have one a wild, crazy boy but that's not how it turned out at all.  I got a great little guy.  Don't worry about those boys you know they're not representative of all boys.

Trifele

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #56 on: July 17, 2017, 05:48:22 AM »
Yes!  Even with challenges.  (I agree with the other posters, BTW, that it is not a function of gender.  It's the individual child, and the parenting that child receives).

We were one of those smug couples congratulating ourselves on our parenting skills after our ultra-smooth-sailing experience with Kid #1.  Aaaand then our son showed up.  Absolute hell on wheels:  moody, energetic, willful, clever, contrary, manipulative, not born with loads of empathy.  We have earned our parenting stripes with this child.  He also has food issues, which took us a few years to figure out.  Before our experience with DS, I would have said that food sensitivities were a lot of hokum.  Not so!  Once we figured out his trigger foods and started avoiding them, his moods and behavior improved dramatically.  He is 11 now, and doing great.  He is generally happy and well behaved; we even get compliments on his manners.  But I shudder to think what he would be like without firm parenting. 

StarBright

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #57 on: July 17, 2017, 07:58:55 AM »
@Trifele - your 11 year old sounds a lot like my 5 year old son. Parenting stripes indeed!; I feel like 100% of our mental energy is spent enforcing boundaries with this particular kid.

Would you mind sharing the food sensitivities? I do what I can at home but it is hard to control what he gets at pre-k (they don't allow us to send food due to some state guidelines).

Trifele

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #58 on: July 17, 2017, 03:06:38 PM »
Hey Starbright
Our DS's sensitivities are to sugary foods (even 'natural' ones like fruit juice) and also some artificial dyes.  It makes attending birthday parties pretty tricky.  :)
We have tried to give him simple food guidelines he can follow on his own:  no dyes, no fruit juice or soda, not too much sugar, protein at every meal, five handfuls of vegetables and fruit every day. It has helped.

LiveLean

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #59 on: July 17, 2017, 03:45:23 PM »
The key is to be totally honest with yourself when you answer this one question: "What kind of kid was I?"

Whatever kind of kid you were -- good or bad -- that's what you are going to get.

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AmberTheCat

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Re: Is it possible to raise a little boy who behaves himself?
« Reply #60 on: July 24, 2017, 10:44:11 AM »
^^^^ yep, i think its genetics!

and you never really know who was in your bloodline way down the road. But for us - my DH is pretty mild and calm, like his mom and our kids are that way too.  Although we went through a CRAZY bout with our #2 son from 1.5-3 yrs. All good after that. 

my big bro was a HUGE CHALLENGE growing up. he was adopted. he ate the same things as me, and was raised the same way. He's WONDERFUL now as an adult. But it mostly goes down to genetics.
not young, but newbie here!