So many good replies in here... thank you, guys!! Lots of food for thought.
Let me try to address a few things...
It sounds like your child is about to go into kindergarten? You may feel less lonely once she gets to school, and you start meeting the parents of her classmates. If you are bored, probably the parents of the children at your daughter's school are equally bored.
That doesn't solve the problem of fun things to do with just your family, but networking with other parents might give you some good ideas.
I DO hope that her starting kindergarten will help, at least a little. If we have places to take her on Saturdays, then we'll do less sitting around. Unfortunately, I don't know how many of the other parents experience the same type of boredom that I experience. While I realize that I am hugely oversimplifying/overgeneralizing, there are some observations I've made about this town - a small/rural town in the South. The overwhelming majority of individuals who live in this area grew up in this area, so they have established friendships/family/routines/etc in the area.Therefore, they may already have busy social calendars. I moved to this area ~10 yrs ago, and this particular town just last year, so I don't know anyone. My husband grew up here, but he's a bigtime introvert and doesn't really socialize with anyone outside of what's required for his role.
The other issue, and probably the bigger issue, is that I just really don't fit in here. In this area, very few people (especially women) have a college education, few people read books for fun (aside from occasionally some romance/murder-mystery type stuff), and 85% voted for the political candidate that I did NOT vote for. (Not to say that I can't be friends with people across the political divide, but around here it's assumed that certain topics - like making fun of the protesters in Charlottesville, for example - are fine for social conversation because SURELY everyone agrees that they're just crazy liberals.... while, in areas with a more 50/50 split, I feel like conversations are more likely to either steer away from those topics or at least acknowledge the possibility for disagreement. Here, especially with my husband's role as a pastor, I'm required to hide my liberal status as much as possible.... and since I'm a pretty opinionated, outspoken person, that's incredibly difficult for me.) I could go on and on, but let's just say that I've met very few women here that I connect with. I'm a fan of math and science, I out-earn my husband, I don't know how to cook, I like to read books, etc... my husband's congregation & even some members of his family talk openly about how "weird" and I am because I don't bake or knit or enjoy shopping or wear costume jewelry or wear heavy makeup or 'style' my hair or pay attention to small-town gossip or attend MLM parties or anything like that. I'm definitely regarded as kind of an oddity around here.
I'm a progressive woman in a very conservative community and, aside from my mother-in-law, I haven't yet connected with anyone else "like me" here. (She plays the part of a Southern, small-town woman much more effectively than I ever could... but she has opened up recently about the fact that she doesn't feel any more sense of connection to this town than I do!) Maybe I'll make some actual friends as I meet kindergarten parents? Hopefully? Trying to remain optimistic but I've been here for years and it's hard to keep up hope.
Wow. That turned into a bigger vent than I expected. Sorry.
I was thinking that being the pastor's wife might make social relationships a bit complicated, but I didn't want to assume. I was recently at a retreat and there was a PW from another church was in my breakout group and she confessed that it was the first time that she's been able to be open and honest with a group of women since her husband has been a their current church because she's always stuck in the pastor wife roll.
Yes, it definitely makes social relationships complicated. It's not just within our church, but within the whole community.... because this is a small, Southern town where the church is basically the basis of community. Everything that comes out of my mouth, even at work (which is in another town 45 minutes away, with people who have never even MET my husband!) is judged through the lens of me being a PW. And people's behavior around me is also influenced through that lens - they don't let their guard down with me.
I have some childhood friends from my hometown and some random internet friends that I met through a high-IQ-society group that I can actually have real conversations with. Everything I say in local interactions, though, is pretty carefully edited.
Is your daughter involved in any activities, such as a Saturday morning soccer league? Swim lessons? Do you have a nearby YMCA? Does your local library offer much kids programming?
Her current activities at the YMCA are on weekday evenings, and her dad takes her because I'm at work. Minimal programming at the library. But hopefully, as others have pointed out, things will change as she starts kindergarten?
I also want to add that you don't have to get caught up in the rat race of keeping up with FB friends. In fact that's kind of a core value of this forum, isn't it? Enjoy your quiet weekend at home reading and don't feel like you need to consume.
This is probably a valid point. I don't want to "consume".... just to be able to go for a family bike ride or a hike or something. I'm really not a crafty/project-motivated sort of person - I'm more the type who enjoys getting out into nature and frustrated by the lack of available opportunities to do so. So while I don't think it's a FB-rat-race thing, I guess that's certainly possible. It's more an issue of thinking back to all of the fun things that I've done at other times in my life, while living in different locations, and being frustrated by the difficulties associated with engaging in those same activities here.
A local mycological society sounds amazing, though. I don't think there's anything like that in our town and not sure if it's worth trying to be part of a group in the bigger city (an hour away), but I'll definitely look into it! I've signed up to volunteer with our state department of wildlife resources and I've done a tiny bit of work with them, but they don't have any projects in my area. Even if I'm available and willing to drive a few hours, it hasn't been consistent enough to keep me feeling busy/fulfilled.
You could also try skating...either both of you or you skating while your daughter rides a bike. 1/4 mile of road is plenty for this.
The red flag in your original post for me is the tv. I would put the tv away for a while so new patterns would develop, but your spouse may not go along with that. Perhaps you and your husband could agree on a very limited amount of tv viewing for your child. For many people, TV viewing means being motionless for extended periods of time...leaving one cranky and restless. At the same time, it's so visually and aurally stimulating that other things seem dull by comparison.
Our road is one big hill, so I'm pretty sure I'd face-plant if I tried skating... may be worth a try, though! And I agree that the TV is a major concern. I recently changed my work schedule so I'd have more Saturdays at home - I used to work 8-6 every Saturday and my daughter spent every single Saturday watching TV while my husband napped on the couch. I decided to take Saturdays off, thinking it would give us more time to do things as a family. I think that's why I have so much frustration with myself for falling into the same pattern. Getting rid of the TV is a no-go, unfortunately, but I need to get her away from it more.
Firstly: Life, it's not that great.
Once you can accept that, and accept yourself, you may find yourself feeling less guilty about what you should or shouldn't be doing, and just be with what you're doing. And sometimes, if you can accept yourself without the pressure of the guilt, you may find your spirit more moved to do other things than just sit on the couch.
Maybe.
Also, yes, go volunteer, your family will be fine without you. Also enthusiasm is contagious, so if you can allow yourself to be moved by your interests without the guilt of family-shoulds, then I think good things will happen.
Interesting perspective. I do tend to sometimes have excessively high expectations for myself and others. I'll sit with your perspective for a little while and see if it helps!
Thank you all again and keep the good advice coming!! This is exactly what I was looking for - some helpful suggestions, some ways to reframe the question, and a couple of well-deserved facepunches!