how can i be mustachian with older kids?

[fritta]

I have been reading the blog for the last few weeks, and I have started to make some big changes to lead a more mustachian existence. However, I think it is much more difficult with older kids. For example, last week each of my three kids needed me to shell out money to them in various ways. One needed field trip money, all three *needed* yearbook money, and one needed his lax stick restrung. It was so much easier to save money when they were younger. Does anyone have any advice?

[arebelspy]

The field trip and sports equipment repair seems like a need.  The yearbooks (and 3 of them, especially if they're in the same school?) are more questionable, but probably still okay depending on how important it is to them, and you.  Maybe you can make it part of their next birthday present if they really want it, or they can opt out to not be -1 present at the next birthday.

I think though that it'll come down to the unnecessary expenditures they are likely used to, but that will need to be cut down on.  Things like cell phones, video games, movies at the theater with friends, etc.

Talk with them about how as a family you are starting to try to spend less, how frugality and cheap/free activities can be really fun, etc.

It will be tougher with older kids if you haven't laid any foundation for that when they were younger.

Having that talk with them anyways will be good for them though.

[Moneyisntlove]

I hear you, sister!  We have started using the Portfolio feature attached to our checking account at Bank of America, and lately I've taken to showing our three teens the cute little charts that the thing spins out every month.  I show them that we have categories, like clothing, and that there are amounts set for those categories.  They've BEGUN to understand about opportunity costs -- how if we go over in the clothing category, it means there will be less money for summer camps, etc.

Our problem is that one child goes to a public magnet school that seems to have a LOT of wealthy (or maybe just 'spendy') kids at it -- and so my son in particular things we should be able to afford things like a car for him. 

Our kids only get a yearbook the FINAL year of each school (grade school, middle school and high school).  We spend a lot on music lessons -- and are happy to do so, but are trying to help our kids see that we spend on music lessons INSTEAD of going to an amusement park every summer, not in addition to.

[Sherry]

My little tyke is only a toddler, so take any advice with a grain of salt.

Provide your older children the gift of financial responsibility by letting them manage their own finances, and making the hard choices: gadgets vs. experiences, time vs. money, big-ticket purchases vs. daily "treats."  Give them a reasonable budget in which to make choices -- if they still want more money, have them work for it.  Of course, don't just dump these decision onto them, but instead talk with them about what they value most.  Challenge their opinions if they seem whack, but do it with respect.  What seems frivolous to an adult can truly be important social currency among children and teenagers. 

Also, don't be an unreasonable tightwad and value your bank account over your children's childhood, because they are both important. 

[Melissa]

I agree that in some ways it gets more difficult as they get older.  Thankfully we have not yet hit the teen years (our kids are 12, 11, and 9).  It seems as though the 'free' public school education is never what it sounds like.  Our oldest participated in Cross Country in the fall and wants to do Track in the spring and it costs $75 just to participate in each sport. 

One suggestion that I have is for them to have their own budget money to use.  I have been going though old receipts and figured out how much we have spent on clothes for example.  Our oldest is old enough to understand how money works, so I think that this summer I am giving her a clothing budget.  She will need one 'nice' outfit to wear to events or church and how she spends the rest is up to her.  If she wants extras she will have to work to earn the money and if she ha some left over it will be hers to keep.

I am always interested in other ideas, so it would be great to hear what others are doing as well

[Mrs MM]

It seems to me that older kids would be able to understand a situation like this more easily, no?  Of course, they are probably used to a certain standard by that age too.

One thing that works really well (we've done it on and off, but not consistently), is holding family meetings.  At these meetings, you discuss issues and potential solutions.  You write things down and don't disregard anyone's ideas.  Let the kids talk.  You (and the kids) can present the problem and they help determine the solution.  When kids come up with their own solutions to problems, they feel like they have input and they are much more likely to follow through.

Get them involved in budgeting and family expenses.  Let them see how much it costs to do various things. 

When I was a kid, I played ringette, soccer, did track, figure skating, and gymnastics.  It was crazy and probably cost my parents a lot of money.  One year, they told me I could pick one winter sport and one summer sport and that was it.  I picked gymnastics and soccer.  Later, I learned that gymnastics alone was something like $300 per month.  Had I known that, I would have understood more.

Also, it seems like kids are learning more about the environment and how to help these days.  Saving money and not buying stuff often has a direct environmental or health benefit.  Maybe presenting things from this side (with books and/or movies) might help as well.

Good luck!!

[arebelspy]

When I was a kid, I played ringette, soccer, did track, figure skating, and gymnastics.  It was crazy and probably cost my parents a lot of money.  One year, they told me I could pick one winter sport and one summer sport and that was it.  I picked gymnastics and soccer.  Later, I learned that gymnastics alone was something like $300 per month.  Had I known that, I would have understood more.

Although it's not your main point, I really like the idea of exposing kids to a bunch of activities, and then have them choose their favorite(s) to continue.

[Fawn]

The advantage of them being older kids is that you can reason with them and they can use their own judgement to choose what they prefer within limits. Teens love this kind of responsibility. If you have tracked expenses in the past then you know how much you have available for categories like clothes and sports and mandatory field trips.

So, you can tell your three kids 1) a girly-girl   2) a sports fiend   3) a budding musician that there is say.....$300 per semester for clothes/sports/music lessons and instrument repair and let each one decide how they want to spend the money.

The girly-girl might find the best second-hand Aeropostle clothes on e-bay, the sports fiend negotiate car pools for practices with other team mates, the musician sell off his Lego/X-box collections to buy a new cymbol.

This teaches them how to prioratize their desires, that there are not unlimted funds for their entertainments, budgeting, social co-operation and a whole lot of other useful, grown-up skills which will servre them their whole lives.