Author Topic: has anyone quit job to raise kid?  (Read 2484 times)

letsdoit

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has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« on: June 25, 2018, 01:12:49 PM »
I'm looking at this. but I'd have to back to work after a few years.  there is a calculator on line that makes it look like the opportunity cost for this, with lost wages, would be staggering.  maybe 400k in my case. 
has anyone done this and gotten away with it financially?

Cgbg

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2018, 09:07:43 PM »
Yes. Had kids while working (I carried the health insurance at the time.) Left career when kids were 3 and 2. Stayed home for 8 years, went back to work at same job/same employer.

Did we lose ground financially? Nah. I was paying my salary towards daycare. DH made more than I did- still does. We bought a different house and a couple of cars while I was unemployed. We maxed dhs 401k each year and we were frugal.

Did I lose ground professionally? Yep. No doubt about it. I came back to my job and re-established my career but my boss is my age and used to be a coworker. I do make as much as she does however.

Totally worth it to us and to our kids. I volunteered when I got bored but in general it was great for us to have me at home during the early years. By the time they were in upper elementary it was good to get back.

jeromedawg

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2018, 01:05:00 AM »
My wife did it. Unless you live near grandparents who are willing to babysit for free, depending on how much you make it may or may not be worth it to you. For my wife and I, we decided that it would be better for her to be at home with the kids (right after the first was born). Neither of our parents live nearby and besides not wanting to pay for daycare, we preferred to have at least one of us raising them a majority of the time.... not talking down on parents who don't do it this way - this is just our preference.  We were willing to forego the extra salary, which definitely was significant. We did fortunately get some help with our condo situation where we're basically taking a very low-interest private loan from my parents because we went in on it together. It would still be possible just a little tight otherwise. I think it also may depend if you're in a HCOL vs LCOL
« Last Edit: June 26, 2018, 01:07:11 AM by jeromedawg »

talltexan

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2018, 01:08:13 PM »
My wife has stayed in the job, but it's clear she's been sorted into something of a "mommy track". She reduced her hours to 80% of full-time, and we moved to a different area, so she does mostly remote work, but even before the move it already seemed as though certain male colleagues were, ahem, destined for great things. This sorting happened despite her only taking her 12 weeks of maternity leave for each birth.

FIRE@50

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2018, 01:12:45 PM »
My wife quit working after our daughter was born. She has since started her own business that she operates mostly from home.

It certainly resulted in us have lower family income, but I don't think that is the only aspect you should be looking at. The bigger thing for me was who did I want to raise my child? Her mother or a daycare worker?

Helvegen

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2018, 10:39:05 AM »
I'm looking at this. but I'd have to back to work after a few years.  there is a calculator on line that makes it look like the opportunity cost for this, with lost wages, would be staggering.  maybe 400k in my case. 
has anyone done this and gotten away with it financially?

You can always make more money, but you can't make more time.

Personally, I went back to work FT after a 3 year hiatus of being SAH for logistical reasons. Financially, it was a fantastic decision once the stars aligned, but that was absolutely it. There is almost no other redeeming value in me going back to work besides the money I made the past four years. And we don't even live off of my money and never, ever have. 9 or so years ago, my husband and I watched a lecture by Elizabeth Warren on the two income trap and it scared the living daylights out of us. We resolved to never build a life completely dependent on two incomes to survive and to stay the hell away from debt.

Pros of working
*Money - we met many of our financial goals the past four years, but this was not all me. My husband doubled his income the past four years, so there is that too. We aren't FI, but are sitting on a nice fat pile of FU money. Again, if I quit, the only difference would really be to our savings rate. We live on much less than my husband alone brings home.

Cons of working
*Long commute
*More stress at home
*More difficulty scheduling vacations, family trips, etc
*Constant rat race pressure
*Deep and depressing time poverty which is endlessly frustrating to both my husband and I.
*I feel constantly like I contributed more to the family when I was at home at least part-time compared to now.

Anyway, I don't have a career. Don't want one, never did, so that does not factor in my decision to quit or take jobs period. I've never had a problem bouncing in and out of the workforce because my skills are easily maintained outside of it with online courses and relevant volunteer work. My daughter is 12, so I am not quitting to SAH FT with her at this point, however, I feel I should be more accessible to her than I am now for various reasons. My goal is really to find a part-time job close to the house and take care the household part-time. So I am quitting my FT job in October to do this. Who knows how much potential money I am losing. It isn't worth it to me or my family, so I don't think about it at all. I am just looking forward to having my time freed up.

In the end, it is up to you what you value more. It is a lifestyle decision for the most part, not a financial one. What do you think you will regret more in 10-20 years? Will you look back and lament not spending more time at the office? Only you know for sure.

I'm a red panda

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2018, 11:04:56 AM »
Do you have the kids already?

I'd do that first...  because you might find that being a SAHP isn't for you.

I don't work for money. I work because I find my job meaningful, I think ultimately it is a good example for my daughter, and because if I was home with her 24/7/365 I'd go insane.  I would like to work part time, but it isn't an option for my work.  I don't want the stress of freelancing. My daughter thrives in daycare.

But if you are called to be a SAHP, no amount of money can change that- though the opportunity cost is staggering; not just lost wages but lost potential future earnings, especially when you consider you generally leave the workforce during the years you are most likely to promote. You also lose the growth on any investment income (such as a 401k and its match). You may lose access to insurance options.  Quite honestly, $400k sounds really low to me. How many years is that estimate for?

TheWifeHalf

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2018, 12:13:47 PM »
I stopped working when our first was born, with the intention of returning when all our kids were in school. We kind of figured there would be another, and our second was born 2 years later.

Then our 'unplanned, middle name should have been oops son' was born 13 months later. He was big, our daughter was small and I got asked often if they were twins . I didn't vocalize it, but I was thinking, they should have been.
 
We were too busy raising kids to think about me returning to work, we figured we had at least 5 years.

When the youngest was 4, TheHusbandHalf got a better paying job, with the potential of having more to do that required his brain, so we decided I would stay home FT.

The way we look at it, financially it was a wash. I took parenting seriously, made sure the kids had well rounded childhoods, and we both take credit for how it all worked out.

We had no drinking/drug problems, they had a year of college paid for by us and graduated with no debt due to scholarships. Ohio had a program at the time where we could buy tuition credits at their birth, at the 1985-1988 prices, and they were college credits paid for when they went to college. The third joined the Navy, and gave his credits to the middle.

They are all making $70,000-$85,000 now, 2 in a LCOL area, and are 29-32 yrs old.  2 are married (or soon to be) and all 3 have bought houses, and appreciate the low interest rates knowing their parents was 12%!!!!.

They seem to be good people. We feel it was not our job to insure they would be rich, that's on them.
If I'd known it would wind up this way, I wouldn't have even consider going back to work.

talltexan

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2018, 08:13:26 AM »
I stopped working when our first was born, with the intention of returning when all our kids were in school. We kind of figured there would be another, and our second was born 2 years later.

Then our 'unplanned, middle name should have been oops son' was born 13 months later. He was big, our daughter was small and I got asked often if they were twins . I didn't vocalize it, but I was thinking, they should have been.
 
We were too busy raising kids to think about me returning to work, we figured we had at least 5 years.

When the youngest was 4, TheHusbandHalf got a better paying job, with the potential of having more to do that required his brain, so we decided I would stay home FT.

The way we look at it, financially it was a wash. I took parenting seriously, made sure the kids had well rounded childhoods, and we both take credit for how it all worked out.

We had no drinking/drug problems, they had a year of college paid for by us and graduated with no debt due to scholarships. Ohio had a program at the time where we could buy tuition credits at their birth, at the 1985-1988 prices, and they were college credits paid for when they went to college. The third joined the Navy, and gave his credits to the middle.

They are all making $70,000-$85,000 now, 2 in a LCOL area, and are 29-32 yrs old.  2 are married (or soon to be) and all 3 have bought houses, and appreciate the low interest rates knowing their parents was 12%!!!!.

They seem to be good people. We feel it was not our job to insure they would be rich, that's on them.
If I'd known it would wind up this way, I wouldn't have even consider going back to work.

First, congratulations. I hope to be in your shoes some day as far as the talltexan kids being launched as you describe yours to be.

Is it a little strange that you know their incomes? When we had to withdraw contributions from our Roth IRA at the last minute (because we were over), I was a little frustrated that my wife shared that this happened so explicitly with her father.

Acorns

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2018, 08:59:33 PM »
I quit working FT when my oldest was 10 months old. No regrets, although I do miss working. Childcare in my HCOL area would easily reach $4000/mo for all my kids, if not more. I like spending time with them and knowing that I get to be there for all the little things. Now that they are reaching school age I am glad I will have the time to volunteer at their school. The families that I know who have both parents working FT really seem to struggle to balance kids, work, marriage, and life, and the pressure shows up in the kids struggling. My husband appreciates that I am home and hopefully someday my kids appreciate that I walked away from a very successful and financially lucrative career for them.

MrsTuxedocat

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2018, 11:04:47 PM »
This is such an awesome thread! I am currently 8 months pregnant and after my maternity leave -- this is our plan. I am pregnant with twins and it's been decided that the hubby will stay at home with the kids for a few years. This is a bit shocking to most of our families and friends, because he is the higher income earner. However, he has the potential to pick up shifts and be casual, whereas for me it would be so difficult to find a similar position with benefits/pay. Also, we are willing to take the hit and will be okay living off my income alone due to our frugalness. I think that it will be tight, but so worth it :)

CindyBS

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2018, 12:14:11 PM »
Yes and I have never recovered.

I had originally planned to stay home with kids for about 6 years, and go back at least part time.  I had my oldest son in 2003, my kids are now 15 and 12.

Fast forward those 6 years and it was the height of the recession and all the party time jobs in my previous field were gone.  They weren't really hiring people who had just spent 6 years out of the workforce at that time, even for full time jobs.   

I tried being self employed for a while, eventually stopped that because it wasn't working.  My oldest really struggled in school, later we found out he has multiple disabilities.  I did go back to work part time for a few years at a job that worked well with his school hours (but was a job, not my career) and gave me the time to do all the extra parenting he needed.  For example, homework that would take 20 minutes for other kids with minimal supervision would take us 1.5 hours with multiple breaks, some for him to have a break down, with A LOT of work to prop up self esteem and review foundational material - something there just wasn't the time for the school to do.   

Two years ago, my son became critically ill and I had to quit working completely to care for him.  I still have not returned to work.

So I am now in my 40's and have only worked 5 years in my field with some spattering of part time work throughout the years.  I have basically given up any hope of having a career and with FI only about 6 years away, there is no point in trying to reboot a career at my age unless I really want it.  I don't want it enough to do the work. I would like to return to work part time for the social aspect and to speed up FIRE. 

I sometimes have regrets that this is all I've done with my life, despite the fact I have probably done about 3-5 times the amount of work parenting that a non-disabled child requires (I also have a non-disabled kid so I know the difference).  Our society has very little supports for parents of disabled kids and I temper my feelings of regret knowing that I did the best I could given the situation I am in (and I also have parents with disabilities/health issues that need help) I feel fortunate that we had the financial cushion to make that happen.  I do all the financial management and have a very supportive husband. 

$andra

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2018, 06:53:31 PM »
I sometimes have regrets that this is all I've done with my life, despite the fact I have probably done about 3-5 times the amount of work parenting that a non-disabled child requires (I also have a non-disabled kid so I know the difference).  Our society has very little supports for parents of disabled kids and I temper my feelings of regret knowing that I did the best I could given the situation I am in (and I also have parents with disabilities/health issues that need help) I feel fortunate that we had the financial cushion to make that happen.  I do all the financial management and have a very supportive husband.

CindyBS, I salute you! I know all too well that children with extra challenges can feel like many more times the work, with worse "results." Focus on how blessed your husband and children are to have you as an advocate and nurturer.

I left my career of 11 years after our third child turned one. Absolutely worth it for the reduced stress on our entire family. We aren't painfully strapped for time and energy, childcare is not longer a constant crisis, and I'm not washing the dinner dishes at midnight.  I'd had 11 years in the career, and have been able to freelance in the same field, and add some resume-building volunteer positions too. There are times of discouragement and frustration. I miss some of the freedom of having a sitter and an "outside life."  But I realized some coworkers who were also mothers but 10-15 years older than me had the exact same positions/salaries and weren't pumping breast milk between meetings, dashing out for pediatrician visits, or up all night with sick little ones in between full days at the office.

It's Mustachian optimism -- but I do believe that for an engaged and hardworking person, opportunities will always be there. Your babies will not always need you this much. And staying home can be just as interesting and fulfilling. I love the freedom, flexibility, and ability to spent lots of time outdoors, exercise more often, take my kids lots of fun places, road trip, spend time with friends, volunteer, and do my errands when places aren't crowded.

TheWifeHalf

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #13 on: July 08, 2018, 02:03:54 PM »

First, congratulations. I hope to be in your shoes some day as far as the talltexan kids being launched as you describe yours to be.

Is it a little strange that you know their incomes? When we had to withdraw contributions from our Roth IRA at the last minute (because we were over), I was a little frustrated that my wife shared that this happened so explicitly with her father.

We have never told the kids how much money we make/have and I don't remember them ever asking. Maybe they don't care?!
When they were of allowance age: they got money because Daddy shared what he made with us, this was their share. When he got laid off, their share stopped coming and we told them why. He got a better job, their share started up again. The amount was not based on chores, but their age. Then, things they were expected to do cost them if I had to do it. (For the most part, they got done!)

I guess being this open with how much money they had made them feel comfortable telling us, I know we never asked. I suspect some of it has to do with their pride in what they've done since high school compared to some of their friends.

I do remember about a year ago our daughter asked me "You and Dad have enough for retirement, right?" I told her we certainly thought so, but rest assured, we know how to live on a lot less." That seemed to settle that subject.

3-4 years ago our youngest son got a job at the same refinery his dad works at. They are union jobs, it's in the contract who makes what, and what an employee has to do to make more. So, he knew what Dad made per hour. We were talking something about finances and he made the comment "You guys must have a million, don't you?"   I just told him that saving some from every paycheck adds up after awhile, trying to use the question as a learning opportunity, to give him something to think about.
He got married and his wife got a job in MA. He said they thought she'd never find another like this one, and he thought he could find a job anywhere, so they moved to MA. He told us what she made, and what he made at a job he had an interview for before he even left Ohio.

Again, I did not ask. Of the 3 kids, he does talk to me a lot more than they do.

It is nice to be able to put a check mark next to each kid's name in the 'really on their own' list.

talltexan

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #14 on: July 09, 2018, 08:23:17 AM »

First, congratulations. I hope to be in your shoes some day as far as the talltexan kids being launched as you describe yours to be.

Is it a little strange that you know their incomes? When we had to withdraw contributions from our Roth IRA at the last minute (because we were over), I was a little frustrated that my wife shared that this happened so explicitly with her father.

We have never told the kids how much money we make/have and I don't remember them ever asking. Maybe they don't care?!
When they were of allowance age: they got money because Daddy shared what he made with us, this was their share. When he got laid off, their share stopped coming and we told them why. He got a better job, their share started up again. The amount was not based on chores, but their age. Then, things they were expected to do cost them if I had to do it. (For the most part, they got done!)

I guess being this open with how much money they had made them feel comfortable telling us, I know we never asked. I suspect some of it has to do with their pride in what they've done since high school compared to some of their friends.

I do remember about a year ago our daughter asked me "You and Dad have enough for retirement, right?" I told her we certainly thought so, but rest assured, we know how to live on a lot less." That seemed to settle that subject.

3-4 years ago our youngest son got a job at the same refinery his dad works at. They are union jobs, it's in the contract who makes what, and what an employee has to do to make more. So, he knew what Dad made per hour. We were talking something about finances and he made the comment "You guys must have a million, don't you?"   I just told him that saving some from every paycheck adds up after awhile, trying to use the question as a learning opportunity, to give him something to think about.
He got married and his wife got a job in MA. He said they thought she'd never find another like this one, and he thought he could find a job anywhere, so they moved to MA. He told us what she made, and what he made at a job he had an interview for before he even left Ohio.

Again, I did not ask. Of the 3 kids, he does talk to me a lot more than they do.

It is nice to be able to put a check mark next to each kid's name in the 'really on their own' list.

Thanks for being so open! My dad had a pretty major surgery in march of this year, so my parents asked me to do their taxes for them. Frankly, I ought to start hitting them up for more EOC. They're making wayyy more than I thought, and don't seem to be very good at spending it.

They'd fit in with this crowd, except for driving too much, and continuing to work to too old an age.

MoneyStubble25

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2018, 07:31:51 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?

CrustyBadger

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2018, 07:56:13 AM »
I am a teacher and stayed at home (out of the work force) with my kids for 7 years, but did not return to full time teaching for 10 years.

I did lose a lot of income and pay raises (especially as we moved to a new school district so my new employer isn't the same as my old employer -- different pensions, different salary scale etc.)  I can't calculate the effect of that.

Living on my husband's income only did mean we were forced to live more cheaply -- only one car, bought a home in a supposedly "bad" school district, where we are surrounded by people with similar incomes.

One thing I would caution anyone in the US thinking about doing this -- make sure the non-working spouse is covered in case of eventual disability.  My husband is currently disabled and receiving SSDI which will include Medicare in 2 more years.  You need to have been working 5 out of the past 10 years (and paying into Social Security) in order to qualify for this benefit.  If you stay at home with no employment for 6 years, and then become disabled, you will not qualify for SSDI.  Just keep it in mind as you plan.  Knowing what I know now, I would have at least worked part time the minimal amount each year (I think you need to earn $6000 a year?) every year no matter what, just to keep access to this safety net.


letsdoit

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2018, 12:27:59 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?
[/quot

anyone?

dashuk

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2018, 02:40:02 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?

Not completely, but have been 3d/wk since #1 was 2yo (now 4yo). Wife had already quit completely at the end of her maternity leave.

I can come up with a post-hoc rationalisation about me being in a career that I enjoy, her being in one she'd kinda fallen into, and us both having similar salaries so it not making much difference who stayed at home. All of which is 100% true.

But equally, there was probably a fair amount of gender conditioning at play. Not in terms of us ever thinking "woman must stay home, man must work", but more that she had actually thought a lot about being a SAHP beforehand, whereas I probably didn't ever visualise it until after we had #1.

Back to the OP...

Financial opportunity cost of our choices? Probably pretty huge. Household take-home is maybe 1/3 of what it might be, sub-median for the UK rather than nudging 90th %ile. FI is a decade or more down the road, rather than possibly having already happened. I can be pretty sure I could go back to FT any time I like, but would probably be very hard for OH to get close to her previous earning potential.

Would I change any of it? Well, give me a time machine to go back and convince 25yo me of the merits of FIRE pre-kids, then maybe I'd have a go - but I'm not sure past me would listen.

From the start point of being early-30s and yes-we-are-ready-to-have-kids-right-now? I don't think so. The non-financial 'opportunity costs' of doing anything else don't seem great to me.

Hold off on the kids we've decided we're ready for for the five years or so it might take to ERE-style FIRE?

Pass up the time we could spend with them as preschoolers to gain a few extra years of FIRE when they are in school?

Nah. As someone upthread said, you can always earn more money later.

seattlecyclone

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #19 on: July 23, 2018, 02:58:02 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?

My wife and I both went to part-time (three days per week) after we had our first son. We paid for daycare two days per week while we both went to work. We each took care of our son one day per week while the other spouse worked, and then we had three-day weekends all together. It was okay, but even that one day per week was enough to convince me that taking care of young children by myself all day every day was not for me. For that reason now that we have our second and final baby we're going to welcome an au pair into the house to help out with things. We recently reached FI (assuming no child care expenses), but my wife doesn't want to leave her job, and I don't want to take care of the kids every day on my own, so I'm going to keep working until early next year to pad the stash enough that we can keep paying for some child care at least until our oldest goes off to kindergarten.

boarder42

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #20 on: July 23, 2018, 04:17:43 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?
[/quot

anyone?

I'm dropping to 4 day weeks as our first was just born and plan to got to 3 days when kid 2 is born in the next few years. Assuming I enjoy it.

letsdoit

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #21 on: July 24, 2018, 09:24:11 AM »
I just did a daddy stay-cation and it was so cool
I don't know if we could keep up that intensity all year, though

AMandM

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #22 on: July 24, 2018, 11:27:26 AM »
I quit grad school to be a SAHP. Does that count?

Financially there is no question that it was a loss. I've only worked full-time for one year since then (25 years ago). The money I never made would certainly have exceeded the money I saved by being home (daycare, commuting, professional clothes, convenience foods, etc.) and the money I did make in part-time and freelance work.

But the intangibles have been priceless to us. We avoided the hectic morning rush to work/school/daycare. We were able to have a larger family than most. I had time to do lots of DIY and homemade things, and to teach those skills to the kids.  We were able to take advantage of several opportunities through DH's job to live overseas for extended periods, without worrying about the effects on my career. We were able to homeschool, so our kids' education could be tailored to take advantage of those overseas experiences.

We're not FI, but I'm living the RE life already and have been almost all my adult life.

Master of Coin

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #23 on: July 24, 2018, 01:55:19 PM »
Any dads on here that quit there job to stay at home with kids?

I recently quit my job to stay home with our first child.  I made a lot less than my wife, she likes her job more than I did, and we spend less than just her income, so it was a fairly easy financial decision.  So far it has been a great choice.  The job stress was really getting to me, and I am loving having so much time to build a bond with our child.  However, my wife is still on parental leave, so I can't yet comment on the challenges of being home alone with the kid.  Having two full time SAH parents would be awesome.  MMM did it the right way.


sjc0816

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #24 on: July 27, 2018, 08:18:09 AM »
I quit after my first child was born 12 years ago. Have done some part-time work here and there and a ton of volunteering.....but have been out of full-time work force since then.

We didn't factor finances into this decision at all. It was a purely lifestyle decision for us and we worked our budget/finances to make it happen. Paid off all debt and lived frugally. DH's income has skyrocketed since then but we have kept our frugal ways. I think we are better off financially than we would be if I worked full-time because we would literally have to outsource everything for sanity purposes. I don't know HOW families do it with two full-time working parents.....especially if you have older/busy kids and also value working out/exercise yourself and eating healthy home-cooked meals (these things are very high priority to us). I'd have to wake up at 4am every day. Granted, these dual working parents are most likely MUCH more organized and together than I am. This is why it's such an individual/family decision.

Josey_L

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #25 on: July 27, 2018, 10:08:34 AM »
Yes; I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months old, but then quit my job a year later. I was bored with work and overwhelmed with the pressures of commuting and spending our weekends on life maintenance instead of enjoying the outdoors and each other. Our decision was purely a lifestyle choice, since I gave up a six figure salary with a lot of potential income growth down the road. We felt comfortable on my husband's salary and were already approaching FI, but it was a hard choice to make since it felt irreversible in my case.

There are days when I love staying home with my daughter (she's 2.5 now) and days when I feel bored, frustrated, exasperated, tired, or some mix of those emotions. On our best days we explore the outdoors together at a toddler pace, laugh, cook, and read books. I find those days so fulfilling--more than I found any of my previous jobs. But I struggle with this idea that I need to find some external purpose in life that maximizes my skills and personality and leaves the world a better place. This is probably brainwashing from my own childhood, but I feel that pressure daily and worry that I'm not doing enough with my life as a SAHP. We want to have another child, so I will likely prolong these career aspirations/questions for another couple of years and try to explore new career ideas through volunteer work, etc.

I'm learning that life is just a series of compromises and trade-offs. I think it's all about what values you choose to focus on and elevate at the time. And those may change as you experiment with different priorities and lifestyles.

DoNorth

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #26 on: July 27, 2018, 10:49:08 AM »
yes, we both did, although flip flopped a bit.  I retired from the service and after doing another job for a year, quit and thought I was semi-permanently retiring so I could build our dream house (kids were 7 and 4 at the time)  My wife was still self-employed so we lived with my parents for awhile while I built and she continued to work from home.  It was still really tough because I made breakfast/school lunches every day, took kids to school, picked them up, etc. and did all the normal stuff (my wife did too) and then I got an offer for a part time salaried position with a non-profit so I did that for the next 3 years and continued to stay very involved while building the house (very stressful to say the least).  Last fall, my wife's selfemplyoment work ended (also very stressful) and just after, I received an offer for a term overseas position in France, so she's not working at the moment and I'm working full time.  We were completely FIREd for about 6 months, FI/PT for awhile, now we're still FI, but I'm working full time.  Of all the different phases, this one seems to be the least stressful out of the last 5 years because my wife is way more relaxed (although I think she misses the work some), neither of us are worried about house building stresses, and my job pays well and is super easy and we live in a really nice area of Europe.  Fully planning on going back to FIRE after I leave this job and she is too.  Kids will be 8 1/2 and 11 1/2 by then.

Dicey

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Re: has anyone quit job to raise kid?
« Reply #27 on: July 27, 2018, 12:40:37 PM »
The Tightwad Gazette covers this topic pretty well, despite being old and dated. This book is an excellent read for any mustachian. One of the few books I'd recommend buying new. Your library may have it, but five years post-FIRE,  I still leaf through it for inspiration. Get the one with the blue cover.