I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past five years, while studying computer science part-time. Now I'm graduating and going back to work. My kids are five and three. I'm feeling very ambivalent about this transition and looking for some perspective.
There are some good things about going back to work:
- I'll get to play number-go-up with our investment accounts.
- The work (software engineering) should be more intellectually stimulating than hanging out with my kids all day.
- I'll get to talk with adults that aren't my husband or the UPS man.
Ultimately, I don't expect my job to fill me with joy and purpose, but it's possible that I might feel less ennui than I do around 4pm every day with my boys. I think the net effect on my quality of life will probably be a wash. The main reason I'm going back is the money. (To invest, not spend, you know!)
However, even if going back to work is a net positive for me, I am worried about how the rest of my family will feel.
- My husband is going to have to take care of himself a lot more - I'm not sure he realizes how much I've been waiting on him the past few years.
- My kids are going to be spending 8 hours a day with a babysitter - who is fine, but she's not MOM. They already spend some time with her when I go to class, but this is a big increase. I'm afraid they'll feel abandoned, and will miss the comfort of their own home during the day.
- The house is going to completely fall apart. I'm just resigned to this. We will run out of essential items, the floors will go unswept - I'm just not going to be able to keep up with it all anymore, and some balls will get dropped before my husband and I find a new balance.
Basically, I think that my going back to work will really decrease the quality of life of my husband and kids. They won't have someone working full-time to take care of them anymore. My husband in will have more chores and more stress. My kids will be sad and bored.
I feel like, if you're not mustachian, you can see the benefit of a second income in the increased accumulation of stuff. But for me, the only real measure of things getting better will be a number going up. But the costs in terms of stress and lost time are still there.
I'm committed to going back to work at this point, but I'm hoping some of you can cheer me up about it!
***UPDATE***
I've been at my job for 3 weeks now, so here's an update for you all:
I LOVE being a working mom. My life has a much better balance than it did before. I get three hours with my kids each evening and that is enough to enjoy them without getting fed up with them. Being at work is so much more fun and relaxing than being home with my kids was. I love being around my coworkers -- I love being around adults again!!
My kids are doing well with the transition. My husband took some days off so that they didn't have a full week with the babysitter until this past week. It also helps that they have stayed with her before. My two year old has become very huggy and says he misses me, but both boys seem in good enough spirits when they get dropped off and picked up. I think the routine will wear off whatever rough edges there are soon enough.
My husband has a few more chores, and that's working out fine. The house is messy, but honestly, it was also messy when I was home. It doesn't bother me too much. It is harder to squeeze in laundry and grocery shopping than it was in the past, but that is a small price to pay for how good I feel now.