Author Topic: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children  (Read 2491 times)

LearningMustachian72

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Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« on: April 18, 2018, 10:47:26 AM »
Hey!

I know there is never a right time to start a family and everyones circumstances vary but if you are a parent or expecting to be, what are some financial and personal goals you wanted to achieve prior to becoming a parent? (i.e. what comforts did you want in place prior to growing your family)

Thank you in advance!

MrUpwardlyMobile

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2018, 10:52:25 AM »
I wanted a 6 month efund, positive net worth, and sufficient income to cash flow all reasonably likely expenses including daycare and medical care in the event of complication.

acroy

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 11:12:13 AM »
Success Sequence: education, job, marriage, children. In that order

Laura33

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2018, 01:56:19 PM »
What MrUpwardlyMobile and Acroy said.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2018, 01:58:54 PM »
I wanted to pay off my SLs above 5% interest rate and save up a down payment on a house and finish nursing school. We did that, and I'm glad we didn't wait any longer than we have. We're struggling with infertility (in spite of starting trying at 27) and doing our first IVF cycle right now. Thanks to frugality and the options money buys, we have this option, even though it's $17,000 out of pocket for each cycle. (Very very few people have infertility benefits, even diagnostic).

Anywhoo, I advocate for getting your ducks in a row but not waiting too long, because you never know what life will throw at you.

ETA: oh duh, and a stable partnership. For me that meant marriage, but I like tidy paperwork and taxes =)

malacca

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2018, 12:21:59 PM »
Well, I waited UNITL I was FIRE before having kids. Been great. But it is not for everyone.

Most important is that you are reasonably financially stable, have a stable relationship, and have gotten over the party mentality.

As Bracken_Joy said - a stable relationship.

As far as fertility goes, I now several guys who had children in their 60s. But they were healthy - in mind and body. But infertility is a growing trend among younger people. Who knows the reason but it is definitely an issue. I have had younger colleagues that had to have invitro. In all cases, both the husband and wife had higher stress professional occupations.




Bracken_Joy

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2018, 12:26:55 PM »
As far as fertility goes, I now several guys who had children in their 60s. But they were healthy - in mind and body. But infertility is a growing trend among younger people. Who knows the reason but it is definitely an issue. I have had younger colleagues that had to have invitro. In all cases, both the husband and wife had higher stress professional occupations.

I know you probably didn't mean the last sentence as a judgement, but it really does rub me the wrong way. People struggling with infertility constantly get this low key message that it's our fault, we caused it. And while arguably I have a stressful job (nurse), I picked a low stress field of it (home health pediatrics), I work part time, and I even quit work for several months while TTC.

Several studies have been done that show no link between stress and infertility. What *is* true is the infertility causes stress, that's for damn sure. But you really can't say the other way around.

I think it's more an issue that high stress jobs = high earning jobs = people who can actually afford to do IVF, since it's not covered for the vast majority of people on their insurance. I know plenty of people with low stress to NO jobs (ie, stay at home wives etc) that are struggling with infertility. Most of them simply can't afford to do IVF though. Anyway, I think that's where the image of the "uptight type A infertile career woman" idea comes from- those who can actually afford treatment.

gooki

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2018, 03:24:52 PM »
I wanted have my student loan and our mortgage paid off.

Student loan was paid off, but it took another year until we could finally be free of the mortgage.

talltexan

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2018, 11:41:30 AM »
Cash flow with kids was tough. I kick myself for how free-spending I was pre-kids, could have totally lived the life style I'm used to today, but banking the money I now spend on childcare, but I was just young and bulletproof.

pattycakepdx

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2018, 12:06:01 PM »
I didn't really have any major financial goals, but I did have a personal goals checklist to complete before trying to get pregnant. It was mainly fitness and travel related (e.g. run a marathon, cycle from Portland to the coast, and a big international vacation). All things that are perhaps not impossible, but much more difficult with a baby. Having such a concrete "to do" list helped me really feel ready once everything was checked off. We actually started trying on our big international vacation since that was the last thing on the pre-pregnancy list. I get didn't get pregnant on that trip, but I'm 5 weeks now :)

Steeze

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2018, 12:21:38 PM »
We are planning our first for about 1 year from now -
Here is my list of things to do prior:
  • Formal education complete
  • Stable Job & Career
  • Debt Free (not including mortgage)
  • Income in excess of DW & I's needs
  • Married to someone I trust to be a great parent
  • Good health insurance
  • Clear budget for additional insurance & childcare

Things I wanted to have done by now but did not complete:
  • Move to my favorite place
  • Own a "forever" home
  • Work for myself

haflander

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2018, 12:44:06 PM »
This is something I've thought about a lot as I'm getting to my older 20s, but not married. My goals to achieve before kids are more personal and regarding the relationship vs financial. eg, find the perfect partner, perfect the art of communication, agree on major life goals and the plan and priorities. Ideally you'd agree on the goal of FI, but at the very least, she can't be a big spendypants. That being said, as far as financial, roughly in order...

  • Finish all formal education (gf is quite younger than me and entering grad school)
  • Cash flow bachelor's/grad school if possible, or pay off loans if not
  • Absolutely zero debt other than mortgage
  • Take one big vacation together
  • Maximize savings rate by minimizing spending, possibly also with side gigs
  • Get used to living on only one salary (ideally much less than 100% of it) to avoid future lifestyle creep

Regarding #4, yes I've seen the thread about traveling with kids. Of course it's possible, but one of my financial goals is to cash flow a big epic vacation before having kids. Few or none will say that traveling with kids is easier than without them :)

2Birds1Stone

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2018, 02:29:02 PM »
I would like to retire, travel the world for several decades, burn down 99% of my assets, and as one last hoorah before I croak I would then like some H&B, the former which should bear my children and preserve my legacy.

Lady SA

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2018, 03:42:25 PM »
DH and I have talked pretty extensively about this. Our goal is to have our first baby in about 2 years from now and have me stay home (and DH drop down to part time to cashflow expenses and provide health insurance while our stash compounds to our FIRE number in the background), so we are slowly checking off our to-do list before we make that happen.

  • DONE complete schooling
  • DONE stable, legal partnership with someone we both trust to be an excellent parent and role model
  • DONE DH and I agree on life direction and goals, and are on the same page regarding 1 year, 5 year, 10 year general life plans.
  • DONE good, stable jobs that offer great flexibility, good pay, and a positive environment
  • DONE 6 month emergency fund
  • DONE project our monthly numbers with reduced income (dropping one full income and the remaining income is part-time) and changed spending (kid expenses and saving vs reduced retirement savings), and the numbers say we can cashflow this venture (this is specific to our personal goals and incomes)
  • paid off student loans/debt (will be gone in 1 year!)
  • create wills
  • 2 international vacations together, with activities that would be difficult/scary with kids (scuba diving, sky diving, etc). We are going to Europe for 3 weeks later this year, and next year we will go to SE Asia for 3 weeks.
  • new-to-us car. Our current beater is being nursed along, but if one of us is home with the baby and the other needs to commute, we need a second car (I have nightmares about being stranded at home with a sick baby and needing to go to the doctor or something). The plan is to keep commuting with the beater and get a reasonable hatchback. However, we don't need another car now, and we want to delay this purchase as long as possible. Likely we will get something in Dec 2019.
  • get ~halfway to FI with invested assets. Our plan is at that point, shift down to part-time work to just cover our expenses and let our stash compound to our FI number (doubling every decade, meaning we would be FI after ~10 years)

Other things that aren't necessarily goals, but things we are just continually working on:
    --physical health:
    • We have a few "mini" goals regarding races we want to do and milestones we want to achieve
    • continue eating healthy
    • take my freaking vitamins (I always forget this...)
    --marriage health: we are always working on our communication and emotional skills.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2018, 02:29:19 AM »
Finish education, have six months of expenses saved up, live on one income.

The thing I most regret not doing is more sit ups. I think pregnancy would have been *slightly* easier if I had actually had abs to support my giant bump.

But I'm now sat here with my seven week old baby and those are the only things I think everyone ought to do. We also went on two holidays a deux while I was pregnant, which was nice as we won't be doing that for a while! And made a big effort to see friends for grown up things to fill the friendship tank a bit so it could afford to drain for a while.

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2018, 01:27:27 PM »
We waited until financially
1) Higher education stopping point (he finished his Ph.D.; I had a bachelor's and planned to go back to get a master's later)
2) Stable job(s)
3) Live on one salary (I was going to be a SAHM.  HAHAHAHAHA.  I am so not cut out for that.)

and personally

1) I got to my goal weight
2) I told my obgyn and my regular doctor a year before I planned to start TTC and asked their advice.  I ended up having a surgery before that; doctor said better to do it now rather than wait

We bought our "forever home" two years before we starting trying.  The week I found out I was pregnant we were actually house hunting because his new job required us to relocate.  I'm now two houses past that.  I no longer believe in "forever homes".


talltexan

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2018, 07:08:18 AM »
We waited until financially
1) Higher education stopping point (he finished his Ph.D.; I had a bachelor's and planned to go back to get a master's later)
2) Stable job(s)
3) Live on one salary (I was going to be a SAHM.  HAHAHAHAHA.  I am so not cut out for that.)

and personally

1) I got to my goal weight
2) I told my obgyn and my regular doctor a year before I planned to start TTC and asked their advice.  I ended up having a surgery before that; doctor said better to do it now rather than wait

We bought our "forever home" two years before we starting trying.  The week I found out I was pregnant we were actually house hunting because his new job required us to relocate.  I'm now two houses past that.  I no longer believe in "forever homes".

My snooty SIL used the term "forever home" on our most recent vacation together. I agree with you that there is no such thing.

branman42

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2018, 12:15:45 PM »
(I have nightmares about being stranded at home with a sick baby and needing to go to the doctor or something).

With the prevalance of Uber, unless you live in a very far in the country place, you should have no problem getting a cheap way to the doctors, the store, etc. As long as you don't do it all of the time, it will be cheaper than buying another car.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Financial/Personal Goals Prior to Having Children
« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2018, 11:15:23 AM »
We wanted to already be-

In the paid for house we wanted to raise our kids
Be in the school district we wanted to raise our kids
Be debt free
Secure in our jobs and more importantly know we weren't going to be bounced around.
Have had and experienced alot of things so we wouldn't say " if we wouldn't of had kids we could of".....
Been careful and had kids as close to being planned as possible.

We ended up starting with me being 32 and DW 28 and had 4  2 18 months apart then waited 4 years then 2 more 18 months apart. This worked out fine for us but everyone is different and my only suggestion is to have kids when its right for you and only you (and your partner of course)