Author Topic: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)  (Read 7557 times)

GreenQueen

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We are work at home parents with a delightful, mostly easy 6-month old daughter and we're starting this discussion. We live in Quebec so it's heavily subsidized and for a change, money is not a big consideration. I'm more interested in the social and developmental side of things. We were leaning toward starting her part-time at 18 months, but I'm thinking a little earlier now.

If you have links to reading recommendations on the subject, that's welcome too. Thanks!

daverobev

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2017, 05:00:27 PM »
A year is good. I mean, at the point when you're climbing the walls running out of things to do with them. If you're taking them to toddler groups where they see other children a couple of times a week then there's no rush. If it's mostly just you and them at home, the sooner the better - if you are a happier person, your time with them will be better; and the rest of the time they'll be with other people their age and with trained people looking after them.

I don't think there's much point before they can walk, though. I mean, if you don't need to.

kayvent

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2017, 05:31:02 PM »
I started daycare for my daughter at 13 months I believe. The reason was sociological. I was a single teenage parent who needed to work and finish university. If I would have been able to make a choice, I would have delayed daycare for as long as possible. With the current options available, I choose to minimize the number of hours my child is in daycare. I do this simply because since I wanted a child, I actually want to spend time with them (I feel sorry for those parents who either choose or must see their children less than the daycare workers do.)

QueenV

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2017, 06:45:17 PM »
I started mine at 12 months. I work from home and found that the older he got, the harder it was to get any work done when he was home. He started walking at 11 months and dropped from two naps to one around the same time. Both of those made it hard to work while he was in the house. I think you'll know when it's time for yours to start daycare.

bdoubleu

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2017, 08:28:09 PM »
We started our first son at 7 months. Second son at 3 months. Mom is going back to work next week, Dad doesn't work.  Our first son took a couple weeks to settle in to the daycare routine, as we didn't really have a great routine at home and he was old enough to know things had changed.  Second at 3 months old settled in nicely on day 2. It seems dumb to have them both in daycare, and the second one so early, when Dad is home. But the transition has been so much better with #2. And having the house free of kids during the weekdays is a sanity-saver for us ;) (yes I love them, but OMG they are exhausting!)

For those that are able to or don't want their kid in daycare that early, I'd say by 1 year or around the time they start walking. Then it just becomes a big social party for them. I feel our now-2 year old really blossomed once he moved to the "walking" room at daycare.

gooki

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2017, 01:06:27 AM »
We started our kids at 3 years old. The majority of the research I found suggested time with parents is very beneficial up to this age.

Hours are also short. 15 - 25 hours per week.
« Last Edit: May 08, 2017, 01:08:57 AM by gooki »

Trouble

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2017, 06:12:52 AM »
I'm with gooki on this one. I didn't want to send my child to childcare as I was a stay at home mum, but towards the end of my second pregnancy I wasn't coping so off my almost 3yo went. He was out of nappies and could communicate his needs quite well. He enjoyed childcare, but not starting it earlier has not stunted his social abilities in any way, as we did playgroup at least once a week plus playdates with friends during the week.

With my second I didn't want her to start until 3 as well. Unfortunately this time around I went back to work and my husband is the stay at home parent. He is an injured veteran and wasn't coping having our daughter every day so at 2 years old she has started at a family day care, with 1 carer and 4 children in the carer's home, 2 days a week. I'm happy with this choice as opposed to a big childcare Centre as she can't go hide with a dirty nappy amongst the crowd and potentially have a burnt bum. And she absolutely loves it there. But my husband doesn't do playdates with her so it's probably good for her to get out and play and not just potter along behind him absolutely all day, or be plonked in front of the TV. 

Laura33

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2017, 06:49:47 AM »
We are US and had the typical 12-week mat leave, so that's about when my kids started.  I was nervous with DD (our first), but it turns out she *loved* it -- she is an extreme extrovert with a strong need for schedule (and I am neither of those things), so having so many people to pay attention to her and a schedule that she could learn was like manna from heaven for her.

So after that experience, when I had DS I had no qualms or concerns whatsoever. :-)  I actually started him a week or two before I went back, so I could ease him into it a few hours at a time (and get some errands done without child attached!).

brycedoula

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2017, 07:23:08 PM »
My daughter started at our daycare just shy of 12 months. In Manitoba (as with the rest of the country, I'm sure) daycare wait-lists are HUGE, and we'd originally found a spot for her around 16 months...but a spot opened up @ the daycare literally across the street from us a few months earlier so we elected to start her earlier than planned. I ended up going back to work ~5 weeks later, so our transition was very smooth.

For the most part it's fantastic. I originally thought that it might be too much for my kid to handle, as she comes from a quiet, introverted-parents household. But she loves it. Lots of other kids to play with, they go outside 1-2 times per day, they sing songs in languages other than English and do crafts (crafts with PAINT! I'd never give a toddler paint, LOL). The caregivers even do basic sign language with them.

The biggest downside (mostly when she was a bit younger) was the nap schedule. They only do one nap there; which is fine for kiddos on the older end of the infant spectrum, but for my kid (who was not yet one when she started) it was a LOOONNNNNG time to be awake and I'd usually force a "micro-nap" when we got home so the rest of the evening wasn't an overtired crank-fest.

Our experience has been overwhelmingly positive, thankfully, and I hope when the time comes for baby #2 we can do the same thing. Pre-parenthood I thought that daycare was not the best option, but our daughter seems to be thriving. Frankly, I think she gets a bit disappointed on the weekends when she doesn't get to go & play with her friends!

tthree

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2017, 08:11:21 PM »
Another Canadian here.....yes long daycare wait lists are a thing, and most licensed daycares here do not take children under 18 months. 

DS started in a dayhome at one year (mostly because none of the daycares even called me back) but it ended up being a good fit for our family.  He stayed there until I went on mat leave with #2. 

With DD I was prepared to take 2 years off work.  However, they both got into the daycare at the school when she was 18 months.  (DS had ONLY been on the wait list for 3 years, and they let siblings in at the same time).  She immediately loved the daycare environment, and at 4 continues to love going and hanging with her friends, but she is naturally more social than DS or I.  With her I am glad I didn't need to start her before 18 months, as she was a late walker, and I can appreciate this would be a PITA for the daycare workers.

JustTrying

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2017, 08:31:23 PM »
If you're most interested in the social aspect, I'd probably wait till the little one is at least 2 and possibly closer to 3. At around 8/9 months they start to really fear strangers, and this doesn't really resolve until around 18 months. I'd say you probably would want to skip that window of time if your main goal is just socialization!

Goldielocks

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2017, 11:53:38 AM »
Not sure if you are asking about group care / socialization aspects or just care not from mom and dad:

First daughter -- at 6 months, at the end of EI.  Dad and I had split the parental leave, so I was already back at work and it was easier to transition to work first with a parent at home, then a daycare (EI was only 6 months then), and then it was back to work for both of us.   We used a licensed dayhome.   She first went to a group daycare at 30 months, because when her brother was born, and I needed 2 half days a week of less stress for a couple of months.

Son -- At  7 months I got a promotion but had to go back to work early from EI to accept it.  So, we used 5 months of licensed dayhomes, then a live-in Nanny for 6+ months until DH was laid off.
   
Both kids started official preschool at age 3-4 :  e..g, the 3 half days a week type of educational play preschools.   Kids are more than ready for group interaction before age 3.

PharmaStache

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2017, 07:35:25 PM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

kayvent

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2017, 07:53:05 PM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

Maternity leave through EI is eighteen months in Canada.

daverobev

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2017, 07:57:13 PM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

Maternity leave through EI is eighteen months in Canada.

Yes, but that's new.

PharmaStache

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2017, 07:13:31 AM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

Maternity leave through EI is eighteen months in Canada.

Not yet.

MayDay

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2017, 07:15:05 AM »
DS went from 10 weeks, DD started once a week around 1.5 years old. 

For DS, I think if he hadn't been going from the beginning, it would have been an extremely rough transition when he was older, as he was very attached to me.  I would have lost my marbles if he had been with me 100% of the time from birth until preschool age.  His preference probably would have been to stay home until age 3, but he also did love daycare starting around 12 months.

OTOH waiting until 3 doesn't help some kids- DS had a 3 year old in his first preschool class who spend the entire first semester sobbing on and off because he had never been separated from his mother before.  For some kids it is going to be rough whenever you do it. 

DD would have happily trotted off to full time care at about 12 weeks old if she could have propelled herself there.  She wants to be with other people, all the time.  She is 7 now and would happily go to sleepaway summer camp for the whole summer and be fine.

It depends on the kid, but 12 months is a good bet.  Just expect that it will be a very rough transition for some kids, while others won't care a bit that you left. 

Goldielocks

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2017, 01:33:36 PM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

Maternity leave through EI is eighteen months in Canada.

What?  When did this happen?  details please so I can update my notes.:0)

ysette9

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2017, 01:49:24 PM »
My kid started daycare at seven months. We wanted to keep her home at least until six months because she was a preemie and the risk of being around other kids is elevated at the younger ages. At that age she hadn't gotten to the point of stranger anxiety/separation anxiety, so from her perspective it was easier than waiting until a later age.

I would have loved to have stayed home longer and if this pregnancy works out, I will make that happen. Also, my husband now works for a company with generous (for the US) parental leave, so this time the kid would be going to daycare later. The first time we bridges the gap of my leave + his leave with family members staying with us a week at a time. I am pretty eager to not repeat that since it caused me so much stress as an introvert.

south of 61

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2017, 02:28:24 PM »
DD started 2 days a week at 10 months. I was back at work after 3 months and my husband was at home.

We weren't sure when to start her at daycare but my husband suffered an injury, so we started her to make things easier for him.

She started pre-school (following a regular school calendar) at 2 years 9 months (a little young, it's really for 3 year olds, but the school year starts in August and she is born in November) and attended 3 days per week.

This year she is doing 4 days at pre-school.

We liked the gradual increase in hours to prepare her for 5 days a week school which will be starting this August.

kayvent

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #20 on: May 10, 2017, 03:09:10 PM »
12 months.  Pretty typical for Canada!

Maternity leave through EI is eighteen months in Canada.

What?  When did this happen?  details please so I can update my notes.:0)

I was knowingly being deceptive. The budget isn't ratified yet and the 18-month option won't be available until 2018. http://globalnews.ca/news/3329912/federal-budget-maternity-leave/

Also from that article

Quote
As an early-childhood educator, as someone who studied child psychology, but [also] as a mom myself…the more time you can have to bond with your baby — this has been proven in research — the better it is for the baby, for the mom and the whole family

Of course, life makes that difficult in some circumstances.

Goldielocks

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2017, 04:21:47 PM »
Thanks!  That is an important transition.   Should be a great option for many moms, and I can see that some employers would prefer it (some moms time the kids to max out company -paid maternity leave for 2 kids, which is harder on the employer than an 18 month leave in the first place would be, especially for moms with a difficult pregnancy for #2).

Of course, you need to be a bit MMM in order to take advantage of 18 months...

bogart

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2017, 08:51:06 PM »
2 days/week @ 2 months in a small (5 kids, about 1.75 caregivers as two were there part-day but not with perfect overlap) home-based place, stayed there 'til 3.  Also used grandma care 2 days most weeks.  4 half days/week starting at age 3 (different home-based place, similarly small) with additional grandma care also.  Stayed there @ age 4 but cut back to 2 half-days/week and added a more "institutional" school setting for 2 (full) days/week.

This worked really well for us.  Starting DS at daycare as an infant meant there was none of the fear-of-strangers stuff because his care providers weren't strangers.  He got interaction with other kids (he is an only); DH and I could both work (well, DH RE'ed when DS was 3 but I want to work...); and we stayed sane, which I, at least, would have struggled with had I been home F/T with an infant/toddler/preschooler.  It's true it was a tad "lumpy" but I found that 32 hours/week of childcare (approximately the average, between paid and grandma) left me many, many hours to spend with DS.  Indeed, in retrospect if I could do one thing differently, I'd have used more paid childcare for DS.  We are fortunate to live in an area with good options, and he enjoyed it, and I put a lot of work into trying to get us together with other families (many of whom worked and used paid childcare) and -- it would have been easier and more effective just to use more paid childcare ourselves. 

Now that DS is in elementary school, I really enjoy doing things with him that he could not do as a preschooler, and am very glad I didn't focus my energies (and reduce my earnings) to spend more time out of work when he was younger, with the thought that I'd work more when he was older.  I like older better.

ehzw

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #23 on: May 13, 2017, 06:11:21 PM »
Great question. I am in Quebec too and stay at home (have FIREd but guess I will become a SAHP when first is born in September). I am mostly considering part time day care so kid can learn French (we are planning to speak 2 other languages at home) as well as socialise (and I'm sure I'll enjoy a bit of a break too).

From my understanding there are rules about number of kids in each daycare that are <18 months and >18 months in Quebec so there may be more availability once your daughter reaches 18 months too?

I have read some discussion about on various child development websites, for example http://www.pbs.org/parents/childdevelopmenttracker/one/socialandemotionalgrowth.html says between age 1 and 2 your child "May make simple overtures to familiar children", and between age 2 and 3 your child "Enjoys playing alongside other children, but doesn't interact a great deal with them" and "Depending on his or her exposure to other children, may start to have favourite playmates and warm bonds with others".

Obviously I have no personal experience though!

Venturing

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2017, 02:59:21 AM »
Based on my own reading we have decided that our kiddos will be at home with me until about 3 ('at home' is a bit of a misnomer as we go to a number of playgroups etc during the week).
Our eldest just started a few months ago, a bit shy of 3, at an awesome playbased kindy which is literally next door to us. I hadn't intended to send her quite that early but we also have infant twins and I just wanted the sanity break. She's just going 2 mornings a week.
I wasn't sure how she would go with settling in, given that she had never been to any sort of care before. In fact, the only place I had ever left her before was with my parents. But she settled in happy as larry. I believe that giving kids a strong base at home actually makes them more confident in spreading their wings.
Having said that, I don't plan to send her any more than the current 2 mornings a week. The best place for my kiddos is with their family.

(kids don't really start to actually play with eachother until about 2.5 - 3 y/o, before that they just kind of play around each other)

kimmarg

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #25 on: May 16, 2017, 09:37:24 AM »
We started daycare at 10months due to work schedule needs. She had just started walking. She loves daycare! I find a short day (9am-3pm) is perfect for her to play in the am,have a nap and then get picked up after nap. Some days she is there longer out of necessity for work schedule but that's my ideal.

I took a few months but I've realized that I'm a better more relaxed parent if I get some exercise and time to myself. Thus even on days when I don't work until noon I drop her off at 9am to keep her on the same schedule and I can then exercise or do some chores before work. She has a lot more fun playing outside at daycare than trapsing to the grocery store with me.

GreenQueen

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #26 on: May 17, 2017, 04:14:30 PM »
Thanks for all the considerate responses. This has been immensely helpful and I really appreciate all the different perspectives and situations.

gaja

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #27 on: May 17, 2017, 05:01:49 PM »
Children are very different. We had a lot of work keeping the oldest kid entertained and socialised, and she was really ready to start kindergarten at age 1. We were considering shorter days, or fewer days a week, but the kid needed routines. She hated being picked up earlier than her friends, and would be upset if she couldn't start the day eating breakfast with the others. The younger also needed routines, but is a born introvert. We started her as early as 8 months, but only up to 4 hours a day, and that usually included at least one long nap. I think we spent more time walking to and from the kindergarten some days, than she spent playing in kindergarten. She didn't go full time until she was around 2.

Bit of background: 91% of children age 1-5 go to kindergarten in Norway, and of those that don't, the vast majority are age 1-2. Older children will not find any playmates in the neighbourhood during the day time, and there really are not any good play groups. The maximum cost is less than $400/month for a full time place. Kindergarten teacher is a 3-4 year college education focusing on early childhood development and teaching through play. The assistants usually have less education, but longer experience. One of the assistants who cared for my brother 25 years ago, was really happy to greet my children on their first day. I 100% believe that my children had a better childhood since they had those loving and caring people in their life.

kayvent

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #28 on: May 17, 2017, 07:07:42 PM »
Children are very different. We had a lot of work keeping the oldest kid entertained and socialised, and she was really ready to start kindergarten at age 1. We were considering shorter days, or fewer days a week, but the kid needed routines. She hated being picked up earlier than her friends, and would be upset if she couldn't start the day eating breakfast with the others. The younger also needed routines, but is a born introvert. We started her as early as 8 months, but only up to 4 hours a day, and that usually included at least one long nap. I think we spent more time walking to and from the kindergarten some days, than she spent playing in kindergarten. She didn't go full time until she was around 2.

Bit of background: 91% of children age 1-5 go to kindergarten in Norway, and of those that don't, the vast majority are age 1-2. Older children will not find any playmates in the neighbourhood during the day time, and there really are not any good play groups. The maximum cost is less than $400/month for a full time place. Kindergarten teacher is a 3-4 year college education focusing on early childhood development and teaching through play. The assistants usually have less education, but longer experience. One of the assistants who cared for my brother 25 years ago, was really happy to greet my children on their first day. I 100% believe that my children had a better childhood since they had those loving and caring people in their life.

Oh my, I had heard it is bad in Norway but I never knew it was that awful. I hope things in the coming years turn around.

Goldielocks

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2017, 11:48:07 PM »
Children are very different. We had a lot of work keeping the oldest kid entertained and socialised, and she was really ready to start kindergarten at age 1. We were considering shorter days, or fewer days a week, but the kid needed routines. She hated being picked up earlier than her friends, and would be upset if she couldn't start the day eating breakfast with the others. The younger also needed routines, but is a born introvert. We started her as early as 8 months, but only up to 4 hours a day, and that usually included at least one long nap. I think we spent more time walking to and from the kindergarten some days, than she spent playing in kindergarten. She didn't go full time until she was around 2.

Bit of background: 91% of children age 1-5 go to kindergarten in Norway, and of those that don't, the vast majority are age 1-2. Older children will not find any playmates in the neighbourhood during the day time, and there really are not any good play groups. The maximum cost is less than $400/month for a full time place. Kindergarten teacher is a 3-4 year college education focusing on early childhood development and teaching through play. The assistants usually have less education, but longer experience. One of the assistants who cared for my brother 25 years ago, was really happy to greet my children on their first day. I 100% believe that my children had a better childhood since they had those loving and caring people in their life.

Oh my, I had heard it is bad in Norway but I never knew it was that awful. I hope things in the coming years turn around.

?bad??

gaja

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #30 on: May 18, 2017, 04:50:52 AM »
Bit of background: 91% of children age 1-5 go to kindergarten in Norway, and of those that don't, the vast majority are age 1-2. Older children will not find any playmates in the neighbourhood during the day time, and there really are not any good play groups. The maximum cost is less than $400/month for a full time place. Kindergarten teacher is a 3-4 year college education focusing on early childhood development and teaching through play. The assistants usually have less education, but longer experience. One of the assistants who cared for my brother 25 years ago, was really happy to greet my children on their first day. I 100% believe that my children had a better childhood since they had those loving and caring people in their life.

Oh my, I had heard it is bad in Norway but I never knew it was that awful. I hope things in the coming years turn around.

?bad??
[/quote]

There are two main ideologies in child rearing: those who think children should stay at home with their parents as long as possible, and those that think it is better for the children to be socialised in kindergarten (or similar) from a young age. Both sides use plenty of research to back their views, and both sides think the other side is approaching cray-cray-land. I belong to the "kindergarten is good" side, kayvent apparently belongs to the "home is best" side.

What both sides forget is that children are different. Some need the safety and calm of home and connecting to one main care giver for years, others benefit greatly from being around a heap of people  and having a lot of different adults love and care for them from a very early age. Most people have to make the decision based on economy, but being MMM and/or FI we can approach this from "what is best for my child" angle. I think it is important that we as adults as much as possible try to take a couple of steps back, look at the child in question, and ask "What is best for this kid". Not, what does the research, religion or ideology I believe in say is best for children in general, but "what is best for THIS little person".

kayvent

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2017, 06:14:03 PM »
Children are very different. We had a lot of work keeping the oldest kid entertained and socialised, and she was really ready to start kindergarten at age 1. We were considering shorter days, or fewer days a week, but the kid needed routines. She hated being picked up earlier than her friends, and would be upset if she couldn't start the day eating breakfast with the others. The younger also needed routines, but is a born introvert. We started her as early as 8 months, but only up to 4 hours a day, and that usually included at least one long nap. I think we spent more time walking to and from the kindergarten some days, than she spent playing in kindergarten. She didn't go full time until she was around 2.

Bit of background: 91% of children age 1-5 go to kindergarten in Norway, and of those that don't, the vast majority are age 1-2. Older children will not find any playmates in the neighbourhood during the day time, and there really are not any good play groups. The maximum cost is less than $400/month for a full time place. Kindergarten teacher is a 3-4 year college education focusing on early childhood development and teaching through play. The assistants usually have less education, but longer experience. One of the assistants who cared for my brother 25 years ago, was really happy to greet my children on their first day. I 100% believe that my children had a better childhood since they had those loving and caring people in their life.

Oh my, I had heard it is bad in Norway but I never knew it was that awful. I hope things in the coming years turn around.

?bad??

There are two main ideologies in child rearing: those who think children should stay at home with their parents as long as possible, and those that think it is better for the children to be socialised in kindergarten (or similar) from a young age. Both sides use plenty of research to back their views, and both sides think the other side is approaching cray-cray-land. I belong to the "kindergarten is good" side, kayvent apparently belongs to the "home is best" side.

What both sides forget is that children are different. Some need the safety and calm of home and connecting to one main care giver for years, others benefit greatly from being around a heap of people  and having a lot of different adults love and care for them from a very early age. Most people have to make the decision based on economy, but being MMM and/or FI we can approach this from "what is best for my child" angle. I think it is important that we as adults as much as possible try to take a couple of steps back, look at the child in question, and ask "What is best for this kid". Not, what does the research, religion or ideology I believe in say is best for children in general, but "what is best for THIS little person".

A euphemism only goes so far. I agree that the complexities of life require a plural number of solutions; however, I don't think 91% of kids fall into the "better to be at daycare" crowd.

daverobev

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #32 on: May 19, 2017, 09:54:00 AM »
Holy fuck, who on earth thinks a three year old is significantly better off at home than spending time with other children??

I can see "bad daycare" vs "good home" sure; but "adequate daycare" vs "adequate home"?

I'm with Norway.

clairebonk

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #33 on: May 19, 2017, 03:46:25 PM »
I started my son shortly after he turned 2 because his stay-at-home-dad went back to work. It was 30 hours a week and I think a little early. Before then, his dad watched a 1-year-old for 8 hours a week and that was perfect because he got some reliable peer-time but his dad was always there. I wanted to start him at preschool when his language skills were developed enough that he could tell me what he was feeling or tell me about certain scenarios that happened at school. At 25 months, it was a little early. He was fine though, and at 4 is a wonderful well-adjusted, socially ept curious, charming, and polite kid. Now he goes to preschool 9 hours/week and I will start his sister in the 2-3 toddler program at 6 hours week next year.

Look at what preschool options are provided, and be sure to separate preschools from daycares. Preschools are for kids, daycares are for parents. The preschools use academic research to set up frequency & curriculum of classes. Daycares set up their schedules around working parents schedules, not kids schedules. I'm criticizing daycares- my child was in one and it was great- just pointing out the difference between the two.

historienne

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Re: Daycare: when did you start your kids and why? (Not a $ issue)
« Reply #34 on: May 22, 2017, 01:34:20 PM »

A euphemism only goes so far. I agree that the complexities of life require a plural number of solutions; however, I don't think 91% of kids fall into the "better to be at daycare" crowd.

It sounds totally plausible to me as a percentage of three year-olds who fall into either

1 - "better off at daycare, or
2 - "fine either way, but for other reasons daycare is the best choice for the family."

My kids both started daycare between 10 and 11 months.  That's in the separation anxiety zone, but it wasn't a huge deal with either kid, and we couldn't push the timeline out any further without making it a significant problem for my career.  For some kids, though, the separation anxiety is a much bigger deal, in which case pushing things out to 18 months or 2 years seems to help a lot (this is anecdata from friends).

Independent of that consideration...I don't know, maybe a few months later?  I was going pretty stir crazy by the end of both maternity leaves, and I'm just not built to be home with kids full time for the long term.  My daughter is nearly 4 now, and since about 2.5 I think it's been 100% clear that she's happier at daycare than she would be at home.  From 12 months-2.5 years, it was probably a toss up, but I was much happier to be back at work, so that's what we did. 

As a side note, one of the big benefits of daycare to me was that I got to use my second maternity leave to really focus on bonding with the new baby.  Friends who were home full time with two kids had much more challenging experiences the second time around.  If your baby only wants to sleep on your lap, and your toddler wants to go outside to play "Right now, mama!  Please, mama" - it can be hard to manage those competing demands.   

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!