Costly birthday party

[Asdfg]

Our kid got invited to a birthday party. We said "ok, sure". Then next day the inviting parents said it would cost 10 € to participate. In our culture this is exceptional and pretty much always the parties are free but you are expected to bring a small gift worth 5-20 €.

She is already excited about the party so it wouldn't be so nice to cancel and explain the situation to her, also, she is 5 so she wouldn't understand it all. But I feel I've been put in to an unfair position. Easiest solution would be to pay the 10 € but not bring a gift but that might upset the kid who is having the party since she is obviously expecting a gift.

What to do?

[I'm a red panda]

I'd go but bring a gift on the low end of that 5-20 range you posted about. 

Or if you think you can redirect your kid so that she gets excited about something else, then just not go.  At 5 some kids can be easily distracted and others fixate, so you'd be the only one to know if that is an option.

[okits]

Wow...  Around here that would be considered tacky. 

Pay the ten euro fee and buy a ten euro gift.  Or, if you want to abstain on principle, schedule a conflicting event and tell the parent your kid can't attend, after all (ideally you pick something fun your kid will enjoy in lieu of the party.)

[justajane]

I consider that tacky as well. I have never even heard of an "entry fee" for a party. Can I ask where it is or what the theme is?

Just give a cheaper gift. I feel like the hosts should expect that considering you are having to pay for your kid to go.

[klystomane]

Wow...  Around here that would be considered tacky. 

Pay the ten euro fee and buy a ten euro gift.  Or, if you want to abstain on principle, schedule a conflicting event and tell the parent your kid can't attend, after all (ideally you pick something fun your kid will enjoy in lieu of the party.)

+1 on the tackiness...and make something up and don't attend.

[Asdfg]

Going and not bringing a gift would be tacky, but so is charging for a birthday party, especially when the first invitation didn't mention about a fee. It makes us feel like the inviting parents wanted to get as many kids to participate to maximize the amount of gifts. I feel bad for even thinking like this, but I can't help it.

I could redirect my kid to something else, but the main issue here is our relationship to the parents. Well, it's not a big issue, just wanted to hear opinions from other people :) We will most likely go and bring a gift on the low end.

It's a kind of a small amusement park for small kids:

http://www.hoplop.fi/childrens-birthdays

I (half jokingly) proposed my wife that maybe I should organize the birthday party and charge only 15 euros per kid. It's not hard to make up some small events for 5-year-olds and fruits and popcorn are really cheap.

[justajane]

Well, I guess from their perspective they are only charging you half the amount the party is worth, but it's still strange. We have parties over here that are that expensive, but if you can't afford to pay the cost, you choose a cheaper party or an at-home party.

The "entry fee" is just the gift, although I wish we could do away with that as well. Kids don't need more stuff.

[MayDay]

I would refuse to participate on principle.

My kid would get over it quick if we went to a park instead. 

I would tell the parents that we ended up having a scheduling conflict, or something equally vague.  If the kids are really good friends, I would invite the birthday kid over to play on another day, and give him/her a small gift then.  If they aren't good friends, skip the whole thing.

[Asdfg]

Well, I guess from their perspective they are only charging you half the amount the party is worth, but it's still strange. We have parties over here that are that expensive, but if you can't afford to pay the cost, you choose a cheaper party or an at-home party.

The "entry fee" is just the gift, although I wish we could do away with that as well. Kids don't need more stuff.

I fully agree with everything you said.

I would refuse to participate on principle.

My kid would get over it quick if we went to a park instead. 

I would tell the parents that we ended up having a scheduling conflict, or something equally vague.  If the kids are really good friends, I would invite the birthday kid over to play on another day, and give him/her a small gift then.  If they aren't good friends, skip the whole thing.

Yeah, I agree and this is most likely what we will do. I like to cook and bake so I think a bag of cookies will make the kid a lot more happier than a barbie that she will get bored of in 12 hours. And is cheaper for me :)

[asauer]

Ugh- how classless can you get?  I'd go but have your daughter make the child a nice, heartfelt card instead of a gift.

[elaine amj]

Super tacky. I've done a lot of things to make birthday parties more affordable to host - but would never dream of charging kids!