Author Topic: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?  (Read 1229 times)

uphillslide

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Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« on: August 16, 2017, 08:39:03 AM »
Hi there. Long time lurker, first post.

High quality affordable day care is a serious challenge in my area, Washington, DC region. Several lists have scored it the most expensive metro for child care in the country. My wife and I make good money for many metros but not significantly above average for ours. We're mid/late thirties, goal is FIRE by 50.

For two years we sent my son to a daycare that was affordable by all measures, but not satisfactory in others, including ownership who were hostile (I don't use that word lightly) to our concerns. So we moved my son and secured a place for my newborn daughter at a nearby location. This school/daycare is approximately double the cost of our previous care location (adjusting for the hypothetical enrollment of my then yet-unborn daughter). The facility is a lot nicer and the teachers are great and very loving while they are there. This school went through a lot of growing pains during our two years enrolled including excessive teacher turnover.

The process of securing care is a long one fraught with wait lists and advanced planning (up to a year often). So we secured two spaces at a different daycare/school about 9 months ago. Tomorrow is my kids' last day at their current daycare. I'm an emotional mess. My daughter is not yet two and my son will be 4. He seems excited for the school change as I've introduced the idea slowly and I believe fairly. My daughter obviously doesn't know what is happening.

The new school will save us approximately 700 a month. So approximately 12,000 in pretax income. I figure over the four years that we will require daycare/preschool enrolling them in the new school our third school) will save us approximately 22,000 in costs and 31000 in pretax income.

The new school is more play based, less structured. The parents who send their kids to all of these schools are all smart, well heeled professionals. There are no bad options, just different options.

Still I feel very frayed by this. To make matters worse my wife is not on the same page, and going along but has a lot of fear/anxiety.

I know there are not cut and dry answers. But this one seemed like a good decision 9 months ago. Now emotion is taking its toll.

Pros: It's closer to us, bike/walk for pickup and drop off, neighborhood school, neighbors attend, close (a block) to my son's (future) elementary school, low teacher turnover, more affordable.

Cons: more student driven/play based learning, less teacher driven, sand outside on playground (= more mess at home), older dingier environment, higher teacher/student ratio, older well-used toys

I don't know any Mustachians in real life (I wish I did), except my dad. Would love some help. I really don't want to look back and feel like I sold out their childhood for 31k. Thank you!

-anxious and fearful
« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 08:44:01 AM by uphillslide »

Laura33

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2017, 09:37:39 AM »
Well, I can't exactly comfort your wife, since she isn't here.  But FWIW, I let my DH do the research and initial daycare choice when we moved back here, because he had some trips before the actual move, and we ended up in a daycare in the next county over, because he did not like any of the local options.  The extra commute was a bit of an annoyance (one exit farther down I95 -- in the wrong direction), and we switched a couple of times with DD, but the one that we sent DS to was totally awesome, and he loved it.  So we were very happy there -- he spent a very happy 5 years there until he was ready for school.

And then he went to kindergarten back in our neighborhood -- and he knew no one.  No local friends, no one he knew in his class, because all of his friends were from the next county over.  So even though this was a kid who had been in daycare his whole life and "got" the whole idea of sitting at a desk and all of those school-type things, the transition to kindergarten was really, really hard on him -- it was basically the same as if we had moved across the entire country.

So from my perspective, it is worth a *lot" to have a local daycare that allows my kid to make friends with the kids who live in the neighborhood and will be going to the same school.  If I had it to do over again, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have chosen the church right next door to the school, even though it wasn't as "nice" and new and shiny and wasn't our religion.

Also, IME, what little kids really need is lots and lots of play.  That is how they learn at that age.
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uphillslide

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2017, 10:02:04 AM »
I really appreciate you making this point, and you remind me that I left it out of the pros/cons list, even though you intuited it as a pro.

Most of the kids who go to this preschool go into the local public school. 

Thank you for your help!

iowajes

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2017, 10:42:51 AM »
Well, I can't exactly comfort your wife, since she isn't here.  But FWIW, I let my DH do the research and initial daycare choice when we moved back here, because he had some trips before the actual move, and we ended up in a daycare in the next county over, because he did not like any of the local options.  The extra commute was a bit of an annoyance (one exit farther down I95 -- in the wrong direction), and we switched a couple of times with DD, but the one that we sent DS to was totally awesome, and he loved it.  So we were very happy there -- he spent a very happy 5 years there until he was ready for school.

And then he went to kindergarten back in our neighborhood -- and he knew no one.  No local friends, no one he knew in his class, because all of his friends were from the next county over.  So even though this was a kid who had been in daycare his whole life and "got" the whole idea of sitting at a desk and all of those school-type things, the transition to kindergarten was really, really hard on him -- it was basically the same as if we had moved across the entire country.

So from my perspective, it is worth a *lot" to have a local daycare that allows my kid to make friends with the kids who live in the neighborhood and will be going to the same school.  If I had it to do over again, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have chosen the church right next door to the school, even though it wasn't as "nice" and new and shiny and wasn't our religion.

Also, IME, what little kids really need is lots and lots of play.  That is how they learn at that age.

Man, this worries me now.
My daughter's daycare is local. It's 5 minutes from my house and ON my commute such that I only have to turn into their driveway, no other detour to drop her off.

But we are on the boundary of a school district. The daycare doesn't do drop offs in our district, so when she is school age we will have to do before/after care elsewhere.   But within the boundaries of the school district there is only one center based daycare, and it is 20 minutes away from my house in the wrong direction. 

Laura33

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2017, 11:01:15 AM »
Well, I can't exactly comfort your wife, since she isn't here.  But FWIW, I let my DH do the research and initial daycare choice when we moved back here, because he had some trips before the actual move, and we ended up in a daycare in the next county over, because he did not like any of the local options.  The extra commute was a bit of an annoyance (one exit farther down I95 -- in the wrong direction), and we switched a couple of times with DD, but the one that we sent DS to was totally awesome, and he loved it.  So we were very happy there -- he spent a very happy 5 years there until he was ready for school.

And then he went to kindergarten back in our neighborhood -- and he knew no one.  No local friends, no one he knew in his class, because all of his friends were from the next county over.  So even though this was a kid who had been in daycare his whole life and "got" the whole idea of sitting at a desk and all of those school-type things, the transition to kindergarten was really, really hard on him -- it was basically the same as if we had moved across the entire country.

So from my perspective, it is worth a *lot" to have a local daycare that allows my kid to make friends with the kids who live in the neighborhood and will be going to the same school.  If I had it to do over again, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have chosen the church right next door to the school, even though it wasn't as "nice" and new and shiny and wasn't our religion.

Also, IME, what little kids really need is lots and lots of play.  That is how they learn at that age.

Man, this worries me now.
My daughter's daycare is local. It's 5 minutes from my house and ON my commute such that I only have to turn into their driveway, no other detour to drop her off.

But we are on the boundary of a school district. The daycare doesn't do drop offs in our district, so when she is school age we will have to do before/after care elsewhere.   But within the boundaries of the school district there is only one center based daycare, and it is 20 minutes away from my house in the wrong direction.

What about talking to the parents at the daycare (casually) and figuring out what school district they are in?  If the only daycare in the district is 20 mins the wrong way, it seems more likely that the other parents in your neighborhood would make the same choice you did.
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CNM

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2017, 11:16:02 AM »
Based on what you provided, I think moving to the new daycare is the correct choice.  Children at this age play.  A more play-based environment will not set them back when they get to kindergarten.  If you are concerned that your children aren't learning their alphabet and numbers at school, do some of that academic learning at home.  Being so young, only 10 minutes a day and a bedtime story will get them far. 

The other so-called cons sound like pros to me!  A messy playground where kids can play and get dirty is something I prefer over a sterile one.  Children also DGAF about the age of toys- most of the playing they'll do will be imaginary play anyway.  When my kid was in daycare, his favorite games were playing house, pretending he was some sort of animal with other kids doing the same, and playing outside in the dirt.  Fancy toys were the least played with things.

Really, it sounds like both daycare options are great and you can't go wrong with either one.  Because the new daycare is closer (less hassle, less driving) and cheaper, it sounds like a winner.

iowajes

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2017, 11:18:06 AM »
Well, I can't exactly comfort your wife, since she isn't here.  But FWIW, I let my DH do the research and initial daycare choice when we moved back here, because he had some trips before the actual move, and we ended up in a daycare in the next county over, because he did not like any of the local options.  The extra commute was a bit of an annoyance (one exit farther down I95 -- in the wrong direction), and we switched a couple of times with DD, but the one that we sent DS to was totally awesome, and he loved it.  So we were very happy there -- he spent a very happy 5 years there until he was ready for school.

And then he went to kindergarten back in our neighborhood -- and he knew no one.  No local friends, no one he knew in his class, because all of his friends were from the next county over.  So even though this was a kid who had been in daycare his whole life and "got" the whole idea of sitting at a desk and all of those school-type things, the transition to kindergarten was really, really hard on him -- it was basically the same as if we had moved across the entire country.

So from my perspective, it is worth a *lot" to have a local daycare that allows my kid to make friends with the kids who live in the neighborhood and will be going to the same school.  If I had it to do over again, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have chosen the church right next door to the school, even though it wasn't as "nice" and new and shiny and wasn't our religion.

Also, IME, what little kids really need is lots and lots of play.  That is how they learn at that age.

Man, this worries me now.
My daughter's daycare is local. It's 5 minutes from my house and ON my commute such that I only have to turn into their driveway, no other detour to drop her off.

But we are on the boundary of a school district. The daycare doesn't do drop offs in our district, so when she is school age we will have to do before/after care elsewhere.   But within the boundaries of the school district there is only one center based daycare, and it is 20 minutes away from my house in the wrong direction.

What about talking to the parents at the daycare (casually) and figuring out what school district they are in?  If the only daycare in the district is 20 mins the wrong way, it seems more likely that the other parents in your neighborhood would make the same choice you did.

We know all the kids in our immediate neighborhood, but most of them will go to private schools.  The other kids in our district are in different cities than I am in. My city is split and I'm in the more rural district.


Daycare choice is hard. It is flipping expensive (more than my un-mustachian McMansion mortgage), and you really have to find a good one with good caregivers.

I think the OP made the right choice; I would want a play based daycare, personally.


uphillslide

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2017, 11:53:03 AM »
Thank you for these insights. I feel like I have had them along the way, and lose sight of them. And, as I mentioned, it's just an emotional moment for me and my wife. We read to our kids a lot. My son can recall minute details unprompted from when he was 2 (which is scary sometimes). My daughter, for whom this change is going to likely impact more (since she'll be enrolled for another 4 years in preschool), is more of a kinesthetic learner, so I've told myself a play-based curriculum will likely benefit her.

I'm trying to weigh everything. I've used that rationale with my wife "they are both good options, just different ones" but I waver on the degree to which I believe it.

I am trying to become more of a Mustachian (I've always had the tendencies) without alienating my wife who has far fewer tendencies than me. There is absolutely nothing Mustachian about our current daycare/preschool situation (cost, leftover money for enough savings, distance (even though its fairly close, we still drive)) even though we do love it and it provides a lot of what we want.

I'd love to see a guide on how to be a Mustachian when the person you married didn't expect to marry a Mustachian.

Again, thank you. 

Based on what you provided, I think moving to the new daycare is the correct choice.  Children at this age play.  A more play-based environment will not set them back when they get to kindergarten.  If you are concerned that your children aren't learning their alphabet and numbers at school, do some of that academic learning at home.  Being so young, only 10 minutes a day and a bedtime story will get them far. 

The other so-called cons sound like pros to me!  A messy playground where kids can play and get dirty is something I prefer over a sterile one.  Children also DGAF about the age of toys- most of the playing they'll do will be imaginary play anyway.  When my kid was in daycare, his favorite games were playing house, pretending he was some sort of animal with other kids doing the same, and playing outside in the dirt.  Fancy toys were the least played with things.

Really, it sounds like both daycare options are great and you can't go wrong with either one.  Because the new daycare is closer (less hassle, less driving) and cheaper, it sounds like a winner.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 11:56:44 AM by uphillslide »

mm1970

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2017, 11:55:36 AM »
I don't think there is any right answer.

My older son was in a home daycare for 3.5 years, then 2 years of preschool.
My younger son was in a home daycare for 4 years (different one, much higher quality - WAY more expensive), and one year of preschool.

Leaving both daycares and preschools was hard.  It's hard to leave people you know.  I mean, my kids did fine.  It was hard for me.

uphillslide

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2017, 11:58:35 AM »
Thank you. My in-laws tell me something similar. 'It will be harder for you than them.' I tend to believe this. I am prepared for ups and downs and I want my kids to be resilient, more than I am.

I don't think there is any right answer.

My older son was in a home daycare for 3.5 years, then 2 years of preschool.
My younger son was in a home daycare for 4 years (different one, much higher quality - WAY more expensive), and one year of preschool.

Leaving both daycares and preschools was hard.  It's hard to leave people you know.  I mean, my kids did fine.  It was hard for me.

lizzzi

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2017, 12:18:41 PM »
Grandmother of 3 here, who just did a huge part of the chauffeuring for four years of getting the little ones through preschool/daycare, and was not "off the job" until 2016-17 when they all got up to elementary school age. I think the closer, cheaper daycare sounds fine, for all the reasons others have said. I wouldn't worry about whether or not the daycare/preschool facility is in the same school district where they're going to start kindergarten. For one thing, people move away from and into an area all the time. Your children's best friends in daycare may move to Florida or whatever. They may get up to kindergarten age and be enrolled in private or parochial schools instead of the local elementary. Probably you will get to know the parents of your children's friends. I'd suggest staying in touch when people move away, and helping your kids stay friendly with buddies who are no longer local. My grandchildren still see their besties for birthday parties and playdates--the oldest is allowed to do sleepovers--and the youngest, whose bestie moved out-of-state, still sees him when his mother brings him up to visit his grandparents. The parents will have a big role in keeping the children connected, but I think it is a good thing for all.

When the time comes, find out from the elementary school what your kids are supposed to know before kindergarten. (The ABCs, how to write their name...whatever). If the daycare isn't teaching that, you can do it easily enough at home. What I think I liked the very best about my grandchildren's final daycare/preschool ( the parents tried two before the 3rd  worked like a charm) was the atmosphere of kindness, caring, and respect for each other that was instilled. The third daycare was highly rated by the state, and I found that the staff were more professional and the programs and supplies far richer and more varied than in the first two. I had my grandchildren a good deal at my home, but there was no way I could have provided the kind of enrichment that their daycare/preschool gave. I was not the one paying, but I do know that all three daycares were expensive. It does cost a lot--no question.

Laura33

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2017, 12:21:04 PM »
My daughter, for whom this change is going to likely impact more (since she'll be enrolled for another 4 years in preschool), is more of a kinesthetic learner, so I've told myself a play-based curriculum will likely benefit her.

. . . .

I'd love to see a guide on how to be a Mustachian when the person you married didn't expect to marry a Mustachian.

1.  That was my daughter, too, and your assessment of the right kind of daycare for that kind of kid could not be more correct.  Seriously.  This is a big, big deal (caused us to leave two daycares), so do not second-guess yourself on that for one minute. 

2.  If you find it, let me know, because that's me, too.  :-)  Start with the "how to convert your SO" sticky tab.  But boy, I'd like a guide for what to do when all that fails. . . . 
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GizmoTX

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2017, 12:36:03 PM »
For pre-school, I agree with play-based, assuming that there is a good mix of structure & imagination. I also agree with making sure the pre-school provides the appropriate preparation for the first grade your child will attend.

Our son attended a Montessori pre-school from age 3 on & loved it. This school, like many private Montessori schools, groups 3 grades in the same classroom: Pre-school, Lower Elementary (grades 1-3), Upper Elementary (grades 4-6), Middle School (7 & 8). When it was time for DS to attend 1st grade, we decided to continue his schooling there because we didn't want to break what was working so well. Well, it broke -- DS was moved to a classroom with not one of his pre & K friends. He was devastated & we were totally surprised. He did eventually make new friends but it was never the same; while his friends were at the same school, they rarely had opportunities to get together during the day. There was no all class recess or cafeteria -- everything was classroom based.

The next surprise was that the Lower El curriculum had little of the Montessori methods that worked so well in Pre/K; the school was using a Write to Read & other well meaning but low value teaching methods for our son's needs. When we finally realized this & had DS tested independently in the 2nd grade, he was diagnosed with some significant learning disabilities & loss of grade-level skills, but fortunately high IQ.

We moved him to an LD school for 3rd grade -- he was terrified of everything by then but at least we knew he could make new friends. The wonderful end to this was that he finally felt like he fit in with his peers by the end of the first week, the LD school used Montessori multi-sensory techniques for learning, & he again looked forward to school like he did in K. I am so glad that we broke up with his old school rather than trying to make it work, & ironically it was less expensive.

jezebel

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2017, 12:51:14 PM »
First, play based daycare is a pro, by far, as far as I'm concerned.  Even the most play-based schools have structure.

Second, my oldest went to three different care situations plus two grandmas (home daycare, and 2 preschools/preK) before kindergarten and was fine.  She knew a couple of kids from a prior preschool, but they were not recent "friends." 

My youngest is switching to a new preschool this year after two years at his old daycare and moving again to his sibling's elementary school next year for kindergarten.  I expect him to take the transition this year much harder due to his personality, but he will get used to it.  Both kids have had consistency at home and the same neighborhood friends since they were toddlers, so that helps.  Our elementary school is not directly in our neighborhood, but several children on the street also attend.

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2017, 07:27:18 PM »
Based on what you provided, I think moving to the new daycare is the correct choice.  Children at this age play.  A more play-based environment will not set them back when they get to kindergarten.  If you are concerned that your children aren't learning their alphabet and numbers at school, do some of that academic learning at home.  Being so young, only 10 minutes a day and a bedtime story will get them far. 

The other so-called cons sound like pros to me!  A messy playground where kids can play and get dirty is something I prefer over a sterile one.  Children also DGAF about the age of toys- most of the playing they'll do will be imaginary play anyway.  When my kid was in daycare, his favorite games were playing house, pretending he was some sort of animal with other kids doing the same, and playing outside in the dirt.  Fancy toys were the least played with things.

Really, it sounds like both daycare options are great and you can't go wrong with either one.  Because the new daycare is closer (less hassle, less driving) and cheaper, it sounds like a winner.

Absolutely. My 2nd grader gets two recesses a day (private school) in addition to a PE class and I couldn't be happier. I want my daughters to come home dirty and tired. I buy their uniforms secondhand just so I don't have to worry about it. At such a young age, kids learn by playing so this school is right. They shouldn't be sitting still in a class all day. The higher ratio likely has something to do with lower turnover as more kids per teacher can allow them to pay the teachers more.

I moved my kids around as needed to do what was best for them in the long-run. It can be tough in the short-run but these are one of those sucky decisions that we have to make as parents. In the end, I suspect you'll be happy with the change.

Lentils4Lunch

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2017, 07:45:30 PM »
I do agree with previous posters that it sounds like new daycare is better option, however, now you have to think about making this transition go as smooth as possible for your kids.

Can you arrange to have a few drop-in days at the old preschool over the next few weeks? Or gradually introduce the new school to them, like start with half days for the first week? If there is a particular care giver at the old school that your kids are really attached to, perhaps you can ask him/her to baby sit at your house one evening a week or something. This might make the transition easier on the kids.

They get very attached to their teachers at that age, it can be hard and confusing when someone important in their life just suddenly disappears. You have to respect their emotions even if they can't express them as freely and openly as us grown ups can...

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2017, 07:55:47 PM »
Cons: more student driven/play based learning, less teacher driven, sand outside on playground (= more mess at home)...

My nephews adore the sand pits at their pre-school.

You learn to minimise the mess.

On pre-school days it's straight to the bathroom when we get home, they get undressed on the bathroom mat, I shake the sand out of their clothes (so it doesn't end up all through the house or in the washing machine), and shake the mat outside.

I can see that you're struggling with other points, but don't let fear of mess dictate this. It's very easily solved.

Dragonswan

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #17 on: August 17, 2017, 09:36:47 AM »
OP, you are a mustachian.  What is it teaching your child if one of the reasons you don't want to switch daycares is because of shiny new toys.  Remember the velveteen rabbit? Old and worn could mean much loved. 

You also want to spare your child from what I call the Picasso Syndrome.  Picasso said, "It took me four years to learn how to pant like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."  Many parents become obsessed with giving their child every academic advantage.  It starts with daycare that emphasizes structure in learning so they do well is grade school and get into the advanced classes or magnate high school so they can go to the best college so they can have a successful career so they can finally retire with enough time and money to play like a child.  Let your children play and then learn along the way.  Will they be safe?  Will they be loved?  Will they be guided gently?  That's the daycare to choose.

mm1970

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2017, 10:54:19 AM »
Cons: more student driven/play based learning, less teacher driven, sand outside on playground (= more mess at home)...

My nephews adore the sand pits at their pre-school.

You learn to minimise the mess.

On pre-school days it's straight to the bathroom when we get home, they get undressed on the bathroom mat, I shake the sand out of their clothes (so it doesn't end up all through the house or in the washing machine), and shake the mat outside.

I can see that you're struggling with other points, but don't let fear of mess dictate this. It's very easily solved.

ha ha yes.  I guess because I live in a beach community, I'm used to sand (even though I still can't get the kids to shake it off on the porch first).

I'd never really thought much about it, until one day I was picking up something that was delivered by semi truck to a church parking lot.  As the delivery guy (from WA) was loading the item into my trunk, he was so psyched about all the sand in my trunk!

uphillslide

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #19 on: August 17, 2017, 11:05:47 AM »
Good ideas. And yes, we are doing some half days at the new school.
As far as the old school is concerned you give me a good idea and an excuse for
My wife and I to find some time alone. We'll use one of their favorite teachers as a babysitter. Thank you!

I do agree with previous posters that it sounds like new daycare is better option, however, now you have to think about making this transition go as smooth as possible for your kids.

Can you arrange to have a few drop-in days at the old preschool over the next few weeks? Or gradually introduce the new school to them, like start with half days for the first week? If there is a particular care giver at the old school that your kids are really attached to, perhaps you can ask him/her to baby sit at your house one evening a week or something. This might make the transition easier on the kids.

They get very attached to their teachers at that age, it can be hard and confusing when someone important in their life just suddenly disappears. You have to respect their emotions even if they can't express them as freely and openly as us grown ups can...

uphillslide

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Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #20 on: August 17, 2017, 11:12:42 AM »
The toys and shiny nature vs more well-worn nature is only a minor consideration but I take your point. Heck it might make them appreciate their toys at home more. I grew up with less than my kids have in terms of stuff. It's an area of mustachianism that remains in progress for me.

Thanks for the confidence though. I've got a lot to learn.

I really appreciate everyone weighing in here.

OP, you are a mustachian.  What is it teaching your child if one of the reasons you don't want to switch daycares is because of shiny new toys.  Remember the velveteen rabbit? Old and worn could mean much loved. 

You also want to spare your child from what I call the Picasso Syndrome.  Picasso said, "It took me four years to learn how to pant like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child."  Many parents become obsessed with giving their child every academic advantage.  It starts with daycare that emphasizes structure in learning so they do well is grade school and get into the advanced classes or magnate high school so they can go to the best college so they can have a successful career so they can finally retire with enough time and money to play like a child.  Let your children play and then learn along the way.  Will they be safe?  Will they be loved?  Will they be guided gently?  That's the daycare to choose.

uphillslide

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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  • Posts: 8
Re: Breaking up with our Daycare for the Right Reasons?
« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2017, 11:21:29 AM »
Just wanted to toss a little love and gratitude to all who have read, contemplated, and/or replied. I've moved from bordering on crisis of confidence to being much more secure with the decision. Mostly it's allowed me the strength to help my partner gain some confidence and simultaneously mourn what does feel like a milestone. I'm sure there's some psychology that would explain our feelings as a form of grief--of feeling like we're losing a bit of their childhood, particularly people who were an important part of their young lives. What I realized yesterday, as obvious and potentially trite as it seems, is that no matter where they go during the day, when we come back together, our family dynamic is intact--for great, good, less good, and tantrums!

Thank you