Birthday gifts (ie what do buy your kid when they don't need anything?)

[Ceridwen]

My daughter will be turning 2 in a few weeks, and we are completely stumped on birthday gifts.

She has an older brother and loves his toys and books, and we have no desire for additional clutter in our small house.  We are completely spoiled with hand me down clothes and shoes from friends.  My parents and in laws have already purchased some of the practical things she needs in the coming months (first bike helmet, new snowsuit, etc).

We bought her a small stuffed dog because she loves dogs and we surprisingly didn't already have one.  What else?   As Mustachians, do you just call it a day and not give your child any gifts? We are having a family party, and I'm sure no one would really care, but it will feel weird to see her get spoiled by everyone and then have our main gift be a $8 stuffed dog.

I love giving "experiences" as gifts to kids (museum pass, etc), but it would feel strange giving that to our own child since we would be paying for those things anyway.  Contributing to her RESP also seems weird for the same reason (we do it anyway).

This is a ridiculous "first world problem" to have, I know.  What would you do? Or what have you done?

[MrsDinero]

If you already bought her a stuffed dog and you know she will love it, then why do you feel pressured to buy more things?

Quality over quantity.

[Chranstronaut]

I love giving "experiences" as gifts to kids (museum pass, etc), but it would feel strange giving that to our own child since we would be paying for those things anyway.  Contributing to her RESP also seems weird for the same reason (we do it anyway).

This was my idea, but it seems you already had it :D

Are you concerned that your birthday girl will feel upset that her parents "only" got her a simple gift, or are you worried that the adult attendees will be uncomfortable you only got your daughter a simple gift?

[Neustache]

My daughter, who is much older, wanted to do a zoo day camp as her birthday present.  She did that and we got her a book on how to draw animals. 

I'd beef up the present with consumables - crayons, paint, playdoh, bubbles.  All those things are great for fine motor skills.  You can make the playdoh, though, if you want. 

[mxt0133]

I personally do not have any problems not getting my kids presents for their birthdays.  We throw them parties every couple of years, which we always ask guest not to bring presents.  Unfortunately no one ever listens.  I do not want to encourage the association of presents with birthdays, holidays, or other special events.  Lately we have been reducing the guest list to a few friends which minimizes the gift giving and try to down play the birthday part.

I want to show them that being with the people you love and care about is what makes these events special and not the exchange of presents.  I myself still fall into the whole gift giving sometimes but for the most part have stop giving gifts to my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews for their birthdays and Christmas.  I know I look like uncle scrooge compared to everyone else.  But they have learned not to give gifts to my family as well.  They know we still love them and spend more effort and money to go see them.  When we do see them we make sure I spend as much quality time with them as possible.

[Ceridwen]

I love giving "experiences" as gifts to kids (museum pass, etc), but it would feel strange giving that to our own child since we would be paying for those things anyway.  Contributing to her RESP also seems weird for the same reason (we do it anyway).

This was my idea, but it seems you already had it :D

Are you concerned that your birthday girl will feel upset that her parents "only" got her a simple gift, or are you worried that the adult attendees will be uncomfortable you only got your daughter a simple gift?

Since she's only turning 2 and will most likely not even understand that the party is for her, the worry is what the adult attendees might think.  Our families are lovely and I'm sure they wouldn't say anything to our faces, but we do get teased sometimes for being "cheap" and only giving her one small gift might add fuel to that fire.  Deep down I don't really care what they think and I can laugh off any comments, but it does (obviously) give me pause.

[Ceridwen]

Thanks for the feedback and ideas, everyone.

We live in a townhouse (shared backyard) so the water table won't work, and we already have quite a few big puzzles.  I like the idea of adding some small consumables to the gift (playdoh, toothbrush etc).  She's been desperate to take a daily multivitamin like her big brother (but we've been waiting til she turns 2), so that could also be something silly we could include.

Happy to hear any other thoughts and suggestions!

[okits]

I totally get it.  How about this (or something like it)?

http://www.mint.ca/store/buy/100-for-100_coins-cat750003;jsessionid=5F8D4D31A42A0B6A1537C58F723297B6.node2-1

Pay $100 (or $20, or $50) for a coin in that denomination (shipping is free).  It's a shiny object you can physically gift but it retains its value (minus inflation).  Plus, I think most adults can appreciate the concept of a valuable gift or collectible that she can appreciate when she's older.

[SimplyMarvie]

Is there anything she's going to need in the near future that you could make a birthday present? We've done backpacks or lunchboxes or new rain coats and boots and umbrellas, or winter boots and coats for the next season.

Otherwise, maybe a video? Our kids loved Planet Earth, dance movies and Cirque Du Soliel at that age; anything colorful and musical and slow-moving was good for us. There's also a great set of videos of Caldecott-winning stories read allowed with minimal animation. STILL a favorite, ten years later.

[Cognitive Miser]

We were in the same boat when my son turned 2 (except he had no older sibling, just enough stuff of his own).  We had gotten Zoo and Children's Museum memberships as Christmas gifts, so no-go there either.

The grandparents went together on a Strider bike, so we got him a helmet.  And we bought some little tractors to decorate his cake.  I think we spent less than $25 total (a bit more if you include the grocery store cake).  Those are pretty much his favorite toys now.

Don't feel pressured to get your kid more!  At age 2 they really just don't need it!

[Cognitive Miser]

Is there anything she's going to need in the near future that you could make a birthday present? We've done backpacks or lunchboxes or new rain coats and boots and umbrellas, or winter boots and coats for the next season.

Good ideas!  They weren't birthday gifts, but our son adores his backpack and his umbrella!  They are so easy to please as toddlers!

[E_Monkey]

Our preschooler loved to cook. If you go to the cake mix section at the grocery store, there are some truly wild cake mixes that she will enjoy. We made Duff's rainbow cake mix a lot last year.

https://www.duff.com/products/the-essentials/duff™-tie-dye-cake-mix

Why am I recommending box cake mix? Because it comes in a BOX you can wrap!

[gatortator]

boxes of band aids with her favorite color/ cartoon character.  practical, fun and completely consumable.

passes to a local indoor trampoline/playground park.  most have special toddler areas.

[Jon Bon]

Manga tiles!!

These are not cheap at around 100 bucks but a gift that she will play with for years. I think ours get played with every day.

I feel like most kids have 2-3 toys that you would keep and if everything else was thrown away your kids would hardly even miss it. Magna tiles are that toy in our family.

If you think you have too much stuff give some away and get these. I promise you won't lose any mustachian cred by doing so!

[MommyStache]

I agree with consumables: watercolor or finger paint, crayons, markers, paper or coloring books, play dough with toys, bubbles, bubble bath, a favorite "spendy pants" treat like cereal or fruit snacks if you don't usually buy them. My daughter turns three next month and this past year she's gotten the most use out of: art supplies, blocks, Lego duplo, dolls and their cradle and stroller, play kitchen with play food and cups, cozy coupe. It's fun to open a little something and there's nothing wrong with giving a gift you've planned and budgeted for, and kids do need creative outlets like art supplies and open- ended toys.

[Venturing]

Our daughter has just turned two. We gave her a play kitchen (and didn't have a party as I didn't want to deal with the presents issue). I prefer to get one well thought through present rather than a bunch of stuff , sounds like you've done that with the dog.

However, we are expecting twin girls just before Christmas. Clearly they'll be too young to care about presents and they really won't need anything but I feel like I have to give them at least one present each. I mean, no present at all just seems mean even if it's the logical thing to do.

[Milizard]

I think I remember my kids at 2 really liked their ride-on and pull behind toys.  Unfortunately, they're bigger, but also developmentally appropriate.  Also, I think they can start coloring at that age?  Take a look at what Crayola has available for 2 year olds.

[MrsDinero]

Our daughter has just turned two. We gave her a play kitchen (and didn't have a party as I didn't want to deal with the presents issue). I prefer to get one well thought through present rather than a bunch of stuff , sounds like you've done that with the dog.

However, we are expecting twin girls just before Christmas. Clearly they'll be too young to care about presents and they really won't need anything but I feel like I have to give them at least one present each. I mean, no present at all just seems mean even if it's the logical thing to do.

 For your twins how about a nice "baby's first Christmas" ornament with their names on it? This way they can hang it on their tree when they get married or have kids.

[Helvegen]

I don't even remember what I got her for her second birthday and neither does she.

I have a 10 year old and I have no idea really what to get her for Christmas. The only thing she is really interested in is Roblox and buying hats for her avatar. @_@

[driftwood]

I'm basing my advice on my two kids, (son 4, daughter almost 2)

Find a way (or ways) to make the day about her.  As a second child she's always had to share her parents with her older sibling.  Maybe get a sitter for your older child and then both parents do something with just her. 

[Ceridwen]

Wow, thanks for all the great feedback and ideas!

I agree on the consumables.  Heading off to the pharmacy today to buy her a new toothbrush, band-aids, bubble bath etc.  Magna Tiles look great! Never heard of them.  I'm going to look into it.  Maybe a nice joint-Christmas gift for the kids.

This weekend I ordered her a dress off Old Navy.  It's the same one we were given as a hand-me-down and I loved, but the season/size didn't work for her and she never got to wear it.  She'll wear it for her daycare photos in September, and probably over the holidays too.  $15.  I also realized that something we're lacking in our book stash is a nice collection of classic nursery rhymes.  Reading some reviews on amazon and will probably order one.

[I'm a red panda]

In addition to various consumables that she would need anyway, you could wrap some stuff you already own but maybe think she hasn't seen in awhile.  Or if you have next size up hand-me downs wrap those. She doesn't know they are hand me downs.

[MontaniTrout]

Turn her bedroom into a big girl room. Swap out the crib for a twin bed with some doggie sheets to compliment the toy. Practical, thoughtful, and she'll love it.

[TabbyCat]

I think you're set with the dog! Maybe some educational things if you need them anyway? Target has a ton of flash cards and word puzzles in the dollar section right now that are recommended for the 2-4 range. I plan to write a nice card/letter to my kids each year and save them sealed for when the are 18 or 21 or something tbd also. But I'm super sentimental in general.

[ABC123]

   At most birthday parties we attend, the birthday kid doesn't open presents from their own parents.  That is usually done at home with just immediate family. 
   In our case, we don't have any family that lives nearby, and I absolutely hate planning parties.  My boys each got a party for their first birthday, then another one when they turned 5.  Maybe we will done one when they turn 10, I don't know. 
   My kids do get plenty of presents from the grandparents, so we generally do only small gifts for them.  My older son turns 8 in October, and I recently found an awesome Lego clearance sale at Target so I got him a set for $35.  I think that is the most I ever spent on a birthday present for him.  Younger son turns 6 next week.  I found a Paw Patrol game on the clearance rack for $7 that I know he will love.  DH doesn't think that is enough, so he is going to buy another gift for him.  But in general, we don't buy a lot of gifts for the kiddos, and they get so much from others that they really don't care.
   Just keep in mind, that you are setting the precedent now.  If you give small gifts at 2, then continue to give small gifts each year, then that is just what they consider "normal."  If you give bigger gifts at 2, 3, 4, etc. then try to scale back when they are 8, 9, 10 - then they are much more likely to notice and wonder why mom and dad are being "mean" or not giving them what they want.

[Lagom]

So far we've been asking guests to bring a toy that is to be donated, which has worked very well. There is no gift opening done at the party at all, but everyone gets to feel like they have both participated in the usual birthday tradition, and also done a good deed. Our son is only 3 though so we'll see if we can maintain this tradition as he gets older.

[QueenV]

   At most birthday parties we attend, the birthday kid doesn't open presents from their own parents.  That is usually done at home with just immediate family. 

+1 to this!  Can you schedule the party for the weekend AFTER her actual birthday?  If so, it would be perfectly reasonable to have her open any gifts from you on the actual day of her birth, then it wouldn't be an issue at the party.  Even if it's mostly a family party, I think people would expect that gifts from you had already been opened.

Also, I totally worry about stuff like this too.  Part of me is fine being frugal and limiting gifts, but I also don't want family or friends to think I'm taking advantage of their generosity if they give more gifts than me.  So I think the advice from others on the thread to give consumables is a great one as well!

[driftwood]

When my son turned two I gave him the 'gift' of turning his car seat so that it was forward-facing.  It made car trips so much more enjoyable for him because he could now see out the window.  He also met whatever height/weight requirements/suggestions that existed at the time.

We probably gave him other crap too but that's the only thing I was excited about for him.

[Ceridwen]

More great ideas, thanks!

- Hells no to swapping her crib to a bed!  We had a horrible time transitioning our son (he started climbing out of his crib at around 2 so we had to switch.  He could not handle the "freedom" and we basically didn't sleep for a year).  Hoping to keep her in her crib until she's 3!

- The party is actually a week before her birthday because we'll be on vacation on her actual birthday.  And the vacation will be with my parents, sister and boyfriend (ie half of the party guests) so giving her gifts then to avoid comments wouldn't really work.

- It's only family that's invited to the party, so rather small.  Eliminating gift opening from the party would leave us with very little else to do.  We're mostly a family of adults.  Once the meal is eaten and cake is served, it's time for presents and then everyone goes home.  No games for kids, crafts, entertainment or loot bags.

- Update: I bought her a big bubble wand (she loves bubbles), sidewalk chalk, hair elastics and plain colouring paper from the Dollar Store.  From that stash, everything was something I needed to buy anyway, except for the bubble wand.  So all that, plus the dog and the dress, and I'm done.  About $30 spent.  Saving the Nursery Rhymes book and Magna Tiles for Christmas.

[Ceridwen]

   At most birthday parties we attend, the birthday kid doesn't open presents from their own parents.  That is usually done at home with just immediate family. 

+1 to this!  Can you schedule the party for the weekend AFTER her actual birthday?  If so, it would be perfectly reasonable to have her open any gifts from you on the actual day of her birth, then it wouldn't be an issue at the party.  Even if it's mostly a family party, I think people would expect that gifts from you had already been opened.

Also, I totally worry about stuff like this too. Part of me is fine being frugal and limiting gifts, but I also don't want family or friends to think I'm taking advantage of their generosity if they give more gifts than me.  So I think the advice from others on the thread to give consumables is a great one as well!

You hit the nail on the head here.  My thoughts exactly.

[MrsDinero]

One thing you can do is have a talk with your relatives about the value of gifts you are trying to instill in your child.  Ask them if they are planning to give a gift, they choose 1 thoughtful gift instead of a bunch of little things.

I had to have a talk like this when my eldest child was young.   She was the first grandchild, so everyone just showered her with gifts.  One year she received more than 150 gifts between Christmas and Birthday.  There were lots of duplicates, no one would give a receipt to take back, so a lot ended up donated or forgotten about.  The following year I had a talk with everyone and asked them to tone it done.  Everyone was fine about it, or if they weren't I never heard anything to contrary.

[Ceridwen]

One thing you can do is have a talk with your relatives about the value of gifts you are trying to instill in your child.  Ask them if they are planning to give a gift, they choose 1 thoughtful gift instead of a bunch of little things.

I had to have a talk like this when my eldest child was young.   She was the first grandchild, so everyone just showered her with gifts.  One year she received more than 150 gifts between Christmas and Birthday.  There were lots of duplicates, no one would give a receipt to take back, so a lot ended up donated or forgotten about.  The following year I had a talk with everyone and asked them to tone it done.  Everyone was fine about it, or if they weren't I never heard anything to contrary.

My family is certainly very generous with the gifts they give my children, but I don't think it's over the top.  And most of the gifts fall under the "practical" category anyway (ex. the bike helmet and snowsuit I mentioned in my OP), so DH and I really appreciate that.  I don't feel the need to ruffle feathers and comment on the type/amount/cost of gifts they give our children.

[2Cent]

How about a poster. Room decorations like that don't take up space and are well appreciated by kids.

[NghtSkyyStarz]

For my child's first all we bought was a water/sand table. He got enough toys from everyone else I didn't feel guilty for not doing more - the party was expensive enough. For his second I'm sure we'll just do another gift that is a 1 item deal and probably won't cost much either. Maybe a small child's table or something useful of that nature. Between his first and now I've only bought him a couple of what I feel are developmental toys, such as a set of child size gardening tools for the outside and set of mop/broom/duster kid size play cleaning items. He's a year and half and to date - his favorite gifts are his mop and his xylophone.

[elaine amj]

We don't give birthday presents to our kids. I do all the shopping for all grandparents and get stressed enough shopping for presents from them. We also didn't give them Christmas presents until they were about 8 or 9. They never noticed or cared or asked. Now they get something in the $20 range from us (typically related to whatever trip we are taking next or stuff they need).

When they were about 8 or so, we started going out all together as a family on their actual birthday. The birthday child chooses the activity. I consider this their present from us. They both know this is not to be extravagant - usually its laser tag, chuck e. cheese, etc. One year, I got a super cheap rate so we took my son to Great Wolf Lodge. This year, my 15yr old DD asked for go-karting (wanted to practice since she is turning 16 in a year lol!). My DH got such a kick out of it that we all went to an empty parking lot later so he could give her some beginner driving lessons.

I even try to keep the presents from the grandparents reasonable. This year, my Dad paid $50 towards unlocking my daughter's cellphone (she's paying for her own plan). Her other grandparents chipped in towards buying the phone. 

I hope that when they're grown, we phase out presents all together.

I do know it differs by person. Presents are such a huge deal for my mother - I personally find it annoying (but deal with it to make her happy). e.g. she complained that my brother didn't send her flowers for Mother's Day this year although she acknowledged he sent a beautiful bouquet for her birthday. (and yes, she counts and keeps track - value of gifts are also very important). Her finances are tight this year, so I scaled back on the presents she bought for my kids. Her response? My kids are "worth more than that". I told her to quit being ridiculous when they were over the moon with their $10 gift (She wanted me to spend $30-40).

[doggyfizzle]

Savings bonds or stock.  Their future self will be pleased.

[Kitsunegari]

Savings bonds or stock.  Their future self will be pleased.

+1

She's turning 2, so she doesn't even know birthdays are a thing. I'll ignore the birthday itself and invest something for her future - that will count over time.

[MrsDinero]

Mr. D and I just has this (brief) talk.  Our daughter just turned 1 and niether of us got her a present.  We talked about a couple of things then decided to just out some money into her 529.