Author Topic: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?  (Read 6944 times)

teen persuasion

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #50 on: July 21, 2017, 08:13:29 PM »
I thought it was fun. That's pretty much the benefit of having kids, no matter how many you have.

Understandable, but where does one draw the line? That's the hard question to answer.
When you run out of seats in the minivan, of course.

At least, that's where I drew the line.  :)

We've got five kids, and they're a joy.  The more, the merrier is my mindset.

Honestly, you decide one kid at a time.  When it's time to quit, you will probably have no doubts.  I love kids, enjoyed being pregnant, but logistics (and age) were my trigger to stop.

Oh, don't spread kids out too much in age.  We found that 2.5 - 3 years apart worked really well with our kids.  DS5 was a surprise 6ish years after DS4, so he didn't have the same playmate experience the others did.

Venturing

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #51 on: July 24, 2017, 03:45:29 AM »
If only I could draw a graph here:

Our eldest was just over 2 when we had identical twins: so we were essentially forced into having 3 rather than 2 (although we would liekly have had a third eventually anyway)

I think there's an optimum point:
Having a child generates love and fuzzies. Each child generates love and fuzzies, independent of how many you have.
But the more children you have the less able you are to really engage with each one to redeem that love and fuzzies (you get too caught up in the work and have less time for the real engagement).
At some point you will get to the point where having an additional child means that that child produces love and fuzzies but the drop in love and fuzzies from the existing children means that you have a net loss in love and fuzzies. You have to stop just before you get to that 'net loss' child.

AmberTheCat

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #52 on: July 24, 2017, 08:59:45 AM »
I know this sounds pretty morbid, but when my kids were 2 & 4 yrs old, we debated about a 3rd. Then my brother's second daughter passed away. It was so so so sad for her sister - and all of us. They were not able to have more. That's basically why decided to have 3.  Then we had a surprise child #4 who's the biggest blessing of all!

you cant base your number of kids off of fear of course. However, i'm so thankful we did.

i also agree with post #34 above. 
not young, but newbie here!

Suze456

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #53 on: July 26, 2017, 10:22:52 AM »
Benefits to having 3 kids v 2 kids, imo

1. I know a lady who has just lost one of her 2 kids...leaving the remaining child with no living siblings. So sad for them all.
2. I know a couple who had 2 kids and sadly both kids predeceased them. Heartbreaking.
3. Can argue this both ways but I think more siblings is good for the kids, for a number of reasons.

Disclaimer:I have 2 and 2 is plenty for me...despite the above ;)

NeonPegasus

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #54 on: July 26, 2017, 10:31:48 AM »
We had 3, the most important thing we learned is you gotta switch from man to man to the zone defense.

LOL... can you elaborate w/ examples on what "zone defense" looks like in this context?

Zone defense, I like it lol

Zone defense = DH takes the Bigs while I take Littlest. Or I take the bookends and DH takes Middle. Or someone takes the Littles and the other takes Biggest.

And regarding the gender thing, we had two girls before we got our surprise 3rd. That was a girl too.

NeonPegasus

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #55 on: July 26, 2017, 10:41:27 AM »
I won't lie. 3 kids has been hard. Like really hard. I do know what I'm doing now, so that's not harder, but that balancing and dealing with 3 at once gets difficult.

You didn't ask for drawbacks, however, so I'll stick with the benefits.

1. I feel our family is complete. I didn't after #2.
2. It is wonderful seeing their relationships develop. #2 can soothe #3 like no other. #1 and #2 are thick as thieves. #1 dotes on #3.
3. I don't have to set up play dates.
4. If I have a parent friend who needs me to watch their kid (like today, when my girls' school is closed due to a broken water pipe), it is no issue at all. Once you're used to dealing with 3, you can deal with way more.
5. If one or two are being shitty, you'll have one being good. Every kid goes through shitty stages so it's nice to have one that makes you feeling like you aren't completely inept.
6. There's nothing like the feeling of gathering all three together for a hug.
7. You can still fit that many into a typical SUV and even a hotel room.

lisa_mustache

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #56 on: July 27, 2017, 03:10:03 PM »
I won't lie. 3 kids has been hard. Like really hard. I do know what I'm doing now, so that's not harder, but that balancing and dealing with 3 at once gets difficult.

You didn't ask for drawbacks, however, so I'll stick with the benefits.

1. I feel our family is complete. I didn't after #2.
2. It is wonderful seeing their relationships develop. #2 can soothe #3 like no other. #1 and #2 are thick as thieves. #1 dotes on #3.
3. I don't have to set up play dates.
4. If I have a parent friend who needs me to watch their kid (like today, when my girls' school is closed due to a broken water pipe), it is no issue at all. Once you're used to dealing with 3, you can deal with way more.
5. If one or two are being shitty, you'll have one being good. Every kid goes through shitty stages so it's nice to have one that makes you feeling like you aren't completely inept.
6. There's nothing like the feeling of gathering all three together for a hug.
7. You can still fit that many into a typical SUV and even a hotel room.

This is beautiful.  Our 3rd is two and a half, and it's been a really really HARD couple of years.  I love that little guy so so much, but I'm not sure I'd have 3 if I could go back.  But your benefits are so so true.  I can relate to every one of them.  Well done!

Cranky

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #57 on: August 02, 2017, 05:07:47 AM »
Very little additional cost?  Another 2-3 years worth of diapers, 5 more years of daycare, 9 months of formula for us, another carseat or 2 . . . yeah, there is a definitely a cost to another baby.

Cloth diapers, SAHM, breastfeeding, carseat handed down from siblings - our 3rd didn't cost us much more.


Uhm, what? Say three extra years of SAH-spouse. Loosing ~$80k/year salary. Oh, only costs a quarter of a million dollars! (Plus reduced salary when going back to work, insurance not covered, no 401k match, only contribute $5k vs $18k/per year etc.). Daycare is expensive, but staying at home much more so. In fact we get a 4x return on the daycare investment. SAH parent is not free.

Nobody was offering me $80K/year so that really wasn't a factor. Plus, staying home allowed us to live more cheaply, and allowed dh to put in the kind of hours that science values.

So, it depends on your family's set-up. For us, we already had the baby stuff. Baby #3 was already paid for - we didn't buy diapers or formula or wipes or a crib or clothes or anything else, and we had good insurance, so there really weren't any out of pocket costs.

Spiffy

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #58 on: August 02, 2017, 12:02:12 PM »
My wife wants a 3rd because she wants a girl.  We have have two boys and she's always wanted a girl.  I hate to make having a 3rd child for that reason alone, but I can put myself in the opposite situation and I'd probably be tempted to try one more time for a boy.  Has anyone else made the observation that verrry often families who have 3 children often have the same sex children as the first two?
I think I am guilty of this. I had two boys first and if one had been a girl, I am not sure we would have had the third. I cried tears of joys at the ultrasound when the tech said "It's a girl".

ubermom4

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #59 on: August 03, 2017, 05:58:13 PM »
There have been so many wonderful comments here -- thank you for sharing!! I have 4 kids who are teens. Our 4 are within 5 years so it was very busy  at our house. We loved having them and probably would have had more if we had started sooner. A good friend of mine has 5 and hers are more spaced out -- she has a 20 year old and a kindergartner.  My friend would admit that she does not have the same energy for the youngest that she had for the eldest.  It is not a bad thing -- she is simply much older. I am also older and have less energy than I had 20 years ago. Am not sure how age applies to you but wanted to mention it.  I am not sure if you mentioned the spacing of your children but I agree with others who commented on this. It is nice to have them close enough so they can play (fight) together. Both parents have to be pretty enthusiastic as the family grows. We felt that we wanted to stay in diaper mode until it was over. We did not want to leave diaper planet for 5 years or so and then return. This was our issue -- I don't know if anyone else would care. Having a third child is wonderful and  more than 50% more fun but you should both be enthusiastic for it. Hope this helps.

Lanthiriel

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #60 on: August 04, 2017, 02:04:59 PM »
I'm late to the party, but I HATED being the oldest of three siblings. My middle sister has panic anxiety disorder that took a long time to figure out how to manage, so one parent was always focused on her no matter what we were doing. Best case scenario I was always splitting attention with one other kid. I honestly feel like my parents wrote me off as a responsible, independent person around the age of 8. Make sure you're able to parent through these kinds of hardships if you decide to have a third. With two, there's at least some opportunity for the light to shine on just one kid at a time.

SomedayStache

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #61 on: August 04, 2017, 02:51:31 PM »
Oldest of 3 also. 

Both of my siblings had severe developmental disabilities (one was wheelchair bound requiring 24-hour care and the other as an adult qualifies for SSDI due to his mental developmental level).  I was a star student, physically coordinated, everything comes easy to me kid, and National Merit Scholar. Like Lanthiriel I was also mostly written off as a responsible, independent person at a young age - but I liked it that way!  My parent's didn't even know which colleges I was applying to - they wrote checks when I asked for admission fees but otherwise figured I would handle it. 

However, I always felt like my parents cared and were paying attention.  They tried exceptionally hard to do so.  My Dad would pick me up for lunch about once a month - take me out of school and to my favorite fast-food taco joint.  My mom would sit down and talk to me like I was a responsible, competent person.  She was quite forthright with the difficult family situation and would straight up ask if I felt like I was getting my fair share of attention.

So it can be done if the parents try hard enough. 

Now as a parent of 3 neurotypical children I have no idea how my own parents did such an exceptional job.  I don't feel like my parenting is up to the same standard that I personally received.

firelight

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #62 on: August 21, 2017, 09:45:37 AM »
We are debating between 2 and 3 as well. We have two and would love to have the third in a year or two (I want to be done having kids before DH turns 35). Our major problem is lack of help and so even though we have space in our hearts for one more, I'm not sure we have space timewise. Still thinking....

TVRodriguez

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #63 on: August 22, 2017, 12:24:46 PM »
We are debating between 2 and 3 as well. We have two and would love to have the third in a year or two (I want to be done having kids before DH turns 35). Our major problem is lack of help and so even though we have space in our hearts for one more, I'm not sure we have space timewise. Still thinking....

Time is definitely a factor.  I dealt with it by cutting back on other things that are worth less to me than they used to be--some frivolous and some not.  DH and I both cut back on work hours after having kids, and we are glad we did.  Also glad that our 3 are fairly close in age (2 years apart each time) so we were never out of the diaper time (and never had to "get back into diapers").  We have no family or other "helpers" nearby, not within a thousand miles, so it's all on us.  We still are happy we have our three.  We would have had 4 if I'd had time to have them before 35.  Had my last at 37 (DH was 47).

Poundwise

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #64 on: August 22, 2017, 01:30:31 PM »
More profits when you sell the lot of 'em off to the circus or zoo.

koshtra

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #65 on: August 22, 2017, 01:50:41 PM »
Just remember, it's going to be the most take-charge daughter that chooses your nursing home. Don't cross them!

Seriously, a Polish study found that every daughter a person has increases their life-expectancy by two years, or something like that. Sons are a wash.

henceforth

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #66 on: September 08, 2017, 10:59:30 AM »
I came on to here specifically to post about being conflicted about having a 3rd, so very very glad to read people's responses. Ours are already 5 and 6, and (since I am not even pregnant yet), would be at least 6 and 7 if I had a third. They are extremely close, and truly are each other's best friends, so I think a third would certainly feel the age difference in a way that my current children know of no life without each other.

My hubby leans towards not having a third, he is 44, and feels that he is too old. I am 35, and have wanted a third for two years. We are high-earning couple, but I am the majority breadwinner. There would be a $100K plus hit based on mat leave alone. But, my heart does yearn for a third. My children bring such joy to me and their grandparents, and I love being with them. We are very committed to family, and highly social people, so in many ways it makes sense to expand upon that aspect of our lives - bring in more love to our lives.


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hoping2retire35

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #68 on: September 26, 2017, 02:42:51 PM »
one immediate benefit (toddlers/little age) is sometimes one of them will want to play alone so that is when the other two can continue to play with each other (entertain one another).

Before we would get 30min-1hr of self directed play before we could tell they were bored, now it can last for hours, we typically have to make them go outside.

mtn

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Re: Any BENEFITS of having 3 kids vs 2 kids?
« Reply #69 on: September 26, 2017, 02:54:32 PM »
My mother was one of 6, my father one of 5.

I am the middle child of 3; the 3rd (my younger brother) I suspect was not planned. My older brother is 2 years older than I am; my younger brother 3 years younger.

Personally for me, there are only two things that are really keeping me from wanting 3 kids: The environmental impact, and the fact that my wife only wants 2 (she was one of 2).

My older brother and my younger brother are my best friends outside of my wife. If I need to talk about something, I call them. I can't imagine not having one of them. Additionally, it is a built in support system. Obviously family relationships can tarnish, but in general your siblings are your friends for life. I really saw this when my grandparents were dying. Having the support system and the ability to spread it among different siblings with a dying parent is priceless.

Additionally, my brothers and I are all completely different--and also completely alike. My older brother is brash, aggressive, and also kind hearted and a true people person. I'm overly analytical and introverted. My younger brother is less aggressive than either of us; more analytical than my older brother but less so than me. It has been fun watching him grow. I know that when I got married, I struggled with which one was going to be best man; when my older brother got married, he did too. If my younger brother gets married, I don't know what he's going to do.

It is a special thing, a sibling relationship. It is a good thing. I fully support more love in a family--it doesn't make things any easier, or cheaper, but it may make things more whole.

Other things to note: Being a dad for the 3rd time at age 40 kept my dad young. YMMV.