Author Topic: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?  (Read 8778 times)

Chesleygirl

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Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« on: December 08, 2017, 03:47:14 PM »
There are two girls at my daughter's school she is sort of friends with.They ride their bikes over to the house several times, just knock on the door, we'd let them in the first few times, to play for a while, then called their dad to come get them. These girls are sisters about 7 and 8, my daughter is 9. We decided to put a stop to it, as they would eat all the food in the fridge and didn't want to leave. The problem is, they still do this, just show up, bang on the door. It's started getting dark earlier now and I don't think they should be out riding around on their bikes, just my opinion, but I also don't want them coming in the house anymore on school nights and without prior arrangements being made for play dates. They will also follow my car home from school on their bikes, they come over, stalk the house, my daughter has started drawing the curtains closed, as she doesn't like their aggressive need for attention. Although she is friendly with them at school and on the playground after school. I also don't want them in my home all the time, I know that sounds totally selfish but I have young toddlers in my home also.  It's too many kids in the house to watch after. So one day a week ago, these two girls came over and their grandmother was with them and she said she was "dropping them off to play" and this was absent of any prior agreement. I told her I couldn't let them come in the house. One of the girls came over just today banging on our door and wouldn't leave for 10 minutes. Then called my daughter on the phone mad at her, for not answering the door. Should we talk to their parents or just let this go for a while until they get the hint?
« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 03:49:35 PM by Chesleygirl »

Megma

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2017, 06:02:53 PM »
I don't have kids but we had a neighbor doing something similar,  just coming over all the time and staying forever (several times i went to bed and he was still here) and despite our hints it didn't stop until we flat out said to stop.

Since these are kids, there could be a reason that they don't like being at home. Maybe there's fighting in the house, lack of food or other issues? Not that it makes them your responsibly to care for but just something to consider.

It could also be that they're just kids and don't understand the social etiquette.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2017, 06:59:06 PM »
I don't have kids but we had a neighbor doing something similar,  just coming over all the time and staying forever (several times i went to bed and he was still here) and despite our hints it didn't stop until we flat out said to stop.

Since these are kids, there could be a reason that they don't like being at home. Maybe there's fighting in the house, lack of food or other issues? Not that it makes them your responsibly to care for but just something to consider.

It could also be that they're just kids and don't understand the social etiquette.

Their parents let them roam the neighborhood on their bikes after school, since they were in first grade. Another parent has told me they barged into her house one day when she'd accidentally left the front door unlocked, she was surprised to see them in her home. I really liked them at first but now I cannot stand to see them coming. They've come twice this week and we haven't let them in.  I can't watch them in my home anymore, with two-year old twins and a 9 year old, I have enough on my plate. Also by letting them into my home, I would be assuming responsibility for them. I don't want to.

MayDay

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2017, 07:33:40 PM »
First impression, you are bonkers.  It's a great of think for kids to be running around a neighborhood, riding bikes, playing!

That said, you can say "oh I'm so sorry Sally and Betty, my daughter can't play today, she has homework" whenever they come and it is a bad time or your daughter doesn't want to play.

To be honest I am judging your judging, lol. This seems like such a weird thing to be annoyed about.

If I don't want kids in my house I just send them all out to my yard. If they get cld,they go home! We have neighborhood kids stop by to play a few days a week (same ages) and I am thrilled! The kids play or run around the neighborhood and it is all good.
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MrsPete

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2017, 09:50:25 PM »
No, you are not bonkers.  I've had this same experience.  I've encountered a few kids like this over the years, and it seems they're often kids who don't have "enough" at home ... enough food, enough attention, enough of anything.  For a while we had a little girl a couple houses down who'd show up and ask me for breakfast -- at one point she told me I should start buying sugary cereal.  I've tried to help various kids over the years, but ultimately I can't take the place of their parents -- and kids like this don't seem to have limits; the more you give, the more they request.  No, this type of kid doesn't take a hint.   

When my kids were younger, I enjoyed their friends coming over, but it is WORK.  It's extra kids to supervise (even if indirectly), extra noise in the house, and extra mess to clean up later.  Fairly often these too-frequent visitors break things, and my kids end up with their feelings hurt.  It's not something I am willing to allow every day.

What to do?  Keep your door locked so they can't just walk right in.  If they show up on a day you (or your daughter) don't want them to visit, say that your daughter can't have visitors today -- homework, cleaning her room, whatever.  Be polite but firm, and send them on their way.  Talk to your daughter about how to manage play dates; let her practice telling you that she's busy this afternoon. 

When you do allow them to come over for a play date, keep an eye out for signs of neglect or abuse.  Perhaps nothing like that is going on, but it can't hurt to look with a critical eye. 
« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 09:56:49 PM by MrsPete »

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2017, 10:11:21 PM »
First impression, you are bonkers.  It's a great of think for kids to be running around a neighborhood, riding bikes, playing!

That said, you can say "oh I'm so sorry Sally and Betty, my daughter can't play today, she has homework" whenever they come and it is a bad time or your daughter doesn't want to play.

To be honest I am judging your judging, lol. This seems like such a weird thing to be annoyed about.

If I don't want kids in my house I just send them all out to my yard. If they get cld,they go home! We have neighborhood kids stop by to play a few days a week (same ages) and I am thrilled! The kids play or run around the neighborhood and it is all good.

If I judge them and they decide I'm a bad, judgmental person, will they leave us alone then? Could that possibly work to get rid of them?

Sure, I could tell them to just stay in the front yard, but last time I checked, I own the house plus the front yard. And I don't want them here on my property. Too much potential liability with having lots of kids on one's property all the time.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2017, 10:14:50 PM »
No, you are not bonkers.  I've had this same experience.  I've encountered a few kids like this over the years, and it seems they're often kids who don't have "enough" at home ... enough food, enough attention, enough of anything.  For a while we had a little girl a couple houses down who'd show up and ask me for breakfast -- at one point she told me I should start buying sugary cereal.  I've tried to help various kids over the years, but ultimately I can't take the place of their parents -- and kids like this don't seem to have limits; the more you give, the more they request.  No, this type of kid doesn't take a hint.   

That's what I'm going through. We let the kids come over a few times, now they assume they can do so every single day.  They went through a significant portion of our groceries, and kept wanting me to make and serve them more food. The grandma trying to drop them off with me one day was the last straw. I am not the free neighborhood babysitter.  It's clear where they learned their lack of boundaries and bad manners from. They literally treat me like a waitress when they are here, wanting to be served food, drinks, over and over again.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 10:23:46 PM by Chesleygirl »

Kayteekate

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2017, 03:41:41 AM »
Don't feel bad, it sounds as if they've crossed many of your boundaries. Be more firm and send them away. It's your home, period. You shouldn't have to feel this way in your own home.

Kayteekate

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2017, 03:45:35 AM »
Also I wanted to mention if I knew my kids were spending that much time at someone else's house I would like to meet the other parents. They must be neglected at their home but that's not your responsibility. It sounds like you have enough on your plate. I would firmly communicate with them and get to the point.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2017, 04:25:53 AM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"? If you have not used your words at the children, how will they know that this is a permanent change in the status quo? Then you can decide what regularity of play dates suits you (weekly? Fortnightly? Monthly??) and schedule them in advance at a time that suits you. And use your words at your daughter too: "If [friend] and [friend] want to come over, tell them your Mum said a grown up has to ring up the day before and ask." Your daughter may well be glad to have you to be bad cop. If you can, get in touch with their parents too. It may be that the girls have said that you said it was OK. Make it clear what the new arrangements are.

If you just fob them off when they turn up, they will keep coming. Use your words kindly and clearly and stick to the "a grown up rings up the day before" rule.

rubybeth

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2017, 07:23:23 AM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"? If you have not used your words at the children, how will they know that this is a permanent change in the status quo? [/i][/u]Then you can decide what regularity of play dates suits you (weekly? Fortnightly? Monthly??) and schedule them in advance at a time that suits you. And use your words at your daughter too: "If [friend] and [friend] want to come over, tell them your Mum said a grown up has to ring up the day before and ask." Your daughter may well be glad to have you to be bad cop. If you can, get in touch with their parents too. It may be that the girls have said that you said it was OK. Make it clear what the new arrangements are.

If you just fob them off when they turn up, they will keep coming. Use your words kindly and clearly and stick to the "a grown up rings up the day before" rule.

Agree. 100%. Children need clear expectations from adults in their lives, including those who aren't their parents.
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2017, 10:59:57 AM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"?

We have communicated that, but not in  those specific words, but I will try that.  They have my daughter's # in their cell phone and also have my husband's # and have called him at work and he doesn't like that and has blocked their number so they can't call anymore. The involvement with these kids has gone very sour so we may not allow our child to play with them at all anymore. Not sure what we'll do. I think the parents encourage them to go to people's homes. It's always easier to eat someone else's food, use someone else's bathroom, mess up someone else's house.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2017, 11:53:18 AM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"?

We have communicated that, but not in  those specific words, but I will try that.  They have my daughter's # in their cell phone and also have my husband's # and have called him at work and he doesn't like that and has blocked their number so they can't call anymore. The involvement with these kids has gone very sour so we may not allow our child to play with them at all anymore. Not sure what we'll do. I think the parents encourage them to go to people's homes. It's always easier to eat someone else's food, use someone else's bathroom, mess up someone else's house.

Really do say it that bluntly and clearly. And do say it to your daughter and the girls' parents too. Then just keep repeating it like a broken record. You can't wait forever for them to "get the hint" but you can use your words to communicate a new rule and then stick to it - no exceptions, EVER. Also, the need to get their dad to ring up in advance might be enough of a hurdle that they just give up and go after someone else. And who knows, maybe you'll find out they're great kids to play with once a month and you end up looking forward to it when they're not bugging you everyday!

Tobias

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2017, 12:14:32 AM »
I agree with the broken record technique; it is a great way to enforce boundaries and not let pushy people inch past your boundaries.

I don't get the sense that you or your daughter have been direct with these neighbors. Based on your comments here, it sounds like you let these neighbors take advantage of you and then resent it. I get it; I've been there. Many times in my life, I didn't realize my boundaries had been crossed until after the fact. I had to learn from the experiences and do better next time.

I'm an advocate for letting kids work out their own problems with friends as much they can, and not swooping in to fix everything for them. In this case I think you and your daughter need to team up. You can support your daughter in learning how to communicate and enforce her boundaries with these girls. Doing do will serve her the rest of her life.

I don't think it is your business to judge these neighbors for being outside all the time and riding their bikes. If you step back, is it really so bad for kids to be independent and active. They just need some adults and other kids to communicate boudaries so they can learn not to cross them. I think grandma knows what she is doing, but these girls probably don't know any better and aren't socially savvy enough yet to get subtle hints.

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Freedomin5

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2017, 06:47:34 AM »
Their parents have let them roam around unsupervised since they were six years old? Doesn't that constitute as neglect in your country? In Canada, kids aren't allowed to be alone before age ten, and can't take care of a younger sibling prior to age 12. I still remember one news story where social services were called and parents were charged with neglect because they let their kids go to the playground by themselves. You need to talk to their parents.

If you have already talked to their parents and given clear rules that mom/dad needs to call you and ask before sending their kids over, and this still happens, and you want to escalate, just call the school and tell them that these kids are not being supervised after school by a caregiver and are being placed in dangerous (unsupervised) situations. Teachers and school adminstration are mandated reporters, by law they have to report to social services who will then open an investigation on the family.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2017, 06:59:04 AM »
Their parents have let them roam around unsupervised since they were six years old? Doesn't that constitute as neglect in your country? In Canada, kids aren't allowed to be alone before age ten, and can't take care of a younger sibling prior to age 12. I still remember one news story where social services were called and parents were charged with neglect because they let their kids go to the playground by themselves. You need to talk to their parents.

I am not sure what the laws are here. They are the only kids in the area who do this, run around after school, all over the neighborhood. They have gone into other people's homes when the front door was unlocked. We have after-school care here until 6 pm. but I suppose their parents can't afford to pay for it. They came over just yesterday, ringing the doorbell, and it was after 5 pm. and it's getting dark earlier now. We didn't answer the door. It's the third time they've come by this week. We have called their parents in the past, who were just sitting at home watching tv. They said their children knew what time to come back home. They might be "free range" kids and their parents are okay with this, so all I'm going to do now is not answer the door.

Laura33

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2017, 07:31:23 AM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"?

We have communicated that, but not in  those specific words, but I will try that.  They have my daughter's # in their cell phone and also have my husband's # and have called him at work and he doesn't like that and has blocked their number so they can't call anymore. The involvement with these kids has gone very sour so we may not allow our child to play with them at all anymore. Not sure what we'll do. I think the parents encourage them to go to people's homes. It's always easier to eat someone else's food, use someone else's bathroom, mess up someone else's house.

Really do say it that bluntly and clearly. And do say it to your daughter and the girls' parents too. Then just keep repeating it like a broken record. You can't wait forever for them to "get the hint" but you can use your words to communicate a new rule and then stick to it - no exceptions, EVER. Also, the need to get their dad to ring up in advance might be enough of a hurdle that they just give up and go after someone else. And who knows, maybe you'll find out they're great kids to play with once a month and you end up looking forward to it when they're not bugging you everyday!

+1

The only thing that is bonkers here is expecting young kids to understand hints.  You are treating them as if they are adults, with a fully-developed understanding of social cues.  They arenít.  Expecting them to infer your meaning, when one day itís ok and the next is not, is much more hurtful to the kids than simply telling them a clear rule, and then enforcing it consistently.
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Tobias

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2017, 10:41:24 AM »
I'm not certain that you've fully communicated your boundaries to these girls.  Giving a "hint" like not answering the door isn't going to communicate your boundaries to children; you need to be more explicit.  It is of course your right not to answer the door, but I don't think it will help these girls learn to have better boundaries.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2017, 10:56:34 AM »
Their parents have let them roam around unsupervised since they were six years old? Doesn't that constitute as neglect in your country? In Canada, kids aren't allowed to be alone before age ten, and can't take care of a younger sibling prior to age 12. I still remember one news story where social services were called and parents were charged with neglect because they let their kids go to the playground by themselves. You need to talk to their parents.

I am not sure what the laws are here. They are the only kids in the area who do this, run around after school, all over the neighborhood. They have gone into other people's homes when the front door was unlocked. We have after-school care here until 6 pm. but I suppose their parents can't afford to pay for it. They came over just yesterday, ringing the doorbell, and it was after 5 pm. and it's getting dark earlier now. We didn't answer the door. It's the third time they've come by this week. We have called their parents in the past, who were just sitting at home watching tv. They said their children knew what time to come back home. They might be "free range" kids and their parents are okay with this, so all I'm going to do now is not answer the door.

You did this wrong. Use your words, as explained above. Otherwise they will keep coming. It doesn't matter whether the parents are OK with it or not. You need to clearly and verbally communicate the new rule to everybody: girls, parents and daughters.

hoping2retire35

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2017, 08:36:51 PM »
Um....Feed them vegetables and make the do chores?

"Hey, kids get here early Saturday, we are building a deck, together, all of us."

N

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2017, 11:06:07 PM »
Um....Feed them vegetables and make the do chores?

"Hey, kids get here early Saturday, we are building a deck, together, all of us."


best advice. love it.

Poundwise

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2017, 08:13:15 AM »
Have had this problem with neighbor kids a few times at various residences.  My recent solution was to explain to the parent that their kids can come over to our house a maximum of once a week, on Friday afternoons, and that they MUST ring the doorbell.  They actually stopped coming to our house after that. I worry that I offended them, but not so worried that I will invite them to come again...

Also, I have now a lot of experience with telling visiting kids: "It's rude to do  X" or "We don't do X in our home", or even "If you keep doing X, I will tell your parents to bring you home right away.  And that would be too bad, because I want you to stay!"  Such unacceptable behaviors include entering our house without ringing the doorbell, opening cabinets or refrigerators without permission, or making a mess.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 08:16:08 AM by Poundwise »

cats

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2017, 11:09:56 AM »
I had neighbor kids like this in a houseshare I lived in when I was in college.  Two girls would show up at anytime, wanting to hang out, bake brownies, paw through our stuff.  It was cute at first but then they were there alllllll the time.  Then I found out that my housemate was inconsistent about locking our door when she went out and that they would come in when we were not home.  NOT cool.  At that point we had to just tell them they could not come into the house at all anymore, because it turned out they had completely terrorized my housemate's rescue dog (who was already pretty shy/jumpy).

So, I think it is good to set firm boundaries!  Tell them they can only come over at a certain time/day, and/or that their parent has to arrange it in advance.  And yes, you have to tell them with very specific words, they aren't old enough to "get the hint" (think about how many clueless adults you encounter...).

I think a certain level of "free-range" is good but it's one thing to have a reciprocal situation where your kids go to the other house sometimes and everyone knows to go the f*** home for dinner eventually, and quite another to basically get dumped with 2 extra kids who have what sounds like very different standards of what constitutes good behavior and who never want to leave.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2017, 12:03:35 PM »
So, I think it is good to set firm boundaries!  Tell them they can only come over at a certain time/day, and/or that their parent has to arrange it in advance. 

At this point, I'm not going to invite them over at all, even with arrangement through the parents. For one thing, they've never had or invited our child to their home, so there's no reciprocity going on. The one time my child asked to go to their house, the dad said no. So we aren't going to get into a one-sided arrangement with them.

BeanCounter

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2017, 12:24:15 PM »
We have a similar neighbor so I can identify.
I do like it when kids go out and knock on doors and find their own things to do. I do not want to arrange all my children's play dates. So for that reason I think it's actually a good thing that parents allow kids this freedom. But I do put limits on it. One of which is that if the weather is good, then you all don't need to be in my house. You can play outside. So when friends knock on the door and it's not raining, I just send them all out. When it's storming I allow them to play in the basement (out of my space) and at about the two hour mark I send everyone home. If my kids don't want to play outside or in the basement then I tell them to tell the friend at the door they don't feel like playing today. When my kids want to go see if a friend can play I tell them that they are allowed to only play OUTSIDE, unless the weather is bad and the other parent contacts me. I also make sure my children understand that they are to come home in two hours no matter what. Because-manners.
It's really pretty simple.

Goldielocks

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2017, 12:32:38 PM »
So, I think it is good to set firm boundaries!  Tell them they can only come over at a certain time/day, and/or that their parent has to arrange it in advance. 

At this point, I'm not going to invite them over at all, even with arrangement through the parents. For one thing, they've never had or invited our child to their home, so there's no reciprocity going on. The one time my child asked to go to their house, the dad said no. So we aren't going to get into a one-sided arrangement with them.

Reading through this, I was surprised no one else suggested the following:

 Meet the parents / grandparents briefly, if you haven't yet.  If they seem safe enough, then when the difficult kids try to come over..
a.  Tell your daughter she can go out to play, if she wants, if there is a park nearby that works, so would your front yard, really.
b.  Send your daughter to their house, (without an invite) and have her make the mess / be fed etc over there.  Because the girls are younger, your 9 year old will have much less impact over there than the two of them at your home.

If you do allow them in (winter?), keep them to one "play" room / area, and out of the kitchen, for certain.  Don't feed more than basic amount (apple slices and a drink of milk or water?).  Send them home after an hour.

I do think your daughter or you should answer the door (preferably you daughter) and just tell them "You can't come in weekdays because Mom's working" or simply "You aren't allowed in the house anymore".  I remember kids with parents with that rule for all kids, and it was well understood.  Then you daughter can  choose to go out and play until 4:30pm or whatever, as long as she knows the area boundaries and you trust your daughter.

Finally, if your daughter just doesn't want to play with them :  "I don't want to play today" is a fine answer, over and over.  But tell them to their face, don't make them guess.

ETA:  Your situation is a lot easier to manage than when it is your daughter's pleasant but annoying boyfriend that is over too much!

boarder42

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2017, 12:39:16 PM »
Its clear you're being used/abused in this scenario even your daughter if she isnt interested in playing. 

That being said i really hope my kids and kids friends are like this when they get older - at least to a point on the level of how bean counter laid it out.  There are kids always running around and playing outside in our hood so i'm hoping our kids do the same.  Though the parents should put some level of control over their children and reciprocate the open door policy.
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2017, 12:48:32 PM »
Its clear you're being used/abused in this scenario even your daughter if she isnt interested in playing. 

That being said i really hope my kids and kids friends are like this when they get older - at least to a point on the level of how bean counter laid it out.  There are kids always running around and playing outside in our hood so i'm hoping our kids do the same.  Though the parents should put some level of control over their children and reciprocate the open door policy.

I guess I don't care if they're running around outdoors playing, as long as they don't consider my home or front yard to be their territory.  When I was in junior high, there was a girl who befriended me for a while just so she could get free rides home from school, from my mom. Her parents never offered gas money or reciprocated by doing favors for us, and never even invited me to their house. Eventually my mom stopped giving her rides.  My daughter has a ton of friends already, though, and we don't feel we need to bend over backwards to get friends into her life.

There are many different types of parents around here and some are extremely overprotective to the point where they don't allow play dates at all. Then, there's the opposite end of the spectrum where they let their kids do anything, go anywhere.  We are not at either extreme, we're sort of in the middle. I think running around outdoors is okay but now that it's much colder and getting dark earlier, it's  more concerning for me.

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2017, 01:24:28 PM »
It looks like I didn't fully appriciate the neighborhood my kids grew up in. My girls were "free range" from they were 3-4 y.o., and so were 90 % of the other kids in the street. During the winter time it gets dark around 15:00, so we slapped on some reflectors and gave them torches before sending them outside. We rarely knew how many we would feed for dinner, some days it was 10, other days only us two adults. I never counted, but it seemed like our kids were fed by the neighbors about the same number of times we fed the other kids. Rules were easy to enforce; all the kids accepted that the houses had different rules, and it worked as long as we clearly explained them. Some kids needed a bit stricter talking to than others, but nothing out of order. If they wouldn't behave, we sent them home, and if they thought we were too strict, they ran home. But they always came back. In this neighborhood, only one family insisted on making play dates, and that kid was soon left outside from the other kids' games. It was much easier to run to one of the neighbors, instead of going back home to get us to make arrangements. After a year or so, those girls were also let loose when the parents realized the other parents really didn't want to go through the hazzle.

This is obviously not the kind of neighborhood/child rearing the OP wants. And that is fine. Their life, their house, their rules. I just wanted to tell about a different way to see things, and give a hint that maybe the other parents aren't doing this out of spite, but rather because this is how they grew up, and this is the kind of childhood they want their kids to have. A bit strange that they turned the OP's kid away the only time she asked to visit, but it could have been bad timing. Or they might be selfish idiots. That is always an option.

When we moved to a larger city in a different part of the country, we probably came across a bit like the "bad" family the OP describes. In this neighborhood, playdates are much more common, and parents tend to panic if the kids aren't home straight after school. Our kids are used to freedom within boundary, so we don't need to keep a tight leash on them. They will be home at the agreed upon time, and stay within the perimeter we have told them is safe. It didn't take long before we had to start driving other kids home when they drifted to our house, because it was clear they weren't, and couldn't be, trusted by their parents. If my kids visit someone after school, they have cleared that with me beforehand. The kids we got visiting in this area were lying to my face, telling me their parents knew where they were, when in reality they were calling the police because their kid was "missing". If that is what you are used to setting boundaries for, I understand that it looks strange when a new kid knocks on your door and asks if they can play with your kid. There are also kids in this area who arent allowed to walk outside it there is snow and dark. I'm sorry, I try not to judge, but we live in Norway. Keeping children indoors 8 months a year isn't healthy.
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2017, 01:43:11 PM »
Again, I don't really care if they raise free-range kids.  But my home and front yard is not part of their "free range". I've never called the police or CPS on them. There's been issues with them doing this to other parents in the neighborhood too, one mom who left her door unlocked for a few minutes, then found these girls in her living room. She wasn't happy about it, to say the least.  These aren't kids who want to be outdoors at all. They clearly want to be indoors. If they truly enjoyed riding their bikes around outdoors, they wouldn't be barging into people's homes demanding food and attention. So clearly, this isn't working out that well for them. For those of you who are free range, great, but I don't have to underwrite your parenting choice by allowing your free-range kid to use my home as a pit stop whenever they need to use the bathroom or eat. Nor do I have to allow them to barge in on our family privacy.

I don't keep my kid indoors constantly. She is not kept indoors 8 months out of the year. She is involved in theater and gymnastics and both keep her busy. I don't want her riding her bike or playing video games all the time. That doesn't mean she can't do it some of the time. She does have playdates but they are always pre-arranged and we know the parents.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 01:55:00 PM by Chesleygirl »

lindy_zag

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #30 on: December 11, 2017, 02:33:36 PM »
Clearly these kids don't understand boundaries and they aren't your responsibility ... but you seem to not be taking into account that they might not be receiving sufficient care at home. You said their dad didn't let your daughter in his house, he may not let his daughters in either until it's a certain time of night. Mom or Dad (it doesn't seem like you've met either) might hit them or yell at them or not feed them. Your house looks safe and warm and inviting. Kids don't know how to tell you if they're in danger, it might be worth asking a few questions. Or calling a teacher. Or doing something other than having two young girls standing on your porch when it's dark and cold and you're refusing to even open the door and talk to them.

I could be totally overreacting, but I recently took a CPS training course and I'm seeing a lot of red flags here. You're certainly not responsible for these girls, but putting a little bit of effort in to seeing what's going on could make a huge difference if it's dangerous.
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #31 on: December 11, 2017, 02:52:36 PM »
Clearly these kids don't understand boundaries and they aren't your responsibility ... but you seem to not be taking into account that they might not be receiving sufficient care at home. You said their dad didn't let your daughter in his house, he may not let his daughters in either until it's a certain time of night. Mom or Dad (it doesn't seem like you've met either) might hit them or yell at them or not feed them. Your house looks safe and warm and inviting. Kids don't know how to tell you if they're in danger, it might be worth asking a few questions. Or calling a teacher. Or doing something other than having two young girls standing on your porch when it's dark and cold and you're refusing to even open the door and talk to them.

I could be totally overreacting, but I recently took a CPS training course and I'm seeing a lot of red flags here. You're certainly not responsible for these girls, but putting a little bit of effort in to seeing what's going on could make a huge difference if it's dangerous.

But calling the police or CPS would be considered wrong, too and we can't judge the parents, either. We aren't going to let them in our house.

lindy_zag

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #32 on: December 11, 2017, 03:31:36 PM »
You seem pretty set on not doing this, but just want to put the info out there for anyone else in this situation - you can report anonymously, since you are not a mandated reporter. A large percentage of reports to CPS get screened out before a social worker even goes out (still worth doing! If multiple reports are made on a family, that data is tracked and the situation is more likely to get looked at). In many cases where the case gets screened in, the social worker will visit the family and then determine the case doesn't need to go further.

(Note - I say this from personal experience. CPS was once called on my parents due to a misunderstanding between my brother and a school employee, the social worker came out to visit, everything was fine. My parents, because they are good parents, were a tiny bit annoyed about the time out of their day but mostly glad that people out in the world were concerned about their children.)
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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #33 on: December 11, 2017, 03:42:27 PM »
When I grew up, my sisters and I were "those kids" who were never allowed to have friends over at our house, so we roamed the neighborhood from the time we got off the bus until dark. We had a couple of close friends who would pretty much let us live at their houses, but it was never a taking-advantage situation, more like our parents were all single moms so they understood what it was like. The one thing that really helped us was having a church in the neighborhood, we could go there any time and play basketball, choir practice, etc. and our parents never had to accompany us. If you have a church in the neighborhood maybe suggest to the girls to go there (Wednesdays are usually kids night)?
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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #34 on: December 11, 2017, 04:37:39 PM »
Ugh, I am not a fan of calling CPS without concrete evidence that the children are being harmed or starved.  In NYC, CPS calls are weaponized by apartment neighbors who don't like having children (by nature noisy) living upstairs or next to them. Some good friends of mine who are superb and loving parents were visited by CPS because of multiple calls from their downstairs neighbor. Someone also threatened an antivax acquaintance of mine with CPS  (not that I agree with her, but she is certainly a dedicated parent) and she was terrified. It's very stressful.

Chesleygirl, I feel your pain. In the three instances where I've had a live-in neighbor child, none of them was a truly neglected child.  In all cases, they had loving family who did not provide as fun or stimulating an environment as our home, on account of parents working, or the at-home parent having a passive personality.  Why stay at home with a boring nanny, teen sister, or mom who is always on her phone, if you can go to a house with exciting older boys, lots of toys, a more engaged mom, and great snacks?  I was welcoming at first but became tired of being used as free childcare and entertainment to kids with bad manners. 

It's not that we're anti free range either.  We currently have a great relationship with a family down the street. We carpool to school five days a week, and often I'll get a text from a parent, or the son will drop by once or twice a week politely asking if my son has time to play (either house.) If my son can't play, no problem. Otherwise the boys happily run out together and have a good time.  His parents both work but they clearly make efforts to invite my son over when they can. A little bit of reciprocity goes a long way.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 04:39:31 PM by Poundwise »

BlueHouse

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #35 on: December 11, 2017, 05:32:41 PM »
Have you actually said to the girls the specific words, "I know I have allowed this in the past, but you cannot come over to play any more without notice. If you want to come and play, your [dad, grandma, whoever] should ring me up the day before and ask"? If you have not used your words at the children, how will they know that this is a permanent change in the status quo? Then you can decide what regularity of play dates suits you (weekly? Fortnightly? Monthly??) and schedule them in advance at a time that suits you. And use your words at your daughter too: "If [friend] and [friend] want to come over, tell them your Mum said a grown up has to ring up the day before and ask." Your daughter may well be glad to have you to be bad cop. If you can, get in touch with their parents too. It may be that the girls have said that you said it was OK. Make it clear what the new arrangements are.

If you just fob them off when they turn up, they will keep coming. Use your words kindly and clearly and stick to the "a grown up rings up the day before" rule.
Shelivesthedream nailed it. 
Right now, these girls and their family are on your nerves because they crossed the boundaries and you are fed up.  Maybe they'll behave back into your good graces and maybe not.  lay down the law, then IF an adult calls to set up a play date and you're not ready yet, just say "they've been spending so much time together lately, we need a little break.  Let's look into this again next month"
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Laura33

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2017, 08:21:01 AM »
For those of you who are free range, great, but I don't have to underwrite your parenting choice by allowing your free-range kid to use my home as a pit stop whenever they need to use the bathroom or eat. Nor do I have to allow them to barge in on our family privacy.

That's not "free-range."  That's just rude.

Look, you are clearly fed up with these girls -- you are not looking for advice for how to manage them, you are looking for approval for the decision you have already made to shut them out.  So if that's what you want:  you are the mom, that is your prerogative. 

But for the future, please recognize your own contribution to this scenario, so you can figure out how to prevent the same kind of blowup from happening again.  You are ragingly pissed off at these girls now because you never set and enforced clear boundaries for them in the first place.  You never gave them clear rules about when they could come over and when they couldn't; you never established rules up front about snacks, and then enforced those rules when they violated them; you never cheerfully told them it was time to go home and ushered them out the door before they were already on your last nerve.  Seriously:  you hid instead of just answering the damn door and telling them no.  Because you wanted to be "nice."  So you bit your tongue and swallowed your frustration until it built and built, and now you're so angry at them you cannot stand to even see them.

Yes, they crossed 100 different boundaries, they "should" have known better, etc. etc. etc.  But they are kids -- that's their job.  You are an adult.  It's your job to create boundaries to keep the inmates from running the asylum, and then enforce them, consistently and calmly, every single time.  You don't do yourself or them any favors when you tolerate bad behavior to the point you lose your shit.   

I'm not saying this to be mean.  I am saying this because I lived this dynamic with my own DD for many years, and it was very damaging to both of us; if you can learn from this and figure out how to manage annoying neighbor kids in the future, rather than just swallowing your annoyance until you are ready to scream, your life and theirs will likely be much more pleasant.  Reading 1-2-3 Magic probably saved our relationship, because it forced me to not let the little things slide -- to be very clear about the expectations and boundaries beforehand, and then to be completely calm and consistent in enforcing them.  Believe it or not, kids actually feel more secure and are less needy/pushy when they can predict what the answer is going to be -- even when that answer is no!
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ysette9

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #37 on: December 12, 2017, 10:27:57 AM »
Very well said, Laura33. I think that advice works equally well for managing adult relationships as well.
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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #38 on: December 12, 2017, 10:48:13 AM »
More or less what Laura33 said. ^^
Your are the adult, it is your house, your castle, your kids, your rules. Own it.
Treat the kids like kids, they are kids, give them boundaries & enforce it. Explain it once. And then enforce it.
Pro-actively have a chat with the parents, be friendly, 'Hey our kids are friends, we're glad they like to come over, but my kiddos has to do this-and-that and these are the hours that fit our schedule.'

good luck!
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #39 on: December 12, 2017, 04:32:02 PM »

Look, you are clearly fed up with these girls -- you are not looking for advice for how to manage them, you are looking for approval for the decision you have already made to shut them out.  So if that's what you want:  you are the mom, that is your prerogative. 

But for the future, please recognize your own contribution to this scenario, so you can figure out how to prevent the same kind of blowup from happening again.  You are ragingly pissed off at these girls now because you never set and enforced clear boundaries for them in the first place.  You never gave them clear rules about when they could come over and when they couldn't; you never established rules up front about snacks, and then enforced those rules when they violated them; you never cheerfully told them it was time to go home and ushered them out the door before they were already on your last nerve.  Seriously:  you hid instead of just answering the damn door and telling them no.  Because you wanted to be "nice."  So you bit your tongue and swallowed your frustration until it built and built, and now you're so angry at them you cannot stand to even see them.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin this is lots of accusations going on here. You don't know anything that went on with these kids because you weren't here in my home all the times they were over here.  To be honest, you are the one who sounds very, very angry here. Is that because you allow your kids to do these things? I don't have to "cheerfully" tell someone anything.  I'm not a cheerleader or Stepford wife mombot. I also don't have to open my door for anyone I don't want to. I teach  my kids the same thing. Don't want to open the door and give an explanation? Don't have to. i don't have to feed anyone's kids, mother anyone else's kids or teach anyone else's kids manners and boundaries. I am not June Cleaver and I don't have to follow anyone else's outdated, sexist notions about being a self-sacrificing mommy to all the children in the neighborhood. Also, I haven't "shut out" people who never belong in my home in the first place. Like I said, it's my home and I can prove it. Moochers do tend to get angry when they can't milk a situation any longer. I'm totally shameless and guilt free.

Feed your own kids.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2017, 04:37:17 PM by Chesleygirl »

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #40 on: December 12, 2017, 05:58:14 PM »
^^ very true.^^

Don't want to open the door and give an explanation? Don't have to.


I think a couple of other posters pointed out that this is not as immediately effective as telling them to their face, when you answer the door -- no, you can't come inside anymore, ever.

Otherwise -- they will be in your backyard, trying your backdoor!  Kids have no boundaries unless we tell them, and repeat.   You don't even have to be nice -- just blunt and civil.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #41 on: December 12, 2017, 10:18:17 PM »
^^ very true.^^

Don't want to open the door and give an explanation? Don't have to.


I think a couple of other posters pointed out that this is not as immediately effective as telling them to their face, when you answer the door -- no, you can't come inside anymore, ever.

Otherwise -- they will be in your backyard, trying your backdoor!  Kids have no boundaries unless we tell them, and repeat.   You don't even have to be nice -- just blunt and civil.

I agree, I don't have to be nice or be chirpy & cheerful to someone, that will make them think their behavior is okay. If my kid was doing something that annoyed someone, I'd want the person she annoyed to be blunt with her as well. I don't want her to think anything she does is acceptable and that adults always have to play nice to her.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #42 on: December 13, 2017, 02:29:36 AM »
Absolutely. But you do have to open the door one time and tell them, otherwise they won't know it's changed forever and they'll keep trying, thinking they will grind you down.

elaine amj

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #43 on: December 14, 2017, 08:37:01 AM »
We had a neighborhood kid some years back who was a year younger than my DD who came over a lot but DD wasn't allowed in their house. We rarely fed her though. I like to be hospitable, but typically only feed kids we actually invite for whatever reason or specifically ask to stay for a meal or whatever.

She lived a few houses down but we used to joke that she must watch our house as she would pop over shortly after my DD got home. Eventually, DD just started saying things like "I'm sorry, I'm busy right now" or "no, I can't play right now". We didn't cut her off completely since DD did want to play with her occasionally. It certainly colored our feelings a bit that DD wasn't allowed in their house. It was rare we talked to the parents too.
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Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #44 on: December 14, 2017, 09:47:56 AM »
. It certainly colored our feelings a bit that DD wasn't allowed in their house. It was rare we talked to the parents too.

My child has another friend that we're getting ready to stop having come over. This is because in six years, the other girl's parents have never invited my child over. They only get together 2 to 3 times a year, though. But still I've gotten fed up. We've taken their child to restaurants, movies, all kinds of outings. They've never taken my child anywhere and it's definitely not a financial issue, either!  My child has never even been inside of their house and now that she's getting older, she is starting to ask questions about why. I'm not sure what to tell her. So we're getting ready to lower the axe on this. Which will kind of hurt because we really like the parents and all that. But when it gets to the point where my kid is wondering why her friend can come over, but she's banned from her friend's house, I need to change some things.   We do have friends who live down the street who reciprocate on a regular basis. Usually every other time, their kid comes here on a Saturday and then our kid goes to their house on a Saturday. It doesn't always perfectly even out but we both try to do our fair share.

Blonde Lawyer

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #45 on: December 14, 2017, 09:56:44 AM »
Sorry, OP, I'm just not getting it.  If you don't answer the door, the kids assume you are not home so they try again later.  Maybe I just live in a very different neighborhood than you and grew up in a different one too.  I don't even have kids but I live in a subdivision with lots of them.  The kids run through all of the backyards to get to each other's houses.  If the neighbor kid's ball ends up in my yard, they just come in and get it.  No need to ask permission.  When I was a kid, it was the same and different families would set out drinks and snacks for us.  Even the lady with no kids would leave lemonade out sometimes, just to be neighborly.

I'm not a fan of this generation's trend of ghosting people.  Words work a lot better. Your daughter should say she doesn't want to play every day but once a week or whatever is fine.

And who cares if the other parents of your daughter's friend don't reciprocate.  Why are you going to punish your daughter and her friend? It's not her friend's fault that her parent's suck.  I bet your daughter would rather still have her friend, even if the time is spent at your house than no friend at all.  Also, when they get older, you will be grateful that they are at your house where you can know what they are up to.

Lastly, your concerns about liability are overblown.  This is coming from a lawyer.  Do you have insurance on your property? If not, get some.  But a kid that breaks a leg playing soccer in your yard really wouldn't have grounds to sue you.  If you have some dangerous conditions that you haven't fixed or put up a warning, then sure, maybe there is an issue there, but it should be fixed regardless of whether you have kids in your yard or not.

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #46 on: December 14, 2017, 10:18:56 AM »
. It certainly colored our feelings a bit that DD wasn't allowed in their house. It was rare we talked to the parents too.

My child has another friend that we're getting ready to stop having come over. This is because in six years, the other girl's parents have never invited my child over. They only get together 2 to 3 times a year, though. But still I've gotten fed up. We've taken their child to restaurants, movies, all kinds of outings. They've never taken my child anywhere and it's definitely not a financial issue, either!  My child has never even been inside of their house and now that she's getting older, she is starting to ask questions about why. I'm not sure what to tell her. So we're getting ready to lower the axe on this. Which will kind of hurt because we really like the parents and all that. But when it gets to the point where my kid is wondering why her friend can come over, but she's banned from her friend's house, I need to change some things.   We do have friends who live down the street who reciprocate on a regular basis. Usually every other time, their kid comes here on a Saturday and then our kid goes to their house on a Saturday. It doesn't always perfectly even out but we both try to do our fair share.
I feel so bad for your kids. Just let your kids play and butt out of it. Don't take them to movies and restaurants, don't feed them snacks. Don't get involved. Just let your kid play outside, or inside your house with friends when they feel like it. And have them answer the door and say they don't feel like playing when they don't. When your child asks why they aren't invited over to the other kids house, tell them you don't know they should ask their friend. Stop micromanaging your child's relationships. Let them just play and they will figure out the details of the relationship as they get older. You're involvement is making it a lot harder than it needs to be.

Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #47 on: December 14, 2017, 11:45:13 AM »
Sorry, OP, I'm just not getting it.  If you don't answer the door, the kids assume you are not home so they try again later.  Maybe I just live in a very different neighborhood than you and grew up in a different one too.  I don't even have kids but I live in a subdivision with lots of them.  The kids run through all of the backyards to get to each other's houses.  If the neighbor kid's ball ends up in my yard, they just come in and get it.  No need to ask permission.  When I was a kid, it was the same and different families would set out drinks and snacks for us.  Even the lady with no kids would leave lemonade out sometimes, just to be neighborly.

These are different times we live in. Yes, I grew up in the 70s and 80s, things were different. We don't want people roaming around in our backyard as we have a pool and you are strictly liable if you own a pool. I'm sure you know what the term strict liability means. That means even if someone trespasses in your property and is injured in, or drowns in your pool, you are responsible no matter what. And you really should be teaching your children, should you decide to have any,  to ask permission before just roaming on someone's property. That's part of teaching good manners and social etiquette. If you were a parent, you would understand how hard it is to take care of 2 year old twins and a hyperactive 9 year old, without adding more kids into your home to "just drop by" whenever they feel like it, eat all your food, mess up your house while you struggle to take care of your toddlers. You'd know how much work it is to supervise children in your home. You have no idea until you have kids of your own, just what parents struggle with and why we might complain if someone's grandma brings two children over to your home, to just "drop them off" to play without giving any prior notice. This is a big HELL NO for me. Sorry but I'm not Mother Theresa. I do not have to watch anyone else's kids but my own. The comment about punishing someone's child is a joke. It would be the parent's fault not mine. If they want to keep the friendships with the girls going, they can man up and take my daughter out to lunch or a movie with their child sometime. It is long past due.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2017, 12:05:54 PM by Chesleygirl »

kaypinkHH

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #48 on: December 14, 2017, 12:02:58 PM »
This is a fun post to read as a future parent.

When I was younger, my younger brother (around 10 years old) had a shadow from a neighbourhood kid. This little guy (maybe 5 years old) ADORED my brother He would actually watch until my brother came home from school, and ran over all excited waiting for my brother to come out to play. My brother would sometimes not want to go outside, so mom would open the door and say "Sorry kid, brother can't come outside tonight", and even sometimes my mom would make my brother deliver the bad news.  The kid would sometimes come right at our dinner time so then my mom would answer the door and say "Hey Kid, we eat dinner later than you, so if you want Brother to come out to play, you have to wait longer after your dinner". Because he was 5, this took a few times of training, but eventually he got the message. She was never rude to the kid, or his parents/family, but just said "no not right now" and sent him on his way.

Note, this kid had everything he could ever want at home, but had 2 older siblings (around my brother's age), who were very disinterested in having a little brother. But we wasn't lacking in support/love/food etc. he just wanted a bigger kid to pay him attention. Eventually he grew out of it.

Flash forward 15 years, and we are still really close friends with that family (no feelings were hurt in the poor rejection of the kid), and we joke about how the kid was a tag along to my brother now that we are all adults.

In our neighborhood kids would just roam freely..never into other people's houses uninvited, but I often had friends in my room/basement, and mom would make us snacks,  I would go over to other people's houses and get snacks. Toys were borrowed (and sometimes not returned). Makes me sad for my future kid that it sounds like this is a big deal nowadays :(.

Long story short, Chelsey girl, if you and your daughter don't want the kids around persistence is key. They will eventually move on to another family. I do think a quick phone call to the parents of the kids to let them know about how often they are around wouldn't hurt, they might have no idea the kids are coming over that often, or the kids could be lying and saying your daughter is inviting them over every day.


Chesleygirl

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Re: Annoying friends of my child - what to do?
« Reply #49 on: December 14, 2017, 12:21:18 PM »
This is a fun post to read as a future parent.

When I was younger, my younger brother (around 10 years old) had a shadow from a neighbourhood kid. This little guy (maybe 5 years old) ADORED my brother He would actually watch until my brother came home from school, and ran over all excited waiting for my brother to come out to play. My brother would sometimes not want to go outside, so mom would open the door and say "Sorry kid, brother can't come outside tonight", and even sometimes my mom would make my brother deliver the bad news.  The kid would sometimes come right at our dinner time so then my mom would answer the door and say "Hey Kid, we eat dinner later than you, so if you want Brother to come out to play, you have to wait longer after your dinner". Because he was 5, this took a few times of training, but eventually he got the message. She was never rude to the kid, or his parents/family, but just said "no not right now" and sent him on his way.

Note, this kid had everything he could ever want at home, but had 2 older siblings (around my brother's age), who were very disinterested in having a little brother. But we wasn't lacking in support/love/food etc. he just wanted a bigger kid to pay him attention. Eventually he grew out of it.

Flash forward 15 years, and we are still really close friends with that family (no feelings were hurt in the poor rejection of the kid), and we joke about how the kid was a tag along to my brother now that we are all adults.

In our neighborhood kids would just roam freely..never into other people's houses uninvited, but I often had friends in my room/basement, and mom would make us snacks,  I would go over to other people's houses and get snacks. Toys were borrowed (and sometimes not returned). Makes me sad for my future kid that it sounds like this is a big deal nowadays :(.

Long story short, Chelsey girl, if you and your daughter don't want the kids around persistence is key. They will eventually move on to another family. I do think a quick phone call to the parents of the kids to let them know about how often they are around wouldn't hurt, they might have no idea the kids are coming over that often, or the kids could be lying and saying your daughter is inviting them over every day.

You seem to believe I don't allow my children to play with other kids, or never allow other kids in my home. I'm not sure where you get that idea from.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2017, 12:23:42 PM by Chesleygirl »