Minions,
In a span of a single month, many of you likely cleared 6 figures from investments alone! A good start, yet it is nothing compared to what's to come. As I had truthfully told you three months ago: Oh, we will ascend above the tops of the clouds, scale the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon, and sit enthroned like the most high!
I come to you now, three months into the arduous climb, to share with you my strength and wisdom. The climb is perilous; the elements changes rapidly at these altitudes, the very path we walk on is shrouded in poisonous fumes, even the earth itself will seek to cast us down with loose and treacherous footings!
The most dangerous obstacles are the fake tops. These fake tops are laced with bacon and cheese, which will no doubt tempt you to abandon the climb altogether. Eat the bacon and cheese, then continue the journey. Sometimes to continue our ascent, we must first go down; to go further, we must first set camp and recover our strength.
Elements will change even more rapidly the higher we go (English: Volatility will rise along with the market). We've left the foothills below, onward to the summit!