Hello friendly mustachians,
Not sure that friendly is the right word. It's very easy to get facepunched here ;)
We do try to be helpful, however.
So now that all the smalltalk is out of the way, let's get to the point:
I really like you guys for all your helping other mustachians, so I hope you like me back in advance when I state following question:
How the fuck do I start investing small sums in when living in germany? I tried googling it and in almost all results it looked like they wanted to scam the shit out of me.
I never knew anybody who has an understanding of stocks, so you would help me with even the most basic instructions to get started. For example, just where to go on the Internet to buy a single fucking stock.
Are you a German citizen? For the moment I will assume that. If no, some things may depend on your nationality and your exact legal status. How small are the "small" sums you have in mind?
Get an account with a reasonable online bank (Comdirect, ING-DiBa and Consorsbank come to mind. I am sure there are others. I am naming these three because I know them to be respectable, have or had accounts with all of them and none of them tried to scam me). All of them offer free "Depots" (weird that I don't know how to translate that into English -- a Depot is the account that stocks and funds reside in).
You
will have to pay fees to buy stocks and funds (for example with Comdirect it currently seems to be 5€+0.25% of the purchase price). That's normal.
These banks probably also all offer "Fondssparpläne" which might be what you are looking for. Basically, you can direct them to invest a sum of X each month into a given fund. That typically starts at 25€/month or so. Fees for those plans are usually different from the standard fees, so check that first.
If you want, you can probably sign up with one of these banks and start investing in a matter of days. You will be able to buy all kinds of shit.
However, before you do that, I would encourage you to first look very closely at what you actually want to invest in. My standard advice is a portfolio of index funds that cover the whole world. If you want, we will be able to direct you to places where you can learn about that.