Wrap up party and team sports insanity!

[Goldielocks]

Crazy day yesterday.

Our son plays one team sport, each year, from March through start of July.  We just had the wrap up party.  I can't believe how indifferent the other parents were to the cost....

$40 - for paintball
$10 for coverall rental
$10 for extra ammo
$10 for gas to the middle of nowhere... It was 15 min hwy drive to the closest grocery..
$2 for snacknor extra drink on site....   I had been planning on completing a grocery run in the 2 hr time before pickup, and bring second water at that time,  but with so far to drive, just waited it out.  at least i packed lunches for us..

I knew about the $40 going in, and said yes because it is once per year and kid peer pressure and all , but the extra costs were not even blinked at by the other parents.

Team sports are really expensive!  What gets me is tyhgat other families, and we all bring home within 15k of each other don't seem to mind..

Especially the driving.. Fuel and maintenance is around $.25 per km here, with our high fuel prices,  no one blinked at the distance and time for this.  Only one parent asked for a car share.

Its the same with the season's costs, next year we are combining with another association, and practice will be "only" a 17 minute drive away -at highway speeds.  With away games requiring driving 30 to 60 min each way, and now half the home games and practices at 20 min away, the driving cost and time alone really adds up.

Lacrosse costs this year..
Team fees $135 with 50% discount for being goalie.  Association provided gear for goalie.
$300 for helmet that will better prevent concussions.(goalie lacrosse helmets are hard to get second hand as they are only just starting to make them different from player helmets) We had hockey helmet but protection was poor IMO, so this spend was very important to me.  Grandparents too so they paid for half... So only $150 for us.
$20 for gloves he likes that were second hand
$100 for tournament dues and team shirt to wear to games.
$500 to $600 for away tournament hotel, fuel, food.  We plan this into a family holiday weekend, (could be reduced to $300 if my husband and son share a room with another dad, at least one person asked about this).
$70 for wrap up insanity

$350 calculated at $20+ per week fuel
Sub total:
$1200 +. Wow.

We actually took our second car out of storage to support getting him to games...  So add another $400 for insurance!
We do still need the car for husband school next term, or he won't be able to also work part time, but could have kept it stored until then.

And this is not including the typical eating on the go, add on sports equipment and game t-shirts, photo is, etc.  Many of these parents have 2 or 3 kids, each in one or two team sports.  Which is why two full time jobs would be next to impossible, wouldn't it?

Ack!   This is not even in a "rep" league with parents hoping for scholarships or NFL...

Our son already has paper route and pays for a part of it now, how do you incorporate team sports other than soccer in MMM?  Dare I just tell him no next year? This is the main place he makes a group of friends.

School teams don't really start until grade 8, so that is not the answer. 

I am getting to the point where I want to say no to the insanity, but it is the only team sport my son who is 12 plays.  The alternative is to try to enforce car pooling, of which we are the only ones interested, or rely on my parents, but 3x per week is quite a lot to ask.  We could force carpooling as he is their only goalie this year and doing a great job.

Soccer is not an option, swim club is near and he loves swimming,, but is not quite as much of a team sport.


What do you do??

[merci001]

I definitely feel your pain. And it's not just the sports, but the summer camps!  Single parent, two kids here. My oldest daughter loves hockey. The parkboard has been the key for us.  She has been playing since she was about 3. She had wanted to do one of the more intensive and expensive traveling teams but I've had to explain to her that is just not in the budget. She also plays soccer and baseball through the parkboard. Fortunately, she's met many other sports minded girls who have a great time playing on the various teams together, so it hasn't been a huge issue. And I found the end of season celebrations are low key-pot luck pool party at baseball coach's house, pizza and cake at the local rec center for hockey/soccer season. 

My other daughter just started the Y swim team this year-in January. It's does cost $100 per month so I gave up our family membership to swing it. Truth be told, I hardly ever went anyway-I've got some weights and a trainer for my bike set up at home to use during the winter season,  and just ride outside during nice weather.  We can go to the Y on Sunday's for community swim for about $5 a head. Also, my sister belongs to the Y so she sometimes takes us as her guests. My daughter has some medical issues that I feel benefit from the swimming so I'm willing to work this cost into the budget, and she loves to swim.  She is not on the team during the summer months.  She does not have to do all the meets, only as many as she wants to at this point and she's only participated in one so far.  I expect next season she will want to do at least 3-4. They are all in town. Cost is about $20-25 per meet at this point. There is alot of fund raising and requests for various donations from parents, but I've been able to stay out of that loop so far.  Since it's the Y I think there is an expectation that not all families involved are going to have the means to participate in the fund raisers/donations. I opted out of the end of season banquet at $20 per person. My daughter really didn't care about it anyway.

As I mentioned above, I also find the summer camps can be quite a bit of money.  And so often the hours seem to be set up with the assumption that there is a SAHParent for pick up and drop off, ie; 9am-2pm.  As I'm still far from FIRE, that just doesn't work for me.  I have a sitter come to my home full time every day during the summer (more for my youngest than my oldest, as she is now a teenager and will be entering high school this fall). As the sole parent and provider, I can't afford camps plus a sitter. Luckily, my sitter is quite good about finding lots of free things to do with the kids; and of course, my older one does like to take her bike and go hang with her friends when they are around-she's very good about checking in with me when she is out with her friends and being home by whatever time I set, so I'm good with her level of independence.

I don't think my kids feel deprived in any way. We tend to do quite a bit as a family and most of their friends live similar life styles, albeit most are two parent households and usually two incomes so some might go on a few more vacations than we do. But none of our friends have very extravegant tastes.

[Goldielocks]

Thanks, I am still debating it, but good to hear about the swimming and know I am not alone.

[johnintaiwan]

When I was growing up (and still now) there were rec leagues put on by the city. There were volunteer coaches and the city provided all the gear and stuff. there was fee of some amount, but it wasnt very high. I am pretty sure they offered to waive the fee if you couldn't afford it. There were also no tournaments with fees. You did have to travel a bit to get to away games, but not too far.

[RFAAOATB]

Which sports go from recreational to expensive ordeals very quickly?  My sport is martial arts which can go that route depending on more the parent's influence than the child's.  While I never made it past the state level in either Judo or Tae Kwon Do, sending young children across the country for junior nationals or junior olympics was not unheard of.  My old judo coach was able to take his kids and some others from the club across the Atlantic for international tournaments as well.  Operating a martial arts club that exists to finance the kids traveling and training seems to be the best way to get it done.

When I have a future kid old enough, I hope I can afford the occasional national or international tournament.  I can foresee most of our vacations being judo vacations.  A healthy mix of tournaments and tourism.

I don't do any team sports but I bet they can find ways to make it as expensive as necessary.  If you're complaining about the cost, is it possible there is an unstated attempt to segregate sports leagues by income or economic classes?

[soccerluvof4]

I feel your pain in the pocket book. I have 4 kids that play soccer which nowadays like most sports have become year round.  We do the best we can to save money but its not easy and for now its become a major part of our life. We try to plan trips around there travels and buy groceries when get places but its still a big pinch every year.  This last weekend my wife and I were in two different states with our kids playing so it gets expensive so we try to be as frugal as we can in other areas and are even becoming more so since were not home much to have a need for cable etc.. For now its the one thing we still want to be willing to give them but we keep making cutbacks in other areas.

[RFAAOATB]

I feel your pain in the pocket book. I have 4 kids that play soccer which nowadays like most sports have become year round.  We do the best we can to save money but its not easy and for now its become a major part of our life. We try to plan trips around there travels and buy groceries when get places but its still a big pinch every year.  This last weekend my wife and I were in two different states with our kids playing so it gets expensive so we try to be as frugal as we can in other areas and are even becoming more so since were not home much to have a need for cable etc.. For now its the one thing we still want to be willing to give them but we keep making cutbacks in other areas.

How's the pipeline from youth soccer to MLS?  How far are these kids likely to get?

[johnintaiwan]

I feel your pain in the pocket book. I have 4 kids that play soccer which nowadays like most sports have become year round.  We do the best we can to save money but its not easy and for now its become a major part of our life. We try to plan trips around there travels and buy groceries when get places but its still a big pinch every year.  This last weekend my wife and I were in two different states with our kids playing so it gets expensive so we try to be as frugal as we can in other areas and are even becoming more so since were not home much to have a need for cable etc.. For now its the one thing we still want to be willing to give them but we keep making cutbacks in other areas.

How's the pipeline from youth soccer to MLS?  How far are these kids likely to get?

^ is this a joke?

What happened to kids playing sports because they are fun and it keeps them active? Why do we need national and international championships? This all seems very crazy to me.

[Goldielocks]

Some more details..
Johnintaiwan, I like your thinking on rec leagues, but the sports are limited.  My son was in the rec league in the next city, and it was moire like pickup hockey twice a week with coaching, but no team building.

RRAAOAFTB
I think that soccerluvof4  is getting at that it is about kids playing as a team and learning as a team.   Thier post did not read like the parents that are hoping for scholarships or MLS. 

Teamwork-That is a powerful driver and maybe missing from my second option of swimming club, but maybe not?  Could it hold us over 2yrs until school teams start?

Cheap team sports are run by the rec centers (city) and partially paid by taxes.  We used them a lot in the younger years, and then decided to focus, play is more fun when you work hard with others at your level. .   Sports with coaches or field rentals or paid referees are more.   We don't qualify for funding assistance as we make the avg for the area as a family.


the economic question is a valid one, if I still lived in the burbs outside of San Francisco..  This was definitely an undercurrent.  The other families have occupations like kayak sales manager, fireman, distribution logistics, teacher, secretary for iron work shop.. Nothing fancy.   My DH says it is more that their lives revolve around the teams, but except for my son, the rest of us are not transport people... So dedicating a large amt to it as a % of our discretionary spend leaves a bad taste.  Except for the joy on my son's face when he knows he played well for his team.

We got into lacrosse looking at the annual fees and equipment costs only. For us, one sport per year at under $500 is very much able to be saved and planned for...   I did not realize about the other costs and they feel like a "gotcha".  The first year was rec level and younger kids have more teams to play so don't travel.  As they get older, fewer teams means traveling farther and farther.   One tournament with a 6hr drive and overnight stay was considered reasonable.

Soccer here is pretty cheap with lots of bikable practices as it is  volunteer run, but sitting in the rain plus a kid that is allergic to grass, well we looked for another team sport after 2yrs.  Hockey is similar in cost as lacrosse, but the season is longer and you get those 6am practices... Not work friendly.

[RFAAOATB]

^ is this a joke?

What happened to kids playing sports because they are fun and it keeps them active? Why do we need national and international championships? This all seems very crazy to me.

If you can afford it, it's a good reason to base a vacation on.  I remember a family vacation that included volunteering as a judge for a national karate tournament at Disney World.  Two days of judging and five days going through the parks.  I got to do a seminar with Superfoot Bill Wallace as well. 

Now imagine being financially independent, and instead of retiring taking an overall less strenuous job so that you can do multiple trips to Disney, Canada, Europe two or three times a year instead of once every decade or so.  The kids get better at their sport, get more active and in shape, and they get the culture of the far off lands.  That's why I'm saving money now, so I know if things get bad I'm ok, but instead I can work for luxuries instead of security.

Children's sports can either be recreational or competitive.  Some clubs accommodate both well or lean strongly on one side.  I lean a bit on the competitive side. 

[soccerluvof4]

I feel your pain in the pocket book. I have 4 kids that play soccer which nowadays like most sports have become year round.  We do the best we can to save money but its not easy and for now its become a major part of our life. We try to plan trips around there travels and buy groceries when get places but its still a big pinch every year.  This last weekend my wife and I were in two different states with our kids playing so it gets expensive so we try to be as frugal as we can in other areas and are even becoming more so since were not home much to have a need for cable etc.. For now its the one thing we still want to be willing to give them but we keep making cutbacks in other areas.

How's the pipeline from youth soccer to MLS?  How far are these kids likely to get?

Who really cares. Its not about that.  They love the sport and because of that are good at it and we enjoy it as a family which is why we make it our 1 "luxury" if you may.  If they stay healthy will have good college careers as two are already being recruited, that's fine either way as well. 

[DecD]

Our older son was in our neighborhood swim team this summer.  It runs for 6 weeks (May and June).  It turned out to be the most cost-effective swim lessons on the planet- 6 weeks of daily swim practice and meets on 5 Saturdays, with professional coaches.  The pool is a block down the street, so we would bike or walk there.   

The kiddo started in May already swimming like a fish but knowing no strokes at all.  He ended the season swimming a respectable butterfly, breast stroke, crawl, and backstroke.  And I got to know some of the parents in the neighborhood a lot better - the meets were rightly described to me as an early-morning block party.

We skipped the end-of-season party.  It would have run us $40 to spend a Monday evening at a horrible chuckeecheese type place (how about a swim party at the pool??), including late bedtimes for the kids and frazzled us!  He wasn't aware of the party so we could skip with impunity.

My son is desperate to play baseball starting this fall, and I fear the fees, the commute to practice/games, uniforms, equipment....here's hoping I can find a nice simple inexpensive team.  We're looking for fun, not world-class competition.

[SK Joyous]

I'm not really agreeing with a lot of the direction on this topic - sorry.  When you choose to have children, you are aware that they are going to want to participate in activities, and that such participation is good for them.  In particular, participation in team activities is excellent for developing character, committment, cooperation, and a whole host of other skills.  Every parent should also be aware that activities cost money, and be prepared for that.  Yes, it is money that you could be saving, but if the tradeoff is either spending the money on the activities that the children enjoy, want to do, and benefit them OR saving the money, then frankly they shouldn't have chosen to have kids.  I will gladly delay FI for a time (and am) so that my children can participate in sports and activities to the maximum of their abilities - and if that includes competitive sports that cost more, so that they are fully using their abilities and are challenged, then that is what we do.  That is our responsibilities as parents and we should know that 'going in'.

[Goldielocks]

SK. Thanks for triggering the thread, I am reminded to post an update.

My son was excited to try swim club.  Unfortunately with the teachers strike, there was a much higher sign up of returning swimmers, and nearly no openings left.  That was OK, but no choice of days.  Unfortunately, his swim group was all 14 to 16 yr old girls, and he is 12.  No team atmosphere was forthcoming, I don't think anyone even said hi after four classes, so he withdrew.

Instead, signed up for Navy cadets, and although he is not an organized kid, he loves it.  Lots of positive people there and he joined a couple teams, including sailing. It is free too, or nearly so, and only 8 miles from home, with chance for transit as he gets older.  He asked me to teach him to iron his uniform!

So that, and joined band at school ( thank you Craigslist for the trombone!), and will likely play lacrosse again later this spring.  I will need to be more assertive about asking to share rides or offer to pay for gas money, and to say no to the team group extras.. Like paintball.  Maybe encourage low cost alternatives like the bmx park.  Maybe get a small group to camp with us for the tournament, or just split room cost or something.

I fundamentally disagree that team recreation has to be expensive, so SK Joyous is a bit too high horse with his /her? comments for me.  The cost of these teams is getting ridiculous.  Too many parents are paying for private coaching, hideously expensive equipment, and collateral purchases that have little to do with playing as a team to your best with a great coach.  So much so, that some of those families remind me of the posts where the little eight year old "princess" received a designer purse as a birthday present, but it was on sale, so it is okay and she deserved it for working hard at dance camp.  What is the difference between a gucci purse and a $600 hockey stick ( or other equipment?)

The choice that is made around here is between team recreation, family excursions (eg to a museum, attraction) or even education savings.  We have plenty for the basics, but must consider the extras carefully. All three of these are equally important to my son's development. Do you know how much you could be talking about?

Soccer is one of the less expensive sports, and soccer luv agrees that it is a family lifestyle decision.  What if 3out of 4 of the family do NOT care to revolve daily life around sport?  Do you still spend it all on that one child, so they can experience it?

In general, kids activities range from $40 to $400 per month, per activity, all in.  How much is enough?  How does an MMM choose?

SK--   Did you know that I met a taxi driver who was retired from his job, then started to drive a taxi because his 16 year old cost $50 thousand dollars for her high tier competitive sport, which i hope included temporary accommodation in another city during the season? He was proud to give her this opportunity.  Are you planning on saving an extra $200 per month per child, or $50k total for two kids for ten to twelve years to be in a typical amount of extra cirricular?  In addition to preschool, college and everything else?  Or does the MMM in you pause a bit at that figure?

[SK Joyous]

I'm really glad your son has found activities that he enjoys!  It sounds like cadets and music and lacrosse sounds like a wonderful cross-section of experiences for him, very nice! 

I'm not sure what part of my post was high horse (; that parents should expect activity costs as part of having children? That you may have to pay for those activities rather than saving the money? Or that I consider it my responsibility to ensure my kids can play at a level that is challenging?  Our daughter has grown up and moved out now, but she did participate in soccer, dancing, softball, tennis, track, volleyball, and music (piano).  Our son who is a teen now is quite hard into soccer and football. 

So an example: our daughter played soccer at a recreation level because she didn't want to be too competitive, just run around with her friends and play the game. That was her personality/ability level, which meant that rec soccer cost us about $60 per season, or $120 per year plus $20 for shin guards, $40 for cleats (at most when she was older), and $10 for team pictures.  Total was $190 per year (roughly).  Rec soccer has little practicing and generally parent volunteer coaches.

Our son, however, is very competitive and driven - he wants to improve his skills, play at the highest level he can, and compete against people at the same skill level as he, and probably will be a lifetime player.  For him to play competitive soccer, the fees are about $450 per season or $900 per year, plus $20 for shin guards, still team pics, various cost for cleats (usually $100), plus he plays for teams that attend tournaments both in town and out of town, provincial championships, etc, for an additional yearly cost of $1200.  So his total for the year is $2230.  Competitive soccer has more practicing and training than games and has certified coaches.

Now, should I tell him that 'fundamentally team recreation does not have to be expensive' and have him play the cheaper rec soccer?  Would it have been okay if I had forced my non-competitive daughter to play the more intense competitive level?  I'm betting most would answer no - so why would I force my son the other way?

I completely disagree with your comparison about the eight-year old receives a designer purse - first of all, sporting equipment is required and is needed for safety.  If you don't believe that cost makes a difference, go to an expert and ask them about the safety ratings of various pieces of protective equipment and check the cost - they often correlate.  I do spend more on my son's cleats for soccer than I did for my daugher's - he spends way more time in them, they are made for the particular surface he is playing on and so give a safer grip and prevent injuries.

And if you are counting in the '3 out of 4' to include 2 parents, then I would strongly suggest that as parents yes, a lot of our 'spare time' does revolve around our kids and their activities.  Whether they are organized sports or your family excursions, that is still time spent.

In terms of how to choose, it is what the child enjoys, what they thrive on, and what is within their abilities.  Yes, my son could not play high school football because it would time conflict with high school soccer, so he opted to play for the minor football league instead.  They have to learn to make choices like that, not just have the parent choosing for them on the basis of how much it costs.  We spent money on our kids activities as needed, and if it would have been something we could not have afforded or not been willing to spend (like the $50 thousand, which I am sure even you will admit is the far, far, far end of the ridiculous extreme), then we would have told them that.  We can't afford it.

I don't know how it is in BC, but here our preschool was pretty cheap.  We've been putting away RESP money for both kids to cover tuition and fees for college.  I don't see that as a detriment to paying for our kids to participate in activities though.  And frankly, if I had to choose between an activity for myself and my kids, I chose the kids.  I can do my activities when they are grown up and gone, which happens all too quickly.

[Hotstreak]

I used to be involved in a sport like this.  $100/m in dues, $20m in equipment, $200/m budgeted for tournament travel.  I competed 12 months a year which comes out to around $4,000/year, without counting all the extra food needed for my 4500kc/day diet!
 
I could just have easily played on the non-traveling team.  Teamwork and hard work would have been the same, but I don't think I would have developed the same aggression and self control.  It's important for children to learn about those parts of themselves, and with all the "protections" in place these days, it can be difficult to do so.
 
The suggestion for martial arts is a great one.  Equipment is usually inexpensive, and the competitions are low-tech and can be pretty cheap (until higher levels).  Everyone in the gym is part of a team, learning together and building a sense of community, but you're not expected to travel to tournaments as a team.  You could pass on anything not happening close by, or arrange carpools for occasional long travel.

[Goldielocks]

When you choose to have children, you are aware that they are going to want to participate in activities, and that such participation is good for them.  ....Every parent should also be aware that activities cost money, and be prepared for that...if the tradeoff is either spending the money on the activities that the children enjoy, want to do, and benefit them OR saving the money, then frankly they shouldn't have chosen to have kids.  That is our responsibilities as parents and we should know that 'going in'.

My high horse comment should have really been 'bull-wacky".  (Polite term).

Our responsibility as a parent is to spend $50k for two kids for their recreation and enjoyment?  With a heavy under tone of only negilent parents don't?  (Your $2200 per year adds up to that pretty quickly)

Not everyone has the money for this and it comes with compromises for most.

I also don't think that the whole family sacrifices for one, rather that we all give and take a little.

My original post was about ridiculous wrap up parties which have nothing to do with safety but a lot to do with team expectations if you play...

(nor do $800 golf clubs or $600 hockey sticks have anything with safety,  which I specifically likened to the designer purse thread.).

[rocketpj]

Our older kid was born with a hockey stick in his hand, as far as I can tell.  He didn't get it from me or his mom (perhaps my dad, who still plays in senior tournaments).  He loves it, it was one of his first words (which he must have picked from the ether, since we didn't ever watch it).  And he happens to be really good at it.

So we find ourselves taking him to a lot of games, practices, spending money on gear.

I honestly think I'd be failing him as a parent if I wasn't helping him pursue that passion.  He has lots of other requirements (his grades have to be good, he can't be a jerk to us or others).  Hell, the kid looked me in the eyes and asked to forgo his allowance in order to pay for a tournament next year.  (It won't pay for all of it, but it will pay a respectable portion).

That said, he is also passionate about other sports.  Soccer, gymnastics, swimming, lacrosse, jiu-jitsu, basketball and track at school.  Every year we talk with him and define an upper limit on how much time and money will be spent to support his apparent drive to be an ultra-athlete. 

If we stifled that drive I have zero doubt he would end up trashing our car or house in some way when he vents all the energy he seems to have.  I don't think there is a savings in denying our kids their passions or dreams. 

Thankfully his younger brother mostly loves books, stories and games (and now jiu-jitsu).  The library is much cheaper than the hockey club.

[Goldielocks]

That is awesome rocketpj.

Hockey is great because it is a team sport for life, so many adult teams to join.

Just wait until the 10 to 12 year age and a second spectator sport begins, as you watch what the other parents are spending. It can be worthy of its own shame and comedy post!

The trick is to be aware of it, have a sense of humour, and get our kids onto the right level teams for the challenge and play time, with a good coach.   I am still baffled how to not participate in expensive extras not related to play, but will try more communication this year.

Hope your kids love it all. :-)

[rocketpj]

What kills me is when I see a couple of my older kid's peers, whose families are very definitely NOT wealthy.  Which is fine, but one of them plays on the 'rep' team, which means 5 games & practices a week, tons of travel (they are entering a tournament in San Diego this year - we are in BC).  All that is not my business, but the kid has been making a point of lording it over my kid that he does all this stuff - when I know his dad is barely scraping by in a very run down trailer home.  I know he works hard and loves his kids, but man I'd love to have a word with his son about not being a jerk.

That said, my kid has been seeing and learning the value of saving in the process.  I don't have to say anything - he sees the run down house with the 52 inch tv and the massive travel bill - and compares it to our decent functional and maintained house with a smallish tv, no cable and somewhat less excessive travel requirements.  And we aren't scraping by - we all eat healthy food whenever we want etc etc.

[Goldielocks]

Ha Ha,  I think that kid on the rep team is in my son's class.  I have definitely seen that "bragging / lording over" attitude.   
Thank goodness it is a phase for most of them, and they grow out of it.

We are in BC too.  I see the biggest expenses from the middle income families when it comes to supporting the rep teams and sports.  Not sure why, but it can be sports and nothing else, and they don't get it when you try to say "whoa, two out of town torunaments for a house league team?" ...   "Special coaching camp over spring break?"... etc.

[LiveLean]

Our sons, 12 and 9, are year-round competitive swimmers. The "season" never ends so, ironically, we never have a season wrap-up party!

Our costs are $3,000 a year for both. That includes everything. Equipment is minimal. They practice every weekday from 5 to 7 p.m. and also on Saturday mornings, though we usually skip those. Our swim team hosts a lot of meets, so there's little travel (though lots of parent involvement working meets). And since there are no other sports involved, the practice schedule consistent, and the same meets year after year, I've often thought it's a rather mustachian sport to be in. I was a baseball-basketball-soccer kid who didn't learn to swim properly until later in life. Swimming seems like a brutal sport, but our guys love it. I also like that you eliminate a lot of the parental politics over playing time since swimming is a meritocracy -- the clock is objective.

[mm1970]

It's interesting that this was revived yesterday.  We had NYE dinner with friends.  We used to see them a lot before we all had kids.

But then their 2 kids started soccer, swimming, and dance.

Now it's mostly dance for the daughter and soccer for the son.  But the son now is in club soccer and traveling soccer (he's 10).  So he practices 3-4 afternoons a week and travels every weekend.

They actually asked us when we were going to put our son in sports.  I said "maybe never".  I tried a bunch as a kid, and nothing really clicked until volleyball in 9th grade.  My husband also tried a bunch too, but nothing really stuck until tennis in HS and vball as a young adult.

So neither of us were obsessed or got scholarships. I did well enough to letter in my very small high school, and probably could have played in my teeny tiny college (I'm 5'2", so that's saying something).  My husband found that he was one of the only kids in college who was good enough to play a pickup game in college in just about any sport.  He was coordinated and knew the rules.  Everyone else had either never played a sport or REALLY played a sport.

I guess that's why we aren't pushing our boys to be part of a team sport so young (8 and 2).  I think it's great that my son tried soccer (didn't like it).  I think it's great that he gets to play other things - throwing a football or baseball with friends or dad, playing handball at school, playing frisbee, swimming in the pool. He's not a strong swimmer but is taking an interest in it (and we live near the ocean), so I'm thinking of looking into a swim team at the Y.

But even my friends, who I never thought we be crazy about sports, are getting crazy!  Their son didn't like soccer and wasn't good at it until age 8 or 9, then it clicked.  Then all of the coaches started asking him to join "other" teams.  I simply do not have the time to have my kid in anything after school.  I do not have the luxury of picking him up and taking him to practices.  And to do that (though they now have other parents who take him to practice), and the weekends in hotels?

I know that sports and activities cost money, but there are ways to make them not.  Music lessons or practice at school = free.  Sports lessons at school = free.  Sports teams at school = almost free.