Author Topic: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family  (Read 4445 times)

BookLoverL

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • Location: England
Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« on: January 13, 2018, 11:19:36 AM »
Since making the decision to become self-employed, I've been constantly on the lookout for opportunities to get new clients, find new income sources, and generally become a better entrepreneur. However, every time I mention my ideas to my family, even though they are theoretically supportive of self-employment and have both successfully freelanced (my mum transitioned from employee-status to self-employed status in the industry she'd previously worked in, and my dad has moved from employment to consulting and now owns a business using the same sort of skillset as he used before), they always give me negative comments. Both the industries they were/are in were high-demand industries, but for which I don't find the type of work that would be required interesting. I haven't really been looking for their approval of my ideas, but it's still a bit disheartening.

Whenever I suggest an idea I came up with to make a bit of money (not necessarily loads, but a bit) to my mum that's different from the idea I initially had as my "main" idea the first week I was self-employed, trying to think outside the box a bit and increase my success, she's all, "Oh, that won't work!" or "Who is going to buy this?" and stuff. I had an idea to make money on holiday, and she said that no one would want to pay me to do the thing I thought of because I wouldn't be a local and there wouldn't be that many people needing that particular service anyway. All I was trying to do was think of a way of covering my holiday costs while on the holiday, since they're a significant chunk of my (already low) expenses for the year, but she was being such a crab about it. I'm still planning to look for opportunities to use this idea, though.

And my dad, while much more supportive of entrepreneurship in general, keeps suggesting I drop my own ideas and take up web design instead. Please note here that while I know a little programming and web design, currently my coding skills are just about good enough to produce something out of the nineties. I only find about 20% of the web design process interesting. I don't want to put in the time it would take to get good enough at web design to do websites from scratch for paying customers. He knows this. Why does he keep suggesting it to me?

Plus, even though they keep dissing my ideas, they are putting pressure on me to earn money faster. I was trying to suggest areas where we could cut back on the household budget, and Mum said something like, "Never mind saving, how about earning more?" I thought, what do you think I'm trying to do by coming up with all these ideas and teaching myself how to market and sell things better?

I love them, I really do, but I often wish they understood my mindset better.

Anybody else have problems with unsupportive or negative friends or family?
To be free in life, first you must be free in your soul.

Blogging at https://deathtocomplacency.com

MrMoneySaver

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 154
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2018, 11:36:43 AM »
This will always be the case -- friends and family and random internet people will always shit on your self-employment ideas. It's an integral feature of self-employment.

My all-time (least) favorite phrase: "The market is saturated!" No matter the market, it's always "saturated" -- according to everyone.

You'd think the market for fast-food burgers would be saturated by now. And yet I saw a new McDonald's opening the other day.

You'll have to grow a thick skin.

BookLoverL

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • Location: England
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2018, 11:42:54 AM »
Yeah, I guess I'm working on it. They certainly haven't put me off self-employment...

It would just make the house somewhat more harmonious if all our goals were in better alignment, I guess.
To be free in life, first you must be free in your soul.

Blogging at https://deathtocomplacency.com

ysette9

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2836
  • Location: Bay Area, CA
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 06:34:48 PM »
I think you need to stop discussing your ideas with your parents. They have shown that they will poop ok whatever you come up with and suggest you do things you don’t have interest or skill in. So you know in advance what they will come out with. Unless you plan on taking their advice and living your life according to their whims, stop telling them. Seek out a more supportive ear, whether that be friends or some kind of online community.
"It'll be great!"

SC93

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 618
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 09:41:53 PM »
My all-time (least) favorite phrase: "The market is saturated!" No matter the market, it's always "saturated" -- according to everyone.

^^^ Yes!! I HATE when people say that ^^^

Once you get serious you won't mention your ideas to anyone in your household. All you are doing is intentionally asking for trouble. Knowing what they will say, why do you continue to talk about it with them? 

Maybe you need to get a regular job, learn how to make a little money, move out of your parents house and then you are free to do what you want when you want to do it. <<<< I think this might be the biggest problem you have before you start thinking about your own business.

I never really mention most of my plans with anyone... not even my wife. Just do what ever it is you want to do, why do you need their approval unless you are under age 18?
« Last Edit: January 14, 2018, 09:51:13 AM by SC93 »

elaine amj

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2341
  • Location: Ontario
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 09:59:25 PM »
One thing to remember is that your parents want the best for you. And generally would really really like you to be safe. And entrepreneurship is by its very nature risky.

My DD16 is debating career choices right now. She really likes the field I work in. I'm not so crazy about it for her and am encouraging her to pursue  a STEM degree (as chemistry is her other favourite subject) mostly because I think it will be a safer career for her. It's ultimately her choice and I will respect that. But I have no issues telling her what I think.

Sent from my STH100-1 using Tapatalk

My journal: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/realigning-spending-to-match-our-future-goals-a-canadian-journey/

Camp Mustache Canada 2017 was everything I dreamed of and more. Super excited that Camp Mustache Canada 2018 is now a thing!

BookLoverL

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • Location: England
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2018, 02:35:04 AM »
I don't need their approval - I'm 24 and paying board to them. But I don't want to just not talk to them, and I also tend to sometimes, in an environment where I feel relatively comfortable, say things without putting up too much of a filter between my brain and my mouth, so I end up occasionally mentioning things even if I wasn't really planning to...

I will try not to mention so much of my ideas to them. (I'm not worried about them stealing my ideas, though, at least.) But I can't move out yet because renting would at the very least double my living costs.
To be free in life, first you must be free in your soul.

Blogging at https://deathtocomplacency.com

elaine amj

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2341
  • Location: Ontario
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2018, 07:53:42 AM »
It makes sense. I'd suggest talking to them. Like I said earlier, likely they just want you to be safe so they are more likely to discourage risky paths. Sit them down one day and tell them about all the ideas churning in your brain and how you want to take risks, etc - especially at this time when you are still young with few responsibilities.  Ask them for their support in this and let them know that while you appreciate their concerns, there are times when you want the freedom to dream big dreams.

And that yes, u will be careful and will sit and consider pros and cons of your new idea before pursuing it. And maybe when you are at that stage, you will ask them to help you develop this list of pros and cons. Or maybe not.

The thing is to ask them to try not to interject their opinions until you ask for them. Sometimes you just need your parents to be your cheerleaders and not your coach. And that's OK too. Just keep in mind this might be rather hard for some parents - I admit it would be hard for me. This parenting gig is tough. Especially as kids get older.

Sent from my STH100-1 using Tapatalk

My journal: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/realigning-spending-to-match-our-future-goals-a-canadian-journey/

Camp Mustache Canada 2017 was everything I dreamed of and more. Super excited that Camp Mustache Canada 2018 is now a thing!

GizmoTX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1225
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2018, 09:14:25 AM »
Talk to them about your successes, what's working in your life, what you are looking forward to doing. It's natural to react to multiple entrepreneurial ideas as unfocused, risky, & impractical, especially if those you are talking to have little experience or ability to relate. 

You may need to rein in the ideas as well as they may be taking up too much time better spent on your main gig. It's natural to try to maximize your earnings but you will get further by identifying & intensely focusing on what one thing has the most potential to propel you along your chosen path. Some people fall into the trap of always seeking the next big thing & endlessly talking about it rather than actually executing.

Imma

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 980
  • Location: Europe
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2018, 09:42:45 AM »
I don't need their approval - I'm 24 and paying board to them. But I don't want to just not talk to them, and I also tend to sometimes, in an environment where I feel relatively comfortable, say things without putting up too much of a filter between my brain and my mouth, so I end up occasionally mentioning things even if I wasn't really planning to...

I will try not to mention so much of my ideas to them. (I'm not worried about them stealing my ideas, though, at least.) But I can't move out yet because renting would at the very least double my living costs.

If I were you, I would make trying to move out my main priority. See if you can find a way to earn a bit more in the short term so you can afford it. As long as you're living home, you're stuck with the parent-child dynamic. Your parents clearly don't take your ideas seriously. I can't see from here if they're right, but even if they are, they shouldn't disencourage you from trying. If you're the type to come up with new ideas all the time, and not follow up on them, I can see how they're just going to think that this is your newest idea and you'll have a different idea tomorrow.

My family is pretty negative about my fiance's business. He's in an artistic field and he's been working his way up since he was 18. He's now in his early 30s and his effort is starting to pay off, but (not yet) financially. He's more succesful than he's ever been, but he still needs a job on the side. For me it has always been clear that this is his main passion in life. He's always going to do this until he's physically not able to do so anymore. We've always been looking for ways to make it work, and one way to do so has been to buy the very cheapest house we could find so our bills are low. We could survive from one parttime income if we wanted to. A lot of our relatives are still waiting for him to 'grow up' and become an accountant or something like that. That's not going to happen and I've always known that.

He's a likeable guy and everyone in my family gets along with him, but as we get older, there are more and more snidy comments about how his work situation means that I 'have' to work instead of him 'allowing' me to stay home (I don't even want to be a housewife)) and about how it's time for us to have a family - we can't have children for medical reasons and they know. If that was to change at some point in the future, he'd probably quit his parttime side job and I'd increase my hours in the office. His own business is mostly in the evenings/weekends. I don't think that's what my family has in mind either :D

SC93

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 618
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2018, 09:55:40 AM »
Paying room & board has nothing to do with it. Once you grow up and move out, you will mature and understand more. It's for your own good. At this point in life you are trying to put the cart in front of the horse and as Dr. Phil asks..... How is that working for ya?

bwall

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 387
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2018, 03:27:06 PM »
I have to agree with the other posts that advise not to share the plans. It's a weird adjustment, I know.

Most people don't understand my line of work, including my family, and I'm sure if they were candid they might worry about something completely irrational and illogical, but there you have it. It's so bad for me that I can't tell anyone how much I've earned/saved, other than my wife.

I think that you are getting a better understanding of the phrase 'It's lonely at the top'.

BlueHouse

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2740
  • Location: WDC
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2018, 05:07:48 PM »
It sounds as if your parents are familiar with career employment and then once they were in a stable, secure place (with dual income), they each decided to go freelance.  What you want sounds a lot different -- more like gig employment or willing to do anything to cover your costs as you go.  If that's the case, then just be aware that it's very difficult for older generations to understand this new gig economy and it's also difficult for most non-mustachians to understand the idea of having to earn only enough and then stopping.  We're so programmed to keep working until a certain age, it's just a different paradigm. 

So if I'm correct in my assumption about the gig employment vs. career employment, you may want to do some research on the gig economy, get a good understanding on the differences, what you can expect, and then talk to your parents about this new way of working and why you think it's a better fit for you.  Then when they listen to you, make sure you listen to them as well. 
Good luck
 
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Richie Poor

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 57
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Texas
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2018, 03:46:06 PM »
One way to reduce the negative comments would be to succeed at just one of the ideas they were down on. That way the next time they crap on idea you can say "Remember that time you said I couldn't make money face painting in Tahiti, but I really did quiet well? Remember that time?" They would probably back off. Do that in a friendly way of course because your parents deserve respect.


Fi365

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 34
  • Age: 32
  • Location: 50 miles outside of Washington, DC
    • Fi365
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2018, 08:56:36 PM »
This will always be the case -- friends and family and random internet people will always shit on your self-employment ideas. It's an integral feature of self-employment.

My all-time (least) favorite phrase: "The market is saturated!" No matter the market, it's always "saturated" -- according to everyone.

You'd think the market for fast-food burgers would be saturated by now. And yet I saw a new McDonald's opening the other day.

You'll have to grow a thick skin.

This is my fourth year of self-employment and it still blows me away when someone comments that my field is "crowded."

"You're writing a book? But there are already books on that topic!" (No good ones!)

"You're going after that type of client? But isn't eeeeeeevvveryone already going after that type of client?"

"You blog and speak about that topic? But it's just so crowded. I don't know how you stay in business."

Salaried friends and family will never understand the self-employment world.
The steps we're taking 365 days a year to reach financial independence byÖ 45? 40? https://fi365.wordpress.com/

ePalmtrees

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 54
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #15 on: January 18, 2018, 10:21:52 AM »
Self-employed doesn't necessarily mean entrepreneurial. Even if your parents were self-employed, they may not have the mindset that is going to support the type of ideas you are having. Or, they may just be genuinely bad ideas, and your parents are right. How could we know which one?

In any case, you should try your best ideas, and even if you do fail, you'll learn something. It sounds like you shouldn't bounce ideas off your parents anymore, since their responses are a problem for you.

Find a meetup group or online forum of more like-minded people? Bounce some ideas around here?

evaporator

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 44
  • Location: Ann Arbor
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2018, 06:36:16 PM »
Not sure if this has been said yet or not, but maybe your parents are doing you a favor by telling you your ideas won't work. Maybe they won't? Given their success I'd be more inclined to hear what they say as feedback, not criticism.
Support is often overrated.
I had a friend that used to crap all over my ideas, telling me bluntly that they were awful and I'd waste a lot of time and money. I realized one day that I owed him a debt of gratitude. He was one of the few people that were willing to tell me like it was. My ideas were crap.
Because of him I did save that time and money. It takes work though to develop the ability to talk to people that love pointing out to you what will not work, without letting it get to you.

Fin Drill Instructor

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2018, 09:49:00 PM »
I don't share my ideas with people who I know will be negative about them. I don't really share much with others, period. But they are your parents and it's different. Did you try to tell them that the way they provide feedback to you is hurting you? They may not realize how they come off. You don't lose anything by telling them that you appreciate their feedback but it would be nicer if they found a way not to put you down while they are trying to help you and give you advice.

thedayisbrave

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 698
  • Location: Raleigh, NC
  • CFO @ My Life
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2018, 03:55:38 PM »
Yes, it happens.  My mom always wanted me to get a steady 9-5 corporate job.  I tried it a few times and I hated it.  So I kept jumping back into real estate sales full time.  I remember when I did it the last time and didn't give back in to the temptation of a steady paycheck.  I was painting one of my rental properties and dreading going to work the next day so I called up my mom to meet me for lunch and told her how I felt and that I was going to put in my 2 weeks notice the next day.

She had doubts, asking me how I was going to survive etc. She herself has been an entrepreneur my whole life so I've always wondered why she wanted me to go the "stable" route.

Anyway, 2 years later and my business is booming, I've hired 3 people to my team and now she brags about me to all her friends.

There will always be doubters, what's important is to listen to yourself.
ďIt is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.Ē -Ernest Hemingway

Hargrove

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 590
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2018, 04:56:33 PM »
I'll play a little devil's advocate.

Your parents are asking the right questions - questions you should be asking, too - and perhaps they're not being very warm in challenging you this way - for all I know, it may be merely toxic nay-saying - but instead of... just not talking to them... you could answer the challenge for a while and see what results you get that way.

Q: "Who is going to buy this/pay for this service?"

A: "Well Mom, according Marketresearchwebsite.com and interviews I did among the target demographic x-y year olds... I mean granted, it was a small sample size... but metrics for intent-to-purchase all look positive in my target brackets and..."

A: "Yes, good point! I needed to get a handle on the state of the industry in that regard, so I scheduled 3 lunch dates so far with Huey, Duey, and Louie at Fandamntastical Corp..."

A: "That's tough to say because what I'm doing will fill an unfilled-niche. I'm excited about that, but I need to find out if people are ready to pay for it or if I should expect to require the services of a marketing agency at this point, so to find out I'm..."

A: "Mom, don't be silly - I contacted three agencies to interview people working in the field and the industry is booming. I'll get my feet wet when it's easy, have established clientele for when it gets more difficult, and it will be extra work for me now, but it'll be worth it!"
My Marriott referral: 75k pts on 3k spend, with bonuses for adding authorized users.
 https://www.referyourchasecard.com/213/NJJAI9TCQS

Bicycle_B

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1735
  • Mustachian-ish in Live Music Capital of the World
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2018, 03:36:31 PM »
Great reply from Hargrove!

Maybe your parents feel insecure in this self-employed phase, and would prefer to go back to a "regular job", and don't want you to be insecure like them.  Like previous posters, I assume that limiting most discussion to successes, actions and research will help. 

You could also ask them how they feel about their jobs/businesses, and whether they have any clear picture of a young successful self-employed person.  You could add examples of success to their mental map if you developed a habit of interviewing successful young entrepreneurs and telling your parents about them...especially if you find concrete steps to follow from these examples, and tell your parents about these steps.  Good luck.

Bicycle_B

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1735
  • Mustachian-ish in Live Music Capital of the World
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2018, 03:37:42 PM »
PS.  Maybe you're not the only person who wants side work while traveling.  Is there an app for that, a sort of WorkBnB?  Perhaps you can start one?
« Last Edit: January 23, 2018, 04:13:44 PM by Bicycle_B »

Missy B

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 148
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #22 on: March 05, 2018, 09:49:00 PM »
Booklover, I hope you are trying out your ideas. (I'm assuming these don't require a big cash injection to get going.) You need to get some hours under your belt trying things, and if they don't work, you'll learn something and maybe get ideas for a better business. You *should* try as many different things as you have time and energy to, that's you building your work experience.
And yeah, no telling parents. Quite often there's psychological/emotional stuff behind the negativity that has absolutely nothing to do with you, personally.
They both transitioned from employee to contractor, right? They didn't build from scratch, they transitioned from established jobs. So they both probably believe that it would have been very much harder, impossible even, for them to be successfully self-employed if they'd started out that way. They might be right, they might not. But they aren't the greatest mentors for you, because they still believe in the Safety of Employment.
I am self-employed and I promise you, the real safety lies in you developing your skill sets, and following your own natural inclination to see a niche and fill it.

Kyle B

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 95
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #23 on: March 06, 2018, 10:15:16 PM »
In my experience, no one is more resistant to your changing your status than immediate family. I think it's a mistake to expect them to support you. That's just you "shoulding" on them.

Starting a business is first and foremost an attempt at self-reinvention. Family is the absolute LAST place you should look for reinvention support.

That's the polar opposite of what a family is.

asosharp

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 61
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #24 on: March 17, 2018, 09:45:59 PM »
Welcome to entrepreneurship. Your ideas are not the best/greatest thing they may have heard of, but once you are a success everyone says they were behind you 100%.

To be honest when I read your post I saw the "Who's going to buy that?" question from your mum. That's actually a really good answer and while it may seem like an objection you will face many objections as an entrepreneur and a salesperson. "But wait, I'm not a salesperson!" -- the truth is everyone is a salesperson. We all sell ideas to our friends and family. For example, "Don't do drugs!" or "Clean the dishes after you eat!" is not just a good idea - but you have to sell it so the habit or thought of not doing drugs or cleaning the dishes after you eat is ingrained into the person you are trying to persuade and convince.

So what Hargrave said is actually a good response. You have to answer those objections because you will face them in your daily life.

Entrepreneurship isn't for everyone despite the huge craze over it. Even if you want to be an entrepreneur, everyone has an idea just like everyone has probably thought "there should be an app for that!" The key is actually the execution.

So if you have an idea, you don't necessarily need to share it with your family. What you should be doing is developing a plan and testing the idea out with your target market to see if that is something that they want to pay for.

Entrepreneurship can also be a lonely ride and you are faced with immense pressure to succeed. There's also different styles of entrepreneurship because not everyone wants to dominate the world with their ideas - some people just want to do what they enjoy doing which may be having X income while they are able to fit a lot more family time in.

SwordGuy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4033
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
    • Flipping Fayetteville
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2018, 08:05:31 PM »
...there are more and more snidy comments about how his work situation means that I '...

@Imma, so sorry you're having to put up with shit from your family members.

Sometimes you just have to pull them aside, look them straight in the eye, and say, "THAT is the LAST time you will EVER make a comment like that again.   You WILL be polite and you WILL be respectful.  Is that CLEAR to you?"

And when they start to speak, just point your finger right in their face, and say, "Uh-uh."

It doesn't hurt to look like you wouldn't mind eating their liver raw, straight from their rent and bleeding carcasses.


Or, if they've got stupidity in their personal history, bring it up.   Every single time they make a snide remark.  And do it in front of every single person who heard their snide remark.   Very few people have an appetite for shoveling shit at someone when a shitstorm comes back at them.
 
Lots of other ways to handle it too, from gentle private requests to kicking them out of your residence right then and there.  "Oh, I guess you'll be staying at a hotel for the rest of the visit.  Let me help you pack - now."  And smile.  Don't forget the smile.

The one thing that won't stop them is just hoping they'll quit.   Bullying never stops for that reason.

Imma

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 980
  • Location: Europe
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #26 on: March 24, 2018, 04:44:04 AM »
...there are more and more snidy comments about how his work situation means that I '...

@Imma, so sorry you're having to put up with shit from your family members.

Sometimes you just have to pull them aside, look them straight in the eye, and say, "THAT is the LAST time you will EVER make a comment like that again.   You WILL be polite and you WILL be respectful.  Is that CLEAR to you?"

And when they start to speak, just point your finger right in their face, and say, "Uh-uh."

It doesn't hurt to look like you wouldn't mind eating their liver raw, straight from their rent and bleeding carcasses.


Or, if they've got stupidity in their personal history, bring it up.   Every single time they make a snide remark.  And do it in front of every single person who heard their snide remark.   Very few people have an appetite for shoveling shit at someone when a shitstorm comes back at them.
 
Lots of other ways to handle it too, from gentle private requests to kicking them out of your residence right then and there.  "Oh, I guess you'll be staying at a hotel for the rest of the visit.  Let me help you pack - now."  And smile.  Don't forget the smile.

The one thing that won't stop them is just hoping they'll quit.   Bullying never stops for that reason.

This situation has more or less solved itself now! My post was written in January. A while back, he had to stay over at my mum's place without me (he was in the city for work) and they got talking about his work and he was able to explain how we made this conscious choice to make it work, that we were both happy with the arrangement, that his effort is starting to pay off now etc. He also explained that while we're not rich, our bills are so extremely low that we are still able to save. It turned out my mother's main fear was that we didn't plan ahead or that we would end up on the streets because we weren't able to pay the bills. I think he was able to assure her in a friendly way that we do have a plan, the plan works out so far, and if we were to end up in financial difficulty he'd do anything (including giving up his business) to make sure the bills were paid. I think she has that fear because her own marriage ended because one person (her) earned all the money while her husband spent it all, and they ended up in big financial problems.

Bicycle_B

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1735
  • Mustachian-ish in Live Music Capital of the World
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #27 on: March 24, 2018, 08:18:19 AM »
I'm happy for you, Imma! 

Hargrove

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 590
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2018, 08:46:28 PM »
...there are more and more snidy comments about how his work situation means that I '...

@Imma, so sorry you're having to put up with shit from your family members.

Sometimes you just have to pull them aside, look them straight in the eye, and say, "THAT is the LAST time you will EVER make a comment like that again.   You WILL be polite and you WILL be respectful.  Is that CLEAR to you?"

And when they start to speak, just point your finger right in their face, and say, "Uh-uh."

It doesn't hurt to look like you wouldn't mind eating their liver raw, straight from their rent and bleeding carcasses.


Or, if they've got stupidity in their personal history, bring it up.   Every single time they make a snide remark.  And do it in front of every single person who heard their snide remark.   Very few people have an appetite for shoveling shit at someone when a shitstorm comes back at them.
 
Lots of other ways to handle it too, from gentle private requests to kicking them out of your residence right then and there.  "Oh, I guess you'll be staying at a hotel for the rest of the visit.  Let me help you pack - now."  And smile.  Don't forget the smile.

The one thing that won't stop them is just hoping they'll quit.   Bullying never stops for that reason.

This situation has more or less solved itself now! My post was written in January. A while back, he had to stay over at my mum's place without me (he was in the city for work) and they got talking about his work and he was able to explain how we made this conscious choice to make it work, that we were both happy with the arrangement, that his effort is starting to pay off now etc. He also explained that while we're not rich, our bills are so extremely low that we are still able to save. It turned out my mother's main fear was that we didn't plan ahead or that we would end up on the streets because we weren't able to pay the bills. I think he was able to assure her in a friendly way that we do have a plan, the plan works out so far, and if we were to end up in financial difficulty he'd do anything (including giving up his business) to make sure the bills were paid. I think she has that fear because her own marriage ended because one person (her) earned all the money while her husband spent it all, and they ended up in big financial problems.

Had to read this out loud to my SO, who laughed. Reversed roles (she's doing the art career, I'm at the office), almost otherwise the same situation. Hurray that it's all cleared up!
My Marriott referral: 75k pts on 3k spend, with bonuses for adding authorized users.
 https://www.referyourchasecard.com/213/NJJAI9TCQS

Malkynn

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 762
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #29 on: March 26, 2018, 06:08:10 AM »
OP: I think as long as you are living with your parents, they are going to impose their parenting on you and a fundamental part of parenting is worrying about their kid.

A parent is going to have a hard time feeling like their adult child is on a productive path if they canít afford to move out and have yet to produce a viable plan for self sufficiency. Itís a normal thing for a parent of a non-self-sufficient child to worry about them and doubt the path they are on. You canít hold this against your parents, itís a normal reaction.

My parents questioned and judged when I decided to bail on doing a PhD in the field that I had been doing research in for 6 years, then taking a part time job as a childrenís entertainer and taking first year undergrad classes so that I could apply for a completely different program ina completely different industry. Sometimes it hurt to be directly doubted, but I understood and respected their fears and knew that I would prove myself in time.

I knew I was on the right path, and years later Iím very happy and successful, but at the time I was broke, in my late 20s, living with a pile of roommates and looking like I might just stay in school forever. I completely understood their concerns because I have a few brothers and cousins who never actually figured their shit out and have floundered  well into their 40s, even after having kids themselves, and have come back many times with their hands out for financial support from their parents. It happens, A LOT and parents legitimately worry about it.

Itís a parentís nightmare to have a kid wander off of the path and they worry about you never becoming self sufficient. So if your ideas are a bit pie in the sky and seem unrealistic, chances are that scares your parents shitless about your future...and theirs.

Itís not that parents donít have faith in their kids, itís that no one should really have faith in anyone unproven who hasnít accomplished anything yet and hasnít yet shown that they have what it takes to succeed.

This is a normal part of life, you need to prove yourself before people will support you in your ambitions. You have to respect that your parents have a right and even an obligation to be concerned about your future and you have an obligation to respect that and acknowledge that your current path may be emotionally taxing for them.

Now, you can tell your parents ďlook guys, Iím going to do this with or without your support and your negative comments are not going to change my mind, so please try to be constructive without making me feel put down when I come to you with ideas. I know theyíre not all winners, but Iím just trying to explore everything right now and think outside the box, so I donít want you to worry when I throw out ideas that might not work, it doesnít mean I lack common sense. You donít need to worry about me, and I appreciate you letting me live here while I figure out how to do this best and I really really value and respect your input.Ē

Are you going to be a successful entrepreneur? Who knows, I hope you will, but I also know countless people who have tried and failed. That doesnít mean you should feel discouraged, that just means youíre going to have to accomplish something before people are convinced that what you are planning on is a good idea. Thatís just fair and reasonable and should be expected and accepted.

lifewithbenandjen

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 22
  • Age: 26
  • Location: Chicago, IL
  • Freedom to help others!
    • www.lifewithbenandjen.com
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #30 on: April 04, 2018, 10:08:11 AM »
OP: I think as long as you are living with your parents, they are going to impose their parenting on you and a fundamental part of parenting is worrying about their kid.

A parent is going to have a hard time feeling like their adult child is on a productive path if they canít afford to move out and have yet to produce a viable plan for self sufficiency. Itís a normal thing for a parent of a non-self-sufficient child to worry about them and doubt the path they are on. You canít hold this against your parents, itís a normal reaction.

My parents questioned and judged when I decided to bail on doing a PhD in the field that I had been doing research in for 6 years, then taking a part time job as a childrenís entertainer and taking first year undergrad classes so that I could apply for a completely different program ina completely different industry. Sometimes it hurt to be directly doubted, but I understood and respected their fears and knew that I would prove myself in time.

I knew I was on the right path, and years later Iím very happy and successful, but at the time I was broke, in my late 20s, living with a pile of roommates and looking like I might just stay in school forever. I completely understood their concerns because I have a few brothers and cousins who never actually figured their shit out and have floundered  well into their 40s, even after having kids themselves, and have come back many times with their hands out for financial support from their parents. It happens, A LOT and parents legitimately worry about it.

Itís a parentís nightmare to have a kid wander off of the path and they worry about you never becoming self sufficient. So if your ideas are a bit pie in the sky and seem unrealistic, chances are that scares your parents shitless about your future...and theirs.

Itís not that parents donít have faith in their kids, itís that no one should really have faith in anyone unproven who hasnít accomplished anything yet and hasnít yet shown that they have what it takes to succeed.

This is a normal part of life, you need to prove yourself before people will support you in your ambitions. You have to respect that your parents have a right and even an obligation to be concerned about your future and you have an obligation to respect that and acknowledge that your current path may be emotionally taxing for them.

Now, you can tell your parents ďlook guys, Iím going to do this with or without your support and your negative comments are not going to change my mind, so please try to be constructive without making me feel put down when I come to you with ideas. I know theyíre not all winners, but Iím just trying to explore everything right now and think outside the box, so I donít want you to worry when I throw out ideas that might not work, it doesnít mean I lack common sense. You donít need to worry about me, and I appreciate you letting me live here while I figure out how to do this best and I really really value and respect your input.Ē

Are you going to be a successful entrepreneur? Who knows, I hope you will, but I also know countless people who have tried and failed. That doesnít mean you should feel discouraged, that just means youíre going to have to accomplish something before people are convinced that what you are planning on is a good idea. Thatís just fair and reasonable and should be expected and accepted.


Everything said here is gold! I also struggle with fear of telling my parents that I am leaving a very lucrative job to pursue my dreams, but like everything in life, when you lookat things from their point of view, you realize they are not actually against you. You have to take what they say with a grain of salt and not be defensive against it. They are going to be the most supportive people in  your life because, at the end of the day, they actually can't sleep well if you aren't well; anyone else you meet really won't care. Don't forget that.
www.lifewithbenandjen.com

Tag along to see how we gain financial freedom in order to move to Kenya to follow our dream of helping orphans!

Strick

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 295
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2018, 10:28:57 AM »
OP: I think as long as you are living with your parents, they are going to impose their parenting on you and a fundamental part of parenting is worrying about their kid.

A parent is going to have a hard time feeling like their adult child is on a productive path if they canít afford to move out and have yet to produce a viable plan for self sufficiency. Itís a normal thing for a parent of a non-self-sufficient child to worry about them and doubt the path they are on. You canít hold this against your parents, itís a normal reaction.

My parents questioned and judged when I decided to bail on doing a PhD in the field that I had been doing research in for 6 years, then taking a part time job as a childrenís entertainer and taking first year undergrad classes so that I could apply for a completely different program ina completely different industry. Sometimes it hurt to be directly doubted, but I understood and respected their fears and knew that I would prove myself in time.

I knew I was on the right path, and years later Iím very happy and successful, but at the time I was broke, in my late 20s, living with a pile of roommates and looking like I might just stay in school forever. I completely understood their concerns because I have a few brothers and cousins who never actually figured their shit out and have floundered  well into their 40s, even after having kids themselves, and have come back many times with their hands out for financial support from their parents. It happens, A LOT and parents legitimately worry about it.

Itís a parentís nightmare to have a kid wander off of the path and they worry about you never becoming self sufficient. So if your ideas are a bit pie in the sky and seem unrealistic, chances are that scares your parents shitless about your future...and theirs.

Itís not that parents donít have faith in their kids, itís that no one should really have faith in anyone unproven who hasnít accomplished anything yet and hasnít yet shown that they have what it takes to succeed.

This is a normal part of life, you need to prove yourself before people will support you in your ambitions. You have to respect that your parents have a right and even an obligation to be concerned about your future and you have an obligation to respect that and acknowledge that your current path may be emotionally taxing for them.

Now, you can tell your parents ďlook guys, Iím going to do this with or without your support and your negative comments are not going to change my mind, so please try to be constructive without making me feel put down when I come to you with ideas. I know theyíre not all winners, but Iím just trying to explore everything right now and think outside the box, so I donít want you to worry when I throw out ideas that might not work, it doesnít mean I lack common sense. You donít need to worry about me, and I appreciate you letting me live here while I figure out how to do this best and I really really value and respect your input.Ē

Are you going to be a successful entrepreneur? Who knows, I hope you will, but I also know countless people who have tried and failed. That doesnít mean you should feel discouraged, that just means youíre going to have to accomplish something before people are convinced that what you are planning on is a good idea. Thatís just fair and reasonable and should be expected and accepted.


Everything said here is gold! I also struggle with fear of telling my parents that I am leaving a very lucrative job to pursue my dreams, but like everything in life, when you look at things from their point of view, you realize they are not actually against you. You have to take what they say with a grain of salt and not be defensive against it. They are going to be the most supportive people in  your life because, at the end of the day, they actually can't sleep well if you aren't well; anyone else you meet really won't care. Don't forget that.

All very goods points here.  I was thinking similarly in that, if I were to meet you for the first time at a bar and have a beer with you, and you told me all this I'd just say "that sounds really great you're trying to follow your interests", "I'm sure if you work hard enough it'll all work out", etc, because that's frankly the easy way out.  All I can do as an acquaintance is maybe make you happy with my approval for the moment.... and given I have no vested interest in your success there's no reason for me to bring you down...

But I do also know people where the negativity is just ingrained no matter what.  I have a friend thats parents were negative when he decided not to go to college, negative about his career pursuits, negative about his first house purchase along the lines of maybe he cant really afford it...and now that he's extremely successful and he told them about the new home he is buying for his large family their response was along the lines of "it must be nice to be so lucky you don't have to worry about money..." (I would have pulled my hair out on that one....)  Only you are in a position to know which you're getting...

LessIsLess

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 90
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #32 on: April 16, 2018, 03:21:25 PM »
Once you make your mind, if all you're getting is negativity, you need to go deaf. 
Or move away and cut off communications with doubters.

MoustacheDArgent

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 23
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #33 on: April 24, 2018, 12:21:23 AM »
The important thing is to test your ideas out in the real world.  It doesn't really matter whether your parents like or dislike your ideas.  If you have an idea, try it out, that's the only way to know if it's going to work.  This is all wasted energy focusing on what your parents think. Their opinions are irrelevant.

My mother thought my latest venture was a horrible idea and told me not to do it.  It's been very successful. 

Don't take advice from people who haven't done what you are trying to do.   Take advice from people who are successful in the field you are working in.  Ignore the rest. 

undercover

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 758
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #34 on: April 30, 2018, 06:59:32 AM »
I think it's wise to seek advice if it's something that involves risk. With an idea that requires a significant amount of risk, you should gather as much honest and truthful feedback as possible from those around you. I think in general that your family isn't the best source even though they know you well. They're too biased because you sprung from them so they automatically assume you carry the same world view and goals as them. I don't agree that you necessarily need to move out, but if you have the feeling that you're living in their world much more than your own then it could definitely be beneficial. Given that you're paying your way where you are, I doubt you have very much of that feeling - but it sounds like it could still be there even if only a little.

If it's not a risky idea, then what good is it to tell anyone what you're doing? If it doesn't take any (or very little) money then you don't need to be that worried about what anyone else thinks.

Success begets success. The more successful you are, the more likely someone will be to assume you will be more successful in the future. People will have less and less reason to doubt you . But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be constantly questioning things and improving yourself. There's always room to grow and gathering feedback along the way is a great way to improve, so I wouldn't ever look at as a negative unless you truly feel you're just dealing with overly pessimistic people. I also think that given the human tendency to conserve brain energy, most people just don't give that much thought into what you're even saying or don't want to imagine a world beyond their own.

In general though, the desire to do something has to outweigh the opinions of others or it will never get done. If you need approval to start, you will never get started and you sure as hell won't finish. I think what's so appealing about starting something is the idea of it coming to fruition and getting those first customers so that you know you're onto something. It's that rush that you're chasing, not so much huge success and lots of money. But if you keep chasing it, those things are likely to come with it.
Every solution has a problem

lexde

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1127
  • Age: 28
Re: Entrepreneurship And Negative Comments From Family
« Reply #35 on: April 30, 2018, 09:59:09 AM »
If someone isn’t supportive of your drive to be successful, especially as a self-employed person, I would stop discussing that topic with them. Going out on your own is hard enough without fighting additional negativity.

Do you have a brainstorm or entrepreneur group you can share with instead? Or a friend or different family member? Maybe you can hype those people up and get them to work with you on some projects, too.

It sucks because you always want your family’s support, but sometimes it’s better to put them on a need-to-know basis on those things instead if all you get is pushback.