Author Topic: Should I move out?  (Read 2914 times)

seero23

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Should I move out?
« on: July 31, 2017, 07:05:16 PM »
I recently graduated and started a new job making around 50k. Right now, I'm living for free at my sister's place (with brother in law and a 5yo nephew). It's like a 15 min drive to my workplace. I contribute in groceries and some random things but it's never over $150/month. We get along pretty well and we've never had any issues in the past two years.

Thing is, I'm starting to feel like it's time to move out on my own (having roommates isn't an option). First, I'm really not good with kids. I love my nephew to death, but I can't stand all the drama and noise that comes with kids. Also, there isn't really a lot of privacy (for neither of us). I'm not comfortable bringing friends/dates over, etc. Third, I've been wanting to live on my own for a while now, but I was just waiting to start a decent paying job.

Right now, I have 10k in savings, no debt, and am pretty much saving 80% of my income. Living on my own will cost me around $1000/month (incl utilities), which will significantly decrease my savings contribution. Should I do it, wait, or consider some other options?

JLee

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2017, 07:17:23 PM »
I recently graduated and started a new job making around 50k. Right now, I'm living for free at my sister's place (with brother in law and a 5yo nephew). It's like a 15 min drive to my workplace. I contribute in groceries and some random things but it's never over $150/month. We get along pretty well and we've never had any issues in the past two years.

Thing is, I'm starting to feel like it's time to move out on my own (having roommates isn't an option). First, I'm really not good with kids. I love my nephew to death, but I can't stand all the drama and noise that comes with kids. Also, there isn't really a lot of privacy (for neither of us). I'm not comfortable bringing friends/dates over, etc. Third, I've been wanting to live on my own for a while now, but I was just waiting to start a decent paying job.

Right now, I have 10k in savings, no debt, and am pretty much saving 80% of my income. Living on my own will cost me around $1000/month (incl utilities), which will significantly decrease my savings contribution. Should I do it, wait, or consider some other options?

I couldn't live with kids either. I've had (mostly) exceptional luck with roommates and have often preferred having people around than not, though I understand the desire to live alone.

What sort of housing can you get for $1k a month? Could you downsize and get something less expensive?

Paul der Krake

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2017, 07:35:09 PM »
Why aren't roommates an option?

seero23

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2017, 07:45:47 PM »


I couldn't live with kids either. I've had (mostly) exceptional luck with roommates and have often preferred having people around than not, though I understand the desire to live alone.

What sort of housing can you get for $1k a month? Could you downsize and get something less expensive?

The one bedroom apartments I'm looking at are actually in the range of $700-780, but I'm assuming the monthly bills will add it up a bit.

seero23

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2017, 07:46:21 PM »
Why aren't roommates an option?

Because I'd rather stay where I'm at right now with people I know and trust rather than having to go through the painful process of vetting roommates.


JLee

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2017, 07:48:22 PM »
Why aren't roommates an option?

Because I'd rather stay where I'm at right now with people I know and trust rather than having to go through the painful process of vetting roommates.

I thought you "couldn't stand" the drama of kids.  Vetting roommates is worse? You're in a position where you don't have to leave -- you could take all the time you wanted to find an ideal living situation.

seero23

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2017, 07:55:06 PM »
Why aren't roommates an option?

Because I'd rather stay where I'm at right now with people I know and trust rather than having to go through the painful process of vetting roommates.

I thought you "couldn't stand" the drama of kids.  Vetting roommates is worse? You're in a position where you don't have to leave -- you could take all the time you wanted to find an ideal living situation.

That's a good point. But the main reason I want to move out is to have my own privacy. I'm just not sure if that's possible with a roommate.

Miss Piggy

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2017, 07:59:53 PM »
I recently graduated and started a new job making around 50k. Right now, I'm living for free at my sister's place (with brother in law and a 5yo nephew). It's like a 15 min drive to my workplace. I contribute in groceries and some random things but it's never over $150/month.

Your sister and her husband generously let you live with them for free (pretty much) while you were in college. Now that you've graduated and you're making real money, I would consider it mooching (my definition of it, anyway). But you're talking about going from one extreme to the other (free to full price with no roommate). A roommate would be a happy medium if you think you can do it.

2Cent

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2017, 12:05:35 AM »
Move out ASAP. No matter how good your relationship is, overstaying can spoil it. You don't want to wait until they have to ask you to leave. This should not be a financial decision. Just take it as a fact that you should move. If you leave now, you can always visit, or stay over a few days etc. Especially if it's close to work.

If you're making 50k you should still manage to save quite a bit.

jezebel

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2017, 08:45:29 AM »
Your sister and her husband generously let you live with them for free (pretty much) while you were in college. Now that you've graduated and you're making real money, I would consider it mooching (my definition of it, anyway). But you're talking about going from one extreme to the other (free to full price with no roommate). A roommate would be a happy medium if you think you can do it.
Move out ASAP. No matter how good your relationship is, overstaying can spoil it. You don't want to wait until they have to ask you to leave. This should not be a financial decision. Just take it as a fact that you should move. If you leave now, you can always visit, or stay over a few days etc. Especially if it's close to work.

If you're making 50k you should still manage to save quite a bit.
Yes to these.

Oh dear, you have been living with your sister and her husband and young child for two years.  Move out, dude, like yesterday! Your number one consideration for moving should be your sister's family's comfort, privacy, financial needs, etc, not your own.  They have been more than generous and you are in the wrong head space here.

We had a close family member stay with us for about a year while finishing college and getting back on track.  We waited a few months after the graduation for an indication of a move-out plan, but nothing was said. 

Finally we had to ask him about it and it turns that he was planning to stay for another year or so(!) while saving for a down payment on a house.  This person frequently ate out but never paid rent or offered to babysit our young child (though bought most of his own groceries), so it felt hugely disrespectful that he was living off us to further his goals without any consideration for ours.

He had no idea, by the way, that we wanted him to leave prior to this conversation (we didn't want to be rude), so don't assume it's ok to stay.  Make a plan, on your own, to leave, and discuss it with them immediately.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2017, 09:38:28 AM by jezebel »

LadyStache in Baja

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2017, 09:00:56 AM »
You should either move out or pay your sister utilities and rent (1/3 of the market value of a 2-bdr house).

It's really self-centered to worry about your savings rate (which is 80% for god's sake ;) ) while also living for free in your sister's place.

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GizmoTX

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2017, 10:30:06 AM »
I agree -- it's time to move out. The very generous arrangement with your sister was for college, which is now over. You should now tackle your own life on your own & let your sister's family lead theirs. It's not about your convenience or finances. Don't assume they're fine with you staying because they haven't said anything. Even if they beg you to stay, which I very much doubt, it's time to be responsible for your own life.

We allowed our nephew to live in our vacation home so he could concentrate on his studies at a local community college for a year or two to transition to a 4 year university. Two months later, he quit his part time job. He went on academic probation twice, making the university path unlikely, so he wisely switched to a 1 year certificate program for technicians in tv, film, & radio. Three summers after he moved in, still no job or certificate, sleeping until noon, & playing video games to all hours. Meanwhile, our son, 2 years younger, was working full time during summers & attending full time university the other 9 months. Realizing that we were enabling our nephew's behavior, we told him it was time to leave. We were surprised at the relief we felt -- we'd been unconsciously tiptoeing around him & getting angry. A year later, he's 25 & living with his parents, still with no job & without contributing -- why not, it's easy. It's for sure not what an adult does. We really feel sad & concerned for him.

2Cent

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2017, 12:12:27 AM »
He had no idea, by the way, that we wanted him to leave prior to this conversation (we didn't want to be rude), so don't assume it's ok to stay.  Make a plan, on your own, to leave, and discuss it with them immediately.
This is actually the main thing. I don't think they would mind you staying for a bit more, but it makes all the difference if you let them know that you will move in a certain time frame without them having to tell you. Also it lets them know you appreciate their generosity and don't take it for granted.

Don't feel bad. It is common for people who stay with family to assume it will be the same as when you lived with your parents until you're told. Be happy its the internet instead of your family telling you.

Fun fact, the concept of joint families, or different families living in the same house is actually how it used to be for ages. The thing is that all the earnings would also go to the head of the house who would take care of the bills. Only after the industrialization people started moving out to cities and living on their own.

patchyfacialhair

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2017, 02:04:13 PM »
living alone is a luxury, and plenty of folks seem to forget that it comes at a cost. you have an excellent set up right now to stash cash, and aren't being pushed out, just be patient, hit up craigslist, and find someone who matches what you're looking for in a roommate.

all of a sudden it's a win for everyone: lower rent than living alone, and you're out of the family's house.

SwordGuy

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2017, 02:49:50 PM »
And when you move out (which should be soon!), make sure you get or make your hosts something really special so they will know how very much you appreciate what they did for you.


nouveauRiche

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2017, 04:35:26 PM »
And when you move out (which should be soon!), make sure you get or make your hosts something really special so they will know how very much you appreciate what they did for you.

Agree with this.  Either a gift or some cash, now that you're making good money.  And start paying them rent (and helping around the house, if you aren't already).

Have you talked to your sister & brother in law about this?  It could be that they're dying for you to move out but are too nice to say so.  It could be that they're fine with you staying indefinitely.  It would be good to know this before you decide on a timeline for leaving.


ChpBstrd

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2017, 01:35:48 PM »
Here's a best-of-both worlds option: buy a duplex!

You'll get the privacy of your own unit while earnings from the other unit reduce your cost of living.

For now, you should start paying rent immediately, even as you save for the down payment on a duplex. No need to burn a generous family member. However, under NO circumstances rent the other side of your duplex to a family member or friend.

Cwadda

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #17 on: August 18, 2017, 02:21:19 PM »
I recently graduated and started a new job making around 50k. Right now, I'm living for free at my sister's place (with brother in law and a 5yo nephew). It's like a 15 min drive to my workplace. I contribute in groceries and some random things but it's never over $150/month. We get along pretty well and we've never had any issues in the past two years.

Thing is, I'm starting to feel like it's time to move out on my own (having roommates isn't an option). First, I'm really not good with kids. I love my nephew to death, but I can't stand all the drama and noise that comes with kids. Also, there isn't really a lot of privacy (for neither of us). I'm not comfortable bringing friends/dates over, etc. Third, I've been wanting to live on my own for a while now, but I was just waiting to start a decent paying job.

Right now, I have 10k in savings, no debt, and am pretty much saving 80% of my income. Living on my own will cost me around $1000/month (incl utilities), which will significantly decrease my savings contribution. Should I do it, wait, or consider some other options?

Why can't you have roommates that are not kids? I.e. your same age group?

Why do you feel the need to live alone?
« Last Edit: August 18, 2017, 02:24:38 PM by Cwadda »

Mustache_Wallace

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #18 on: August 18, 2017, 03:20:33 PM »
Do you have friends or know at least some familiar faces trying to move into their own place? I'd hate living with strangers too. I live with two friends and one of their girlfriends. That being said, I'm starting to want my own place but since I work nights, I never see any of them.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #19 on: September 03, 2017, 08:43:45 PM »
I agree that it is time to move out.  Until you find the right spot, start paying proper rent.

A 2 bedroom apartment with a room-mate might meet your needs.  You would have privacy, someone to share expenses, usually 2-bedroom apartments are not twice the rent of one-bedrooms, plus the living areas tend to be larger as well.
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Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #20 on: September 03, 2017, 11:09:30 PM »
I agree that it is time to move out.  Until you find the right spot, start paying proper rent.

A 2 bedroom apartment with a room-mate might meet your needs.  You would have privacy, someone to share expenses, usually 2-bedroom apartments are not twice the rent of one-bedrooms, plus the living areas tend to be larger as well.

This.  Pay rent now, start the conversation about leaving, and start looking now.

As for roommates, try it. It's the single best thing you'll do financially. You're saying you're fine spending tons of money now when you're in the best position in your life to save. It'll only get tougher as you add spouse, kids, and so on (for most anyway).

Also, you want experience living with others if you ever get married. It'll help. You'll know what you like and don't, what to look for, and be used to difficult situations. It's helpful.

If you like privacy, you can get a two bedroom with a larger bedroom or a private bath or whatever. It'll still be way cheaper.

Plus, you can find great roommates.  My last roommate became best man at my wedding, actually. (And he's now dating my sister in law, go figure.)

Anyway, I know you're fresh out on your own, but if you want to plan for the future and set yourself up, strongly consider a little discomfort for massive savings. Otherwise, you put yourself on a big spending path...

farfromfire

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #21 on: September 04, 2017, 02:42:28 AM »
At the risk of being a hypocrite -- save your valuable time, people. OP stopped responding a long time ago and hasn't even logged in during the past month.

human

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #22 on: September 04, 2017, 05:32:52 AM »
If the person asking this question is over 18 the answer to this question will always be yes. It's time to leave the family nest. You can always get roomates for cheap housing.

Oops thread ressurection. I love it when posters don't get the validation they want and then just quietly disapper.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2017, 05:35:44 AM by human »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #23 on: September 04, 2017, 07:43:00 AM »
At the risk of being a hypocrite -- save your valuable time, people. OP stopped responding a long time ago and hasn't even logged in during the past month.

You are right - 4 posts, all here.  We should have sent him/her off to read the MMM blog first.  And as the saying goes, you can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.  But why bother posting if you are going to run away from answers you don't like?
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Bicycle_B

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #24 on: September 04, 2017, 01:14:04 PM »
At the risk of being a hypocrite -- save your valuable time, people. OP stopped responding a long time ago and hasn't even logged in during the past month.

You are right - 4 posts, all here.  We should have sent him/her off to read the MMM blog first.  And as the saying goes, you can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.  But why bother posting if you are going to run away from answers you don't like?

LOL.  He probably thought we'd tell him to stay where it's cheap instead of paying evil rent. 

Your fellow in hypocrisy,

BB

RetiredAt63

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #25 on: September 04, 2017, 02:29:36 PM »
At the risk of being a hypocrite -- save your valuable time, people. OP stopped responding a long time ago and hasn't even logged in during the past month.

You are right - 4 posts, all here.  We should have sent him/her off to read the MMM blog first.  And as the saying goes, you can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.  But why bother posting if you are going to run away from answers you don't like?

LOL.  He probably thought we'd tell him to stay where it's cheap instead of paying evil rent. 

Your fellow in hypocrisy,

BB

We are frugal here, not cheap.  And we feel for the sister in all this.
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rdaneel0

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #26 on: September 10, 2017, 09:11:39 PM »
It's time to move out (after cooking them a giant thank you dinner). I think it's unrealistic to get your own place unless you're in a very LCOL area. I also think you might be overlooking the potential benefits of having roommates.

I lived with lots of different roommates over the years and had mostly great experiences. Roommates offer lots of opportunities to meet new people and do new things. My past roommates are some of my closest friends to this day and we still have a blast when we hang out, plus I met my spouse through one of them. Yes, you have to share a space, but that's just a trade off for having way lower rent, a higher savings rate, and the potential for a little random fun.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2017, 09:15:34 PM by rdaneel0 »
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clarkfan1979

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #27 on: September 11, 2017, 01:30:40 AM »
It's time to move out (after cooking them a giant thank you dinner). I think it's unrealistic to get your own place unless you're in a very LCOL area. I also think you might be overlooking the potential benefits of having roommates.

I lived with lots of different roommates over the years and had mostly great experiences. Roommates offer lots of opportunities to meet new people and do new things. My past roommates are some of my closest friends to this day and we still have a blast when we hang out, plus I met my spouse through one of them. Yes, you have to share a space, but that's just a trade off for having way lower rent, a higher savings rate, and the potential for a little random fun.

If you rented your own place for one year it wouldn't destroy you financially. However, I'm willing to bet that after one year of social isolation and much higher bills you will come to the conclusion that it's not worth it. Most people are trying to tell you this before you do it. However, it might be better for you to experience it for yourself. I say go for it.

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Should I move out?
« Reply #28 on: September 12, 2017, 03:30:50 PM »
I can only share, if I could go back in time: l lived with family while in school, then had roommates and was desperate to have my own place. Got my own place, loved the freedom, got lonely, got a cat and then got married. Nothing wrong with any of it. Flash forward to discovering MMM and wishing I had been smarter, saved more by sharing places instead of having my own place. I wasted a lot of money for no real gain.

Also, agree with everyone that you should give your Sis and family a nice thank you present, think of how much they've saved you!