From my perspective: You have an income problem at this point, not a spending problem. But before I talk about that, repeat this:
I will not donate other people's money
You're talking about tithing, saving for your kids' education and inheritance or whatever, and it all seems like a dream. What money are you saving? Your income isn't your money--it's the debtors' money. Getting a loan to give money to other people is not the same as giving your money to other people.
With that said, you need to learn more about protected assets in your state. Once you know that, you can either make a plan for bankruptcy or realize that it isn't an option. I would guess that bankruptcy is more palatable than the latter is, but unfortunately, the future is going to be bleak regardless.
This brings to mind the manager/CEO in Breaking Bad who owed so much money that a (relatively small) check wasn't actually going to fix his problems. You've reached the point where you don't have significant cuts you can make to your (estimated) budget: Selling your house doesn't help because you haven't built up equity in it yet; your car, while inefficient, is nearly paid off; you could sell your other car (your wife's car?) but ostensibly you'll still need a second car, so the realized gain isn't particularly high; your entertain and restaurant budgets are insignificant, as are the potential savings in your grocery bill.
That's your income problem. You will need thousands of dollars more per month than you're currently making, and that money can only be used to repay your loans. It cannot be used for any other purpose
; otherwise, you'll have converted your income problem into a spending problem, which is surely how you got to this place to begin with. I don't have any ideas for ways to increase your income by that much per month or else I would already be doing that, and usually you have to spend money to make money. (I will not donate other people's money.
Is your debt problem unique? Is it dire? Is it insurmountable? No. The good news: You can do this! The bad news as well as the reality: You're going to either declare bankruptcy or live in (spending) poverty for the next decade or so unless you stumble upon a buried treasure chest.
The reason I say that is because you simply don't have enough money to address your loans and you'll need to be committed to not spending anything extra for years and years. No vacations, no time off, no movies, etc. Assuming you want to pay your loans back, the order you should do that is:
Amount Rate Payment Comments
Loan #1 $4,676 35.90% $177 7?
Loan #2 $4,278 27.98% $194 6
CC #9 $1,000 26.24% $41 3
CC #1 $2,588 25.99% $28 4
CC #2 $2,279 24.99% $72 5
CC #3 $7,997 24.49% $198
Loan #3 $882 20.00% $284 1
CC #4 $8,447 15.49% $231
CC #5 $4,376 14.90% $109
Loan #4 $31,148 10.75% $720
Student loan #1 $49,036 6.88% $368
Auto loan #1 $25,868 4.09% $515 Honda Pilot
Auto loan #2 $1,172 3.84% $525 Nissan Frontier 2
Student loan #2 $4,066 3.63% $86
401K loan $27,743 3.25% $565
Student loan #3 $2,508 2.75% $108
CC #6 $17,711 2.00% $339 5-year pmt plan
CC #7 $2,032 0.00% $78 7?
CC #8 $16,662 0.00% $309 5-year pmt plan
IRS $17,290 $240 Requesting 72 month pmt plan
Total: $231,758 $5,187
Ordinarily, you're supposed to pay debt based on the highest interest rates to lowest rates, but because you have an income problem instead of a spending problem, I'd aim at unlocking more money per month before reducing your $230k balance. This order will give you almost $1,400 more per month that you can use to repay your other loans with. Unfortunately, though, you won't have any money to spend while you're doing this, and I don't think your family will be thrilled at that prospect.
Do you think your wife could get a credit card if she applied? Or could you get another one? I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts on this, but why bother having the emergency fund at all here? If either of you could get another credit card during an emergency, what's the downside of using it instead of paying in cash? More debt? They're already down $230k. I'd definitely prioritize freeing up that $1,400/mo by immediately repaying those loans, but I'm positive lots of people would be uncomfortable spending the emergency fund on existing debt. It seems like you're already in an emergency, and my guess is that you've been utilizing this strategy already in order to collect that many credit cards.
I have no knowledge of IRS policies in this context, but I would get more information about that and then decide whether to focus on repaying that or the other loans with the $1,400 per month.
The bleak outlook here is that even with an extra $1,400/mo (from repaying those loans), that's only $16,800/yr, or $168,000/decade. Selling your house eliminates your mortgage payments, but then I'm guessing your rent payments won't be considerably smaller. I wish it were easier to make $230,000 quickly (and with 0% interest), but short of a windfall, you're looking at working a lot.