Protecting my savings from my more-spendy family

[GizmoTX]

I have two siblings who are constantly running short of money, and my mother has been giving them large cash gifts - to the point where when I sat down with her to review her finances, I found she has no savings, is spending every bit of her income, and is likely foregoing needed medical care because she can't afford it.  She has early Alzheimer's and is easily being taken advantage of by the sob stories from those two.  Fortunately, my mother has a financial advisor who is reviewing her expenses and telling her that the gifts have to stop.  I've said that too, but the outside person will make more of an impression.  I'm seriously considering more drastic measures, like opening an elder abuse case against my sister, if I see another $6000 transfer.

In my mother’s final years, she came to me crying about two of my adult siblings running up credit card bills & not reimbursing her at all. She had made them authorized users when they were sharing the same house & she could collect from them in person; they had terrible credit. When the house was sold & they moved far away from each other, the reimbursements stopped while continuing to rack up thousands. Of course my first response was to have her cancel their cards, but she was still afraid they would be bereft in an ‘emergency’. We reviewed their charges — all frivolous. She just didn’t want to confront them even tho they were harming her — she wanted me to. So I did, with the expected fury from the sibs, but by that time I was so disgusted with them that I didn’t care.

Somehow you have to put a preventative block on your mother’s remaining assets & credit — she is unable to fend off manipulation. Once funds are gifted, they are gone.  Leave her with a small allowance & be her trustee for everything else.

[freya]

The financial advisor is going to monitor her investment account periodically and will let me know about future transfers.  And, I have my mom's bank account login.

Also, once I calm down a bit I will talk to my sister & brother directly...I'm sure that will not go well, just like Gizmo's experience but I have to make it clear to them that Bank of Mom needs to not be an option.  Hopefully they'll react like responsible adults, but if not...I won't miss them.

Anyway sorry for derailing a bit, OP, but at least you know you're not the only one with this problem.  Savers are just too easy to victimize.

[ender]

Worth reading - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws

[Villanelle]

Worth reading - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws

Just out of curiosity, if the child and parent reside in different states, which state's law would apply.  If mom lives in a filial responsibility state and child doesn't, it seems like the child wouldn't be subject to laws of the parent's state.  Is that correct? 

[TomTX]

I'm seriously considering more drastic measures, like opening an elder abuse case against my sister, if I see another $6000 transfer.

Your mother is diagnosed with Alzheimers. Get appointed as the financial guardian and start elder abuse proceedings.

[BlueHouse]

I've said that too, but the outside person will make more of an impression.

This is so frustrating.  We help them every day for years, but if you try to give them advice, they trust a stranger more.  Happens to me all the time.  Also, my mom will trust ANY MAN over a woman (her age and seeing men as authority figures I guess).  It's so maddening.

[TomTX]

Also, once I calm down a bit I will talk to my sister & brother directly...I'm sure that will not go well, just like Gizmo's experience but I have to make it clear to them that Bank of Mom needs to not be is no longer and never will again an option.  Hopefully they'll react like responsible adults, but if not...I won't miss them.

Don't leave weasel room, or let them think it's optional.