Need perspective and help tweaking habits

[PNW]

Background: found MMM a few months ago and went through a phase of decluttering and cutting down on spending. At this point I’m fairly happy with where we’re at but wanted to get some input from fellow MMM’ers to see where else we might be able to optimize, based on our lifestyle and goals. Taxes/investing aren’t big issues for me at this point so I’ve just included after-tax income and a list of where our money is going each month.

Mid/late 20’s couple + a 50lb dog.

Monthly take-home pay: 7712

“Fixed” expenses:
Rent: 1650
Electric: 36 (avg)
Car insurance: 125
Apt insurance: 24
Internet/cable: 67
Cell phones: 100
Gym: 198

Total: 2200

Other spending: (averages)
Groceries: 400
Eating out (includes coffee shops): 350
Booze: 100
Pets: 280
Clothing: 150
Transit: 150
Gas/parking/tolls: 150
Gifts: 100
Misc: 200-400

Total: 2080

Grand total spending: 4280

Leftover: 3432

For now I am piling everything leftover at the end of each month into a TFSA invested in a mix of ETFs. Once that is topped out, I will start an RRSP. I keep a balance of around 4k in chequing and 5k in savings. We pay for almost everything on credit cards, pay the balance each month, and get some decent rewards.

Yes, our rent is high, but we are in a HCOL city and actually probably paying under-market for what we have. Includes a parking spot and all the things I consider must-haves (dishwasher, in-suite laundry, walk to grocery store, gym, pet-friendly, transit-central). Basically, we are happy where we are and finding a cheaper place in this market would likely be impossible.

Car insurance: we have basic coverage but rates are non-negotiable here. We share one vehicle for mostly weekend use as we take transit to work or bike ( when weather is decent, not often). It is a small 9 y/o SUV which is fairly cheap to maintain and suits our activities and dog-transporting requirements. Might downsize to a hatchback when it dies but it works for now.

Not sure if we could get a better deal on basic apartment insurance? Open to input here. Required to have it per terms of lease.

Yes we pay for cable. Might cut when playoffs finish but it is probably only $10 cheaper to just have internet b/c of bundle “deals”. We like to watch sports in the evenings so I’m not sure it would be worth it to cut as we would probably go out more often to sports bars. Input?

I can’t find better cell phone plans than what we have at a lower cost (in Canada). Think this is as good as it gets. $45 each for 1gb data and unlimited minutes.

Gym: facepunch me if you want. This is my main hobby and I go 4-5x per week. Yes we have a pretty nice gym in our building but I go for the classes and people and coaching (olympic weightlifting/crossfit). I think it is worth it based on the value I get out of it.

Groceries: I have been trying to learn meal planning and teaching myself how to cook better but honestly I suck at it. I love baking but planning meals + getting groceries + cooking + dishes honestly just takes too damn long. We both work FT and I go to the gym most evenings after work but before dinner, so this is an area that is for sure sub-optimal based on my current skillset/time allocation. Maybe if I became a “morning person” I could sort this out by hitting the gym in the AM, but I don’t see that happening realistically. We do manage to cook most nights and I try to take leftovers to work but sometimes we fall back on frozen pizzas and that sort of thing. I also suck at couponing (mostly too lazy/not enough time to do it) and while I try to buy what’s on sale and really try not to waste food, I can’t seem to manage to get the grocery spend much below $400. Help.

Eating out: coffee shops are a big part of this. My partner gets lattes during the work day probably 3-4x per week; to him it is worth it. I usually have Starbucks 2x per week as a “treat”. I have an espresso machine at home but only use it on weekends as it doesn’t work for me to take a hot beverage on transit. We don’t do expensive restaurant meals and typically the rest of the eating out budget goes to partner’s lunches (maybe 2x per week), the occasional fast-food craving, and weekend date meals (maybe $40-$50 2x per month). Help?

Booze: yeah we could cut back, but I don’t think I want to.

Pets: might be facepunch-worthy. The figure is an average based on food which is $91/bag every 1-1.5 months, the dog walker that comes 2x per week so we don’t have to run home every workday to let dog out, and vet trips avg $200/yr for shots etc. Yes it is expensive but not sure how else we would manage and we love the darn dog to bits. Suggestions? We may look into moving if we could find a place walking distance from work which would make a dog walker unnecessary, but the difference in rent might make up for any savings here, plus it is difficult to find rentals that allow dogs.

Clothing: some months we spend nothing, some months we splurge a little (I guess it happens seasonally). But overall we (especially me) have been cutting down on this and are making less impulsive “I want that” purchases and more considered “building a lasting functional wardrobe” purchases. Thrift shops are crappy here so that isn’t really an option but I only shop sales and tend to keep items for a long time. One downfall here is partner’s expensive shoe addiction and need to be stylish.

Transit: we could bike more and cut this down, but it rains a lot here and I suck at planning clothing choices ahead of time and need to wear office clothes which look terrible after they are unpacked from a pannier bag. Suggestions? Commute is 15 min by transit or bike (but biking also requires time for changing).

Gas/parking/tolls: most of this is gas for weekend trips to go hiking or visit family 1.5hrs away. Some months we go a few times and some months not at all so it varies. Gas is expensive here but I don’t think this is too crazy?

Gifts: I like to have a “budget” for this as some gift-giving occasion usually happens at least once a month so it is nice to be generous with family/friends/charity.

Misc: this is what gets me (and a lot of people I would bet). It is the Amazon purchases, the drug store purchases, Ikea, activities, entertainment, etc. I used to get fixated on things that I “needed” but have made some good progress I think and pared this kind of shopping down considerably. But there are still things that pop up, e.g. a bike rack, hiking gear, etc. etc. On the one hand these are mostly things that we use and fill a need, but on the other hand I struggle to differentiate between things that will improve and add to our lives and things that will just become clutter. Any input on this?

Looking at this, it probably seems like I’m making a lot of excuses for our spending. That is probably true. Basically I’m looking for input on whether our spending seems right for how we enjoy living our lives, or whether we should approach things from a different angle. We obviously aren’t super mustachian, and it’s only thanks to our incomes that we are saving >3k/month.
Sometimes I shoot myself in the foot with thinking like “hey look how much we have saved, it’s fine if I reward myself with x item, it only costs $$, a drop in the bucket”. How do you avoid this type of thinking and avoid buying things you don’t really need, even when you can “afford” it?

[Bee21]

Meal planning is not that hard. Just write a list of the meals you like eating and cost them. Plan the meals and buy the ingredients only. Have a theme, say Monday leftovers, Tuesday pasta, wednesday chicken, Thursday spicy, Friday pizza or burgers, saturday eat out, Sunday roast. Learn to be a better cook and that will help you stay away from the restaurants. We rarely eat out as we had too many overpriced dissapointing meals in restaurants, and I  can make most of them so much better at home. There is a Meal planning for dummies book available, that would give you ideas and recipes for 365 days, check it out.

As for the coffee habit,I just bought  1kg of great coffee for 14 on special.  that should last us for a couple of months. I also have a cheap milk frother and a basic espresso machine. My husband is happy to spend his allowance on 4$ coffees at work (but takes a packed lunch) but I think that a 4 $ coffee is a rip off. I am not rich enough to regularly donate money to starbucks, so i make my own.

[ElleFiji]

Hi PNW!
I'll try to help in the sections that I have ideas.

Background: found MMM a few months ago and went through a phase of decluttering and cutting down on spending. At this point I’m fairly happy with where we’re at but wanted to get some input from fellow MMM’ers to see where else we might be able to optimize, based on our lifestyle and goals. Taxes/investing aren’t big issues for me at this point so I’ve just included after-tax income and a list of where our money is going each month.

Mid/late 20’s couple + a 50lb dog.

Monthly take-home pay: 7712

“Fixed” expenses:
Rent: 1650
Electric: 36 (avg)
Car insurance: 125
Apt insurance: 24 - unless this is because of the size or rent, you might be able to do better. Mine was under $180/year with sonnet
Internet/cable: 67 - you can do better. Start is cheap and reliable, I'm with carrytel who are ultra cheap and not quite so reliable ($35 incl modem rental and tax)
Cell phones: 100
Gym: 198 - can you go down to one membership, if it is your baby and not your SO's favourite. Or $40 for a more reasonable one? Or get your personal training group qualification and get it free if you teach 1 class a week?

Total: 2200

Other spending: (averages)
Groceries: 400
Eating out (includes coffee shops): 350 - we'll talk below
Booze: 100 ?????
Pets: 280 - only authorized if you give us pet pictures
Clothing: 150 - this should drop once you finish establishing all season professional wardrobes. Then go on a replace only plan
Transit: 150
Gas/parking/tolls: 150
Gifts: 100
Misc: 200-400

Total: 2080

Grand total spending: 4280

Leftover: 3432

For now I am piling everything leftover at the end of each month into a TFSA invested in a mix of ETFs. Once that is topped out, I will start an RRSP. I keep a balance of around 4k in chequing and 5k in savings. We pay for almost everything on credit cards, pay the balance each month, and get some decent rewards.

Yes, our rent is high, but we are in a HCOL city and actually probably paying under-market for what we have. Includes a parking spot and all the things I consider must-haves (dishwasher, in-suite laundry, walk to grocery store, gym, pet-friendly, transit-central). Basically, we are happy where we are and finding a cheaper place in this market would likely be impossible.  This is a hella luxurious apartment/condo. Could you save a couple hundred going to a one bed? I do not expect you to find anything under $1200... but if rent is your pricey thing, do you need the gym and all the food and the care and and - but yes, rent is expensive, in general, I hear you.

Car insurance: we have basic coverage but rates are non-negotiable here. We share one vehicle for mostly weekend use as we take transit to work or bike ( when weather is decent, not often). It is a small 9 y/o SUV which is fairly cheap to maintain and suits our activities and dog-transporting requirements. Might downsize to a hatchback when it dies but it works for now. - a car share? Where are you driving to/from on weekends? Maybe you don't actually need a car. Maybe you do, I don't know, I don't have a licence, so I couldn't even if I wanted.

Not sure if we could get a better deal on basic apartment insurance? Open to input here. Required to have it per terms of lease.

Yes we pay for cable. Might cut when playoffs finish but it is probably only $10 cheaper to just have internet b/c of bundle “deals”. We like to watch sports in the evenings so I’m not sure it would be worth it to cut as we would probably go out more often to sports bars. Input?  - cut the cable. I hear that if you get a sports online watching subscription you can log in on three devices...aka split it with 3 friends. Get it for the best and most important sport.

I can’t find better cell phone plans than what we have at a lower cost (in Canada). Think this is as good as it gets. $45 each for 1gb data and unlimited minutes.  - you are correct. You can only beat this with getting rid of data. Make sure you keep an eye on 7/11, freedom, etc in case you can beat it eventually

Gym: facepunch me if you want. This is my main hobby and I go 4-5x per week. Yes we have a pretty nice gym in our building but I go for the classes and people and coaching (olympic weightlifting/crossfit). I think it is worth it based on the value I get out of it. - ideas are above...but yes, this one is really pricey the way you do it.

Groceries: I have been trying to learn meal planning and teaching myself how to cook better but honestly I suck at it. I love baking but planning meals + getting groceries + cooking + dishes honestly just takes too damn long. We both work FT and I go to the gym most evenings after work but before dinner, so this is an area that is for sure sub-optimal based on my current skillset/time allocation. Maybe if I became a “morning person” I could sort this out by hitting the gym in the AM, but I don’t see that happening realistically. We do manage to cook most nights and I try to take leftovers to work but sometimes we fall back on frozen pizzas and that sort of thing. I also suck at couponing (mostly too lazy/not enough time to do it) and while I try to buy what’s on sale and really try not to waste food, I can’t seem to manage to get the grocery spend much below $400. Help.  - get the frozen pizzas etc on sale. Challenge yourself to a no eating out month. Stop eating big hunks of meat if you do now. Meat is super pricey

Eating out: coffee shops are a big part of this. My partner gets lattes during the work day probably 3-4x per week; to him it is worth it. I usually have Starbucks 2x per week as a “treat”. I have an espresso machine at home but only use it on weekends as it doesn’t work for me to take a hot beverage on transit. We don’t do expensive restaurant meals and typically the rest of the eating out budget goes to partner’s lunches (maybe 2x per week), the occasional fast-food craving, and weekend date meals (maybe $40-$50 2x per month). Help? - you can't change your partner. But you can cut down on your starbucks/other treats out. Get a really perfect mug, make the drink and pour it in. Stash supplies at work to get the drink you like. How often are the fast-food cravings? Are they a little toooo often? On the weekend do you get a bagel, and then lunch out, and then date night?

Booze: yeah we could cut back, but I don’t think I want to.  FIIIINE

Pets: might be facepunch-worthy. The figure is an average based on food which is $91/bag every 1-1.5 months, the dog walker that comes 2x per week so we don’t have to run home every workday to let dog out, and vet trips avg $200/yr for shots etc. Yes it is expensive but not sure how else we would manage and we love the darn dog to bits. Suggestions? We may look into moving if we could find a place walking distance from work which would make a dog walker unnecessary, but the difference in rent might make up for any savings here, plus it is difficult to find rentals that allow dogs.

Clothing: some months we spend nothing, some months we splurge a little (I guess it happens seasonally). But overall we (especially me) have been cutting down on this and are making less impulsive “I want that” purchases and more considered “building a lasting functional wardrobe” purchases. Thrift shops are crappy here so that isn’t really an option but I only shop sales and tend to keep items for a long time. One downfall here is partner’s expensive shoe addiction and need to be stylish.

Transit: we could bike more and cut this down, but it rains a lot here and I suck at planning clothing choices ahead of time and need to wear office clothes which look terrible after they are unpacked from a pannier bag. Suggestions? Commute is 15 min by transit or bike (but biking also requires time for changing).  - I just change my top after a 35 min ride. But the rain is rainy. I hear you. And your budget reflects that you bike at least some days.

Gas/parking/tolls: most of this is gas for weekend trips to go hiking or visit family 1.5hrs away. Some months we go a few times and some months not at all so it varies. Gas is expensive here but I don’t think this is too crazy?

Gifts: I like to have a “budget” for this as some gift-giving occasion usually happens at least once a month so it is nice to be generous with family/friends/charity.

Misc: this is what gets me (and a lot of people I would bet). It is the Amazon purchases, the drug store purchases, Ikea, activities, entertainment, etc. I used to get fixated on things that I “needed” but have made some good progress I think and pared this kind of shopping down considerably. But there are still things that pop up, e.g. a bike rack, hiking gear, etc. etc. On the one hand these are mostly things that we use and fill a need, but on the other hand I struggle to differentiate between things that will improve and add to our lives and things that will just become clutter. Any input on this?  - better tracking. I think you guys are pretty high income, so there is no motivation to quit buying stuff. Unless you build it from the inside.

Looking at this, it probably seems like I’m making a lot of excuses for our spending. That is probably true. Basically I’m looking for input on whether our spending seems right for how we enjoy living our lives, or whether we should approach things from a different angle. We obviously aren’t super mustachian, and it’s only thanks to our incomes that we are saving >3k/month.
Sometimes I shoot myself in the foot with thinking like “hey look how much we have saved, it’s fine if I reward myself with x item, it only costs $$, a drop in the bucket”. How do you avoid this type of thinking and avoid buying things you don’t really need, even when you can “afford” it?

If you think this was a lot of excuses, you should have seen my last case study. I basically refused to budge on anything. You're doing well, just keep tweaking your habits as you adjust to a new level of frugality

[letired]

Welcome fellow crappy-at-meal-planning person! I have so little to offer there since I still find it a hecking mystery black art. My only suggestion is to look at what you throw out the most, and either stop buying it or make a plan for how you are going to stop throwing it away. I am not allowed to buy leafy greens unless I have a specific plan for how I'm going to use the entire container. And then I'm not allowed to do it again until I'm ready for another week of eating mostly salads.

I don't really have any other specific suggestions so I'm going to suggest a few ways of tackling the various choices you are presented with.

1. Do you have a spending or savings goal? I find big picture goals much more helpful in understanding if I am headed in the direction I want to be going. Example from my life: I did some better expense tracking last year and discovered that I was at ~45% savings rate! Which is amazing! But! I want to hit 50%! And exceed it! So my goal for this year is to have a savings rate of 50% or greater for the year. I'm also setting spending caps in absolute dollar amounts on a monthly basis. This one is tricky because with house stuff, expenses can be Highly Variable. That said, thinking about it has made me much more conscious of my overall spending, and has helped me be more aware of the choices I'm making.

2. What are your required expenses versus your 'luxuries'? You have to pay rent, and assorted insurances, and eat some amount of food, and get to your job, and not be naked or inappropriately dressed when you get there. You also need to do one or two things that make you feel like a fully-realized person. After that, it's all priorities and goals. Tweaking how I categorized expenses helped me focus on the things that are optional vs required and how they fit in the goals and priorities framework. What is 'worth it' and what is preventing you from reaching your goal (if anything)?

3. Mindset is everything. As an example, I'm working on eradicating the word 'deserve' from my vocabulary. No one deserves anything, positive or negative. We are all walking meat sacks with a weirdly high level of self-awareness, just doing our best (even if our best isn't very good).  Also popular around here: stoicism, challenging yourself, increasing 'badassity', etc. Is it a deprivation, a challenge, or just how you normally do things.

3.5 Tangentially, what are things you enjoy that don't cost money? I 'treat myself' to sleeping in (free!) and a nice homemade breakfast (cheap!). My current jam is avocado toast and fried eggs and espresso on the weekends. I don't even need to put on pants! MAX LUXURY! One of my favorite hobbies is wandering around nearby parks looking at wildflowers. They're so much fun!!!! /giant nerd

4. Incremental change! It is easy to want to change everything RIGHT NOW. That's the fast road to stress and burnout and general unhappiness. Pick one change, one area, one goal, and work it until you've found your new normal. I was really resistant to re-evaluating my cell phone spending until very recently. Turns out, I can shave $15 off my monthly bill easy-peasy! Partly because I was sick of the expense and my priorities changed, partly because cell phone plan prices had shifted in the 3 years since I had picked that plan. Everything is up for negotiation, but not all at the same time.

It sounds like you are least happy with your food spending. Possible goals: cut out most or all coffee shops for you, reduce number of lunches out per week by 1, plan a romantic homemade dinner instead of eating out, cost out a cheaper or quicker 'we're starving and don't want to cook' plan to avoid fast food cravings, try batch cooking for the week one weekend a month. I'm sure other folks will have better ideas!

Good luck!

[PNW]

Thanks for the suggestions so far and for your time!

Keep in mind that we are in Canada so some of the options for insurance/cell phones/internet mentioned are not available here. In general I think most of those things are just more expensive here because we have more limited options.

Our apt is already a 1 bdrm, and although it is a decent size and in a great location, I wouldn't say it's super fancy. That's just the going rate here, and we need to be in the city in order to earn the incomes that we do (and I won't consider a longer commute).

I agree that the most frustrating thing right now is groceries and eating out. I know that this is mostly because of habits and the fact that I am not a confident cook, and most of the time am not happy with how my cooking turns out. There is a bit of tension here as well because I am mostly fine eating "boring" foods, while my partner is a bit more picky and I think often not impressed with my culinary efforts. I am making a concentrated effort to learn basic cooking skills to rectify this, but I think progress will be slow. He also doesn't seem to care as much about all the $$ spent on eating out, and I would say he accounts for ~70% of this amount. This sometimes comes up when we are discussing other purchases and is a bit of a sore spot for me because I know how easy it would be to save that extra $100/month, but I can't force that on him. There's also a social aspect because a portion of this is lunches out w/ coworkers.

Biking to work is another one that should be so easy but I just haven't figured it out. I mostly wear skirts at work so this requires a full wardrobe change, not to mention trying to pack clothes + lunch + work I took home every day.

I track everything (including all "misc" purchases) which is easy as we use credit cards, but still struggle with the "how do I avoid buying this" question when I find something I think I need. I can go a couple months and then I think I get bored and buy things as a way of adding something new to my life, idk.

How do you guys get past "well we saved >3k this month so that's great" mindset and move toward more hardcore saving?

[Freedomin5]

Hi PNW,

I'm a fellow Canadian who grew up in T.O. so I get how $1650 for a one bedroom may actually be a fantastic deal. And I also get that we have fewer options in terms of Internet, cable, and phone.

In terms of saving, what works for me is that once I have a basic idea of my monthly expenses, I then set a savings goal for myself, rather than a spending goal. So if I know I spend approximately $2000 per month on average, and I know my monthly take home salary is $6000, I will set a goal of saving $4000 per month. I then transfer that amount from my bank account directly into my investment account as soon as I get paid (pay myself first), and then I live off the rest, spending it on whatever needs/wants I have. I've also found it helpful to give myself a weekly allowance (for me, that's $100 per week) to spend on eating out, transit, Starbucks, and other frivolities.

Also, as  an aside, I'm curious...why can't you take a cute non-leak bottle/thermos of coffee on public transit?

[ElleFiji]

I definitely believe you may hit be able to find anything cheaper, especially if it's already a one bed. . The fanciness was that you have sweet amenities like en suite laundry. But in this market unless there is a big change, you can do well to stay put.

I find the best way for me to handle new changes is to make it a challenge, maybe yours could be bringing your tea every day for 6 weeks.

Maybe putting delays on purchases would help...or saving those things to put on a Christmas list. Or thrusting them.
Have you read the thread about converting your SO?

[Laura33]

I think your biggest issue is that you have good incomes now, with more around the corner, and you are already saving a good chunk of that (and probably not living as large as various friends/coworkers).  And so you have a vague, general desire to save more, but you don't have a "why" that is compelling enough to overcome the immediate "wants."  Plus, from my own experience, a spendy partner makes things difficult -- when he is eating out and having coffees all.the.time, it is easy to get resentful and think, well, hell, I deserve a fancy fucking coffee, too.  [ask me how I know]

My advice is three-fold.  First, and most important, have many discussions with your SO about how you want life to be -- what is your RE dream, how long do each of you want to work (ideally) and what are the tradeoffs that go with each choice, do you want kids, etc.  It's ok if you don't get it in one -- these are ongoing conversations that you should have every month or two, preferably over a bottle of wine on a patio or something.  When you have the sense that you are part of a team that is pulling toward the same goal, it becomes much easier to pass up the daily temptations.

Second, focus on what you can control.  You can't control your SO, but you can control your own decisions.  I have to admit, I get really annoyed that my DH eats out every day, while I am brown-bagging it.  But we talked about it, and that is important time with his friends at work, and with two jobs and two kids and more-than-sufficient incomes, it seemed churlish to demand he give that up.  I, OTOH, don't get any similar "meaning" from my lunches.  So I had to learn to control my own resentment and just accept that I brownbag and he eats out, because it's not the same sacrifice for me that it would be for him.  Part of this is also challenging your own thinking, your own assumptions and "can't"s.  E.g., you bought the espresso machine for home and you're still both buying coffees out?  Why/how did that happen?  Now that you have plunked down the money for a fancy machine, how can you make the best use of that -- a/k/a what's wrong with a thermos?  When you end up at a mall out of boredom, what is triggering the boredom -- what is missing in your life that is making you break out and spend?  Etc.

Finally, figure out what balance is right for both of you.  Some people want FIRE so much they are happy to live on $10K/yr; others, like my DH, are totally jazzed by their jobs and have zero desire to quit before 60-65 -- especially if it means giving up the luxuries that they enjoy.  If your SO is more spendy, you may well end up with a compromise that is more than you want to spend but less than he wants to.  There's not a damn thing wrong with spending $200/mo. on a gym if that is a critical luxury to you (I just dropped a $75 Y membership for a $150 Crossfit one -- but I never used the Y, and I am at Crossfit 4x/week, so it is more than worth it to me).  You don't need to live MMM's life if that doesn't suit who you guys are as a couple.

[PNW]

More great replies, thanks! On the coffee front, I just hate the way it tastes out of a thermos, and I like it piping hot, so taking it on transit, even for 15 minutes, is useless because it is cold by the time I want to drink it (plus I overheat on transit like nobody's business, ugh). The espresso machine I got off craigslist for super cheap and we got a milk frother as a gift so that's what we use on weekends when I have time to sit down and enjoy a good home-made latte. We don't have a super pricey machine sitting there not being used.

I agree that conversations with the SO are a top priority. This taps into difficult relationship dynamics that often surface when we have tough conversations that involve disagreements (being vague but I'm sure everyone can relate on some level). We have quite different backgrounds with him maybe not having as many luxuries growing up, so I think now that he has a good job and makes good money, he has sort of adopted the "treat yo-self" mentality. On the other hand, I think I am maybe more focused on medium and long term goals as I am in a career that is more stressful and I probably don't want to do it for more than 10 years, and our timeline for kids (if we do have any) is ~5 years.

[Bee21]

It takes time to change the mentality. It depends on what you want. We want to retire as early as oossible because we don't particularly like our well paying jobs and have plenty of hobbies we would rather waste our time with.

As for the eating out part, what helped us was costing the meals at home. My husband would easily spend 4 bucks on coffee, maybe 10 on breakfast and 15 for lunch. Because he wants to get out of the office, have a chat with his mates and he can afford it, right? It all changed when I pointed out the annual cost and translated it into travelling dollars. We do spend a ton on travelling but he had to cut the work lunches to be able to afford it.Like, we had a great lunch in Vienna for the 4 of us for 20 euros once and it turns out he prefers the wiener schnitzels to the meal deal at the local mcdonalds.I also pointed out the the 3 course dinner we had at home for the 4 of us cost less than 10, so why would he pay around 30 a day for work related eating? These days he is quite famous for his lunches and is disappointed when there is nothing he can take. Turns out, there are plenty of people to socialise with around the microwave in the kitchen.

So, mostly it is all about what you want more.we can't afford everything, but some things are easy to rationalise.

It takes time to learn how to cook and develop your skills, but with so many books and videos available, you can totally do it. Try something simple, and build up from there. Like, learn how to make a roast chicken. Have a couple of pasta dishes you do well. A simple stir fry.A curry. Burgers. Apparently, most housewives use a rotation of 20 recipes, so if you can cook those 20 meals well, you are good.

[Dee18]

I liked picking up Starbucks several times a week, but after reading MMM I realized I could just have my coffee before leaving the house.  It is a small change, but the sort that adds up over time. As for other eating out costs, I don't use coupons for shopping, but I do keep an eye out for special restaurant deals at great places.

For Amazon, etc, I use the "30 day list." If I want a non-necessity, I write it on a list on the fridge and can only buy it after 30 days.  And I never leave anything in my Amazon cart. 

For cooking, take a look at the Thug Kitchen cookbook and The Food Lab cookbook.  Both are excellent, non- traditional books that include the "how to" information for each dish.

[Tyson]

Sometimes I shoot myself in the foot with thinking like “hey look how much we have saved, it’s fine if I reward myself with x item, it only costs $$, a drop in the bucket”. How do you avoid this type of thinking and avoid buying things you don’t really need, even when you can “afford” it?

Best thing is to ask yourself why you feel that it's a reward?  For stuff like coffee and food I worked on my skills so I'm now able to make great coffee myself, as good or better than many cafe's.  Same with food - as I got better and better at making it, I had less and less use for restaurant prepared food. 

Again, re: coffee.  For myself, I found that the thing I actually liked most was simply meeting a friend at a nice place to hang out.  So I just bring my own coffee from home in my nice looking travel mug.  My friend orders a coffee while I grab us a table.  We get to hang out and it doesn't cost me anything. 

I learned that the value was with the interaction with my friend, not the coffee.  So I found a way to get that value without the associated cost.  Once you see that with coffee, you can apply that to tons of other situations.

[Verdure]

I wouldn't sweat the cable. That actually seem like a great value to me, that's basically what we pay for Internet only, and We would totally spend more than $10 a month watching games in bars. 

The car is the thing I'd look at the hardest. That is a lot of money for only driving in the weekends. Is it really the optimal way to serve that need?

[Tyson]

I wouldn't sweat the cable. That actually seem like a great value to me, that's basically what we pay for Internet only, and We would totally spend more than $10 a month watching games in bars. 

The car is the thing I'd look at the hardest. That is a lot of money for only driving in the weekends. Is it really the optimal way to serve that need?

I disagree - getting rid of cable serves 2 purposes.  First it saves $$.  But second (and more importantly) it removes a powerful source of lifestyle inflation.  If you see fancy and nice things on TV all the time, it will embed a desire.  You won't even know its there, at least not until you find yourself on Amazon or eBay or at Starbucks and you just want 'something nice' to 'treat yourself'. 

Getting rid of cable removes that, and makes it MUCH easier to get out of the lifestyle elevation trap.

[Verdure]

I disagree - getting rid of cable serves 2 purposes.  First it saves $$.  But second (and more importantly) it removes a powerful source of lifestyle inflation.  If you see fancy and nice things on TV all the time, it will embed a desire.  You won't even know its there, at least not until you find yourself on Amazon or eBay or at Starbucks and you just want 'something nice' to 'treat yourself'. 

Getting rid of cable removes that, and makes it MUCH easier to get out of the lifestyle elevation trap.

OK, the lifestyle inflation thing may be a good point. We haven't had cable in years, so I can't really attest to that. From a purely monetary standpoint, it just seems like a really great value for the amount of entertainment you get from it. They are not even close to hair on fire, so most people wouldn't blink at $10 month for Netflix, for instance.  If we could get cable for $10 a month more than we are spending on internet, we probably would, just for the sports.  Because we likely spend $120 a year going to bars to watch sporting events, anyway. That seems like it might be the case for OP, too. But are they watching a lot of stuff that makes them want to spend more? That's a good question, and may mean it would be worth it to cut cable for them, if it would end up meaning they save a lot more than the $10 a month.

I'd probably try saving that money without cutting the cable, first, though, and if I found I wasn't making progress, then trying cutting the cable. Because just being more self aware about your spending might do the trick.

[spicykissa]

I second the idea of getting hired at the gym to teach a class 1-2x/week if they offer free memberships for employees (this is standard in my U.S. experience, but not sure about Canada). It would save you a lot of monthly money without more time commitment. And you can't blow off going to the gym if you're the teacher!

Also second looking closely at whether you really need to keep the car. It may be cheaper to rent one just for the weekends you travel, or use Zipcars or something. You'll have the price it out, as well as consider what the convenience factor is worth to you.

If you still want your own car, and a hatchback would work, could you could try selling the SUV and buying a used one now for better gas mileage/insurance savings? You have the luxury of not actually being car dependent, so you could take your time finding a deal. Just some ideas.

[Cowardly Toaster]

I think you're doing pretty good in some respects.

That grocery bill isn't too bad, if the rent 'is what it is' that's all there is to it.

The dog bill is high. I'd play around with that. Do you have 2 cars?

You can probably pretty safely get rid of your Amazon account. I did and it has worked out fine. If you need stuff, just save it up and make one big order. In general I'd really attack that miscellaneous stuff.

That gym bill seems pretty high.

Bottom line: I think you could shave $500 off your monthly budget and not even change the quality of your life much.

[Bicycle_B]

Good luck re spouse - obviously that is the biggest point.  It sounds like you want to get away from the unpleasant workplace, therefore are motivated to save, while he feels more comfortable working and therefore sees little reason to save.  Marriage and feelings relate to finance but there is no one-size-fits-all solution.  Personally I think the best marriage is one where both spouses agree on a path that makes both of them happy, but easier said than done.

Fwiw, if you were starting from zero net worth, your current savings rate puts you on track to FI in 19 years with no further changes, according to the table in http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/.  (I am approximating your current savings rate as 45%.)  Were you to melt expenses down by 20% through continuing tweaks, achieving roughly a 55% savings rate, you'd be on track for 14.5 years.  Is that motivation enough for both parties?  Maybe for you but not him at this point?  To me 19 years seems pretty good for a situation with spouse who is lukewarm on this issue. Like you, 14.5 is better though!

With so many variables involved (child timeline, differing work attitudes, etc) it seems that achieving FI or any other marital goal will take gradual steps and adjustments.  On the gradual alignment of spouse and FI habits, have you read:

Lifejoy's post on 50 ways to help your lover love Fi?  (not the correct title) 
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convert-your-so-to-mmm-in-50-awesome-steps/

MMM's article
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/03/22/selling-the-dream-how-to-make-your-spouse-love-frugality/

[PNW]

Fwiw, if you were starting from zero net worth, your current savings rate puts you on track to FI in 19 years with no further changes, according to the table in http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/.  (I am approximating your current savings rate as 45%.)  Were you to melt expenses down by 20% through continuing tweaks, achieving roughly a 55% savings rate, you'd be on track for 14.5 years.  Is that motivation enough for both parties?  Maybe for you but not him at this point?  To me 19 years seems pretty good for a situation with spouse who is lukewarm on this issue. Like you, 14.5 is better though!

Thanks Bicycle, I have read that thread and the MMM article. I think this paragraph is very eyeopening, seeing it put like that is a bit of a facepunch. I think I will try talking to him about it in these terms and gauge his reaction.

Some of the issues we run into seem to stem from the fact that our spending mindsets are quite different. For example, he has expensive taste in clothing/shoes (not necessary for work), so when I object to these purchases on the basis that they are unnecessary, he brings up any purchases that I have made or am thinking about making that are actually useful (e.g. right now, I'm thinking about purchasing a budget-friendly chef's knife as I think having a decent knife would improve my cooking skills and make me enjoy the process a bit more). I don't tell him he can't buy things, he's an adult and can make those decisions, but it seems difficult for us to have rational conversations about which purchases make sense based on our GOALS, or even deciding what those goals are in the first place. Ugh, I can't imagine life without him but communication is HARRRDDDDD.

[bestname]

One thing that helped me is to have one meal plan - that's right. I eat more or less (with plenty of exceptions when life gets in the way) the same thing every Sunday-Thursday nights. That makes cooking and grocery shopping a breeze and cuts way down on decision fatigue. I only work out two nights a week, so those nights are very quick meals. Sunday I cook a big meal and have leftovers Monday. So figure out like four things that are easy to make and OK to eat and just make those.

I also rotate two inexpensive lunches - MWF lunch 1; T/Th lunch 2. Again this gets disrupted fairly frequently by friends/coworkers/meetings or whatever. Butt I have not wasted one minute deciding what to eat for lunch since I implemented it, and I know quickly what and how much to buy at the grocery so that there's no food waste.

As far as the 'misc' category. When I want something, I write it in my calendar (yes, I still have one that I can write in) and then I have to wait at least one month before I actually buy it.

[PNW]

I think you're doing pretty good in some respects.

That grocery bill isn't too bad, if the rent 'is what it is' that's all there is to it.

The dog bill is high. I'd play around with that. Do you have 2 cars?

You can probably pretty safely get rid of your Amazon account. I did and it has worked out fine. If you need stuff, just save it up and make one big order. In general I'd really attack that miscellaneous stuff.

That gym bill seems pretty high.

Bottom line: I think you could shave $500 off your monthly budget and not even change the quality of your life much.

Thanks Svenster (& others who mentioned gym/car/cable), I might swap dog's food again to a cheaper brand, dog doesn't seem to care that much. The dog walking expense will also drop over the summer as I will be home more, but will keep thinking on a cheaper long-term solution.

The convenience factor of having our own car is worth a lot to us. I would guess our SUV is worth ~8k right now and is in very good shape, so I'd expect to get another 10 years out of it if all goes well. Basically I don't think it's worth trading or getting rid of at this point.

The gym is expensive. Teaching is not feasible right now due to work hours + would need qualifications ($$$). I'm fine with this expense for now.

Honestly I would like to cut cable. We get nexflix through a family member's account, plus I generally don't like to mindlessly watch TV, unless it's playoff sports. I also prefer reading and enjoy having a quiet house. We don't watch much other than sports, and most things I get the urge to buy I read about online (oops) so I don't think the ads have a big effect re: lifestyle creep. It's just the question of if we get rid of it, would we end up spending more by going out?

[PNW]

One thing that helped me is to have one meal plan - that's right. I eat more or less (with plenty of exceptions when life gets in the way) the same thing every Sunday-Thursday nights. That makes cooking and grocery shopping a breeze and cuts way down on decision fatigue. I only work out two nights a week, so those nights are very quick meals. Sunday I cook a big meal and have leftovers Monday. So figure out like four things that are easy to make and OK to eat and just make those.

As far as the 'misc' category. When I want something, I write it in my calendar (yes, I still have one that I can write in) and then I have to wait at least one month before I actually buy it.

This. I am super-down with meal planning and basics, but I need to up my skills because my partner isn't as easy to please (I could do chicken + potato/rice + veg everyday and be fine, but him not so much).

I'm also in the habit of keeping a list on my phone of all the "things" I think I need, and then waiting as long as possible before buying (or eventually removing from list if I realize I don't need it). I think this usually works well.

[Bicycle_B]

Fwiw, if you were starting from zero net worth, your current savings rate puts you on track to FI in 19 years with no further changes, according to the table in http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/.  (I am approximating your current savings rate as 45%.)  Were you to melt expenses down by 20% through continuing tweaks, achieving roughly a 55% savings rate, you'd be on track for 14.5 years.  Is that motivation enough for both parties?  Maybe for you but not him at this point?  To me 19 years seems pretty good for a situation with spouse who is lukewarm on this issue. Like you, 14.5 is better though!

Thanks Bicycle, I have read that thread and the MMM article. I think this paragraph is very eyeopening, seeing it put like that is a bit of a facepunch. I think I will try talking to him about it in these terms and gauge his reaction.

Some of the issues we run into seem to stem from the fact that our spending mindsets are quite different. For example, he has expensive taste in clothing/shoes (not necessary for work), so when I object to these purchases on the basis that they are unnecessary, he brings up any purchases that I have made or am thinking about making that are actually useful (e.g. right now, I'm thinking about purchasing a budget-friendly chef's knife as I think having a decent knife would improve my cooking skills and make me enjoy the process a bit more). I don't tell him he can't buy things, he's an adult and can make those decisions, but it seems difficult for us to have rational conversations about which purchases make sense based on our GOALS, or even deciding what those goals are in the first place. Ugh, I can't imagine life without him but communication is HARRRDDDDD.

I'm far from a marriage expert, having never been down the wedding aisle.  "Communication is HARRRDDDDD" sounds about right though!

It sounds like a sort of fundamental difference in mindset right now and I'm not sure there's a guaranteed fix for that.  Fwiw, I think I did see couples who described having a smoother time after agreeing to set a budget of a fixed amount for each spouse's discretionary expenses, and to accept whatever purchases were made with that budget.  There was a hassle reduction on both sides even though the underlying reality (some spending, some limitation, therefore incomplete happiness on each side) was the same.

Perspective wise, secretly I think the smart thing is be thrilled with such a good savings rate from a spouse whose mindset isn't focused on it.  Because if you're getting good results, a happy spouse is a sustainable spouse.

Even more secretly, if I myself were in your shoes I'd seek to have my own $ set aside for the sake of clarity and safety in case of divorce but MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M NOT MARRIED - and you should probably disregard this last paragraph!!

[Tyson]

Honestly I would like to cut cable. We get nexflix through a family member's account, plus I generally don't like to mindlessly watch TV, unless it's playoff sports. I also prefer reading and enjoy having a quiet house. We don't watch much other than sports, and most things I get the urge to buy I read about online (oops) so I don't think the ads have a big effect re: lifestyle creep. It's just the question of if we get rid of it, would we end up spending more by going out?

IMO, one of the reasons your SO likes "nice" things like clothes and/or whatever, is because of cable.  Between every character on every show being immaculately dressed and living in a crazy cool space, and the advertising that subliminally just instills an 'itch' in people, which results in purchases later.

Getting rid of cable saves $$, but it's also an interesting social/behavior experiment that might pay off with less spendypants behavior from your SO.

[PNW]

I would argue that it is moreso influenced by social media streams, esp. instagram. And websites devoted to "cool stuff" that may or may not be in his browser bookmarks bar.

[Tyson]

I would argue that it is moreso influenced by social media streams, esp. instagram. And websites devoted to "cool stuff" that may or may not be in his browser bookmarks bar.

True.  I'd still rec getting rid of cable as one source of it though.  As a guy that used to buy cool/expensive/techy/gadget/clothes/shoes etc... I can say that a big part of that is wanting to look (and feel) like you've "made it".  For me I changed after I realized that I had to choose.  I could either 'look' rich, or I could 'be' rich.  It took a while but eventually I figured out that the latter was the better choice.

[With This Herring]

I'm sure I am repeating the advice of some others, but...

*snip*
Monthly take-home pay: 7712
*snip*
Grand total spending: 4280

Leftover: 3432
*snip*
Includes a parking spot and all the things I consider must-haves (dishwasher, in-suite laundry, walk to grocery store, gym, pet-friendly, transit-central). Basically, we are happy where we are and finding a cheaper place in this market would likely be impossible.
*snip*
Eating out: coffee shops are a big part of this. My partner gets lattes during the work day probably 3-4x per week; to him it is worth it. I usually have Starbucks 2x per week as a “treat”. I have an espresso machine at home but only use it on weekends as it doesn’t work for me to take a hot beverage on transit. We don’t do expensive restaurant meals and typically the rest of the eating out budget goes to partner’s lunches (maybe 2x per week), the occasional fast-food craving, and weekend date meals (maybe $40-$50 2x per month). Help?
*snip*
Misc: this is what gets me (and a lot of people I would bet). It is the Amazon purchases, the drug store purchases, Ikea, activities, entertainment, etc. I used to get fixated on things that I “needed” but have made some good progress I think and pared this kind of shopping down considerably. But there are still things that pop up, e.g. a bike rack, hiking gear, etc. etc. On the one hand these are mostly things that we use and fill a need, but on the other hand I struggle to differentiate between things that will improve and add to our lives and things that will just become clutter. Any input on this?

Looking at this, it probably seems like I’m making a lot of excuses for our spending. That is probably true. Basically I’m looking for input on whether our spending seems right for how we enjoy living our lives, or whether we should approach things from a different angle. We obviously aren’t super mustachian, and it’s only thanks to our incomes that we are saving >3k/month.
Sometimes I shoot myself in the foot with thinking like “hey look how much we have saved, it’s fine if I reward myself with x item, it only costs $$, a drop in the bucket”. How do you avoid this type of thinking and avoid buying things you don’t really need, even when you can “afford” it?

How do you guys get past "well we saved >3k this month so that's great" mindset and move toward more hardcore saving?

So, if the higher earner were to fall ill and stop earning, what would your savings look like at this spending rate?  What looks like a great savings rate now with both 1 and 2 working full-time might not look so good (or might be in the red) if 1 needed to take an extended leave of absence to care for an ailing family member or 2 got fed up with the boss and quit without another job lined up or your first kid is born special-needs or really ill and one of you REALLY needs to stay home with the child.  I think that helps combat the "look how much we've saved" mentality.  Looking through the forums, it's crazy to see how many people get hit with big things and suddenly no longer have even half the earning power that they had previously.  It does happen, and your disability insurance may not agree about whether you still need payouts.

I know it's a pain to cook and clean up, but you two have a dishwasher!  I am so jealous.  That makes everything faster.  There are a lot of people who do big batch cooking on the weekends, crockpot meals that just require some chopping the night before and pushing a button in the morning, and tasty tasty leftovers.  As you learn to cook, adding foreign foods to your repertoire can help keep food interesting.  And yes, as you are teaching yourself to cook, you are going to have a lot of bland, mediocre meals.  That is okay, and you will become a better cook over time.  I like the websites budgetbytes and AllRecipes.  Budgetbytes recipes are usually very simple, Beth actually cooks everything and eats it (which some websites don't!), and she prices out everything she makes.  AllRecipes recipes have a lot of reviews that will give you an idea of what things don't work for people ("Recipe calls for 2 tsp salt, but that was too salty.  Used 1 tsp the 2nd time and it was great!"  "This was bland until I added 2x the chili powder and a splash of lemon juice.  Also, don't cook for the full hour or it will burn.").

So what if your coffee gets cold?  Stick it in the microwave at work.  Or get a cheapo coffee maker to keep at work.  Or make cold-brew coffee in the fridge the night before and take it with you in a travel mug/thermos/old pasta sauce jar.  And ask your partner if he would drink the same in place of lattes if you made it.  Honestly, I can't imagine burning that much time in trips to Starbucks, much less money.

How well are you tracking expenses?  Can you go back and add up your multiple-times-per-week Starbucks "treats" for the last year?

Also, if you give an approximate location in Canada, more posters will be able to give you location-specific advice on cell and internet providers.

Biking to work is another one that should be so easy but I just haven't figured it out. I mostly wear skirts at work so this requires a full wardrobe change, not to mention trying to pack clothes + lunch + work I took home every day.

I track everything (including all "misc" purchases) which is easy as we use credit cards, but still struggle with the "how do I avoid buying this" question when I find something I think I need. I can go a couple months and then I think I get bored and buy things as a way of adding something new to my life, idk.

Put bicycle shorts under your skirt.  Done!  :)  Make sure they are long enough that it is obvious you are not showing off your undies to everyone, haha.

If you take work home anyway, can you arrange to work from home X days per week?  That will cut transportation costs and maybe dog walking costs as well.

Would you and your SO be able to agree on fun-money budgets for each of you?  His could cover work lunches, shoes, lattes, etc, while yours would cover lattes, misc. Amazon, and nice-but-not-really-needed household stuff.

And, just curious:  Are your playoff sports hockey?  Do you know what channels you would have without cable and whether that would cover hockey/other sport?  I remember when I was growing up the kids with cable were so confused that my family still had some television stations even though we didn't have cable.  My mom was still able to watch all the professional football games without cable.  I would guess that there are non-cable stations in your HCOL in Canada, at least CBC.

[Laura33]

Some of the issues we run into seem to stem from the fact that our spending mindsets are quite different. For example, he has expensive taste in clothing/shoes (not necessary for work), so when I object to these purchases on the basis that they are unnecessary, he brings up any purchases that I have made or am thinking about making that are actually useful (e.g. right now, I'm thinking about purchasing a budget-friendly chef's knife as I think having a decent knife would improve my cooking skills and make me enjoy the process a bit more). I don't tell him he can't buy things, he's an adult and can make those decisions, but it seems difficult for us to have rational conversations about which purchases make sense based on our GOALS, or even deciding what those goals are in the first place. Ugh, I can't imagine life without him but communication is HARRRDDDDD.

OK, FWIW, this is my DH too (except he doesn't respond by attacking my own spending choices -- he just basically says "I can afford it" and, well, ok).  Let me second the allowance concept.  When we were young marrieds, I was truly surprised by how easy it was to adjust to living together -- except money.  He was of the "I make a lot, so I can spend a lot" mindset; I was of the "the less you spend, the better" mindset.  I mean, my version of budgeting was: set the budget at less than you make to keep a slush fund; then budget savings as the first budget category; then try to spend less than the budget in every other category.  He had this ridiculous idea that if you budgeted money for a category, that meant it was ok to actually spend it [wtf?]. 

It all came to a head with the sunglasses:  one day his broke, and he said he was going to go get a new pair.  Ok.  Then he came home with $120 Oakleys.  I mean, I assumed he meant he was going to the drug store for a $10 pair, you know?  And the Oakleys weren't even polarized!  So he spent 10x more than necessary for something that wasn't even as functional.  Insane rage monster.

The problem was that at the time, we were making $180K, maxing out our 401(k)s, had an emergency fund and other post-tax savings, and had no car payments or any other debt outside our mortgage.  By any non-mustachian definition, he could afford $120 sunglasses.  (They were stupid as fuck, but he could afford them).  And he just would not even consider a lifestyle without the inalienable right to go buy whatever the hell sunglasses he wanted.

So we came up with the allowance system:  every month, we each got $200.  He could go buy whatever stupid stuff he wanted, and I could not nag him about it because it was his money.  OTOH, I saved mine, so I still got that great feeling of saving more than our budget called for.  I am not exaggerating when I say it probably saved our marriage -- I am not a nice person when I do not feel safe and heard, so giving him space to be as stupid as he wanted, and giving me that extra safety of more savings, allowed us to meet in the middle. 

Added bonus is that a few years later, I used some of my extra money to take a few special mother-daughter trips -- and I still have probably an extra $60K saved up that isn't part of our plan/"official" savings.  We are still not FIRED because of our different views, but we are completely FI, and I'm happy with where we are.  And DH and I just celebrated our 21st anniversary this weekend. 

[Cowardly Toaster]

I wasn't suggesting getting rid of your car,  just suggesting you get rid of your second one if you had one. America being what it is it is pretty hard to get along without one. Even MMM still retains them.

[PepperPeter]

Why is it your responsibility to cater to his eating demands?  If he wants better or different food than you are providing for him, does he also not have 2 capable arms to make dinner?

[PNW]

Hahaha, yes he is fully capable of making dinner, and actually IMO he is a better cook. We usually cook together but usually I end up being more responsible for the meal planning b/c I seem to care more. In other words, if I don't plan meals, he won't, because he is fine with getting take out or going out or whatever. Basically, I feel like I have to figure out meals that appeal to both of us (me being more health and budget-conscious, him being more taste-picky), otherwise it just won't happen.

Svenster - we only have one car.

Laura - I think we will discuss this. I'm not sure it will work b/c I see myself still being annoyed at him buying dumb things like $300 shoes, even if it is his "fun money". Maybe I need therapy ;)

Herring - pencil skirts aren't really compatible with bikes, shorts or not. Working remotely is unfortunately not an option, which is silly b/c I guarantee I am more productive at home than at the office. This may change as I will be switching jobs later this year (details TBD but will likely involve raise as well). Playoff sports are all of them - NHL, NBA, NFL, MLB. We don't get any channels w/o paying for cable. We might be close to deciding this hobby is getting old though.

[With This Herring]

Ah, therein lies the rub.  My work skirts are slightly A-line, so biking wouldn't be an issue.

[Stasher]

I think you can do much better on your budget like the others have said. Don't allocate that you have a certain amount to spend in an area each month, this is an "enabler" that you allow yourself to say it is ok to spend.

You need to start using a to-go cup #1 - stop wasting paper cups and become more green #2 - you get a discount on your coffees at starbucks/timhortons/mcdonalds #3 - start taking a coffee from home in the morning like the rest of us. Learn to enjoy coffee's and not always latte's (I use a Moka Pot for my americano's each morning)

Drop the cable TV immediately ~ you have a gym you love and a dog you love, that can fill your time instead of cable TV. I myself have my internet and Netflix.

Hope things will work out with the spouse to continually align spending. Maybe keep sending blog posts/websites you like without pressure or comment and see if anything sticks. (check out rockstarfinance.com for daily posts)

No one asked but what is your ETF plan in your TFSA ? Also why have 5K saving when that could be in your TFSA, put that money to work asap. You have 4K in checking and you can withdraw from a TFSA at anytime if there is a real emergency but that being said you have a high income right now and I would assume your cash flow or 30-day credit could overcome any cash need.

[GizmoTX]

For meal planning, try Plan To Eat, which is browser based so it works on mobile devices as well & can be shared with a family member. I learned about it on this forum & there's a free 1 month trial. I was already storing recipes on my computer, but this takes it to the next level. Easy to import, & 'clipping' recipes from the internet is even easier. When you have some recipes, it's actually fun to meal plan: you simply drag each recipe onto the PTE calendar for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. It then builds a shopping list from each recipe's ingredients -- THIS is the time saving part that I love the best! It will allow you to change the number of servings in a recipe for that meal & will adjust the shopping list accordingly. With multiple recipes in your plan, it adds like ingredients together. You can customize it with multiple stores & a staples list. Items that aren't in a recipe can be added to the list. I prefer to use the shopping list on my phone & just 'check' off ingredients, but you can also print a list. You 'shop' first at home to check off ingredients that you already have, then go to the store. I save money because I buy just what I need, & know I haven't forgotten anything. Then when you're ready to cook, there's a cooking view to use in the kitchen or you can print out your recipes. It has a freezer meal feature that allows me to make & inventory batch meals; when one is dragged into my plan, PTE knows to decrease the count & not to put the ingredients into the shopping list. DS is now living on his own & using his own PTE account; it has helped him learn to economize his meals AND PTE allows shared 'friends' access to my recipes that he can import. The plantoeat.com website has instructional videos that do an excellent job of illustrating its features & benefits. Annual cost for a PTE subscription is $39. Last year PTE ran a half price sale during Black Friday weekend that can be added to a current subscription.

[rawr237]

Hi PNW! My fiance and I are in a very similar situation. Since we are both engineers, one mindset that helps is making it about efficiency. Also, up until this year we had separate finances, and the fact that I beat him on last year's savings rate motivated him, lol. For me, I am not necessarily driven to achieve super-MMM level spending, but I am interested in optimization. The desire to be able to leave work to be a full-time SAHM while not putting tons of pressure on SO as the sole wage-earner is also important to me.

I totally totally hear you on meal planning, I'm still working on this too. Weekend meal prep helps a lot to make the time/effort more manageable through the week. My SO is also very picky (I'm somewhat picky, but I'm so used to cooking for my own preferences that I don't notice it HA) - he only eats certain veggies, no curry, etc. One thing that helps me is planning for him to cook at least once a week, usually on the grill (or breakfast for dinner). I love to cook, but meal planning - shopping - cooking - fridge management is still a chore (left on his own, SO will let things MOLD in the fridge). Since he is picky, your SO may find that he likes certain things better homemade because he (or you) can make it exactly how he likes it.

Marinades are an easy way to add flavor - bottled teriyaki or BBQ sauce are standbys. If he tends to always get a certain type of food (Italian? Mexican? Indian?) then you can try using a spice blend for that cuisine. Another 'easy' flavor boost is cheese. For salads you can cook/chop a bunch of ingredients and let him assemble himself (I just ate a wonderful salad for lunch with iceberg lettuce, grape tomatoes, salami, and provolone with a pesto-red wine vinaigrette).

I used to get frustrated all the time because he would be picky but not helpful, but after many conversations he helps out with the cooking more, and now I have a mental list of foods/recipes we both like. Things can get better :)

You can check cookbooks out of the library to find one you like - my public library usually doesn't have waitlists for cookbooks unless they're super new and popular. Your SO can look through the cookbooks for dishes that sound good to him.

Do you at least enjoy the cooking? If you don't like doing it (or are feeling lazy), then batch cooking is probably the way to go...roast a bunch of vegetables and chicken thighs at the beginning of the week, and give him options to dress it up (BBQ sauce, mustard, other condiments, cheese, tomato sauce, pesto, pickles).

There are lots of well-insulated thermoses now (I have this one: https://www.amazon.com/Contigo-AUTOSEAL-Insulated-Stainless-Easy-Clean/dp/B00HZI5XBG/ref=sr_1_11?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1496158756&sr=1-11&keywords=thermos) which will keep your coffee hot for hours. You can pour it into a mug at work to drink it at your desk. I occasionally bring mine from home, but usually drink the free coffee at work and enjoy my superior french press at home on weekends.

Something that might help with the buying avoidance is figuring out where those ideas are coming from. I used to read magazines, watch TV with commercials, and read blogs about 'stuff'. In our daily life, there aren't many things that pop up as needs or even wants. I also avoid wandering around stores in general.

This is random, but on the shoes - is your SO a sneakerhead? One of my coworkers is OBSESSED and the value of his collection is ridiculous - but because he's so tuned into the "market", he also makes money by buying limited edition shoes at retail price and reselling them new or barely used for a significant profit. He still spends more than he makes...but if your SO is really into it he could resell to offset his costs.

[TrMama]

You've gotten lots of great advice already so I don't have much to add.

If your DH is so picky about dinner, can you ask him to make up a list of meals he wants to eat that week and then you can cook them? Or better yet, he can make half of them? The other alternative is that you can cook what you like and he can either eat it or make his own arrangements. This is actually the setup my DH and I have. I ask the troops (DH and the kids) what they want to eat that week, plus add some meals that I prefer. When dinner is put on the table, the troops can either eat it, or not.

With regard to future goals, have you talked about whether you both want to keep working full time after you have kids? If either of you wants to take an extended period off, having low expenses and a nice stash will make this easier. And if neither of you want to take time off, having low expenses and a nice stash will make paying for daycare less painful.

[Stasher]

I'll be the tough love person too in here

"Picky" "but its my only indulgence" "it's too tough" "I love my car" "its just a pair of shoes" .... these are all types of enablers you give yourself and if you expect to achieve results then some effort and hard work will be required. By attacking your future in half efforts then expect half the results. You don't need to be extreme as many on here are accomplishing amazing things while being incredibly frugal.

You are here, you are asking questions and you are eager for change. I think you have the right attitude and will achieve the results you are searching for, just make a solid gameplan remaining positive for change. Through habit you will surprise yourself and there should be no way that hubby doesn't see what you are accomplishing.

[fdubz]

Just one thing about meal planning.  It is hard, and I was terrible at it.  I ended up wasting so much food/time/money. 

Over a year ago, I decided to try eMeals.  You can pick from a plethora of different plans (and you can change that plan whenever!).  They send you a weekly plan with meals and grocery list and they also have a really good app.  I paid for a year, which was about $60.  I probably made up the difference within two weeks. Some weeks, I'd only spend $40 at the grocery store because I only needed a few items.  Just stick to what's on your list!
I cancelled the plan after a year, but because of the emails, we are now just going back through and eating the ones we really liked again! 

I highly recommend it.  I think there's a free trial, so totally worth trying.

[PeggySue]

I second what fdubz says.  We were very reluctant cooks, mostly because we would spend time and effort trying to cook something from a recipe and then it just never tasted very good.  We started using Blue Apron (not super-mmm, I know), but they are pretty good about teaching you to cook and especially season!  At any rate, now we are much more confident cooking in general, eating healthier things like fish, and relying less on frozen pizzas and take-out.  It was the boost we needed, so I feel the expense was justified.