I get to workout and the stress level is low for such good pay. . . . My stomach is in knots and I am now pretty sure I am experiencing depression. Haven't had a vacation in quite a while.
. . . . Wife encourages me to build a business or do something while still being employed but that hasnt worked, for one thing I don't have the time and I'm exhausted. Drinking has increased.
I am seeing a lot of contradictory stuff in here, which tells me you are spending some emotional energy justifying your choices and not really looking clearly at things.
First things first: to a therapist, pronto. I can tell you from personal experience that depression makes everything worse -- I was ready to walk out of my office and never look back; even though I had previously loved my job, it all seemed so pointless. If you are drinking to the point that you are noticing the difference and reporting it here, there is something very serious going on, and it needs to be addressed.
Second, talk to your wife. She needs to understand where you are, physically and mentally. And you need to understand why she doesn't want you to quit -- is she worried about finances/cash flow? Is she worried she will be jealous because she'd like to quit too, and she thinks your quitting will require her to work longer? And most important:
listen to what she says. Do not react, do not come up with solutions; the point of the conversation is to hear what she has to say, and then take the time to process it. If you immediately present a solution or try to explain why her fear isn't valid, she will not feel heard, and you will remain at an impasse.
Third, I agree with the suggestions to take some time off work. If your company is subject to FMLA, you are entitled to 12 weeks off if you can get a doctor or therapist to say you need the time off to manage your depression and drinking. If not, just take a damn vacation -- use all the time you can get approval for. Do it as soon as you possibly can.
After you have done all of the above -- and preferably while you are on leave or on vacation -- take a hard look at your real options. This goes back to the contradictions in your post -- your wife doesn't want you to quit and yet is encouraging you to do something else? Your current job is easy for the pay and leaves you plenty of time to hit the gym, yet you are so stressed you are drinking too much and don't have time/energy to look for other options or build a side business? Honestly, with all this stuff, I see the depression talking: the first thing depression does is convince you that you are stuck, and that there is nothing you can do to make things better except for quit everything and withdraw. The reality is that if you have time to go to the gym, you have time that you could use to look into consulting/investigate other jobs -- you are simply avoiding using the time in that manner for one reason or another.* If you get yourself some therapy and some time off work, that may give you the space to clear your head and look at things more logically. You
do have options, and your wife is exactly right to encourage you to investgate them. You just need the mental breathing room to see that and develop a plan.
And I am not in any way suggesting that you need to continue working, btw; your finances are in great shape to quit, especially if your wife continues to work. I just think that is an extreme first step when your wife would be unhappy if you did so, when you are feeling too overwhelmed to think clearly, and when you do not yet have a plan for how you will spend your time in the future. I would hope that some therapy/medication and some time away will give you the peace you need to work together with your wife to develop a plan that both of you will be happy with.
*Note that I am not in any way criticizing the use of time to go to the gym! Personally, that is critical for my mental health. But your excuse is that you do not have time; my point is simply that you do have time, you are just choosing to use it on other things. And if skipping the gym for a couple of weeks is what it takes to set you on a healthier, more sustainable long-term path, then that short-term sacrifice is worth it -- especially since just going to the gym alone is insufficient to give you the stress relief you need.