Author Topic: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice  (Read 1962 times)

Westoftown

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First the demographics   - Me - 51 M, wife also 51.  2 kids 13 and 12.  Dog - 11

Financials -

Income
Me - $160,000, wife -$50,000 - total $210,00 plus income from investments probably $16,000 - total $226,000
Wife is a teacher and I work as a mid level manager in a corporate job

Assets - Me 401K and brokerage - $1,898,000 all equities and shellacked from recent December market
Wife 401K rollover $102.000
House and Land - $430,000(may need $15-$20 K to improve to sell)
One vehicle 2003 Honda Pilot value $4,000, wife drives my company car
HSA - $18,000
Total Assets - $2,456,000

Liabilities -
Mortgage - $152,000

Net Worth - $2,304,000
That may seem like plenty but trust me I have been working in jobs I really have never liked for over 20 years, so facepunch for me for not making my career better and being trapped in it for the money.

Expenses -

Mortgage/Taxes/Insurance on house - $2,043(41,100 per month goes to principal)
Utilities - $320
Kids sports - $200
Car insurance/Maint - 125
Groceries - $600
Restaurants - $300(we both are working and shuffling kids around, cant fight this battle too hard with the wife)
Clothing - $110
Misc - $200
House maintenance - $120
Gas - $150
Total - $4168.00(would probably go up $400 if I quit my job and purchased another vehicle)
I generally follow the DSS spending plan(dont spend sh/t) but wife and kids are gonna keep this about where it is.  Overall we are all pretty frugal although we could be better.


Situation -

Ok here is where I need help.   I am 51 and am very fortunate to be in my current position.  Jobs like mine are being replaced with younger, less experienced people.  My company isn't doing too well either.  The big thing is I HATE working.   I have done the one more year syndrome for a few years.  Wife has encouraged me to try to find something else, consult, do something but for some reason I have not been able to put anything together.  I am miserable.   I have no promotional opportunities and my work is meaningless and repetitive.  Still, I get to workout and the stress level is low for such good pay. Plus I get a company car.  My stomach is in knots and I am now pretty sure I am experiencing depression.  Haven't had a vacation in quite a while.

I almost want to just try to approach my boss and see if I can get some small package to leave.  Wife doesn't want me to do this.  She will continue to teach.  Kids still have braces, college etc to go.  Pretty sure I won't be able to come back and not sure the hiring scene around here is good for people my age.  I have tried looking around but haven't been able to put anything together for consulting etc.  When I have left a job in the past I have always ended up back in the same type industry in the same type position, so it is never any better.  Still it is very hard to just up and leave such a good salary.  I really dont know exactly what I want to do, but I really feel like I need some time.   Wife encourages me to build a business or do something while still being employed but that hasnt worked, for one thing I don't have the time and I'm exhausted.   Drinking has increased.

What to do?  Help me out Mustachians.







fell-like-rain

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2018, 11:40:57 AM »
Setting aside the house, you've got over 2 million dollars, which even at a 3% withdrawal rate would yield 60k per year. That's 10k more than your expenses. You could both retire today. And being that it sounds like you hate your job and it's seriously affecting your health, quitting (even if it's to do something else) definitely sounds like a good idea.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "I can't leave, I'll never find such a high-paying job again." Those are the golden handcuffs talking. You never need to work again, if you don't want to. And if you do want to keep working, there is nothing stopping you from finding a lower-paid job in a field that you love.

My advice would be to quit, and take a few months just to decompress. Breathe. Remember what it is to live. And only then start asking yourself, "what do I actually want to do". If that involves some kind of paid work, go for it. However, if it means playing with your kids, loafing around the house, and watching the world go by, that is totally within your grasp.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 11:45:29 AM by fell-like-rain »

leavesofgrass

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2018, 11:58:10 AM »
I like that you listed your dog's age. :)

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 12:53:56 PM »
Setting aside the house, you've got over 2 million dollars, which even at a 3% withdrawal rate would yield 60k per year. That's 10k more than your expenses. You could both retire today. And being that it sounds like you hate your job and it's seriously affecting your health, quitting (even if it's to do something else) definitely sounds like a good idea.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "I can't leave, I'll never find such a high-paying job again." Those are the golden handcuffs talking. You never need to work again, if you don't want to. And if you do want to keep working, there is nothing stopping you from finding a lower-paid job in a field that you love.

My advice would be to quit, and take a few months just to decompress. Breathe. Remember what it is to live. And only then start asking yourself, "what do I actually want to do". If that involves some kind of paid work, go for it. However, if it means playing with your kids, loafing around the house, and watching the world go by, that is totally within your grasp.

Thanks, when I write it down it seems a lot better than it feels, which is one of the reasons I posted it.  I have had issues in the past being unemployed for a short period and feel somewhat scarred from that.  The recent market downturn has also concerned me - I know it shouldn't but it does.  Thanks for your reply.  I would like to get some small package but I'm going to go for it first of the year hopefully.

FIFoFum

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2018, 02:00:12 PM »
Do you work for a company that can give you an extended unpaid leave or sabbatical and then have you come back to your job? If so, that's a nice step to take to get space for your brain and body to heal. If not, then plan a long vacation. Start dealing with maybe depression and excessive drinking related to stress/burnout/lack of meaning.

Feel free to use whatever cover story you need - dealing with minor medical issue, want to take a special trip, need a break - to create the space in which you can start making some decisions or have longer conversation with your wife and deal with the angst of OMY.

It's really hard to just walk away. See if you can use a temporary break to get space in which to consider more permanently quitting.

Evasion

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2018, 02:04:41 PM »
You don't need to work. Your stash is big enough to cover your expenses for life, especially if your SO keeps working. The maths don't lie.

What would you do if you had another 6M in the bank?
Quit your job and do that.
Life is short.

Dee18

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2018, 02:08:11 PM »
Reading your post I can feel the stress! You seem to know what you want....to quit.  Get a few more facts to determine the actual costs of things.  Braces?  Is there dental insurance through your wifeís job? Mine pays $2000 toward braces for a kid.  What is the estimated cost for braces in your area?  What does a public university cost in your state?  Will kids qualify for aid if you have no income?  Is there a u iversity nearby where you might find a low key job that provides free tuition? (My daughter will graduate in May from a Tuition Exchange college....itís a huge group of colleges and universities that trade scholarships for employeesí kids.  She got free tuition at a school in another state because of where I teach.) It seems like you probably have enough money for all of it, but if you actually figure out the numbers your wife might accept it more.  Will your wife have a pension?  Will you both have social security?  The numbers may be even better than you are guessing when you include everything.

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2018, 02:45:56 PM »
Do you work for a company that can give you an extended unpaid leave or sabbatical and then have you come back to your job? If so, that's a nice step to take to get space for your brain and body to heal. If not, then plan a long vacation. Start dealing with maybe depression and excessive drinking related to stress/burnout/lack of meaning.

Feel free to use whatever cover story you need - dealing with minor medical issue, want to take a special trip, need a break - to create the space in which you can start making some decisions or have longer conversation with your wife and deal with the angst of OMY.

It's really hard to just walk away. See if you can use a temporary break to get space in which to consider more permanently quitting.

This is a good idea.  I wish I had done this the last time I was so stressed.  I am not sure they would do it but may go that route.  That way I could possibly come back if needed.

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2018, 02:50:18 PM »
Reading your post I can feel the stress! You seem to know what you want....to quit.  Get a few more facts to determine the actual costs of things.  Braces?  Is there dental insurance through your wifeís job? Mine pays $2000 toward braces for a kid.  What is the estimated cost for braces in your area?  What does a public university cost in your state?  Will kids qualify for aid if you have no income?  Is there a u iversity nearby where you might find a low key job that provides free tuition? (My daughter will graduate in May from a Tuition Exchange college....itís a huge group of colleges and universities that trade scholarships for employeesí kids.  She got free tuition at a school in another state because of where I teach.) It seems like you probably have enough money for all of it, but if you actually figure out the numbers your wife might accept it more.  Will your wife have a pension?  Will you both have social security?  The numbers may be even better than you are guessing when you include everything.

She will have a smallish pension(only 4 yrs currently) We will not qualify for aid most likely.  I am sure I could find some type of employment,  not sure about with a college. 

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2018, 02:53:06 PM »
You don't need to work. Your stash is big enough to cover your expenses for life, especially if your SO keeps working. The maths don't lie.

What would you do if you had another 6M in the bank?
Quit your job and do that.
Life is short.

I agree.   I think initially I just want to be off for a while.  I think I need time to determine what I want to do, if that makes sense.  Canít seem to get the wife on board with that though.

Spondulix

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2018, 03:56:08 PM »
You donít have a cash stash anywhere, right? Do you think your wife isnít on board cause she doesnít see how to pay the bills (cash flow)? I would come up with a plan - whether itís 6 weeks, 3 months or 6 months - to show that financially you have the familyís back. Maybe itís a matter of reallocating funds temporarily - paying yourself for your upcoming break, basically, to sell her on it.

Before I read the responses I was going to suggest a vacation. Sometimes just getting away for a couple weeks can clear your head enough to decide if youíre done for good or you just needed a break. It would be unfortunate to leave a job without any backup plan just because youíre mentally wiped. It could be if you figure out your new business idea/interest that will keep you motivated to stay in the job until you can make the jump with more security (which would make the wife happy)

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2018, 05:14:28 PM »
Posts like this make me so sad. You have so much and youíre so afraid, while your physical and mental health is deteriorating all for a fear that isnít real. As was pointed out, you can easily retire immediately and still financially be ok, and your wife still has her income. You guys need to sit down, do the math and approach this like a business. Re-read MMMís posts and articles. Stop doing this to yourself!

If I were you, I would do this:

1. Find a therapist and schedule some sessions to talk about your life and what is happening
2. Sit down with the wife, be honest about what is happening with you and then look at your financial picture
3. Contact your boss and say, Iíve got some medical issues to deal with and will be taking sick and vacation leave to deal with themóthen take 1-3 months off
4. Use that time to reset your life and mind and test out what life would be like if this was your every day
5. Come back to work and ask for a redundancy, if you donít get it, resign
6. Take some time 3-6 months more to again, see what the new life is like.
7. If youíre feeling restless, find a part time or volunteer job

You only get one life and your kids deserve all the best parts of you. Youíve worked your ass off to be in the best position possible to get your life back and give back to your family. Invest in them, make them your new job. And you, love yourself more, because you deserve it.

Evasion

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2018, 05:51:16 PM »

You don't need to work. Your stash is big enough to cover your expenses for life, especially if your SO keeps working. The maths don't lie.

What would you do if you had another 6M in the bank?
Quit your job and do that.
Life is short.

I agree.   I think initially I just want to be off for a while.  I think I need time to determine what I want to do, if that makes sense.  Canít seem to get the wife on board with that though.

It makes absolute sense and it is hard to figure out what you want to do. My post was sharp and simple to ask the simple question, what would you do if money wasn't an issue? And do that, but of course it's hard to figure.

Good luck, you're in a great position to be in even if it doesn't necessarily feel like it!

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2018, 01:22:07 PM »
You donít have a cash stash anywhere, right? Do you think your wife isnít on board cause she doesnít see how to pay the bills (cash flow)? I would come up with a plan - whether itís 6 weeks, 3 months or 6 months - to show that financially you have the familyís back. Maybe itís a matter of reallocating funds temporarily - paying yourself for your upcoming break, basically, to sell her on it.

Before I read the responses I was going to suggest a vacation. Sometimes just getting away for a couple weeks can clear your head enough to decide if youíre done for good or you just needed a break. It would be unfortunate to leave a job without any backup plan just because youíre mentally wiped. It could be if you figure out your new business idea/interest that will keep you motivated to stay in the job until you can make the jump with more security (which would make the wife happy)

Yes she has a job she generally likes, but doesnt like the idea of her working and me not.  But we will need her to keep her job for the insurance.   I think I can earn some money in the future, I just don't have the path worked out to do so, and would like to have some time to reflect, heal etc and get my head together.

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2018, 01:23:58 PM »
Posts like this make me so sad. You have so much and youíre so afraid, while your physical and mental health is deteriorating all for a fear that isnít real. As was pointed out, you can easily retire immediately and still financially be ok, and your wife still has her income. You guys need to sit down, do the math and approach this like a business. Re-read MMMís posts and articles. Stop doing this to yourself!

If I were you, I would do this:

1. Find a therapist and schedule some sessions to talk about your life and what is happening
2. Sit down with the wife, be honest about what is happening with you and then look at your financial picture
3. Contact your boss and say, Iíve got some medical issues to deal with and will be taking sick and vacation leave to deal with themóthen take 1-3 months off
4. Use that time to reset your life and mind and test out what life would be like if this was your every day
5. Come back to work and ask for a redundancy, if you donít get it, resign
6. Take some time 3-6 months more to again, see what the new life is like.
7. If youíre feeling restless, find a part time or volunteer job

You only get one life and your kids deserve all the best parts of you. Youíve worked your ass off to be in the best position possible to get your life back and give back to your family. Invest in them, make them your new job. And you, love yourself more, because you deserve it.

Thanks, I needed to hear that.  I like the suggestions I'm hearing about finding a way to take time off without actually walking in and quitting.  Question, if I could negotiate a package, would it be better to try to approach that first?  Or just go in with the medical time?

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2018, 04:17:23 PM »
Posts like this make me so sad. You have so much and youíre so afraid, while your physical and mental health is deteriorating all for a fear that isnít real. As was pointed out, you can easily retire immediately and still financially be ok, and your wife still has her income. You guys need to sit down, do the math and approach this like a business. Re-read MMMís posts and articles. Stop doing this to yourself!

If I were you, I would do this:

1. Find a therapist and schedule some sessions to talk about your life and what is happening
2. Sit down with the wife, be honest about what is happening with you and then look at your financial picture
3. Contact your boss and say, Iíve got some medical issues to deal with and will be taking sick and vacation leave to deal with themóthen take 1-3 months off
4. Use that time to reset your life and mind and test out what life would be like if this was your every day
5. Come back to work and ask for a redundancy, if you donít get it, resign
6. Take some time 3-6 months more to again, see what the new life is like.
7. If youíre feeling restless, find a part time or volunteer job

You only get one life and your kids deserve all the best parts of you. Youíve worked your ass off to be in the best position possible to get your life back and give back to your family. Invest in them, make them your new job. And you, love yourself more, because you deserve it.

Thanks, I needed to hear that.  I like the suggestions I'm hearing about finding a way to take time off without actually walking in and quitting.  Question, if I could negotiate a package, would it be better to try to approach that first?  Or just go in with the medical time?

Honestly, and strategicallyóIíd see a therapist first and get your depression and mental stresses linked to work diagnosed first, this positions you for what you want to do next. Then, yes, you can approach work and say, based on the advice of your doctor and for the sake of your health, you feel now is the best time to separate from work and would they be willing to negotiate the separation so that both sides can walk away satisfied? If yes, victory. If no, then youíll need to have a medical timeout to recover and address your health.

Does that make sense?

Treb3

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #16 on: December 23, 2018, 10:12:00 PM »
Take as much vacation time as you have on the books. Use the time to heal and reflect. Then make a decision when you have been back on the job for a few months. Make a plan before jumping ship. Involve your wife.

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #17 on: January 02, 2019, 08:44:42 AM »
Take as much vacation time as you have on the books. Use the time to heal and reflect. Then make a decision when you have been back on the job for a few months. Make a plan before jumping ship. Involve your wife.

Thanks, I really do need to do this.  I saw one a few times a couple of years back, didnt really help.  I think I know what I want, I just need to do it.  I feel a lot of stress released when I just am off for a few days with no things scheduled.  I am the type that likes to do things in a relaxed way and on my own schedule.  Just havent had the time off to really get my mental state right.  Thanks for your input!

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #18 on: January 02, 2019, 08:46:48 AM »
Take as much vacation time as you have on the books. Use the time to heal and reflect. Then make a decision when you have been back on the job for a few months. Make a plan before jumping ship. Involve your wife.

Thanks, I really do need to do this.  I saw one a few times a couple of years back, didnt really help.  I think I know what I want, I just need to do it.  I feel a lot of stress released when I just am off for a few days with no things scheduled.  I am the type that likes to do things in a relaxed way and on my own schedule.  Just havent had the time off to really get my mental state right.  Thanks for your input!

Thanks.  I am going to work this way in the new year.  Last year I did try to get a plan going, but just wasnt very successful for 2 reasons - The first being too busy doing daily life and work, and #2 I just couldnt put together a working plan of action.  Going to try some better goal setting this time.

Laura33

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #19 on: January 02, 2019, 10:10:09 AM »
I get to workout and the stress level is low for such good pay. . . .  My stomach is in knots and I am now pretty sure I am experiencing depression.  Haven't had a vacation in quite a while.

. . . . Wife encourages me to build a business or do something while still being employed but that hasnt worked, for one thing I don't have the time and I'm exhausted.   Drinking has increased.

I am seeing a lot of contradictory stuff in here, which tells me you are spending some emotional energy justifying your choices and not really looking clearly at things. 

First things first:  to a therapist, pronto.  I can tell you from personal experience that depression makes everything worse -- I was ready to walk out of my office and never look back; even though I had previously loved my job, it all seemed so pointless.  If you are drinking to the point that you are noticing the difference and reporting it here, there is something very serious going on, and it needs to be addressed.

Second, talk to your wife.  She needs to understand where you are, physically and mentally.  And you need to understand why she doesn't want you to quit -- is she worried about finances/cash flow?  Is she worried she will be jealous because she'd like to quit too, and she thinks your quitting will require her to work longer?  And most important:  listen to what she says.  Do not react, do not come up with solutions; the point of the conversation is to hear what she has to say, and then take the time to process it.  If you immediately present a solution or try to explain why her fear isn't valid, she will not feel heard, and you will remain at an impasse.

Third, I agree with the suggestions to take some time off work.  If your company is subject to FMLA, you are entitled to 12 weeks off if you can get a doctor or therapist to say you need the time off to manage your depression and drinking.  If not, just take a damn vacation -- use all the time you can get approval for.  Do it as soon as you possibly can.

After you have done all of the above -- and preferably while you are on leave or on vacation -- take a hard look at your real options.  This goes back to the contradictions in your post -- your wife doesn't want you to quit and yet is encouraging you to do something else?  Your current job is easy for the pay and leaves you plenty of time to hit the gym, yet you are so stressed you are drinking too much and don't have time/energy to look for other options or build a side business?  Honestly, with all this stuff, I see the depression talking:  the first thing depression does is convince you that you are stuck, and that there is nothing you can do to make things better except for quit everything and withdraw.  The reality is that if you have time to go to the gym, you have time that you could use to look into consulting/investigate other jobs -- you are simply avoiding using the time in that manner for one reason or another.*  If you get yourself some therapy and some time off work, that may give you the space to clear your head and look at things more logically.  You do have options, and your wife is exactly right to encourage you to investgate them.  You just need the mental breathing room to see that and develop a plan.

And I am not in any way suggesting that you need to continue working, btw; your finances are in great shape to quit, especially if your wife continues to work.  I just think that is an extreme first step when your wife would be unhappy if you did so, when you are feeling too overwhelmed to think clearly, and when you do not yet have a plan for how you will spend your time in the future.  I would hope that some therapy/medication and some time away will give you the peace you need to work together with your wife to develop a plan that both of you will be happy with.

*Note that I am not in any way criticizing the use of time to go to the gym!  Personally, that is critical for my mental health.  But your excuse is that you do not have time; my point is simply that you do have time, you are just choosing to use it on other things.  And if skipping the gym for a couple of weeks is what it takes to set you on a healthier, more sustainable long-term path, then that short-term sacrifice is worth it -- especially since just going to the gym alone is insufficient to give you the stress relief you need.

Westoftown

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Re: Looking to quit my job and maybe find something else, maybe - need advice
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2019, 02:55:26 PM »
I get to workout and the stress level is low for such good pay. . . .  My stomach is in knots and I am now pretty sure I am experiencing depression.  Haven't had a vacation in quite a while.

. . . . Wife encourages me to build a business or do something while still being employed but that hasnt worked, for one thing I don't have the time and I'm exhausted.   Drinking has increased.

I am seeing a lot of contradictory stuff in here, which tells me you are spending some emotional energy justifying your choices and not really looking clearly at things. 

First things first:  to a therapist, pronto.  I can tell you from personal experience that depression makes everything worse -- I was ready to walk out of my office and never look back; even though I had previously loved my job, it all seemed so pointless.  If you are drinking to the point that you are noticing the difference and reporting it here, there is something very serious going on, and it needs to be addressed.

Second, talk to your wife.  She needs to understand where you are, physically and mentally.  And you need to understand why she doesn't want you to quit -- is she worried about finances/cash flow?  Is she worried she will be jealous because she'd like to quit too, and she thinks your quitting will require her to work longer?  And most important:  listen to what she says.  Do not react, do not come up with solutions; the point of the conversation is to hear what she has to say, and then take the time to process it.  If you immediately present a solution or try to explain why her fear isn't valid, she will not feel heard, and you will remain at an impasse.

Third, I agree with the suggestions to take some time off work.  If your company is subject to FMLA, you are entitled to 12 weeks off if you can get a doctor or therapist to say you need the time off to manage your depression and drinking.  If not, just take a damn vacation -- use all the time you can get approval for.  Do it as soon as you possibly can.

After you have done all of the above -- and preferably while you are on leave or on vacation -- take a hard look at your real options.  This goes back to the contradictions in your post -- your wife doesn't want you to quit and yet is encouraging you to do something else?  Your current job is easy for the pay and leaves you plenty of time to hit the gym, yet you are so stressed you are drinking too much and don't have time/energy to look for other options or build a side business?  Honestly, with all this stuff, I see the depression talking:  the first thing depression does is convince you that you are stuck, and that there is nothing you can do to make things better except for quit everything and withdraw.  The reality is that if you have time to go to the gym, you have time that you could use to look into consulting/investigate other jobs -- you are simply avoiding using the time in that manner for one reason or another.*  If you get yourself some therapy and some time off work, that may give you the space to clear your head and look at things more logically.  You do have options, and your wife is exactly right to encourage you to investgate them.  You just need the mental breathing room to see that and develop a plan.

And I am not in any way suggesting that you need to continue working, btw; your finances are in great shape to quit, especially if your wife continues to work.  I just think that is an extreme first step when your wife would be unhappy if you did so, when you are feeling too overwhelmed to think clearly, and when you do not yet have a plan for how you will spend your time in the future.  I would hope that some therapy/medication and some time away will give you the peace you need to work together with your wife to develop a plan that both of you will be happy with.

*Note that I am not in any way criticizing the use of time to go to the gym!  Personally, that is critical for my mental health.  But your excuse is that you do not have time; my point is simply that you do have time, you are just choosing to use it on other things.  And if skipping the gym for a couple of weeks is what it takes to set you on a healthier, more sustainable long-term path, then that short-term sacrifice is worth it -- especially since just going to the gym alone is insufficient to give you the stress relief you need.

Man, that is right on.  Thanks for the detailed response.  I do deal with depression.  Its difficult for me to admit but I'm sure that's what it is.  I don't come from a background where we get therapy, and when I have tried to do so it didn't work well.  Now might be the right time to try again.  You nailed it - my main problem is that I feel stuck all the time with no options, when in reality I should be super hustling to find a better path.  I have spoken to the wife on several occasions.   Her main thinking is that, well, she's kind of a doomer on the economy.  No amount of money would be ok with her for me to quit working, as she sees the economy imploding at some point due to the massive debt the US in under.  I don't agree, but thats the rub there.  She isnt a depressing person BTW - she just feels that economy is a house of cards.

Again, you nailed it on the depression, it shouldn't be like this.  But with a monotonous job, a relatively new location where I don't have many friends - it does bring on the depression.  I am going to find a way to take some time off one way or another, my sanity demands it.  Thanks.