Having a luxury vehicle let alone two doesn't make sense in our current area, and the luxury watch doesn't make much sense if I can't have everything else to go with it.
What does the portion I've bolded mean? I'm genuinely curious. I'm sympathetic to some of your lifestyle wants, but the watch thing puzzles me. I can understand paying a couple hundred for a high-quality watch that looks nice. But paying thousands for a watch is baffling. (Though I guess I shouldn't find it any more baffling than the fact that people spend outrageous amounts on engagement rings--and those don't even tell you the time!)
I think we can all remember an example of people who stretch way too far to afford a more than practical car or truck. A $60,000 truck is probably not going to serve you five times as well as a $12,000 car. To me a big truck doesn't fit in the driveway of a small house like it would in the driveway of a big house. And a fancy watch doesn't fit unless everything else is taken care of.
We could list a lot of luxury categories (cars, handbags, spa treatments, clothes, furniture, statues, fancy dining, horses, boats) and measure individually how much they claws at your desire levels from not understanding why to wanting it to the exclusion of others. In my case it's fancy watches. The only reason I don't buy a $300-$800 watch now is I know I'll want a $2000 - $10000 watch afterwards.
I am not going to jump on you for wanting nice things, because that would be massively hypocritical -- I have chosen to continue to work until basically decrepitude by the standards of this blog (@58) because I like my house and car and I want to put my kids through college. I read "Your Money or Your Life," and it left me cold. I like my job ok, and I love my life as it is even more.
But the bolded parts above concern the hell out of me. I don't hear you saying, damn, I really love watches, have had a thing for them since I was a kid, and I have tried the "do without" approach, and it's just not working for me, so my FI budget needs to allow for me to have a nice watch. No -- you are saying I Want All The Things, and asking us how to get them on $100K/yr and still retire at a reasonable time. That's an easy answer: you can't. Doesn't happen. DH and I make multiples of what you make and have a very spendy lifestyle by the standards of this forum, and we STILL don't have Rolexes or statues or horses or boats, because we can't afford them! Who in the world led you to believe that UMC people get to have all those things??? That's not even a 1% thing -- that's a 0.01% thing.
You absolutely have the right to choose specific things that matter to you, that make you happy when you look at them/use them, and that you are willing to work longer to afford. But you don't have the right to expect ALL of the trappings to make a lifestyle that "goes together." Everyone has to pick and choose --
everyone. I drive a Porsche -- and I also drive it to Aldi's for my groceries and to Kohl's once or twice a year for a few clothes; my kids go to public school, and my idea of a splurgey watch cost me $120.* Oh: and I also waited for that car until I was 50+, FI, had college funded and retirement on track, and could write a fucking check for it. Because for me, damn, I love cars, love love love, and that puppy makes me smile every time I drive it, and it is the stupidest expense that was ever worth it in my life. But it would be royally fucking stupid if I let my desire for that car interfere with my higher priorities, like taking care of my family and having a big 'stache to protect against future hard times.
The way you get to "happy" isn't to pine after a luxury lifestyle while sniping at your spouse over $4. It is to get past the idea of an "image" of success, and figure out what specific things are most likely to bring you happiness -- and then figure out whether the cost is worth the additional years of work. Spend your money where it counts, for you, and cut back everywhere else. E.g., if you are spending $1500 on food now for two people, yet that budget doesn't cover a fancy dinner or two a month, then you're blowing a lot of cash on food that doesn't bring you any value. Set aside at least $200 of that every month for at least one blowout date night -- and then cut back on weeknight takeout in favor of frozen pizza, or trade regular grocery store for Aldi's, or whatever, to make up the difference.
Or, e.g., the house: what is it about the 4,000 sf, $500K house that is appealing? Is it because you have seen your dream house in your dream neighborhood, and that is what the specific features and space and finish cost in your neck of the woods? Or is it because your mental image of "success" is a big "executive"-style house? If it's the latter, challenge yourself on that -- what do you really *need* in a house, and what are the very specific extras you want and will use and enjoy (lot size, kitchen appliances, floors, level of finish, number of bedrooms/bathrooms, mudroom, playroom, etc.). Build your image of the house you want around the specific features you want, and you are very very likely to discover that it doesn't have to be quite that big or cost quite that much. And, you know, if it does, then ok -- you work that $500K + all the upkeep into your budget, and you look at how much longer you need to work for that, and you decide if it is worth it.
Or the watch: if you are a watch guy, cool. So you save up for it. Every month, you put $XX into a watch fund; every time someone gives you money as a gift, you put it in the watch fund. Sure, you can't get it immediately, but you're always making progress, building toward something you want -- which, I can tell you from personal experience, makes it that much sweeter when you finally get there.
I agree with the earlier poster who said that it sounds like you have put yourself on a starvation diet, and now you just can't stand it any more and are ready to burst (I don't quite get it -- $1500 in food and $10K/yr in travel doesn't exactly sound bare bones or LMC -- but your intense emotional reaction certainly suggests that you have cut back severely in some area that matters to you and are now feeling massively depressed/angry that this is your reality for the rest of your life). So figure out what the "pinch" is, and then go back through your budget to relieve that pressure by allocating more money to the important thing you are missing, and taking that extra money from somewhere else where it doesn't mean as much. (But NOT your retirement funds -- honestly, you need your current savings just to afford a regular retirement age, much less ER).
Tl;dr: Happiness doesn't come from having everything. It comes from separating out the things that really matter
to you from the generalized commercial vision of "success," and focusing your limited resources on the former.
*And I don't give a fuck if someone wonders what a schlub is doing in such an awesome car, or how they let someone buy something like that if she wasn't wearing a matching $3K watch and $800 boots. Because, dude, I own that fucker, and I paid cash, and I can retire whenever I want, so suck it.