let me begin by just thanking everyone who has replied. Good or bad trust me i take it all in. i will try and answer your questions and comments.
When i listed expenses it is not expenses i budget for but more what i actually end up spending almost every month. Some are obviously budgeted because i know the exact amount like rent, utilities etc. but others like nails, food and shopping i do not have an actual budget but i do keep a mental note on what we are spending. So i think creating a budget would be my next step and would probably help a lot.
So i see all the nail and hair comments. People who do not wear makeup or get their nails done don't get it and i understand that. Some people do not want to do all that. Some will say they dont "need" it to look presentable. And yes i agree that a women does not need to wear make up and have their hair styled to look presentable but that is just who i am i love wearing makeup and having my hair done. Not for family or social circle but for myself. I have a ton of hair and short hair just does not look good on me so a hair cut is always $45+ . I had already decided a few months ago that i was going darker on the hair for less maintenance.
I have times where i crack down and tell the family no more spending on things like eating out or stuff we don't need but want. Then i go in to my phase of we only live once and I want to enjoy life and have vacations and fun times as a family.
I am usually less of a fast food more of a at home dinner but sometimes i have to many things scheduled that there is no time. We have definitely talked about this in the last months and this is a big one that we can and will cut down. We need to manage our time better so that we can also manage our money better.
Half of my YOLO decisions are based on not having planned ahead. The other on actual experiences and things of value. I think with planning ahead i will for sure end up saving more and having less of these eating outs.
I think you are on the verge of a realization with these thoughts. The first quote sounds like a kind of manic depression, and that will drive you nuts. You can't go on a "starvation diet of fun." But you also need to save for necessities. You have these things listed out as a budget, but I get the feeling you don't really budget for them; you happen to find yourself in a situation of temptation / short on time / opportunity, and you make an impulsive decision. You would do better to *actually* budget for this, as in: "OK gang, we have $50 this week for fun. (all the categories together) What do we do with it?" Spend some time up front thinking about the coming week or month, and if you then have a plan, as in "We will go out for family pizza night on Friday" then when you are confronted with "I'm too exhausted to cook after soccer practice" try to think of it as not costing you some money, but costing you pizza on Friday. This keeps it an "apples vs. apples" comparison.
Also, savings must not be "what's left over." As @Freedomin5 says, pay yourself first. Budgeted savings goes into those accounts on payday, automatically if at all possible. Then you are also reinforcing the budget decisions by staring your bank balance in the face. It's a very powerful mind trick for many people who struggle with the things you are describing.
You are correct in that i do not budget and i also don't say ok we have $50 what can we do. We just do it. Like i previously said budget is on the list for what i need to do. I actually do transfer $500 to our savings every month. After paying everything at the end of the month i transfer whats left over to our savings. So yes i still could be saving a bit more.
Your husband's gas is very high: as it seems he is employed rather than working as a contractor, is it possible for him to get an allowance for gas from his employer?
Your job may be good on benefits but if the two of you together have an income of $72k then that is not particularly good pay for the Bay Area.
So i will clear up a bit on this. Husband is an employee he is working on getting his own contracting license and has a test coming up later this month. I make $4k a month post tax with and my employer pays our health insurance. Husband makes at least $2000-$3500 plus an extra $10-15k a year on side jobs. He has projects through out the year but sometimes they are spaced out or do to weather/holidays have to be postponed. If it is any easier ill say for 2017 we made $82k and for 2018 $90k. I do not like counting money i do not have which is why i just go with the amount i know he is actually making.
Husband has had a talk with his employer and let him know that he has the vehicle he has because he needs him to carry many tools and work related items. If he is not going to hep out with gas he will sell the vehicle and get a much more economical one. His boss will give him $100 here and there but sometimes "forgets" so he said he will talk to him about it.
Hair/nails: $65
Gym $50( two memberships)
Entertainment $150( movies, museums, themeparks)
Eating out $250(restaurants and fast food)
Shopping$200 (clothes/shoes/personal care/beauty/home supplies, etc )
Misc $250
You spend a good chunk of your money on unnecessary things. You live IN the Bay Area. DH lived there for a couple years and we didn’t spend as much as you do on entertainment. You have some lovely free parks and hiking trails at your doorstep. San Francisco also has tons of wonderful and free cultural activities. Why have a gym membership when you have mountains and ocean right there? SF was awesome when we lived there!
One way to make sure you don’t spend all your extra cash on stuff is to “pay yourself first”. Max out your retirement accounts. You’re only 30, so you’re still young, but you also don’t have much saved because you’re spending a good chunk of it on make up and nails and fast food. If you divert a good portion of each paycheck into your retirement accounts and simply don’t see the money hit your bank account, sometimes that makes it easier not to overspend. Our family income is quite a bit higher than yours, but we still employ the same strategy. My entire paycheck is deposited directly into the “investment” bank account, and we spend from a different bank account with DH’s paycheck. On payday, a portion of DH’s paycheck is transferred to the investment bank account and we live on whatever is left over. Basically, you can’t spend money that you can’t easily access.
With regard to busy schedules, DH is often not home due to work, which makes me a single working parent most of the week. It’s easy to just order pizza or food delivery. What works for me is to make my own frozen entrees. So about once a month, I’ll make a batch of pizza dough from scratch (which is super easy — recipe on allrecipes.com) and DD (age 5) and I will assemble several pizzas which we then freeze. On busy exhausting days, we pull out a homemade frozen pizza and dinner is ready in 15 minutes. Another strategy that has worked for us is using a pressure cooker with a timer setting. The evening before, I chop up a bunch of veggies and keep them in the fridge. In the morning, I throw everything in the pressure cooker, add water, and set the timer to start cooking an hour before I arrive home. By the time we arrive home, we have piping hot soup ready to eat. Throw in some pasta or noodles, boil for 10 minutes, and we’re good to go. Leftovers go in the freezer.
If you can reduce the above expenses even by half, you’ll be saving an extra $5400 per year. You can do this!
Thanks for the positive reinforcement.
Entertainment is not something i budget for and say this month i will spend $100 on it. entertainment just ends up happening. We are a very active family and definitely take advantage of the beaches and parks, free museums and all the stuff SF has to offer. All though some of those free stuff come with a parking fee. Entertainment is usually spent spontaneously. We will go watch a Stanford women's soccer team or the SJ earthquakes which doesn't cost much but then we will buy some food to share and it all obviously adds up.
In regards to food i do know that its a big one i need to watch. I do cook a lot and leftovers are used as lunch for the next day. And over the years husband has learned how to make more things than just his one or two meals so he does help out a lot. I think weekly planning will be something i need to do.
Things i must do.
Budget.
Plan for meals.
Budget
Save more
Read about where to start saving
How do I even add money to my 401K?
Nails will now be every 8 weeks
im sure more will be added.
