Jumping in here with a bit more free advice!
First off, I actually think you are managing your finances extremely well. I wholeheartedly support your decision to keep $22K in your emergency/future spending fund. In fact, as the owner of a fixer-upper home and with (effectively) a dependent, you probably should have something on the order of 1 year in savings. The definition of an emergency fund is "how much do you need in order to sleep well at night". You might also look into opening a home equity line of credit, as that can provide funds for big emergency repairs should something come up.
As far as the friend/dependent goes...that is a very delicate situation. Unfortunately, it's entirely possible that after you part ways, this person will no longer be a friend no matter what you do - that's something you may have to come to terms with. What I would probably do is estimate the market rent of the room and then decide what the rent should be in fairness, and then sit down with your friend and have a talk about how you can't continue to support her indefinitely. The two of you can then make up a schedule with gradual rent increases until she's paying the goal rent amount - perhaps give her a year to get there. Write down the schedule and post it somewhere so she'll have a concrete goal with no surprises.
Speaking of charity...you can regard the support you're providing your friend as a form of charitable contribution. I wouldn't go jacking up your official contributions just yet. In fact, I'm going to suggest that you stop the United way contributions - that's a terrible organization to donate to anyway, as only about 1% of your hard-earned money is actually used for charity spending. Once the situation with your friend/dependent is worked out and you've saved up your emergency fund, THEN you can start looking around for other charity options. Pick organizations that will spend your money responsibly, and contribute directly.
And oh yes, refinance the mortgage like yesterday. A half percentage point is easily worth doing even if you have to pay some fees.
Those are the big things - the other expenses you can cut are small potatoes but you can work on those if you like. Absolutely cancel cable, get a cheaper phone plan, and stop dumping toxins onto your lawn. And what's up with the grocery spending, are you also feeding your roommate? Finally, the $400 "misc" category is a little big. Try breaking it down to see if there are any large expenses buried in there that need attention.