Is your mortgage calculation correct? Paying down $185,000 with 4.125% interest and a minimum payment around $1,300 should take around 16 years.
Is your mortgage calculation correct? Paying down $185,000 with 4.125% interest and a minimum payment around $1,300 should take around 16 years.
Thanks for the catch. Some of that is escrow. P&I is $934/month
How on earth are you possibly spending more than $1.3k on food EVERY MONTH!??!!? I can't wrap my head around it. You are spending outrageous amounts on groceries but an even more outrageous amount on restaurants. How is it possible for you to eat that much?! I mean you have kids, but they are small and don't eat enough to significantly increase this beyond what would be normal for two adults (~$400-450). Where is all this extra food going? Are you having to throw away a bunch of food every month to make room for all the new food you buy the next month!?
One remark regarding motivation: Right now it seems like you are basically spending your take-home pay. Was that always the case?
Some people here have noted that it helps them from a psychological angle if they reduce the available money as much as possible, which forces them to limit their spending automatically. This can be done by e.g. maxing out all pre-tax investment vehicles) as well as by setting up automated transfers of take-home pay to savings or investment accounts - the concept is called "pay yourself first".
But now let's have a look at your budget. I guess your biggest opportunities are quite clear:
- Daycare - 3000: Are there any options to reduce the amount of hours in daycare? E.g. by switching to a different schedule at work, working from home 1 day a week or similar? Teaming up with other moms and dads could be also an option. Every hour less in daycare counts.
- Target/Amazon - 748: Please specify what is in here. Here in the forum, there are people feeding a family of 4 or 5 on way less than that and you have a different pot for groceries...
- Restaurants - 783: That is extremely high. You could try to reduce your sit-down meals to every other week and pack your work lunches. Even if you do that every other day, that would be almost 400 USD saved. That is double the amount you are saving for your kid's college. Please explain that to your kid :)
- Groceries - 598: Seems also very high to me, especially since there is another xx% of groceries in the Target/Amazon bucket.
When I sum up all household and food-related expenses, I'm at 2129 USD or 70 USD/day. Slashing that in half should be possible without anyone suffering too much.
- Spending money - 600: Since that is a budgeted number - what happens if you just cut it in half? Will that change your life dramatically? What of the spending actually adds value to your life and what does not? Eliminate the stuff that does not add a lot of value to your life.
- Travel - 625: I know, domestic and international trips can be quite expensive. It might be worth it to look into travel hacking and credit cards with travel rewards. With your overall spending levels, this could substitute a substantial portion of your travel budget (and even without manufactured spending).
- House cleaning - 220: Is that really necessary or only lifestyle creep? See it as a treat that you do not deserve right now - but when you cut you other budget by xx% in the future, you might deserve it again (every other week) - if it is worth it to you.
- Storage - 70: A small amount compared to all the other expenses, but a great start for a new lifestyle. Go through the stuff in storage and get rid of everything that you have not used in the last 12-24 months. There is a good chance that you will not use it in the next 12 months. The important stuff is in your apartment already anyways.
Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b.
I've invested a lot in my career and I worry I'd be a terrible SAHM. I don't have a lot of patience for toddler antics, I'm a terrible housekeeper, etc. I realize this sentiment doesn't fit in well on a board where most people want to FIRE and stop working. I also went through a bad divorce in my 20s and the idea of leaving the workforce makes me feel vulnerable. So basically even though it probably makes sense for me to stay home with the kids, and a huge part of me would love the time with them, I feel pretty ambivalent.
Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b.
I've invested a lot in my career and I worry I'd be a terrible SAHM. I don't have a lot of patience for toddler antics, I'm a terrible housekeeper, etc. I realize this sentiment doesn't fit in well on a board where most people want to FIRE and stop working. I also went through a bad divorce in my 20s and the idea of leaving the workforce makes me feel vulnerable. So basically even though it probably makes sense for me to stay home with the kids, and a huge part of me would love the time with them, I feel pretty ambivalent.
Those benefits aren't nothing to sneeze at. $18k in savings plus health insurance plus sanity plus adult conversation? Sounds like a good use of time to me! You aren't losing money with this venture so I think you're fine with keeping on your current path. Plus it means when your kids are older and no longer in daycare, your savings are much accelerated because you've still been plugged into the workforce and advancing.
4 - This is probably priority #1, but whatever, I just got to it now. You need to have more conversations with your spouse about long term financial goals. At the very least, you all could determine some savings goals. Do you want to do more college funding for the kids? Do you want to pay off the student loans sooner? Do you want to save for a new vehicle or reach a net worth goal or be financially independent by 50? That will help you backwards engineer what your budget should look like and it will help you and your spouse get on the same page with small financial decisions if you have the big financial plans determined already.
First I'd like to point out that you are maxing your retirement contributions for work, congratulations and this is a great way to cut taxes as you know.
Get a small detached home without an HOA. HOAs are stupid and costly. You are a family of 4 which is probably tight in a 2 bedroom. Don't get a mcmansion, but get something with enough size to be comfortable long term. With no HOA, at least you will be building equity with your mortgage payment.
Get rid of the storage unit. If it can't fit in your house, you don't need it. Go to goodwill regularly.
Why is your home maintenance $200 per month? Seems pretty steep.
The life insurance seems really high. If it's whole life insurance get rid of it and get term life insurance.
Cancel the umbrella insurance. You don't need it at your level of assets. You should be fine with auto and homeowners insurance.
All of these changes will be easier if you set a goal. College fund for the kids. $1M in assets. Pick something and strive for it, then think through all your purchases more.
I applaud your savings and maxing out your annual pre-tax contributions. You are not doing too bad considering your incomes jumped up the last year and a half and you know your Discretionary Spending is your biggest issue.
Besides the spending changes, I would stop saving for kids college savings and pay off your student loans with that. Think about that for second. You are funding your kids college when you are still funding your own. Also, same think and stop contributing to your ESPP and pay down the 4% student loan first.
Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b.
I've invested a lot in my career and I worry I'd be a terrible SAHM. I don't have a lot of patience for toddler antics, I'm a terrible housekeeper, etc. I realize this sentiment doesn't fit in well on a board where most people want to FIRE and stop working. I also went through a bad divorce in my 20s and the idea of leaving the workforce makes me feel vulnerable. So basically even though it probably makes sense for me to stay home with the kids, and a huge part of me would love the time with them, I feel pretty ambivalent.
Those benefits aren't nothing to sneeze at. $18k in savings plus health insurance plus sanity plus adult conversation? Sounds like a good use of time to me! You aren't losing money with this venture so I think you're fine with keeping on your current path. Plus it means when your kids are older and no longer in daycare, your savings are much accelerated because you've still been plugged into the workforce and advancing.
Questions: My primary question is how people find motivation to cut spending when it’s not an “emergency”? I literally feel like I don’t understand where all the money is going, and this level of spending is so out of line with my values. Just putting together this case study has been enlightening to say the least.I would really recommend something like YNAB. You Need A Budget. Its an awesome program for breaking down where your money goes. like realizing your estimated costs on dining out is actually a lot higher than you thought, and makes you think and prioritize your finances. I think you're stuck in reaction mode, instead of planning mode. YNAB makes you go through your finances as transactions happen, and plan on what to do with your dollars, putting them to work and planing how to use them more effectively. they have a free 34 day trial, and if you have questions feel free to pm me about it
Travel - $625 (budgeted, three trips east to visit family for holidays, one big vacation every other year, small local trips, actual was right on last year)
How do you set financial goals? I think not having goals might be part of why it is so hard to stick to the plan.
Groceries - $598
Restaurants and food away from home - $783 (This is about 1 sit down meal out a week, plus way too many lunches out)
Alcohol - $83
Amazon/Target - $748 (this includes some groceries and alcohol not tracked separately, household supplies, baby formula, kids clothes, and all “other”. I know I need to break it out better)
Spending money - $600 (budgeted, covers adult clothing, hair, hobbies, anything else not in the budget, actuals are lower because I don’t spend my whole allowance)
I think for now I'm going to focus on food spending, because I think that's where I can have a big impact pretty quickly. Today I ate only things we already had - ate breakfast at home, packed lunch, and cooked dinner from our meal plan.
In very unexpected news, my spouse got promoted today, with a raise. We discussed putting the raise straight into investments and he agreed. Yay!
Edited to add: I am definitely thinking about the student loan payoff suggestions presented here, but I figured while we make a decision on that, we need to make sure the raise doesn't get spent.
I think for now I'm going to focus on food spending, because I think that's where I can have a big impact pretty quickly. Today I ate only things we already had - ate breakfast at home, packed lunch, and cooked dinner from our meal plan.
In very unexpected news, my spouse got promoted today, with a raise. We discussed putting the raise straight into investments and he agreed. Yay!
Edited to add: I am definitely thinking about the student loan payoff suggestions presented here, but I figured while we make a decision on that, we need to make sure the raise doesn't get spent.
I had tried posting earlier but my browser failed and lost my message.
First off, retirement income, and health benefits are a good reason to work, as well as adult conversation.
For babysitting, have any couples near you ever done exchanges? 1 or 2 evenings a month you give each other breaks, this week you babysit both broods, and they get a evening out. 2 weeks later its your turn to enjoy an evening out
Part of your problem is likely you both feel rushed, hectic, hard to keep up, and tend to make up for it in eating out, fast food, house cleaning services etc. look up slow cooker recipes, batch cooking, and meal prep ideas. if you're cooking items, double up your quantities, and freeze the extra, or have meals for the week, so you don't have to buy lunches.QuoteQuestions: My primary question is how people find motivation to cut spending when it’s not an “emergency”? I literally feel like I don’t understand where all the money is going, and this level of spending is so out of line with my values. Just putting together this case study has been enlightening to say the least.I would really recommend something like YNAB. You Need A Budget. Its an awesome program for breaking down where your money goes. like realizing your estimated costs on dining out is actually a lot higher than you thought, and makes you think and prioritize your finances. I think you're stuck in reaction mode, instead of planning mode. YNAB makes you go through your finances as transactions happen, and plan on what to do with your dollars, putting them to work and planing how to use them more effectively. they have a free 34 day trial, and if you have questions feel free to pm me about it
I also second stopping the savings plans for the children's education, unless you're getting a significant match. some programs will give a 50% or 25% match, so if that is the case do the bare minimum to get the match only. you still haven't paid off your own education at this point.QuoteTravel - $625 (budgeted, three trips east to visit family for holidays, one big vacation every other year, small local trips, actual was right on last year)
You need to look into the http://www.travelmiles101.com/ (http://www.travelmiles101.com/) course and see if any flight or hotel cards can help you out. this only works if you pay the card in full EVERY month and don't incur interest charges. i just recently did a road trip and stayed 8 nights free at various hotels from collecting points.QuoteHow do you set financial goals? I think not having goals might be part of why it is so hard to stick to the plan.
As for goals, sit down with your significant other and plan out some things that you want. travel. part time work. a new thingymabob. then discuss how you go about it. first easy goal would be knocking the student loans out of the park. that would free up some cash flow(over $600 a month!!!) and give you some good successes to continue on saving for more important things in life. sometimes making a chart to monitor your progress helps. you see little successes adding up. pick a big picture to color in sections on. each successful $100 paid off allows one bubble or square to be colored in. as you get going, you'll see more and more progress and often feel excited to keep at it. I also price out how much fees, or interest charges are costing me, motivating me to find better solutions. some have paper daisy chains, some pop balloons. put it in a nice prominent area like your kitchen fridge
On your big SL#1, over the 6 years you will have paid out approximately $3700 in INTEREST alone?
On your smaller SL#2 its $850 in interest over the 6 year loan.
If you were to quickly snowball the smaller student loan with savings from suggestions here, and roll that payment into your bigger student loan, you would pay it off 18 months sooner, and save yourself over $1000 in interest charges
I'm also in the camp of baby steps. I'd focus on the food, restaurant and Target/Amazon to start, those are the easy items. Have you thought about doing a modified spending fast? You mention you have tons of food in your house, spend a day and write everything down along with meals you could make. Cook a bunch of things on the weekends to get ready for the week instead of going to restaurants or shopping. There is a thread in throw down the gauntlet about using up everything in your pantry. I think you'd be surprised how much food you actually have. If you are not sure whether your husband would be on board, estimate his lunches and add in a couple hundred for produce/dairy for the month. Pull out the cash and only use that. Even easier with Target/Amazon, just don't do it. Don't go and don't log on. Tell yourself you'll pick up that item next month if you still need it. The reset from spending might be good and cause you to keep going or at least change your outlook. I also agree with keeping the house cleaner. I hate cleaning and would much rather pay a cleaner than go to restaurants. You can do it, if you weren't always spendy it will be easy!
Groceries - $598Reduce by $100. We feed a family of 6 on this much money or less each month (and eat very well, high protein, meat, eggs, not just rice and beans).
Restaurants and food away from home - $783 (This is about 1 sit down meal out a week, plus way too many lunches out)Take one month off from eating out. See how it goes. Just make a decision and do it. One month of no eating out, no exceptions for any reason.
Alcohol - $83Easy one month, no alcohol. Just try it.
Amazon/Target - $748 (this includes some groceries and alcohol not tracked separately, household supplies, baby formula, kids clothes, and all “other”. I know I need to break it out better)Well . . . $500 of groceries has to include even groceries from Target. No alcohol. Do they have an Aldi near you? No clothes for a month. Your kids won't be naked if you put off clothing purchases for 30 days.
Spending money - $600 (budgeted, covers adult clothing, hair, hobbies, anything else not in the budget, actuals are lower because I don’t spend my whole allowance)No clothes for a month. Seriously. Are you really going to be naked if you do not buy clothes for 30 days? I sincerely doubt it. Hair, hobbies, come on, this should be more like $30, not $600.
I 100% agree with Laura33. Re-read her post and pay attention :-) This period is tough on both parents.
One thing I have to face punch you for is this comment you made: "I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b." The kids belong to both parents - both parents work to provide for them!! Where is your inner feminist!! Day care is the responsibility of both parents! Don't say things like "daycare takes up my entire take home"!! Daycare takes up part of the take home of both parents.
"I've invested a lot in my career" - yes you have and don't forget it !
Becoming more frugal / more aware and therefore wiser about spending will not happen overnight. It takes time to build those frugality muscles, but you can do it. Good luck.
I'd happily stay out of Target forever, but we do need formula and cat litter and cat food. DH did Target this weekend and did stick to the list, and we got a lot of formula so we don't need to go back until next month.
Shopping with a list is KEY to some of this. You've already shopped your cupboards at home, and know what you have/what you need and then you don't get distracted as easily by the flashy sale signs. they make you walk distracted though the whole store for a reason.
http://business.time.com/2011/01/27/watch-and-learn-how-supermarkets-play-shoppers-for-suckers/ (http://business.time.com/2011/01/27/watch-and-learn-how-supermarkets-play-shoppers-for-suckers/)I set up YNAB tonight. I'm excited to get it up and running, and actually start using it.
I also had another talk with my spouse. He agreed to move individual meals out to our personal spending money, and to work on reducing all meals out. I think that will make a huge difference in the bottom line.
FANTASTIC! there are some facebook groups for ynab users as well. one popular one for me is "YNAB (You Need a Budget) Fans!"
Just bought our last groceries for the month, and wanted to provide an update.
Since this middle of the month, we've spent the following:
Groceries: $259
Restaurants: $217
The categories formerly known as Target/Amazon
Kid supplies: $46
Kid clothes: $8
Gifts: $4
The good news is I was able to cut WAY back on the "miscellaneous" spending by being mindful/planning ahead. The bad news is we still have a bit to go on the food spending for sure, but it's still a big improvement.
We decided to direct extra savings to my student loans. It's going to take another month or two of YNAB to figure out what is available for loan payoff, but I am feeling hopeful. Next month will be my first full month of YNAB and I'm oddly excited to come back here and report how we're doing.
Just bought our last groceries for the month, and wanted to provide an update.
Since this middle of the month, we've spent the following:
Groceries: $259
Restaurants: $217
The categories formerly known as Target/Amazon
Kid supplies: $46
Kid clothes: $8
Gifts: $4
The good news is I was able to cut WAY back on the "miscellaneous" spending by being mindful/planning ahead. The bad news is we still have a bit to go on the food spending for sure, but it's still a big improvement.
We decided to direct extra savings to my student loans. It's going to take another month or two of YNAB to figure out what is available for loan payoff, but I am feeling hopeful. Next month will be my first full month of YNAB and I'm oddly excited to come back here and report how we're doing.
Welcome! You've gotten a ton of great advice from the previous posters, so I'll refrain from specific spending advice.
In good news, if you do find the motivation to make cuts you are going to be able to make SO much progress so quickly. The spending you posted for the end of July is very promising indeed. You have a great income and the childcare expenses won't last forever.
I would highly recommend reading Your Money or Your Life by Joseph Dominguez and Vicki Robin. This was very helpful for me in figuring out what is important to me and understanding how little I was living in accordance with those purported values. For me --- I said I valued time with my family, travel, theater, and supporting local businesses. But my spending said that I valued chain restaurants, alcohol, boxed food from the giant grocery store, and mindless spending. It was eye opening seeing the disconnect.
Your spending in your original post says your highest priorities are eating pricey meals away from home and buying random shit from Target/Amazon. Is that who you want to be?
I really think cutting the eating out habit is like building a muscle - you get stronger the more you work at it. We had a really challenging week and were so tempted by take out, but I either pushed through and made dinner or went with a quick and low effort plan B.For the housewarming, I like the dessert idea, though I have personally found sweets are less appreciated than they used to be (though perhaps part of the problem is they are very abundant around Christmas, which is when I have mostly tried to gift them). As an alternative, I like to give something I've found really freakin' useful, or nice/pleasant, from a discount store like Homegoods. Too many people (in my life, anyway) don't have knife sharpeners or wine glasses... And you can get those for $10 or less!
I've had a few lunches from the work cafeteria due to poor planning, but I'm getting better at that too. Just one this past week!
I'm feeling really hopeful after a long time of feeling discouraged.
Random question: what do you do about gifts? We were invited to a wedding we couldn't attend and I would usually send a gift, and I'm also going to a housewarming tomorrow. I've tried to think about frugal options, but this is the type of problem that I usually solve by throwing money at it.
I really think cutting the eating out habit is like building a muscle - you get stronger the more you work at it.100% true, but this is one of your biggest expenses.
If your needed items at target are consistent, can you auto purchase on a recurring schedule only the things you need? Saves time, 5% discount, free shipping, and no non-list temptation spending.
...Restaurants was the one I was most disappointed in because we were doing so well at the beginning of the month and then things totally fell apart. We went on a short vacation and ate out three meals on vacation (the rest were included at the camp we stayed at), and we had a birthday dinner for a friend that I didn't plan for and was more expensive than I would have liked.
I'm also a little surprised at how quickly the miscellaneous stuff adds up, especially the kid supplies.
I really think cutting the eating out habit is like building a muscle - you get stronger the more you work at it. We had a really challenging week and were so tempted by take out, but I either pushed through and made dinner or went with a quick and low effort plan B.
I've had a few lunches from the work cafeteria due to poor planning, but I'm getting better at that too. Just one this past week!
I'm feeling really hopeful after a long time of feeling discouraged.
Random question: what do you do about gifts? We were invited to a wedding we couldn't attend and I would usually send a gift, and I'm also going to a housewarming tomorrow. I've tried to think about frugal options, but this is the type of problem that I usually solve by throwing money at it.
I have fallen off the first page. I need $800k in debt or something so that this case study is more interesting!
I set up a "no lunches or snack spending at work" challenge for myself and went 14 days with zero spend!!! Finally broke my streak yesterday because I had a meeting after work and needed a snack to keep me going. But not bad. The trick has been that I brought some of those shelf stable Indian food pouches to work to serve as a backup when I didn't pack a lunch, and a box of trail mix packets for afternoon snacks. I was able to put $200 of my $300 "fun money" into Betterment this month.
We're doing pretty good on grocery and restaurant spending this month too, but I don't want to jinx it with eight days left in the month.
I have fallen off the first page. I need $800k in debt or something so that this case study is more interesting!Congrats on the progress. Now do something badass and make your own cheap trail mix.
I set up a "no lunches or snack spending at work" challenge for myself and went 14 days with zero spend!!! Finally broke my streak yesterday because I had a meeting after work and needed a snack to keep me going. But not bad. The trick has been that I brought some of those shelf stable Indian food pouches to work to serve as a backup when I didn't pack a lunch, and a box of trail mix packets for afternoon snacks. I was able to put $200 of my $300 "fun money" into Betterment this month.
We're doing pretty good on grocery and restaurant spending this month too, but I don't want to jinx it with eight days left in the month.
I have fallen off the first page. I need $800k in debt or something so that this case study is more interesting!Congrats on the progress. Now do something badass and make your own cheap trail mix.
I set up a "no lunches or snack spending at work" challenge for myself and went 14 days with zero spend!!! Finally broke my streak yesterday because I had a meeting after work and needed a snack to keep me going. But not bad. The trick has been that I brought some of those shelf stable Indian food pouches to work to serve as a backup when I didn't pack a lunch, and a box of trail mix packets for afternoon snacks. I was able to put $200 of my $300 "fun money" into Betterment this month.
We're doing pretty good on grocery and restaurant spending this month too, but I don't want to jinx it with eight days left in the month.
We have no money left in the gas category and the car is empty. I'm trying to decide if I convince DH to not drive on Saturday so we can fill up on 10/1 or just break my budget and fill up now. It is well within our capabilities to not use the car on Saturday, but he'll think I'm being silly.
I get hung up on these things sometimes. I'd vote for putting gas in the car. Ive created these artificial barriers before, and all they did was make me (and my DH) crazy.
Is there something in another budget that you can cut down on so that you can fuel the car?
In my mind, the whole point of the envelope/YNAB system is that when there is no money left in a category you make a cut back. Sure it will be a PITA to walk or cycle rather than drive, but this will save you money, and when you are using the car next month you will be more mindful of driving careful.
But you do you.
Is there something in another budget that you can cut down on so that you can fuel the car?Yeah, I do have money in other categories I could move.
In my mind, the whole point of the envelope/YNAB system is that when there is no money left in a category you make a cut back. Sure it will be a PITA to walk or cycle rather than drive, but this will save you money, and when you are using the car next month you will be more mindful of driving careful.
But you do you.
I agree and to me it's sort of a symbolic commitment to not drive and cut back on driving next month to meet the budget. Sure, I have the money to fill up the car, but it doesn't take any discipline to just break the budget. The whole point of this is to plan better and cut back on unnecessary spending. Filling up because it's more convenient to grocery shop on Saturday doesn't seem very badass.
I put a few dollars in the tank and moved it from another category - that will get us through today and we'll plan better next month.
. . . .
Overall I'm proud of the progress we're making - we've cut our food and "other discretionary spending" substantially. But there are so many surprises tracking in real time rather than retrospectively.
Similarly, you were surprised about the kid clothing expense. What can you do to change that? Can you find a consignment--or better yet, thrift-- store near you for those coats, and for future clothing needs? Can you ask around at your co-op to see if anyone has size X or Y coats they are looking to sell?
Similarly, you were surprised about the kid clothing expense. What can you do to change that? Can you find a consignment--or better yet, thrift-- store near you for those coats, and for future clothing needs? Can you ask around at your co-op to see if anyone has size X or Y coats they are looking to sell?
Can you encourage the kids to make friends with kids who are well dressed and slightly larger than they are? (mostly kidding).
Seriously, find families that you can exchange kids' clothing with. Not everything has to be new.
Someone mentioned it earlier, but have you looked at Costco, Sams, or BJs? I am guessing you would save with just formula and diapers alone. For the diapers and formula are you making sure you get the best deal each time? What is the shelf life of the formula? How much in advance can you buy? There are websites that tell you each week the best diaper deals.
Someone mentioned it earlier, but have you looked at Costco, Sams, or BJs? I am guessing you would save with just formula and diapers alone. For the diapers and formula are you making sure you get the best deal each time? What is the shelf life of the formula? How much in advance can you buy? There are websites that tell you each week the best diaper deals.
We used Costco formula with my first but my son can't tolerate it. He's doing well on the Target brand sensitive and I stock up whenever they have a deal, but I could probably buy even more when there are good sales, since they aren't that frequent. We only use disposable diapers at night, but I'll look into how to get the best deals. One of my coworkers brings me diaper coupons, so that helps.
We have access to a Costco, but in the past it has sort of devolved into impulse shopping for convenience foods, so I didn't think it was actually saving money. But it might be worth it for diapers if we can be disciplined.
Similarly, you were surprised about the kid clothing expense. What can you do to change that? Can you find a consignment--or better yet, thrift-- store near you for those coats, and for future clothing needs? Can you ask around at your co-op to see if anyone has size X or Y coats they are looking to sell?
Can you encourage the kids to make friends with kids who are well dressed and slightly larger than they are? (mostly kidding).
Seriously, find families that you can exchange kids' clothing with. Not everything has to be new.
We already do this, but haven't had any luck for coats. We have a 3T coat for next year though for DD. I'll ask around and check thrift stores.
Also, this may be something that won't work for you, but have you considered cloth diapers for the weekend? Obviously, the day cares usually require disposable diapers, but if could use cloth diapers when the kids are at home with you it could save buying several packages a month.
I'm so excited now that we're starting to gain some momentum, but I have no one to share my excitement. So I just keep posting in here.
Achievement unlocked: proposed brunch at our house instead of brunch out, and made a frittata and coffee cake using all stuff we had in the house already. Bonus was the toddlers had fun playing in the living room while the adults chatted, which was SO NICE..
I just spent a while catching up on paperwork and despite having a baby this year and the attendant health care costs, we will have money left in spouse's FSA to roll over to next year (his has a rollover provision, mine does not). It looks like next year for the first time in several years our health care costs will be low enough that we don't have to max out two health FSAs, so that'll be a little bonus money per pay period.
People who keep their grocery bills low - how do you think about your monthly budget? Do you split it into a weekly target amount? I find our grocery costs tend to vary quite a bit by week and I'm not sure how to think about what I "should" be spending per week. I was thinking about using a calculator to keep track of what I'm spending as I shop, to see how adding in "extras" affects the total.
Thanks so much for all the ideas and feedback. I love the idea of a stable of cheap meals I can go to. I think I'd have a harder time implementing batch cooking, but I'm going to try it a bit. Tomorrow I'm cooking a big batch of black bean mushroom chili and I'll freeze some of the leftovers for future dinners and put some in the fridge for lunches. I've gotten MUCH better about pulling things out of the freezer and actually eating them since I started trying to cut down our food bills.
I'm also realizing it's not the meals that are driving up the bills, but the extras like snacks and drinks and all that other stuff that is completely optional. I think with some better planning I can start to cut down on those things, which is both good for our health and our grocery bills. I've been making sure fruit is always ready to go for a snack - grapes (which are on sale at Aldi a lot) portioned into containers, apples washed and front and center in the fridge, etc.
I'm actually not doing so bad on the grocery spending this month - there are 5 Sundays in October, and I'm aiming for $550 on groceries this month, so that's $110 or less a week. I spent $52 last week and then $132 this week, so on average I'm still doing well.
Still trucking along.
Our car got a flat tire and couldn't be patched, so I managed to get a used tire and the total was $50 for the tire and labor.
We're doing homemade Halloween, which cost us about $22 in costume making supplies.
DH is traveling this week and that is usually a trigger to spend on take out because LIFE FEELS HARD and I DESERVE IT, but I am really trying to get away from that kind of thinking and so far I have just done easy meals from stuff we have in the house. It's hard when he's away whether I order take out or make a grilled cheese, so I might as well not blow the money, you know?
At the grocery it's good to learn which items can be bought in quantity for a discount and which cannot. Peanut butter in a tub vs peanut butter in a cute little jar: tub! Kraft "cheese" slices: buy 100! Cereal: give me the ultra pack!
On the other hand, some items seem surprisingly resistant to bulk discount (at least, at our grocery): olive oil, vegetables, meats.
Getting used to calculating the "unit cost" is a good way to exercise the brain muscles. $8/L is way better than $4/250ml, buy the big one even though it's "more", etc.
That plus getting to know the "prevailing" cost of your regular purchases so you can jump on deals goes a long way, as well as knowing how long things last: when cheese is on sale, I buy a month's worth; it'll keep.
Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b.
I've invested a lot in my career and I worry I'd be a terrible SAHM. I don't have a lot of patience for toddler antics, I'm a terrible housekeeper, etc. I realize this sentiment doesn't fit in well on a board where most people want to FIRE and stop working. I also went through a bad divorce in my 20s and the idea of leaving the workforce makes me feel vulnerable. So basically even though it probably makes sense for me to stay home with the kids, and a huge part of me would love the time with them, I feel pretty ambivalent.
I am glad people encouraged me in a baby steps approach, because I definitely haven't achieved perfection in one go. I feel like cutting expenses is a bit of whack a mole. We're doing pretty well (albeit not worthy of a true mustache) on food costs this month, but the kid stuff costs are inching up and eating up all the food savings. DS is growing like a weed, so we just had to move him to the next size up. I had a few hand me downs, but many of what I got from a friend ended up being summer stuff in the size he's in now. So the rest of his stuff came from the kids' consignment store, which isn't actually all that inexpensive! I spent $93 for 12M clothes, snow boots for DD, and dress shoes for DD. I still need to get him winter pajamas too, because his sister was also this size in the summer so I don't have anything warm in 12M. Luckily I know from experience the hand me down game gets MUCH easier once they are in 2T, so only a few more sizes to go for DS.
It certainly was easier to just spend money freely without paying much attention. Tracking closely has definitely raised my anxiety along with my awareness, but I am hoping over time I'll have a better sense of the true cost of things so that I can plan. The kid costs are a bit of a moving target that I need to figure out.
I don't want to be the Debbie Downer here, but even if the shoes were expensive $93 sounds like you probably overpaid significantly for the clothes. Baby clothes are typically so plentiful that you can get bags and bags of them for free or nearly free -- if you have a local Buy Nothing group, try there. Or just put the word out a few months ahead (tip: Start asking about 18 month clothes for spring in January, when people will likely be sorting/decluttering post-holiday gift season).
If you have some decent storage space in your home, you might want to consider setting up a kids clothing stash -- she used banker's boxes to store each sized. Worked great for her as she had multiple kids. So when Kid #1 outgrew the 2Ts, she would get rid of the grotty stuff and put the decent stuff in the "2T" box to wait for the next kid to grow into it. And if she was low on a size/season, she could keep an eye out for relevant stuff from free sources and garage sales.
Hope this isn't demoralizing -- it is great that you didn't run out and buy everything new and spend 3-4x what you did, but just thought it worth noting that there is still room for significant improvement. The less you spend on things that are pretty readily available for little to nothing, the more you have for things that are harder to source. And for fun.
I don't want to be the Debbie Downer here, but even if the shoes were expensive $93 sounds like you probably overpaid significantly for the clothes. Baby clothes are typically so plentiful that you can get bags and bags of them for free or nearly free -- if you have a local Buy Nothing group, try there. Or just put the word out a few months ahead (tip: Start asking about 18 month clothes for spring in January, when people will likely be sorting/decluttering post-holiday gift season).
If you have some decent storage space in your home, you might want to consider setting up a kids clothing stash -- she used banker's boxes to store each sized. Worked great for her as she had multiple kids. So when Kid #1 outgrew the 2Ts, she would get rid of the grotty stuff and put the decent stuff in the "2T" box to wait for the next kid to grow into it. And if she was low on a size/season, she could keep an eye out for relevant stuff from free sources and garage sales.
Hope this isn't demoralizing -- it is great that you didn't run out and buy everything new and spend 3-4x what you did, but just thought it worth noting that there is still room for significant improvement. The less you spend on things that are pretty readily available for little to nothing, the more you have for things that are harder to source. And for fun.
Hi MustachedImposter,Soooo does spouse 2 have any interest in staying home with the kids? Because there's a lot of low hanging fruit here and you could definitely afford it, especially considering a huge chunk of spouse 2a salary is going to afford daycare.
I'm really torn. Obviously, daycare takes up my entire take home. I am basically working to provide health insurance and save $18k/year in my 403b.
I've invested a lot in my career and I worry I'd be a terrible SAHM. I don't have a lot of patience for toddler antics, I'm a terrible housekeeper, etc. I realize this sentiment doesn't fit in well on a board where most people want to FIRE and stop working. I also went through a bad divorce in my 20s and the idea of leaving the workforce makes me feel vulnerable. So basically even though it probably makes sense for me to stay home with the kids, and a huge part of me would love the time with them, I feel pretty ambivalent.
I get this. I also think parents sometimes underestimate future earning potential. Being out of the workforce for 4-5 years can put parents behind the earning curve. It's important to look forward to 5 years from now- what is the earning potential in your field? Does that outstrip daycare cost?
Our storage unit is conveniently located across the street from Goodwill. It's like the world is giving us a sign.
WOO-HOOO!!!!! You go!
:-)
I'd happily stay out of Target forever, but we do need formula and cat litter and cat food. DH did Target this weekend and did stick to the list, and we got a lot of formula so we don't need to go back until next month.Hmmm, got nothin' on the formula, except maybe pricing it at Costco, Sam's or Amazon Prime, which could pay for the membership cost with just that one item. Our cat happily eats the catfood from the purple bag at Costco. Her litter is Johnny Cat. It's $1 for a five pound bag at the dollar store. I go through two bags every three weeks. Sometimes I cheat a week by adding in some baking soda. It's the least expensive and most effective option I've found.
I'm supposed to be Target's target group- suburban mom with two kids. I stay out of that place. Same with Costco.
I stick to Aldi mostly and Walmart for paper goods, and the handful of items we are brand specific on or that Aldi doesn't carry that week. (Cereal and yogurt mostly). I hate Walmart, but in my area they are the cheapest. They also do free car pickup, so that's nice!
Posting to follow, and to say that I am tickled pink with your progress. You have made some amazing changes in your habits, and more importantly, you have "flipped the switch" in your mind which made those changes possible--which will also set you up to make more changes in the future and avoid taking on new expensive habits. Well done!
Is there some way to cut back on the hosting? It doesn't sound like you are getting a lot of corresponding hosting in return. Not that it's a quid pro quo, but typically these things come out even. If I have friends over a few times, they all have me over a few times so budget wise, it's a wash. If this is affecting your budget that much over more than just one month, it seems like there's an issue. Perhaps it's time to do more potlucks, plan entertainments for after meals (game night at 8pm so you only provide very basic snacks and drinks rather than meals), and maybe just do less entertaining overall.
Total income:$10,972.54$12,746.95
Total Expenses -$10,784$9,668.59
Total income:$10,972.54$12,746.95
Total Expenses -$10,784$9,668.59
First of all, congrats. You now have a MUCH better idea of what/where you're actually spending, and you've created a gap between what you earn and what you spend!
So now the question is - where are you going to throw that money and how can you automate taking that money out of "income" and into "savings" so you aren't tricked or tempted into spending it? DON'T let the extra be eaten by "surprises" like Christmas. Instead, keep up the good work!
Second - some categories to continue to focus on:
- Restaurants (and groceries, but mostly restaurants for now... just don't let groceries keep rising any more!)
- Baby and Kid supplies and kids' clothes - seems high as a total, but nice to see that breakdown much lower than the Amazon/Target misc total earlier!
- Christmas (115$ a month!! - but glad you're budgeting for it)
- Spending money - $600 (any way to break some of this out into family spending that can be optimized and reduce the amount that's opaque 'blow money'?)
Overall though I think it's awesome that you're continually reflecting on your whole picture and have a clearer path forward thanks to that!
Good progress! But why did the Salary 1 go up and the 401(k) contributions go down? Doesn’t make sense to pay off 3% loans when you still have pretax savings available.
Good progress! But why did the Salary 1 go up and the 401(k) contributions go down? Doesn’t make sense to pay off 3% loans when you still have pretax savings available.
What are you buying for Christmas? Is it a big deal in your family? It sounds like a lot. ( but i don't like christmas, so feel free to disregard it. I personally hate the fact that a religious event was turned into a month long hyperconsumption)
Do your kids have high expectations? Surely the baby wouldn't expect much. It is not like you can't afford to spend the money, so do whatever makes you happy.
And is the amount planned for tips/ teacher's gift customary there or a bit overly generous?
Is this considered a normal amount for only 2 children? And is this (i) something that you want to be doing, (ii) feel obligated to because of society, or (iii) feel is somewhat necessary for your children to be treated well?What are you buying for Christmas? Is it a big deal in your family? It sounds like a lot. ( but i don't like christmas, so feel free to disregard it. I personally hate the fact that a religious event was turned into a month long hyperconsumption)
Do your kids have high expectations? Surely the baby wouldn't expect much. It is not like you can't afford to spend the money, so do whatever makes you happy.
And is the amount planned for tips/ teacher's gift customary there or a bit overly generous?
The tips/teacher amount is surely a bit generous. We used to be in an in home and did the equivalent of one week’s fees split among the staff, but this is our first year in a center and the expectation might be different.
Generous gifts are a big thing in DH’s family and it drives me crazy. We have moved to charity gifts for the adults in his family but it’s still a ridiculous amount.
So here’s the Christmas budget:
$500 - tips and teacher gifts
$350 - gifts to DH’s family ( niece, nephew, BIL, SIL, and his parents) which is $150 in real gifts and $200 to charities that are important to them
$150 - gifts for my mom, niece, and nephew, including shipping abroad
$300 - gifts for our kids, which is what we spent on DD last year doubled, but we likely won’t spend that much on the baby and probably won’t spend that much on DD either (Last year DD got Magnatiles, which are expensive, a doll, a train set, and a couple books. We’re not extravagant compared to a lot of the people around us, but that’s probably the wrong bar)
$75 - Christmas cards and postage
Adult gifts to each other are small and come out of spending money.
You’re right that this feels really out of whack, since we spend far more on others than our own family. I need to think more about this and if I want to change it.
You’re right that this feels really out of whack, since we spend far more on others than our own family. I need to think more about this and if I want to change it.
You’re right that this feels really out of whack, since we spend far more on others than our own family. I need to think more about this and if I want to change it.
FWIW, personally I am far more likely to cut back on family gifts than on teacher/caregiver gifts. We* have more than enough; they frequently don't. My general rule is that barring a real problem, I don't improve my own budget by cutting what I give to people who make a buttload less money than I do/causes I care about. And frankly, that money means a lot more to the caregiver who makes $9/hr than it would to my SIL whose combined HH income is over $200K.
That said, it is worth checking around for local expectations now that you are in a center -- I don't think we ever did more than $50 for an awesome "main" teacher and $10-20 for helpers (since they tend to get similar tips/gifts from other parents as well). By the time we got to ES, the lovely room mothers generally arranged class gifts, so we contributed about $20 to that (there seemed to be an unstated expectation that each kid contributed to the gift for only the homeroom/main teacher and the "specials" teachers, which cut down the expected amount by quite a bit). Most years it still added up to a few hundred dollars, but not $500.
Figure out what you can afford to spend, figure out what is appropriate for your area, but don't kick yourself (or your DH) for being generous to those with less/charity if you can afford it and it is consistent with your values.
* The broad "we," including siblings, parents, children, in-laws, etc.
Are the Christmas cards necessary? Can you make them? How many are you sending out? It is a lot of money for something which ends up in the bin. I always feel bad for binning friends' family photos (you know, with them wearing antlers and cheerful raindeer sweaters)after xmas, but really, why should I keep them?
Actually, this is my favourite xmas activity, making cards, now that you mentioned it, I will pull out the cardmaking gear to make the cards for the kids classmates etc. That will keep us busy for a while.
Are the Christmas cards necessary? Can you make them? How many are you sending out? It is a lot of money for something which ends up in the bin. I always feel bad for binning friends' family photos (you know, with them wearing antlers and cheerful raindeer sweaters)after xmas, but really, why should I keep them?
Actually, this is my favourite xmas activity, making cards, now that you mentioned it, I will pull out the cardmaking gear to make the cards for the kids classmates etc. That will keep us busy for a while.
Totally not necessary, but something I enjoy doing as we have lots of out of town family and friends. We mail about 70 cards, so $35 of that is postage. The other $40 is cards and a photo print of the kids.
Are the Christmas cards necessary? Can you make them? How many are you sending out? It is a lot of money for something which ends up in the bin. I always feel bad for binning friends' family photos (you know, with them wearing antlers and cheerful raindeer sweaters)after xmas, but really, why should I keep them?
Actually, this is my favourite xmas activity, making cards, now that you mentioned it, I will pull out the cardmaking gear to make the cards for the kids classmates etc. That will keep us busy for a while.
Totally not necessary, but something I enjoy doing as we have lots of out of town family and friends. We mail about 70 cards, so $35 of that is postage. The other $40 is cards and a photo print of the kids.
OMG. I LOVE this idea. I had just been contemplating what to do as I feel like the kids have grown out of the cute-ish post card type Christmas card and I'd prefer to have a space to write a note or two. Really good idea.Are the Christmas cards necessary? Can you make them? How many are you sending out? It is a lot of money for something which ends up in the bin. I always feel bad for binning friends' family photos (you know, with them wearing antlers and cheerful raindeer sweaters)after xmas, but really, why should I keep them?
Actually, this is my favourite xmas activity, making cards, now that you mentioned it, I will pull out the cardmaking gear to make the cards for the kids classmates etc. That will keep us busy for a while.
Totally not necessary, but something I enjoy doing as we have lots of out of town family and friends. We mail about 70 cards, so $35 of that is postage. The other $40 is cards and a photo print of the kids.
FWIW, I make my own newsletters and just copy photos from iPhotos directly into the Word document. Add some photo-friendly, somewhat-nicer-than-usual paper, and you avoid at least $30 of that $40. I like it because it feels more personal than the standard "Merry Christmas to you and yours!" photo cards I usually receive (they're my friends, I want to hear about how their lives are!), and I can still handwrite whatever personalized message I want to add to specific individual recipients.
That's $443 less than our budget, so I'm going to send that amount to my student loan right now.
Did you review your December budget yet? Curious to know if it's been getting easier to find deals at the grocery store the longer you've been at it.
Just caught up on you entire case study! Congrats you guys have really come a long way! Can't wait to see what 2018 holds for you but I'm sure it'll be good with your new-found mustachian ways.
Did you review your December budget yet? Curious to know if it's been getting easier to find deals at the grocery store the longer you've been at it.
One way we avoid grovery store spending creep is to make a detailed list before going to the store. This gives us a chance to see if the needed items are buried in the pantry, and more importantly if an item isn't on the list it stays at the store.
Agree with other suggestions that you should begin tracking how the $600 per month ($7,200 per year) in spending money is used.
The baby and kid supplies are the hardest thing for me to cut down - a lot of that stuff just costs what it costs. I've started adding notes to YNAB of what it is so I can see what is adding up to so much. Basically it's formula for the baby and overnight diapers for them both, but every month I think "next month it will be less because we'll need less formula" or "next month we won't need overnights for DD" but there's always something! DS is about to switch to cow's milk so I just hope that goes okay because it's a LOT less than formula. We looked into switching to Costco for formula and diapers, but we're actually already getting better than Costco prices from Amazon on diapers, and it seemed like too big a pain to switch his formula given his GI issues when he's so close to switching to cow's milk.
If you can't agree on where to put the extra money, why not split it between investment and the lower interest loan? Perhaps not ideal for either your or DH's outlook, but that's what compromise usually feels like.
Second, have you looked into/considered goats milk? I've read it can be easier on baby and adult stomachs alike due to the balance of nutrients, lactose content, etc. Please take this as "in case you haven't heard of this" and not "I, internet stranger, have the answer to all your problems" ;)
| Category | Old Spending | New Spending | Comments |
| Housing | |||
| Mortgage | $1,510 | $1,589 | Recalculation of our payment, taxes went up |
| Storage Unit | $70 | $0 | |
| House Cleaner | $220 | $220 | I've come to appreciate how much I value this with two careers and young kids |
| Home maintenence | $214 (budgeted) | $76 (actual) | New garbage disposal |
| Utilities | |||
| Cell Phone | $57 | $30 | Switched to Metro PCS |
| Internet | $50 | $50 | |
| Natural Gas | $65 | $92 | Will work to cut this down next winter |
| Electricity | $63 | $53 | This is seasonal, but I did adjust the AC and start using ceiling fans |
| Transportation | |||
| Gas | $35 (budgeted) | $25 (actual) | |
| Parking and tolls | Not accounted for | $15 | |
| Car Insurance | $24 | $24 | |
| Bike Share | $17 | $0 | I bought a bike with my spending money for $150 |
| Auto Maintenance/Replacement | $150 (budgeted) | $90 (actual) | One $500ish repair |
| Registration/City Parking Permit | Not accounted for | $26 | |
| Kid Expenses | |||
| Daycare | $3033 (budgeted) | $3068 (actual) | |
| Babysitter | $100 | $156 | |
| College Savings | $200 | $200 | |
| Health/Insurance | |||
| OOP Medical | $180 (budgeted) | $230 (actual) | Large dentist bill in February |
| Umbrella Insurance | $13 | $13 | Hesitant to drop this |
| Life Insurance | $163 | $163 | |
| Debt Service | |||
| Student Loan #1 | $483 | $515 | Refinanced for lower rate and shorter term |
| Student Loan #2 | $143 | $0 | Paid off! |
| Discretionary Spending | |||
| Groceries | $598 | $584 | Not great, covers more food at home |
| Restaurants | $783 | $334 | Moved lunches to "personal spending" |
| Alcohol | $83 | $85 | |
| Amazon/Target | $748 | Broken out below | |
| Baby and Kid Supplies | Not broken out | $103 | Dropped substantially since March, no more formula |
| Kids Clothes | Not broken out | $60 | Mostly secondhand, still too much |
| Other kid expenses | Not broken out | $33 | Toys, activities, etc. |
| Gifts | Not broken out | $8 | |
| Pet Food and Litter | Not broken out | $42 | |
| Pet Medication | Not broken out | $16 | |
| Pet Sitting | Not broken out | $17 | |
| Vet | $83 (budgeted) | $0 (actual) | Kitties are in good health! |
| Spending Money | $600 | $600 | Can't budge DH on this one, saving a lot of mine |
| Travel | $600 (budgeted) | $635 (actual) | March vacation plus 2018 holiday travel bookings |
| Christmas | $115 (budgeted) | $67 (budgeted) | Cutting back this year, but still high |
| Charitable Giving | $300 | $0 | Moved to DAF |
| Entertainment | $30 (budgeted) | $38 (actual) | Includes Spotify, NYTimes subscriptions |
| Total Expenses | $10,784 | $9,257 | $1527 difference |
| Category | Before | After | Comments |
| Assets | |||
| Condo | $360k | $330k | Got a new estimate from realtor |
| Roth IRAs | $75k | $78k | |
| 401k/403b | $183k | $244k | |
| Taxable Investment Account | $77k | $97k | |
| Spouse 2's Personal Investment Account | $1,904 | $3,214 | |
| Cash Savings | $26,851 | $10,909 | Moved some cash to market |
| Checking | $5,689 | $3,296 | |
| Donor Advised Fund | $0 | $23,430 | New, due to tax law change |
| 529 plans | Not in original case study | $5,667 | Forgot these last time |
| Car | $1000 | $700 | 2003 Toyota Corolla |
| Liabilities | |||
| Mortgage | $185,000 | $181,436 | |
| Student Loan #1 | $29,790 | $7,897 | |
| Student Loan #2 | $9,050 | $0 | Paid off |
| Net Worth | $506,604 | $606,883 |
TLDR: We've cut our monthly expenses by $1500 and still have a long way to go.
The personal spending money is DH's hill to die on. He doesn't want to give it up, and he doesn't want me to even track it so I could know what it's going towards. I've decided $300/month is not worth fighting about, but we did say we could revisit the issue again in a few months. I think the bigger issue is we don't have a shared goal. He's happy working until normal retirement age and spending a lot of money on "lifestyle" while I am not. I'm honestly not sure how to get us on the same page.
QuoteThe personal spending money is DH's hill to die on. He doesn't want to give it up, and he doesn't want me to even track it so I could know what it's going towards. I've decided $300/month is not worth fighting about, but we did say we could revisit the issue again in a few months. I think the bigger issue is we don't have a shared goal. He's happy working until normal retirement age and spending a lot of money on "lifestyle" while I am not. I'm honestly not sure how to get us on the same page.
Just wanted to comment directly on this part, since I can relate. My partner loves his job and hates feeling "deprived" by spending cutbacks, so FIRE for the sake of FIRE isn't particularly motivating for him.
However, the idea of spending in ways that reflect our values resonates quite a bit. So I often frame financial discussions that way -- not "let's cut back on ____ so we can grow our net worth some more," but, "hey, if we cut back on ____, we'd have more to spend on this other thing that's more important to us." Sometimes the incentive is really just fun (like a relatively spendy vacation), sometimes it's something that reflects other priorities (more in charitable donations, or simply focusing on higher-value experiences). And often, the end result is that we figure out how to cut back on our spending, then get used to doing without it, and end up saving considerably more than the short-term incentive really requires.
Your date night ideas sound similar, in recognizing that higher-value experiences often involve more personal effort and less casual spending. For us, it's more like a long-running series of conversations about what we want out of life (currently, in the immediate future, and sometimes the hazy-and-mysterious distant future too)...we aren't always on the same page at the same time, but the conversation itself is often pretty interesting.
It seems like you've done a great job gaining control of your finances in the past year. Congratulations!!
| Category | Old Spending | July '18 Spending | March'19 Spending | Comments |
| Discretionary Spending | ||||
| Groceries | $598 | $584 | $441 | Finally getting this down! |
| Restaurants | $783 | $334 | $276 | Would still like to lower this a bit |
| Alcohol | $83 | $85 | $53 | |
| Amazon/Target | $748 | Broken out below | ||
| Household Supplies | Not broken out | Not broken out | $18 | Pulled this out of groceries to track it better |
| Baby and Kid Supplies | Not broken out | $103 | $33 | Woo hoo!!! |
| Kids Clothes | Not broken out | $60 | $83 | Still a tough spot for us |
| Other kid expenses | Not broken out | $33 | $12 | Toys, activities, etc. |
| Gifts | Not broken out | $8 | $9 | |
| Pet Food and Litter | Not broken out | $42 | $45 | |
| Pet Medication | Not broken out | $16 | $16 | |
| Pet Sitting | Not broken out | $17 | $45 | |
| Vet | $83 (budgeted) | $0 (actual) | $0 (actual) | Kitties are in good health! |
| Spending Money | $600 | $600 | $600 | See above/td] |
| Travel | $600 (budgeted) | $635 (actual) | $548(actual) | Booked a trip for September |
| Christmas | $115 (budgeted) | $67 (budgeted) | $100 (budgeted) | We went a bit above the $800 budget last year |
| Entertainment | $30 (budgeted) | $38 (actual) | $29 (actual) | Includes Spotify, NYTimes subscriptions |
| Total | $3640 | $2622 | $2297 |
Do you mind sharing the traveling dilemma? Maybe the group can help?
After reading your first post I’m not quite sure what the panic was about? Your incomes are between $225-250k combined, your debts are a reasonable mortgage and two relatively small student loans and you have savings and retirement accounts. I get the desire to keep the spending money. I guess keep chipping away at the small stuff but don’t stress unless there’s a strong mutual,desire for you both to FIRE.
Travel is a bit of a sticking point - basically we'd need to cut out a trip and we've sort of painted ourselves into a corner with family expectations.