Ok, good and bad. As Bracken Joy said, you are a stranger in your own life. Do you feel as if you are just sleep-walking through it? Her reading suggestions are good. And if you haven't read the Blog, start reading it, lots of important stuff in it.
Your wife is on the financial bandwagon, it sounds like she is willing to be an equal partner financially (some spouses, either gender, just are not). Now that you have a better handle on the family finances, you can take some quiet time (when you are both rested) and go through everything with her. It's a partnership, 2 brains are better than one, etc. You both need to buy in to the changes that are coming. And general info for guys, most wives would rather see more of their husband than more money coming in, our guys married us, not their jobs,and we married them, not their jobs.
DDs - my DD did dance as well, also soccer, karate, Scouting, but we were never out 4 nights a week in elementary school. 4 and 7 seems very young to be doing that much dance. What is the rationale behind it? Are they in the same class so both doing 4 nights? Or different classes and 2 nights each, or 1 and 3? Who takes them? Can the parent taking them do errands while class is on, to free up family time for the weekend? Or is class time the chance for the chauffeuring parent to have a bit of a rest? So much to think about re arrangements here. Not knocking this, car time with kids can be a great time to connect with them. Long-term - what are the goals for dance? Mine got into a very competitive dance world (my DD's area of dance does not really have a recreational component except at the adult level) and we ended up doing a lot of travel for competitions. I am not sure I would have started her if I had known this was the standard. We did it frugally, it could have been much worse financially, but it did take a chunk of time and money. So if your daughters' dance is also competitive, the time to decide if you want to go down that rabbit hole is now, not when the teacher is talking about a summer of competition.
Also re DD's and activities - traditionally girls did individual activities and boys did team activities - dance is an individual activity. Are the girls getting lots of peer interaction? - you know, play time. Or sports? House leagues aren't usually too competitive, and competitive is stupid at their ages. And other group activities - this can also include Scouting/Girl Guides/4H/other group things. And they may be too young, but in this world I was always glad DD took karate, having a bit of self-defense skills is a good thing, and having a potential abusive boyfriend know the girl can wipe his clock is also a good thing. Oh, yes, I admit being a protective parent.
Re the real estate, if you had a passion for it I would say great, go for it, just do your financial calculations. Since you just sort of ended up in it, I go by the comment to sell it all. Maybe aim to be totally out in 6 months? Or a year? But give yourself a deadline. Just because the banks will lend to you is not a reason to take them up on it, the banks lent to all those people who have ended up under-water on their houses. Banks are in business to make money, after all, and they are making some off of you right now. And from you have posted, you don't have the time and energy to be a part-time landlord, save that time and energy for your family.
Re the Air National Guard, that means your wife is on her own with the girls one weekend a month. Is she getting enough down time? Are you being an active father? Having a daughter myself meant I saw lots of her friends, and there were a lot of fathers who weren't all that involved because they didn't know how to interact with daughters. Now that the daughters are all grown up the fathers are still not that involved in their daughters' lives, because they never were so there is no precedent. Actually there were a lot of daughters who never saw that much of either parent because of their parents' jobs, and that was sad too.
And if is seems odd that I am looking at your life instead of your money, the two are inextricably entwined. You can't change one without the other.