Can my husband fire? Where are we overspending? What would you do?

[Villanelle]

@SomethingFishy thanks for the validation! I'm definitely getting better about spending money on mundane crap like pullups and paper towels, but there does feel to be very little value added by these products. Traveling on the other hand... So good. I'm in Iceland with some girlfriends and we have done an ice cave tour, Icelandic pony ride, played with mud masks in geothermal hot springs (largely free!), and eaten many delicious meals. I have zero regrets about these purchases.

In other news, DH obtained a second opinion about his knees and is no longer moving forward with the double knee replacement surgeries. He will need them eventually, but for now he might be able to get by with less invasive management or a partial knee replacement. That is good, I think, as long as he can function without as much pain going forward.

Now we have a couple new variables to contend with for the future. 1) No knee surgery. 2) He wants to continue working two days/week indefinitely if possible. I think this would net us 40-60k/year .

I'm not sure what to do with our summer plans. We have lost steam on our month-long Michigan trip. For some reason I feel compelled to work two days/week still (largely for financial reasons) However, we need the money even less now. So really I should take at least a few weeks off this summer and enjoy the time with my kids. We're also thinking of sending both kids to the Y camp for one week in July and one week in August. With that and my time off, our nanny will basically have the summer off paid. Which honestly she deserves given how she is also taking care of her husband with pancreatic cancer.

Why not try going without them then?  Either you will learn that you don't need these expenses, or you will come to see and appreciate the value they do add.  Use rags instead of paper towels and wash them when you run low.  For the pull ups, is there a cloth alternative (though the investment in those might end up costing more unless you can find them used)? 

If you feel something doesn't add value, then it seems like something you shouldn't be spending on.  Sometimes, we don't see the value until we go without.  Perhaps after a few weeks of an additional load of laundry to wash and fold, you'll come to appreciate the value of the paper towels.  Or perhaps you won't, in which case you can stick with the less expensive, more environmentally friendly alternative.  Either way, you come out ahead (in either satisfaction with your expense or $ and trees saved).

[WorkingToUnwind]

@lhamo that's nice you'll be able to help out your neighbor and her son a bit! I do agree we can more than afford it. We also have my MIL coming out next week, originally to help with DH's recovery. We were going to keep the nanny on for the kids that week, but now I'm thinking we'll give her the week off.

@Villanelle it's a knee jerk reaction for me to get frustrated by the use of the disposable stuff, but at the end of the day there's a reason we're not cloth diapering or using rags exclusively. The disposable stuff is quite handy. Rags I would gladly use all the time, but DH prefers the paper towels for hygiene reasons and convenience, so we do a mix of both. Like for wiping the kids after meals we use cloths but if there's a big spill we use paper towels. And I would never cloth diaper. My daughter has constipation issues, so I've been scrubbing poop out of undies since she was 2. 🤮 .

[Villanelle]

@lhamo that's nice you'll be able to help out your neighbor and her son a bit! I do agree we can more than afford it. We also have my MIL coming out next week, originally to help with DH's recovery. We were going to keep the nanny on for the kids that week, but now I'm thinking we'll give her the week off.

@Villanelle it's a knee jerk reaction for me to get frustrated by the use of the disposable stuff, but at the end of the day there's a reason we're not cloth diapering or using rags exclusively. The disposable stuff is quite handy. Rags I would gladly use all the time, but DH prefers the paper towels for hygiene reasons and convenience, so we do a mix of both. Like for wiping the kids after meals we use cloths but if there's a big spill we use paper towels. And I would never cloth diaper. My daughter has constipation issues, so I've been scrubbing poop out of undies since she was 2. 🤮 .

Then it sounds like there *isn't* "very little value add", which is great.  Remind yourself of what you said here next time you have that feeling that you are spending money on something that doesn't add value to your life.

[SomethingFishy]

I’m glad to hear your husband will have a less invasive option! When will he decide how to proceed? Living in constant pain is intensely draining. I could see how the mental exhaustion of that could lead him to focus on other things that feel more “controllable”, such as income.

We sent our 3 year old to a few weeks of YMCA camp last summer and she still raves about it. Hopefully your kids will have an equally great summer, and your nanny can appreciate the respite. We had an incredible nanny for the first 3.5 years and my only wish is that I had paid her more during that time, because she was so awesome and I still consider her a friend 2.5 years later.

[WorkingToUnwind]

@SomethingFishy  he's decided to pursue physical therapy instead. His acute pain is gone and he just has the exercise induced pain that he's lived with for decades. He hasn't been particularly quick about setting up PT.  The other day he tweaked his knee, so maybe that will motivate him to call.

We were really cruising along toward our fire # until Trump took office. Now something that seemed attainable in six months looks like it could take years. We're not letting that stop our plans though. DH will still semi-retire this summer. I just won't cut my hours back as I had planned to do when we reached out fire number. It was only going to be a change of 2-4 hours, so it's not a big deal. I'll do it when we hit our number.

[WorkingToUnwind]

DH is planning to talk to his boss tomorrow about quitting/dropping down to two days/week. If his boss isn't available, the conversation will get punted to next week.

We're fairly certain we're going to just have the two of us alternate days if he does go part time. With DS's preschool and DD starting kindergarten, we only need about five hours of childcare two days a week, so holding onto the nanny who would need to be paid a minimum of 8 hours/day just seems silly. We feel badly to let her go given her husband's illness, but we'll give plenty of notice so she can find something else before she stops working for us. We've gone back and forth on this a ton, but this is where we've landed.

[Villanelle]

DH is planning to talk to his boss tomorrow about quitting/dropping down to two days/week. If his boss isn't available, the conversation will get punted to next week.

We're fairly certain we're going to just have the two of us alternate days if he does go part time. With DS's preschool and DD starting kindergarten, we only need about five hours of childcare two days a week, so holding onto the nanny who would need to be paid a minimum of 8 hours/day just seems silly. We feel badly to let her go given her husband's illness, but we'll give plenty of notice so she can find something else before she stops working for us. We've gone back and forth on this a ton, but this is where we've landed.

I have plenty of friends who do nanny shares, there they split time with one nanny so she gets full-time work (or however many hours it is she's looking to work), but each family only uses her part time. 

[WorkingToUnwind]

Our nanny works for another family three days a week. I don't think we could secure a nanny-share where another family has her those three hours in the morning two days a week. The other thing is that we will have the time and ability to take care of our kids ourselves, if we just alternate our schedules. It would be a luxury to have the nanny so that we could work the same days and be off the same days. But it's a luxury that costs us 20k/year and while it's tempting, it just doesn't make sense. I would also prefer for our kids to be watched by us instead of the nanny. She is great, but there are ways of handling situations and teaching things that I'd like done in our style.