Thanks for clarifying on the wedding being DFH's dream. I would agree a compromise is in order and you should be willing to pay for part of it. Also good on you for not teasing him mercilessly for being a pretty, pretty princess that wants a fairytale wedding.
Wedding, etc.:
There are tons of great ways to have an alternative wedding, spend less, and still be surrounded by all the people that really love you. If I were you my goal would be to spend 12K and consider and gifts a bonus but not expected or relied upon. Don't sell it as an "average" wedding, sell it as better/special/exercise in creative thinking. If it wasn't a "wedding" you should be able to throw the mother of all blowout extravaganzas for 12K.
A few alternative thoughts (basically anytime you can substitute something generally nice (like a restaurant or a park) for something wedding specific (a hall) you will get something better, more memorable, and a boatload cheaper.
1) Rent a house somewhere picturesque and have a wedding/backyard bbq/pizza party/catered party (just tell the caterer it is a grad party to avoid the massive upcharge), buy your own liquor and hire a bartender, consider an ipod/phone and see if you can borrow some pro-audio speakers
2) Have a small wedding with close Family/best friends and follow up nights out to celebrate with Friends and more distant relatives. Cheaper plus you actually get to talk to the people who are celebrating your marriage.
3) Have a destination wedding/honeymoon. That way you can be open invite but only the people who really love you will show up. Still pricey per person.
4) Do it up with a traditional wedding at a non-traditional venue (a public park? your favorite restaurant) - somewhere you can buy your own liquor and pay very little for the location
Also consider an alternative to a traditional engagement ring. It fishtails nicely with your lobbying for a non-traditional wedding. Sapphires and rubies (corrundum) are still super hard and great everyday stones plus you can get identical lab created ones for super cheap. If you are set on a diamond, manmade ones (still identical little balls of carbon) have been coming down in price a lot and are a nice choice ethically
http://d.neadiamonds.com/. Is there an option to get an heirloom? You could be super non-traditional and get an engagement couch or TV.
Mom's 1K:
Help turn your Mom's 1K into an awesome gift with a little leg work. Costco sells perfectly nice mattresses all rolled up in little boxes (if you are into memory foam) for $300.
https://www.costco.com/Blackstone-12%22-Queen-Memory-Foam-Mattress.product.100417731.htmlPair that with a little craigslisting and you can get a quality mattress, solid wood bedroom set, and solid wood kitchen table and chairs for $1K. And your mom should be super pleased at all the wonderful stuff she bought you.
Regarding a cash on hand emergency fund, I will be a dissenting voice as I don't think you need much of one. Maybe a couple months expenses, 3 tops ~4K-6K. I wouldn't say this is an age thing (other than you may have lower expenses while younger) more a mustachian/dual income thing. If you are living on less than one paycheck, you can take a job loss without dipping into savings. If you are investing a bunch of money and there is suddenly an emergency sale on real estate you can always pull out some of your investments. You are hard-working and clever so if a car breaks down you can (a) fix it yourself, (b) get a new to you car for under 5K, (c) bike/carpool to work for a while ...
Budget:
I am giving you a facepunch for wanting an apartment with parking that lets you walk "places" but also gives you parking. Kind of sounds like places = bars.
You also get a facepunch for listing cable, c'mahn, just get internet, and a high-def antenna, and one of netflix, amazon prime, whatever is cool now. Ideally about $25 pp.
Lots of apartments come with free gyms.
You can do better than $60 a month for a phone - check out posts/threads on Google-fi, republic wireless, even T-mobile and Sprint should be cheaper.
Utilities - Try to get an apartment that comes with free gas and water (they tend to be better deals overall)
$200 seems like a lot for going out to eat. MMM has a blog somewhere about pre-partying/eating so you can still go out and get something with friends but keep it cheap.
Overall, it really isn't a bad budget at all for a goal of FI in your 40s, especially if your salary grows along the way. But in my experience, I really liked my work in my mid 20s and now in my mid 30s I am pretty over it.