Poll

Would you give money to a family member or friend?

Yes
No

Author Topic: Would you give money to a family member or friend?  (Read 5044 times)

Gin1984

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Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« on: August 10, 2014, 06:10:29 PM »
And if you would, in which circumstances would you?
We are.  My aunt gave me the car she co-bought with my grandmother, when my grandmother passed and I was moving across the country.  The car was 10 years newer than my current car was and she just gave it to me.  She even fixed up the little issues before.  She then had a bunch of horrible things happen, including a emotional break down, lost her job and her ability to see, much of the former two were based on losing her ability to see and drive.  She has her truck and I asked her to sell it to me, I then offered her about $1000 more than it was worth, because I knew she'd never take money from me.  She even apologized when we went out for Xmas dinner for giving me less than her normal cash gift because she was only working part time (I did not expect a gift at all). 
I give if I feel like the person needs it and is not just asking for a handout (or if I really feel like I owe them) what about you?

oldladystache

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2014, 06:25:27 PM »
Absolutely, as long as they had treated me properly and they needed the money for reasons other than their foolish spending.

If they had a history of treating me badly, then no. And if it was because of their foolish spending I'd have to think about it.

sheepstache

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2014, 08:19:19 PM »
If I feel someone needs/deserves help I'll give them money just as readily as I'd give them anything else.

iris lily

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2014, 11:00:35 PM »
Depends.

If those in need had minor children, I'd be more likely to give, depending on how they've treated money in the past. And if they treated funds poorly and stupidly, I'd likely give them in kind funds such as groceries, paying the rent, etc. No handing over cash.

Sometimes making a one-time loan to family and friends is good for the soul, a loan that one has to expect never to be returned. More than once might lead to resentment.

Cap_Scarlet

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2014, 04:28:51 AM »
In my views its much better to keep money flowing within the family circle than outside of it.

You don't have to give, you can just lend - much better that a family member receives the interest than a bank!

My mother-in-law recently lent us a large sum of money for a house purchase which helped us avoid incurring arrangement fees on a loan to deal with a short term gap in cash flow.

former player

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2014, 05:02:37 AM »
I have lent five and six-figure sums as bridging loans for a family member, both paid back as planned, but in general I seem to have frugal family and friends who neither need nor want my money.  My elderly family members in particular would much rather have my time.

BlueHouse

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2014, 05:26:56 AM »
Give yes. Lend, probably not.
When a family member hit hard times, I swore I wouldn't give money until he hit bottom. His lifestyle includes bankrolling two adult children for their beer and party money, eating out multiple times per week, expensive bottles of wine, wine tasting and happy hours -all posted to Facebook with alarming frequency!  He was out of work for nearly two years and couldn't make the minimum payments on his massive cc debt. I had no interest in putting money into that situation but when he got serious about things including not being so picky about jobs and declaring bankruptcy, I gave him a few thou to help get back on his feet.
Unfortunately he doesn't appear to have learned much. Facebook is still full of photos of fancy dinner with expensive cocktails. It made me feel much better to do it. I didn't expect repayment and told him it was a gift (even including the keeping my mouth shut and not judging lifestyle), but they've been paying it back anyway.
In the grand scheme of things, it was a small outlay to me but gave him peace of mind for two months to not worry about missing rent. When he asked for more, I said no. When he asked for a loan to buy stock options, I said no. But when it was affecting his mental health, I freely offered.

EngineerMum

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2014, 05:43:41 AM »
I have lent money to a dear friend or two, enough to help them out of a tough spot but not enough that I would feel bad enough about not being repaid to end the friendship. I've never been asked by family - except by someone from IL family who we all have a policy of not giving cash to based on previous self destructive behaviour. In my current situation I don't have money to lend, so I answered no based on current ability to give. In the future, after MMM behaviour has got me out of current situation I expect that would change.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2014, 05:48:30 AM »
I have helped people out plenty of times and in most cases it was fine but I too have lost some good friendships over it.  I marked no because if I was going to help someone out I would look at it as amount of money only that would not bother me so much if i didn't get back so hence more a charity or good deed.

dandarc

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2014, 04:26:42 PM »
Answered yes, but of course that depends on circumstances.  My sister, for example, is an emphatic "NO" in this regard - drug addict.  Not sure how long she'd have to stay clean to convince me otherwise, but it is a question of years and not months.  I could literally burn cash in my back-yard and get better value / do more to improve the world.  Other members of the family have varying financial situations and habits and if they asked would be considered on a case-by-case basis.

bako_frugal

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2014, 06:45:30 PM »
Only as a gift.  I would never loan to family or a friend with the expectation of repayment.

DMoney

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2014, 06:54:26 PM »
I can't imagine a scenario in which I would loan money to a friend.

But I have loaned money to family.  We loaned my younger sister $3000 interest free so she could buy a sensible MMM-style used car for getting around in grad school (suburban location - bumming rides and being dependent on others all the time was SERIOUSLY stressing her out).  We told her she could start to pay it back when she either got married or got a job after grad school, whichever came first.  Boyfriend at the time, now the husband, could have loaned her the money, but I'm glad she could get it from me keeping that relationship from getting too sticky before it was "on the books".  Privately my husband and I agreed that it was possible we would never be paid back and we would be okay with that. 

But shortly after they married, we came up with a payment plan.  And they aggressively paid ahead of schedule; the new husband was debt aversive and eager to help his new bride clear this debt.  Happy ending for all!  Little sis still drives the reliable used Civic.

pipercat

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2014, 07:27:57 PM »
Give?  Yes

Loan?  No

Zikoris

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2014, 09:17:19 PM »
Hell no. I'm not a charity.

I'll help with other things, for sure - I've helped people look for apartments, cleaned up their resumes, found them jobs, fed them, and gave them step by step instructions to fix their situations.

I also live in Canada, where people don't die from preventable conditions due to not being able to afford medical care, there's an ample social safety net for people who become disabled, a multitude of good organizations that help single parents/crazy people/poor people, and so on.

ltt

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Re: Would you give money to a family member or friend?
« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2014, 09:32:03 PM »
I would probably give, depending on the circumstances.  I have a cousin who I'm sure could have used money in the past, but she had a nice, new Bose stereo system in her home, so in cases such as this, I wouldn't give.  She just didn't spend wisely.

And no loans, just give with the expectation that you will never see the money back.  And be at peace with it.