Author Topic: Will I ever find mustachian love?  (Read 5628 times)

Kale

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Will I ever find mustachian love?
« on: July 15, 2013, 07:36:37 PM »
Hi everyone, this is my first post and it's a long one!

I am a 29 year old PhD student in Australia. Iím on an APA scholarship for my living expenses and also do some tutoring work at the uni for extra money. I like to think I am quite mustachian Ė I save 10% of everything I earn, and have managed to save up $10000 for a house deposit over the past three years. Once I start working full time, I am planning to save a much larger proportion.

I buy food in bulk and shop at Aldi, then cook all my food from scratch at home and bring my lunch to uni every day. I live close enough to uni that I can walk in every day and have started cycling for short distances. I buy almost all of my clothes and household goods in op shops (thrift stores) and use the library for books. For entertainment I have friends over for dinner, go to subsidised Friday drinks at uni and play in a community band.

I do own a car (a Camry bought with cash from my dad, so it was a good deal). I drive it about once a week, so I put around $40 of petrol into it every six weeks.  The insurance and registration are expensive, but it allows me to buy food in bulk and take the occasional trip.

Iím not completely mustachian yet. At the beginning of this year my partner and I split up and I decided that I wanted to live by myself for a year. I moved into the cheapest one bedroom place I could find (basically one room, with the shower in the kitchen - $230 a week) and worked hard to cut down my spending everywhere else. Even though it has been expensive, I really have no regrets. I have one year left of my PhD and it has been so great not to have the stress of housemates during this stressful time. When my lease is up in February I will go back to share-housing (around $160-$180 a week).

I also have an iPhone on a contract with insurance ($71.95 a month - yes I deserve a punch in the face for that one!). After reading the forums I have realised how silly I am to have insurance, so will be dropping that ($9.95 a month). The cost of getting out of my contract is high, but once it finishes in October Iím going to switch to a much cheaper company for $15 a month (BYO phone).

Now Iím starting to think about dating again (mostly in theory). My ex (and his friends) were of the opinion that he was extremely frugal, and he was cheap in some areas, but he also had a massive sense of entitlement.

This meant he spent money on a new phone on a contract because he left his old one (still on a contract) at his parents place and couldnít wait a few days for them to post it, bought his lunch at work every day ($15), drove absolutely everywhere,  paid $10 a month to hold his gym membership in case he ever wanted to go back, and bought a playstation and a $1000 electric drum kit.

He also has over $100,000 of student debt. Keep in mind we are in Australia, where the average degree costs less than $15,000. This has meant heís spent 15 years at uni doing various degrees and never worked full time until last year. When I suggested he start saving after beginning full time work, he begrudgingly started putting away $50 a week. At the same time he was talking about how heís going to be a millionaire by the time heís 40 (heís 33).

Okay rant over (I think you may be able to see why we broke up!). I guess the point of this post is to wonder, if someone like this is considered frugal by the general population, do I have any hope of finding someone who is as frugal as me? How did all you married mustacians find like-minded partners?

englyn

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2013, 08:02:23 PM »
Hi, and welcome! I met my husband at university. We're not really all that frugal but we just don't feel the need to buy lots of stuff. Sounds like your criteria for a partner aren't so much 'frugal' as 'not materialistic' and 'doesn't waste money on stupid stuff' and 'doesn't have sense of entitlement'. If you can find someone not materialistic you can introduce them to Mustachianism and they may well become frugal once they have found a reason. A university's not a bad place to meet people like that.


Kriegsspiel

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2013, 08:13:59 PM »
If that is the ad you have up on match.com?

Never, then.

Russ

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2013, 08:20:04 PM »
AYO GIRL

Seriously though, if you want to meet people with similar values to you, do awesome social things that people with your values like to do. For frugal unentitled people, that might be volunteering to do some sort of manual labor, self-driven education, inexpensive sports, or maybe a board game night with friends and friends-of-friends.

Of course, I'm not married so take it all with a grain of salt I suppose

Kale

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2013, 09:10:23 PM »
Thanks for the replies everyone :)

englyn - I hadn't thought about it that way but you're right - I was way less materialistic and he was basically a hoarder and refused to throw anything away. When I went back to pick up the last of my things the place basically looked the same because he owned 90% of the stuff in the house.

Kriegsspiel - Haha no, that is not the ad I have up on match.com :) Like I said, I'm just thinking about it in theory for the moment, but I guess you bring up an interesting point. Should people tone down their mustacianism when they start dating someone?

Russ - it would be a long van ride from the US to Australia :) I'm actually thinking of doing some volunteer work and have sent in the application, so hopefully will meet some cool people there. I love board games too, I should host a board games night, that's a great idea :)

limeandpepper

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2013, 11:16:02 PM »
There's been a similar thread to this:

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/forum/welcome-to-the-forum/alright-ladies-care-to-spill-the-beans/

P.S. I wouldn't extrapolate that the general population have the same mindset as your boyfriend and his friends. It may seem at times that only a small percentage of people are frugal, but I don't think they're really that hard to find. Perhaps it depends on your social circles.

marty998

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2013, 02:29:07 AM »
LOL Kale, where are girls like you hiding.

So often I feel it seems there is not a single 'single' frugal gal in Sydney.

englyn

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2013, 02:54:27 AM »
.... and the music swells....

;-p

Nudelkopf

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2013, 03:03:03 AM »

marty998

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2013, 04:24:41 AM »
Did I scare her off?

**blush**

Gizbar

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Re: Will I ever find mustachian love?
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2013, 12:46:12 PM »
Hi Kale, I have a pointer not on finding a Mustachian, but on keeping one who's close enough but awesome besides:

I like frugality and analyze everything - my wife is frugal, though not to the same extent, and dislikes thinking much about it.  She's completely awesome, for the record.

I do not expect her to hoard her dragon's nest ASAP, and neither does she expect me to get into motorcycling, photography, skydiving, or extensive international travel.  This arrangement works almost flawlessly, hinging on these three points:

1. She has her money, and I have mine.  We keep our own accounts and pay for things with a joint account which we pay into 50/50.  Currently, we just keep our own salaries, though if ever one partner ends up supporting the other's career extensively, we'll just divide the spoils of our incomes 50/50, but still maintain our own accounts.
Hence, we begrudge each other nothing, because we can spend our own moneys the way we like.  I want FI, she wants higher pricetag adventure and a higher intensity career (which she enjoys).

2. Point one would mean nothing, however, if she wanted to spend large amounts on groceries, vehicles, housing, and other joint expenses.  Hence, her native frugality is important.  She doesn't care to scan for ways to optimize, but she doesn't mind me doing it and often likes my suggestions.  Where we disagree, we'll discuss, and if it's something unavoidably joint, but something she really wants, I'm usually ok with it.  It's never been anything too significant: we agree on small and inexpensive housing, mostly veggie/grain diet minus the cheese, house parties with friends more often than not, I'm ok with us having a car (-40 degree winters helped the decision), etc.  Point is, the other half doesn't need to be 100% gung ho for it to work.  If they're mostly inclined that way on the joint expense side, then Point #1 above works flawlessly, because they spend as much as they want on personal hobbies/expenses and it won't slow you at all from attaining your goals (unless they go into debt: that's a problem if it happens).

3. K, bit cliche, but tons of communication.  Talk everything over, look for compromise, and know what you cannot accept (dealbreakers).  Always be civil, understanding, yada yada.  Doing this excessively heads off most troubles.

Note: your above situation is clearly a dealbreaker.  Avoiding that type makes sense. 

Of course, I would just avoid relationships entirely unless they're fun.  Single life can be awesome fun for many types of people.  That said, if you're a love dove like me, just do awesome things you like to do with other people.  From there it's just dominos: one thing to the next.  Personally, I hate dating, and this was my top pick for finding people I liked.

Though clearly, this forum is rife with like minded males, some of which apparently live in Sydney.  Maybe you two could cook some lentils together?  :)